SO Sabotage
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help! My boyfriend Keeps sabotaging my attempts to change the way I eat and activity levels. He loves fast food and fried foods and complains when we exercise, even though he agreed to lose with me. We only have so much money for a budget and he won't eat "rabbit food". It's way out of my budget to buy two separate menus. Any hints for a girl who wants to lose weight with her guy instead of being shot out of the air?
Time to break up0 -
In that case, attempting a full dietary overhaul is really going to end badly. You can both start seeing progress just by making small changes to your normal diets. If you're cooking, start by using a little less oil or cheese or whatever. Add a salad to your meal and cut out one calorie-heavy side. Make baked potatoes instead of mashing them with butter/cream/cheese. If you're going out for fast food, get small fries instead of large fries, get a kid's meal, or add a salad with some light dressing or something so you're still getting enough volume of food to feel full.
Start by eating what you've always eaten, but eat less of it. That should help your budgetary concerns. You don't need to eat "rabbit food" to lose weight. Also, does your BF actually want to lose weight himself? Unless he does, there is exactly nothing you can do to make him.It changes because we only have so much money for a budget and he won't eat "rabbit food". It's way out of my budget to buy two separate menus
He does want to lose weight but he's unmotivated. He has 150 to lose
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I have a husband and a 21 YO son...
Neither is that interested in losing weight or exercising...so I do the grocery shopping and buy food for all of us.
Chicken, hamburger, ham, salmon etc.
Froot loops, granola bars, chocolate bars (those are for me)
Milk, cream for the coffee, yogurt
You know "regular food". I still lose weight...it's not about what you eat it's about how much.
We also eat at fast food places...my son and I had Dairy Queen today...I am still in goal.
When he see's your success he can decide for himself what he wants to do.0 -
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No, he wants to be less fat. He doesn't want to lose weight. HUGE difference. People who want to lose try to do it. People who say they'd like to lose, but don't really work at it don't really want to lose.
Start by eating what you've always eaten, but eat less of it. That should help your budgetary concerns. You don't need to eat "rabbit food" to lose weight. Also, does your BF actually want to lose weight himself? Unless he does, there is exactly nothing you can do to make him.It changes because we only have so much money for a budget and he won't eat "rabbit food". It's way out of my budget to buy two separate menus
He does want to lose weight but he's unmotivated. He has 150 to lose
If he says he wants to, he's kidding himself. You have to leave him be and focus on you.
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If he isn't motivated, that isn't your problem. He is a big boy and he will have to make that decision himself. You don't need him in order to workout. Nor should food be the issue. If you cook, he eats what you buy and fix. If he wants fast food, then separate the food budget and each gets whatever he or you want. You eat what you want and he can go to McDonalds!0
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It changes because we only have so much money for a budget and he won't eat "rabbit food". It's way out of my budget to buy two separate menus
No, it isn't. This is what my husband and I do during the week, since he works a late shift and eats dinner at a different time. He plans out and cooks his dinners, I plan out and cook mine.
And yes, a lot of fresh fruits/veggies gets expensive, you can go with mostly frozen fruits/veggies and get fresh in limited quantities. Also, you can get meat cheaper if you buy family packs/during sales -- when you get home, open the packages and portion the meat into one- or two- serving sizes and wrap in aluminum foil, then throw the packets into your freezer. Then you can pull out the smaller portions of meat for that night's dinner.
If your boyfriend doesn't like what you plan to eat, he can do his own grocery shopping and cooking.
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quiksylver296 wrote: »You don't have to eat "rabbit food" to lose weight.
Who does the grocery shopping?
Try new recipes from places like sparkrecipes.com or others. You'll find things you both like.
Thanks for the website! I'll try it. I buy the food but heh won't eat it and goes out to buy fast food and we can't afford that. I need some delicious recipes for home.
Eat the food you buy. Or don't. He's not sabotaging anything other than your budget. He's just not going along with your eating plan.
Perhaps you can find a compromise?
Or,
Maybe try eating what he wants (for dinner) just less of it (assuming you like the taste), then eat what you want for breakfast and lunch?
Something.
I dunno. I know my husband and I compromise about food all the time. As with everything else.0 -
Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »You don't have to eat "rabbit food" to lose weight.
Who does the grocery shopping?
Try new recipes from places like sparkrecipes.com or others. You'll find things you both like.
Thanks for the website! I'll try it. I buy the food but heh won't eat it and goes out to buy fast food and we can't afford that. I need some delicious recipes for home.
Eat the food you buy. Or don't. He's not sabotaging anything other than your budget. He's just not going along with your eating plan.
Perhaps you can find a compromise?
Eat what he wants (for dinner) just less, then eat what you want for breakfast and lunch?
I dunno. I know my husband and I compromise about food all the time. As with everything else.
That's a good idea about meals0 -
Your post is very helpful, thank you so much
In that case, attempting a full dietary overhaul is really going to end badly. You can both start seeing progress just by making small changes to your normal diets. If you're cooking, start by using a little less oil or cheese or whatever. Add a salad to your meal and cut out one calorie-heavy side. Make baked potatoes instead of mashing them with butter/cream/cheese. If you're going out for fast food, get small fries instead of large fries, get a kid's meal, or add a salad with some light dressing or something so you're still getting enough volume of food to feel full.
Start by eating what you've always eaten, but eat less of it. That should help your budgetary concerns. You don't need to eat "rabbit food" to lose weight. Also, does your BF actually want to lose weight himself? Unless he does, there is exactly nothing you can do to make him.It changes because we only have so much money for a budget and he won't eat "rabbit food". It's way out of my budget to buy two separate menus
He does want to lose weight but he's unmotivated. He has 150 to lose
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quiksylver296 wrote: »You don't have to eat "rabbit food" to lose weight.
Who does the grocery shopping?
Try new recipes from places like sparkrecipes.com or others. You'll find things you both like.
and skinnytaste.com0 -
Also, think of it this way:Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »You don't have to eat "rabbit food" to lose weight.
Who does the grocery shopping?
Try new recipes from places like sparkrecipes.com or others. You'll find things you both like.
Thanks for the website! I'll try it. I buy the food but heh won't eat it and goes out to buy fast food and we can't afford that. I need some delicious recipes for home.
Eat the food you buy. Or don't. He's not sabotaging anything other than your budget. He's just not going along with your eating plan.
Perhaps you can find a compromise?
Eat what he wants (for dinner) just less, then eat what you want for breakfast and lunch?
I dunno. I know my husband and I compromise about food all the time. As with everything else.
That's a good idea about meals
I'm an omnivore. My husband is a vegetarian. We buy salmon, and tofu. I eat salmon. He eats tofu (and we share the sides). Are we "buying more" or busting the budget? No. I just eat another round of salmon and he eats left over tofu. and the net result is the same.
(this is an example)
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quiksylver296 wrote: »You don't have to eat "rabbit food" to lose weight.
Who does the grocery shopping?
Try new recipes from places like sparkrecipes.com or others. You'll find things you both like.
Thanks for the website! I'll try it. I buy the food but heh won't eat it and goes out to buy fast food and we can't afford that. I need some delicious recipes for home.
I'm not sure how one fast food meal and one home-cooked meal would cost more than 2 fast food meals. Food is generally less expensive when you buy groceries and cook yourself, especially if you do a little planning beforehand. If he won't eat what you cook, wrap up his portion and you can eat it the next day!0 -
This sounds more like a financial/budget issue that anything else. If you have shared expenses, you should create a budget for food. Figure out how much you spend on all food, including groceries and fast food. Once you have a budget, you can do the shopping and cooking. If he doesn't like it, he can get himself some fast food but only if he has room left that week/month in your budget. Honestly, this should solve the issue completely...unless he says Screw It, and continues to buy fast food when the budget is already spent. In that case, he isn't sabotaging your weight loss...he's sabotaging your finances. I would be very weary of committing to shared expenses with someone who is willing to blow through finances over some burgers and fries.0
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Would he sit down with you and look at recipes? Every Sunday my husband and I choose three meals. One recipe might sound better to me than him but he'll agree to try it/have it again and vice versa.0
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This happened to me too. I said to other half " I'm changing what I choose to eat and using MFP to lose some weight. I know you don't love salads and fresh foods so I'm going to do my own meals with my half of the budget. You feel free to do your own thing with yours."
He lasted 3 days before he joined me! The irony is he has lost lots more than me and it's very noticeable! Whereas I still look very big!
Good luck!0 -
Not to be mean but it is YOUR choice. You can eat what YOU want and exercise what YOU can with or without him. Don't make a it an excuse. I have made excuses before, but it doesn't happen much now. I have lost 54 pounds with a DH that can lose 5 pounds overnight eating everything he wants (fast food, fried food, lots of bread and butter every night, ice cream in a pint every night) and yes, I have cooked at home and in or out I made choices to eat less and exercise more. It is about you and your choice no matter what. You CAN do it if YOU want to. Good luck and we have a very supporting group here so DO IT YOURSELF for yourself.0
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You can eat what you always did but just eat smaller portions of higher calorie stuff.
You might have a regular hamburger with a salad instead of a double bacon cheeseburger with french fries. You might eat only 1-2 slices of pizza.
I eat pretty much the same food as my dh and dd just at an appropriate portion size for me. I cook every day but we do get fast food once a week.
My family has enjoyed many recipes from this site-> budgetbytes.com
I exercise alone.
Do your own thing and don't wait for someone else. You are in charge of what you eat and how much you move.0 -
This happened to me too. I said to other half " I'm changing what I choose to eat and using MFP to lose some weight. I know you don't love salads and fresh foods so I'm going to do my own meals with my half of the budget. You feel free to do your own thing with yours."
He lasted 3 days before he joined me! The irony is he has lost lots more than me and it's very noticeable! Whereas I still look very big!
Good luck!
Oh I love salad but won't eat it.
I think splitting the budget will be the best bet0 -
You've gotten a lot of rude responses, and I'm not really sure why since this seems like a valid problem. I agree with what some of the people have been saying though. Start off by maintaining the type of food the two of you normally eat, but control the portions a little bit better. Then weave in healthier meals and increase the amount of 'healthy' meals over time.
Big overhauls are a shock to the system, and if he is reluctant, it might make him give up completely.0
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