SO Sabotage
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It's not sabotage. He just doesn't want to change. FWIW, I don't think it is as serious as spending the mortgage down payment. I cook for 5, including 3 teens, and believe me, everyone's tastes and preferences are not the same. I buy and cook what I like. Lots of times I'll eat something I cooked on a bed of spinach & offer it on pasta or rice to everyone else (not that there's anything wrong with pasta or rice; I just like spinach). I make killer pork tacos that I like in a cabbage leaf but the kids eat in tortillas. That kind of thing. If they don't like what I make, they don't have to eat it, but I'm not doing short order. I do buy stuff they like but I don't (ramen, can soups, chips) for times they need to make their own meals/snacks. The oldest ones drive, so they sometimes do buy their own food, too. IMHO, exercising with a SO is seriously overrated. Enjoy that time to yourself.
I asked DH once if he wanted to lose weight w/ me. I had 5 and he had 35 lb to lose. He said yes but changed nothing. I did my own thing. 2 years later, he said he was ready, asked for help, and lost the 35lb. Weight loss and fitness is really an individual thing. Don't tie yourself down to someone else's motivation.0 -
Try skinnytaste.com. She has some great recipes. I use to make a lot of them when I first started out.0
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It changes because we only have so much money for a budget and he won't eat "rabbit food". It's way out of my budget to buy two separate menus
I am also on a budget. I feed my husband (who is not the least bit interested in eating healthily) and a 10 year old daughter that eats as much as my 150lb husband. They tend to eat a lot of meat with some type of potato and veg. I mostly eat meat with veg and noodles.
It's not the most convenient thing to cook different meals for me and for them, but I am organised and it doesn't take me any longer, just more washing up!
Budget wise I spend the same amount for 3 of us eating different meals as I would on 3 eating the same meals. In fact it's probably cheaper as I don't eat the potatoes, chips, bread and pasta that they do. Just do fries for him and salad for you. Problem solved.
Don't let his lack of interest affect your plans to reach your goals.0 -
do you guys share a bank account? make the food you want to eat and if he doesn't want to eat healthier, then it's on his wallet and on his body.0
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It's not sabotage. He just doesn't want to change. FWIW, I don't think it is as serious as spending the mortgage down payment. I cook for 5, including 3 teens, and believe me, everyone's tastes and preferences are not the same. I buy and cook what I like. Lots of times I'll eat something I cooked on a bed of spinach & offer it on pasta or rice to everyone else (not that there's anything wrong with pasta or rice; I just like spinach). I make killer pork tacos that I like in a cabbage leaf but the kids eat in tortillas. That kind of thing. If they don't like what I make, they don't have to eat it, but I'm not doing short order. I do buy stuff they like but I don't (ramen, can soups, chips) for times they need to make their own meals/snacks. The oldest ones drive, so they sometimes do buy their own food, too. IMHO, exercising with a SO is seriously overrated. Enjoy that time to yourself.
I asked DH once if he wanted to lose weight w/ me. I had 5 and he had 35 lb to lose. He said yes but changed nothing. I did my own thing. 2 years later, he said he was ready, asked for help, and lost the 35lb. Weight loss and fitness is really an individual thing. Don't tie yourself down to someone else's motivation.
The mom of 3 has it down!! I have 2 little ones (and my husband). I came across the site Dinner: A love story. It has excellent advice for how to prepare a meal that everyone will like by "deconstructing" it. I do the same thing you do. Cook the main elements, then slap it together based on preferences. So if I make spaghetti and meatballs...one might only want the meatballs and the other only wants spaghetti. No problem. It's still the same meal and effort. (I do make sure they eat their veggies though). Then I might take the meatballs and put it on top of the veggies for myself...3 "different" meals, but really the same.0 -
I have a somewhat similar situation because my husband does not need to lose weight. And I have few suggestions that have worked for me.
1. Cook a nutritious main dish and eat a much smaller portion with lots of veggies. For example, I love this http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/make-ahead-chili-cheese-lasagna-133281.aspx. With 280 calories and 20 grams of protein is easily fits my Macros and it is more nutritious than, lasagna I used to make. Husband loves it. I eat one serving with a big salad or lots of veggies and he eats half the pan.
2. Make easy substitutions. Sometimes, I will buy him a big juicy steak and we grill it for him and fish for me. Or I make hamburgers and he eats his with all the fixings and I eat the burger and veggies.
3. Make small changes and learn to cook delicious, nutritious food. It takes awhile to get used to eating different, so start adding more veggies, whole grains, and new recipes in gradually. It took me a couple years to win him over to using Greek yogurt instead of sour cream and until he was ready I just bought both. There are so many awesome recipes on the web! Look for "kid approved"
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You don't have to buy two menus, you can just adapt what you are eating. I cook for myself and some kids who are fairly picky and won't eat anything green but boogers. I think green beans taste better personally, but they act like its torture to try. Sometimes I will take the protein for the meal and turn it into a salad for myself. That's a quick easy cheap way to cut some of the calories out. Portion size is also important.
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When I started my calorie deficit it was definitely harder with my husband not in a calorie deficit but I was able to lose 10 pounds while he was not in a deficit. Then he saw how good I was looking and it made him want to start counting calories too.0
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http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15803015-love-me-slender
I read a really good book recently called "Love Me Slender". It talks about how to lose weight as a couple. I was drawn to it because when I started this journey, I was single. Now I'm in a serious relationship with someone who wants to lose the weight with me, but wasn't really sure how to include him.
I really like that it addresses when couples aren't neccessarily on the same page, motivating each other, addressing differences and how to not derail yourself if your partner is unwilling to make changes.
Ultimately, we are responsible for our own choices, and it really is up to you to commit to this rather than blame others for your choices. But having some insight on how change works and how to work as a team can make this a better process for both you and your partner.0 -
I was in the same shoes here and I know the struggle. When I started MFP a couple of years ago (and then left but now am back--long story) my now husband didn't want anything to do with my new journey, and with our budget Chipotle daily (along with him buying lunches) along with me buying more groceries just wasn't cutting it. I relied on just eating fast food with him, and out went my goal of losing weight. We finally sat down and had a serious talk about my goals for losing weight and what he wants to do with his meals. I emphasized to him that I needed to lose weight and become healthier, and it was fine if he didn't want to join in, but I would appreciate his support while I ate healthier (meaning no snarky comments about 'rabbit food'). That conversation turned the tide.
We looked at our income and our food budget and allocated what goes towards my 'rabbit food' and what goes towards his Chipotle. I also started to get some healthy Mexican recipes (see the Chipotle addiction a few sentences earlier) and started to make those recipies. One day he tried it, and liked it. It was a slow process, but now we eat healthy meals together and he LIKES it (my husband is also the world's pickiest eater). So I would look at what kinds of food your boyfriend likes and start making healthier versions of it that he can have some of if he desires.
We also found common things we enjoyed to do for activity. He likes walking and looking at the scenery, so we started doing that together. Right now we are doing a yard renovation, but I mentioned one day how I would like to start biking, and he was behind that. We go out on our street and throw a baseball since both of us played that. Just something mutual that we like to do.
My now husband is my biggest supporter. It started off rocky for us, but I'm sure your boyfriend cares a lot about you and if you have the conversation with him about your goals and you two come to an agreement on meals, he will be cheering you on and eventually will start joining in with you!0 -
JenAndSome wrote: »You don't have to buy two menus, you can just adapt what you are eating. I cook for myself and some kids who are fairly picky and won't eat anything green but boogers. I think green beans taste better personally, but they act like its torture to try. Sometimes I will take the protein for the meal and turn it into a salad for myself. That's a quick easy cheap way to cut some of the calories out. Portion size is also important.
boogers!!! hahahaha. Yep, pretty much the same thing over here. Funny, I guess when you're dealing with picky kids (and aren't they all??) spouse's preferences suddenly don't seem that relevant
I also can make a salad out of anything...just use a small amount of the "main course" and put it on top of the veggies. Easy peasy (how many of you want to say lemon squeezy??)0 -
Also wanted to add that I cook most of the week. I have never asked my husband or kids what they want me to cook. I just cook it. But there is always enough variety: usually a protein, starchy item, and veggies. So if they only like 1 or 2 of those items, so be it. Once in a while my husband will open the cabinet and find something else to eat, which is fine. Then on the weekend he''ll usually grill enough for a few days. Most of the time it's delicious, and I can adapt to my calories (I'll eat the burger with veggies and skip the bun, for instance).
Maybe you could cook most nights, but schedule a few nights designated for fast food...you could then apply the modification method (get 1 slice of pizza and a salad, for instance).0 -
Well, for starters, cooking dinner instead of eating out is going to save money, no matter what you cook. (well, within reason). If he likes hamburgers, make them at home. You can make them with leaner meat, season it how like it, and probably make a healthier one than a fast food place. There's a lot of options for making things you like as fast food at home, and most of them are going to be cheaper and healthier than fast food. It doesn't have to be 'rabbit food'. As long as you're lowering calories, even just a little, you'll both be better off for it. Find out what about fast food he likes, then look for recipes online for those things. He'll eventually realize that eating healthy doesn't mean all salads and veggies, you can have pretty much what you want just in smaller portions.
Also, have you combined your incomes? If not, then inform him you'll be cooking meals at home, and any eating out he does will have to come out of his income. And no, you won't take over extra bills for that. If you have, then portion out a specific amount each month for eating out. Once that runs out, he'll have to eat at home or risk leaving bills unpaid. Seriously, this is a conversation you need to have, espically if you're looking to get married in the future at some point. Financial issues is the one of the biggest things couples argue over, so you need to be on the same page for what you're going to be doing for your finances.0 -
In that case, attempting a full dietary overhaul is really going to end badly. You can both start seeing progress just by making small changes to your normal diets. If you're cooking, start by using a little less oil or cheese or whatever. Add a salad to your meal and cut out one calorie-heavy side. Make baked potatoes instead of mashing them with butter/cream/cheese. If you're going out for fast food, get small fries instead of large fries, get a kid's meal, or add a salad with some light dressing or something so you're still getting enough volume of food to feel full.
Start by eating what you've always eaten, but eat less of it. That should help your budgetary concerns. You don't need to eat "rabbit food" to lose weight. Also, does your BF actually want to lose weight himself? Unless he does, there is exactly nothing you can do to make him.It changes because we only have so much money for a budget and he won't eat "rabbit food". It's way out of my budget to buy two separate menus
He does want to lose weight but he's unmotivated. He has 150 to lose
Funny you mentioned mashed potatoes. Last night, I put about 1/2 t of Italian seasoning in the water when cooking the potatoes, and when they were cooked used 1/2 C of the cooking water to mash them, along with only 1 T of half and half, instead of the usual 1/4 C or more plus butter. He liked them BETTER!
Igoligirl - my fiance and I are mostly eating the same things with a few changes:
1. I'm not making homemade biscuits anymore. I'll get him a roll from time to time but won't have any myself.
2. Instead of getting ice cream at an ice cream stand, I get Ben & Jerry's 4 oz mini cups. We eat it slowly, and are satisfied.
I eat differently than him at the same meal in the following ways:
1. When I make rice, I just eat 1/2 C
2. When I make pasta, I just eat 5 oz
3. Etc., smaller portions
On the rare occasions that we get pizza, we also get a big salad.
On the rare occasions that we get Chinese, I make broccoli to have with it and sometimes I make my own steamed rice to have instead of fried.0 -
Eating different foods doesn't mean you don't love each other. Buy some greens with your groceries and if he doesn't want any, he doesn't have to eat it. My husband likes to low carb. I like to cardio and eat as much rice as the next Asian. I make one main course of meat and serve his with veggies and salad greens I serve mine with veggies and carbs. I prep both options in advance so that serving them is as quick as scooping them out of a bin and either re-heating them in the microwave, or just plating them.
You just need to get into the habit of doing it, and it becomes easy and second nature. Change up one or two ingredients or one or two meals a week and you'll be doing it without thinking before you know it.0 -
It changes because we only have so much money for a budget and he won't eat "rabbit food". It's way out of my budget to buy two separate menus
That makes no sense. Even if you eat 100% different foods (which is unlikely) instead of buying enough for two people of one thing, you only buy half as much of two things.
Honestly, this sounds like an excuse. If you want to eat differently, do it. You're an adult. Same goes for exercise. You don't need your boyfriend or anyone else to make the same lifestyle choices you do.0 -
Hi Igoligirl,
You've gotten some great responses here. It can be done. I cook healthy food for 4-6 teenagers (mine plus friends) who wolf it down all the time. My kids literally do not like fast food burgers after years of my cooking. You two are young, it took me time to learn to cook food like that. It's a skill that will serve you the rest of your life, it's worth learning. Look at some of the sites recommended here and give it a try.
I am curious what kind of food your BF usually likes when he eats out? If you can identify some things he likes (and doesn't) I'll bet some people here can offer some specific ideas of things to prepare that he may like. He should be flattered if you tried to cook something that he would like!
I also have one recommendation to offer...most people perceive healthy food as bland compared to prepared foods because of the lower salt, fat, sugar, etc content. Invest in a few quality spices and you can take healthy food through the roof in flavor. Not many can eat a plain chicken breast with brown rice, but make it into Jamaican Jerk Chicken (+10 minutes) and very few adults would prefer a drive-through cheeseburger.
I wish I had started working on this when I was your age....0 -
Thank you so much for the advice. The spice comment was a very valid point. I'll explore that 0
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Meat and sides--potatoes, green vegetables, etc. Tell him to keep junk food in a container or shelf that you don't see.
But think seriously about whether you want to be with someone with so little drive that he gets 150 pounds overweight and won't do anything but wish it away.0 -
My husband and I cook together or go out to eat. I find out the calories beforehand and then log them. All restaurant s are now supposed to let you know the calories for each food so plan for it. Look at their website. I've know women who have lost weight eating fast food. My husband is a picky eater so I've learned to adjust. We pick 2 or 3 days of what he wants and vise versa. Just eat smaller portions. Don't let it ruin your relationship.0
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