SO Sabotage
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OP: Everyone is going to give you *kitten* about, "Why can't you just eat fast food with him?!? Just eat less!!!"
I know what you are talking about. It's very hard to go into Burger King and drink a glass of water and eat your grilled chicken sandwich for 400 calories while your partner chows down to a Whopper, a large onion ring and a milkshake for 2000 calories.
Can you do it? Of course you can. Is it fun? No, it isn't. It's about as much fun as being the designated driver when you go out to a club and everyone else gets to drink and get lose and you don't.
If you can't afford eating out and buying food, then you two have to make a choice. Or, since you aren't married, you buy your own food and let him buy his own food. That way you are responsible for what you eat and he can be responsible for what he eats.0 -
barbecuesauce wrote: »Meat and sides--potatoes, green vegetables, etc. Tell him to keep junk food in a container or shelf that you don't see.
But think seriously about whether you want to be with someone with so little drive that he gets 150 pounds overweight and won't do anything but wish it away.
I get what you're saying but think that's a little premature.
I'm expecting my fiance to be inspired by my weight loss and start working on his spare tire.
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One thing that has been suggested before that I like is to cook dishes "buffet" style. Make little dishes of different things. Cucumbers on this plate. Meat on this plate. Rice on this plate. Grilled vegies on this plate. Then you can pick and choose what you want. It's like your own buffet.0
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kshama2001 wrote: »barbecuesauce wrote: »Meat and sides--potatoes, green vegetables, etc. Tell him to keep junk food in a container or shelf that you don't see.
But think seriously about whether you want to be with someone with so little drive that he gets 150 pounds overweight and won't do anything but wish it away.
I get what you're saying but think that's a little premature.
I'm expecting my fiance to be inspired by my weight loss and start working on his spare tire.
Well, keep expecting it. I hope it happens for you. I've learned that men are not fixer-uppers and I don't care to waste the energy on flaws I can't live with. A man who desperately needs to change something in his life (150 pounds overweight!) and only complains about it had better be worth it to OP.0 -
It changes because we only have so much money for a budget and he won't eat "rabbit food". It's way out of my budget to buy two separate menus
How is it any more? You're still buying enough food for two people, right? If anything, your decreased portion sizes should help your budget.
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I'm sure others have said this... but you don't have to eat rabbit food. I don't like veggies, I don't eat salad... and I've lost 53 lbs so far.
You can make yummy food and simply make it more healthy by replacing certain things you cook with and he will never know the difference. Also you should start measuring your food in front of him, to show him he can have real food. Just has to be in the right portions.
For me, adding the right foods with protein in them has helped me not be hungry all the time and have a few extra calories for small treats now and then.0 -
1. Its your journey so your own responsibility
2. you can lose weight on "fast food" eat less ( deficit) is all what is needed)
3. you can also split the budget and each cook his/her own food.
4. you can split the budget in three for his meals, your meals and meals together.
very intensive i know But if you really want this and he is just being stubborn i would say...here is your money for the week and this is mine. Get your own meals and so do i.0 -
My other half is not overweight, he does a very manual job and he eats ANYTHING he wants and does not put on weight.
From day one I told him that I would not stop him eating what he wants, I don't think it is fair.
If he doesn't want to change the way he eats, it doesn't mean that you can't.
Adapt your meals to be healthier.
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Well, keep expecting it. I hope it happens for you. I've learned that men are not fixer-uppers and I don't care to waste the energy on flaws I can't live with. A man who desperately needs to change something in his life (150 pounds overweight!) and only complains about it had better be worth it to OP.
There's an old saying: "Women marry men thinking they can change them and they can't, and men marry women thinking they will never change and they do."0 -
If you guys have a shared budget for food, then you'll have to include him in planning the meals. It's not okay for him to spend money you guys can't afford to spend on fast food, but it's also not fair for you to go on a health kick and spend all your grocery money on a bunch of stuff he doesn't like to eat, either.
Start with a list of foods you both like to eat and build from there. Spaghetti and meat sauce? Sure, he can have as big a portion he wants, you measure out what you have room for and eat yours with a salad or broccoli or something else to help fill you up. You don't even have to but the low fat hamburger, just buy regular and rinse and drain it to save money. Burgers? Same deal. Tacos? He gets to load his with whatever you usually have, you portion yours or add the toppings to a salad and make a mexi ranch dressing or something. If you want fresh fruit, well, it's cheaper for one to eat fresh than two. For the cost of one fast food meal, you could get a good amount of produce for yourself.
A lot of people think they can't afford to eat healthier, but they often waste money on convenience items and fast food that could be better spent elsewhere. Learn to menu plan and base your menus around what's on sale and you will probably save a decent amount of money.
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My other half is not overweight, he does a very manual job and he eats ANYTHING he wants and does not put on weight.
From day one I told him that I would not stop him eating what he wants, I don't think it is fair.
If he doesn't want to change the way he eats, it doesn't mean that you can't.
Adapt your meals to be healthier.It's not sabotage. He just doesn't want to change. FWIW, I don't think it is as serious as spending the mortgage down payment. I cook for 5, including 3 teens, and believe me, everyone's tastes and preferences are not the same. I buy and cook what I like. Lots of times I'll eat something I cooked on a bed of spinach & offer it on pasta or rice to everyone else (not that there's anything wrong with pasta or rice; I just like spinach). I make killer pork tacos that I like in a cabbage leaf but the kids eat in tortillas. That kind of thing. If they don't like what I make, they don't have to eat it, but I'm not doing short order. I do buy stuff they like but I don't (ramen, can soups, chips) for times they need to make their own meals/snacks. The oldest ones drive, so they sometimes do buy their own food, too. IMHO, exercising with a SO is seriously overrated. Enjoy that time to yourself.
I asked DH once if he wanted to lose weight w/ me. I had 5 and he had 35 lb to lose. He said yes but changed nothing. I did my own thing. 2 years later, he said he was ready, asked for help, and lost the 35lb. Weight loss and fitness is really an individual thing. Don't tie yourself down to someone else's motivation.
The mom of 3 has it down!! I have 2 little ones (and my husband). I came across the site Dinner: A love story. It has excellent advice for how to prepare a meal that everyone will like by "deconstructing" it. I do the same thing you do. Cook the main elements, then slap it together based on preferences. So if I make spaghetti and meatballs...one might only want the meatballs and the other only wants spaghetti. No problem. It's still the same meal and effort. (I do make sure they eat their veggies though). Then I might take the meatballs and put it on top of the veggies for myself...3 "different" meals, but really the same.
Awesome ideas! I am writing all these things down.0 -
First, I want to echo those who said to try skinnytaste.com . Just about every recipe of hers is YUM.
Second, when I got serious about losing weight, I didn't do a complete overhaul and make entirely different dishes than I made before. I make the same things I always did, I just eat less.
It's really not that complex; I think you're making it harder than it is.0 -
FWIW, I have two pieces of advice:
1. Identify and clearly communicate your needs and expectations to your partner. A lot of us think we're communicating effectively, but we're not. I am a great example of all-too-often expecting my husband to be a mind reader. He's not and I should be more considerate of this.
2. Identify the cost of this relationship. Is it more than you're willing to give up? ("costs" in this case include your health, finances, and happiness.)0 -
In my opinion you have to take control of your eating. If you're doing it to be healthy, and he can't get on board it would be time to hit the road. Sabotage or not, it's not right that you have to decide between healthy and his bitching... just my .020
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ceoverturf wrote: »Take responsibility for what goes into your mouth and stop blaming others.
I'm sorry if that's harsh but it's a necessary step otherwise you're doomed to failure.
There are plenty of options at "fast food" joints that can fit into a weight loss plan
I second this!0 -
ceoverturf wrote: »Take responsibility for what goes into your mouth and stop blaming others.
I'm sorry if that's harsh but it's a necessary step otherwise you're doomed to failure.
There are plenty of options at "fast food" joints that can fit into a weight loss plan
It might sound harsh to some, but it's the truth.
Taking personal responsibility means taking control. Not blaming others cuts out the excuses. Making yourself out to be a victim takes away your power and makes it really easy to quit.0 -
You have to ask yourself. "why is he trying to sabotage your efforts to lose weight & get healthy". I think he's afraid of losing you and he also is self'centered & selfish. You should have a partnership not a dictatorship. He should not be the only one to decide what you eat. Sit down with him & plan your meals together. You don't have to eat only vegetables to lose weight. Lean meats & healthy proteins plus you can buy vegetables that are not that expensive. Look for sales and stock up when you can.0
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help! My boyfriend Keeps sabotaging my attempts to change the way I eat and activity levels. He loves fast food and fried foods and complains when we exercise, even though he agreed to lose with me. We only have so much money for a budget and he won't eat "rabbit food". It's way out of my budget to buy two separate menus. Any hints for a girl who wants to lose weight with her guy instead of being shot out of the air?
Dump the guy.0 -
maillemaker wrote: »Well, keep expecting it. I hope it happens for you. I've learned that men are not fixer-uppers and I don't care to waste the energy on flaws I can't live with. A man who desperately needs to change something in his life (150 pounds overweight!) and only complains about it had better be worth it to OP.
There's an old saying: "Women marry men thinking they can change them and they can't, and men marry women thinking they will never change and they do."
Sad, but true.0 -
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blookabaugh wrote: »You have to ask yourself. "why is he trying to sabotage your efforts to lose weight & get healthy". I think he's afraid of losing you and he also is self'centered & selfish. You should have a partnership not a dictatorship. He should not be the only one to decide what you eat. Sit down with him & plan your meals together. You don't have to eat only vegetables to lose weight. Lean meats & healthy proteins plus you can buy vegetables that are not that expensive. Look for sales and stock up when you can.
Lolz!! A dictatorship???0 -
I fed a family of 3 on very, very healthy foods for $35 a week without coupons. It can be done if you want it to be done.0
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Also, if he's being a jerk, he can cook the dinner with you or else COOK his own. If he doesn't cook, he has NO say on what you do, and passive-aggressive nonsense with buying fast food is ridiculous. Frankly, I'd kick out someone who's that big of a slimebag.0
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blookabaugh wrote: »You have to ask yourself. "why is he trying to sabotage your efforts to lose weight & get healthy". I think he's afraid of losing you and he also is self'centered & selfish. You should have a partnership not a dictatorship. He should not be the only one to decide what you eat. Sit down with him & plan your meals together. You don't have to eat only vegetables to lose weight. Lean meats & healthy proteins plus you can buy vegetables that are not that expensive. Look for sales and stock up when you can.
It goes both ways. Her wanting to overhaul his diet in order to make things easier on her can be seen as being selfish and self centered as well. She shouldn't be the only one who decides what he eats.0 -
MamaBirdBoss wrote: »Also, if he's being a jerk, he can cook the dinner with you or else COOK his own. If he doesn't cook, he has NO say on what you do, and passive-aggressive nonsense with buying fast food is ridiculous. Frankly, I'd kick out someone who's that big of a slimebag.
Hah, my original advice upon reading this thread!!!!0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »You don't have to eat "rabbit food" to lose weight.
Who does the grocery shopping?
Try new recipes from places like sparkrecipes.com or others. You'll find things you both like.
Thanks for the website! I'll try it. I buy the food but heh won't eat it and goes out to buy fast food and we can't afford that. I need some delicious recipes for home.
Okay wait...You two cannot afford to buy 2 separate menus, but he goes out and buys fast food when he does not like what is on the menu? That does not seem fair!!
I still think you can eat separately without it costing more though. If you make food for two and he doesn't eat it, box half of it up and have it the next day as dinner. It's the same cost.0 -
maillemaker wrote: »Well, keep expecting it. I hope it happens for you. I've learned that men are not fixer-uppers and I don't care to waste the energy on flaws I can't live with. A man who desperately needs to change something in his life (150 pounds overweight!) and only complains about it had better be worth it to OP.
There's an old saying: "Women marry men thinking they can change them and they can't, and men marry women thinking they will never change and they do."
More like, men marry women expecting them to act like they're still dating...and also clean up after then like a mother and a maid combined and then get butthurt when they discover they've married a partner, not a domestic slave.
I don't clean up after my CHILDREN like that. I'm not raising incompetent sons. They know how to clean and dust and vacuum their own rooms, and they do chores, too, that increase with age.0 -
MamaBirdBoss wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »Well, keep expecting it. I hope it happens for you. I've learned that men are not fixer-uppers and I don't care to waste the energy on flaws I can't live with. A man who desperately needs to change something in his life (150 pounds overweight!) and only complains about it had better be worth it to OP.
There's an old saying: "Women marry men thinking they can change them and they can't, and men marry women thinking they will never change and they do."
More like, men marry women expecting them to act like they're still dating...and also clean up after then like a mother and a maid combined and then get butthurt when they discover they've married a partner, not a domestic slave.
I don't clean up after my CHILDREN like that. I'm not raising incompetent sons. They know how to clean and dust and vacuum their own rooms, and they do chores, too, that increase with age.
Their wives will be very lucky.0 -
Sounds like another excuse thread.0
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atypicalsmith wrote: »MamaBirdBoss wrote: »maillemaker wrote: »Well, keep expecting it. I hope it happens for you. I've learned that men are not fixer-uppers and I don't care to waste the energy on flaws I can't live with. A man who desperately needs to change something in his life (150 pounds overweight!) and only complains about it had better be worth it to OP.
There's an old saying: "Women marry men thinking they can change them and they can't, and men marry women thinking they will never change and they do."
More like, men marry women expecting them to act like they're still dating...and also clean up after then like a mother and a maid combined and then get butthurt when they discover they've married a partner, not a domestic slave.
I don't clean up after my CHILDREN like that. I'm not raising incompetent sons. They know how to clean and dust and vacuum their own rooms, and they do chores, too, that increase with age.
Their wives will be very lucky.
Still not sure about the wife of the oldest one. LOL. I kinda hope I hate her so I won't feel the need to warn her off...0
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