Social gatherings and outings centered around food
faithyang
Posts: 297 Member
Hi all,
I was planning to go out today because I have a free day out. As usual, I've got a massive list of places to go, things to eat, etc.
But then as I decided to go to the Farmer's market in town, or walk through a department store I realised that every single one of my outing ideas revolve around food, even if I'm going out with friends.
Example: Walking through a farmer's market. How could you not eat or sample anything there? Its not that you HAVE to, but its part of the enjoyment of viewing and trying local produce, then settling for a meal you enjoy.
Example: Going out with friends. You almost ALWAYS have a coffee with them, even if its a walk through the park, and it always is interspersed, starts with or ends with a nice meal with them bonding over some good food.
Example: Walking through a department store. You tend to walk around, then stop by for lunch or dinner at a nice restaurant/cafe, then maybe stroll a little more somewhere.
Example: Park. You bring a picnic basket filled with food even if its healthy, or you stop by or end the activity you have planned at a coffee stand, a food cart, a cafe.
This sort of dissuaded me from going out as I would 1. Waste money on food which would make me feel guilty about spending money on food which I could have spent on buying things (I have a habit of mulling over whether to spend money on household items. I dunno why.) 2. Waste more cals on food outside even though I probably would have had a fairly healthy meal outside.
What are your thoughts on how our social activities literally seem to revolve around food as the focus of enjoyment and bonding? It makes me really empathise with women with eating disorders...it must really be torture.
I was planning to go out today because I have a free day out. As usual, I've got a massive list of places to go, things to eat, etc.
But then as I decided to go to the Farmer's market in town, or walk through a department store I realised that every single one of my outing ideas revolve around food, even if I'm going out with friends.
Example: Walking through a farmer's market. How could you not eat or sample anything there? Its not that you HAVE to, but its part of the enjoyment of viewing and trying local produce, then settling for a meal you enjoy.
Example: Going out with friends. You almost ALWAYS have a coffee with them, even if its a walk through the park, and it always is interspersed, starts with or ends with a nice meal with them bonding over some good food.
Example: Walking through a department store. You tend to walk around, then stop by for lunch or dinner at a nice restaurant/cafe, then maybe stroll a little more somewhere.
Example: Park. You bring a picnic basket filled with food even if its healthy, or you stop by or end the activity you have planned at a coffee stand, a food cart, a cafe.
This sort of dissuaded me from going out as I would 1. Waste money on food which would make me feel guilty about spending money on food which I could have spent on buying things (I have a habit of mulling over whether to spend money on household items. I dunno why.) 2. Waste more cals on food outside even though I probably would have had a fairly healthy meal outside.
What are your thoughts on how our social activities literally seem to revolve around food as the focus of enjoyment and bonding? It makes me really empathise with women with eating disorders...it must really be torture.
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Replies
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I don't sample things at a farmer's market, eat while shopping at a dept store, or take a picnic to a park. Not every activity has to revolve around food. And if it does, you can exercise self control. Eat a portion or skip it,there's no rule that says you must indulge all the time. Food at human gatherings has always been a thing, and will continue to be after you and I are gone. You'll have to deal with it one way or another. And the last two sentences at the end.....What?0
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Since food is required for life, it makes sense. Try not to over think it. A family picnic isn't going to ruin your diet. A trip to the farmer's market isn't going to ruin your diet. A coffee with friends isn't going to ruin your diet.0
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Why not try to find something you like doing that doesn't involve eating out? On the other hand, we drive somewhere nice prety much every Saturday, enjoy the surroundings and need to eat obviously. We always have our outdoor pack with us: cold water, tins of tuna in brine and bread. On vacation it's usualy some fresh white bread and a small salami for some salt during hikes. Fruit would just be squashed in our backpacks and cheese at high temperatures isn't too convenient either, that's why we chose salami and keep it simple. All nothing excessive, but enough to get us through the day. Due to that my calorie count is usually lower during weekends, but I'm not hungry.0
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I don't sample things at a farmer's market, eat while shopping at a dept store, or take a picnic to a park. Not every activity has to revolve around food. And if it does, you can exercise self control. Eat a portion or skip it,there's no rule that says you must indulge all the time. Food at human gatherings has always been a thing, and will continue to be after you and I are gone. You'll have to deal with it one way or another. And the last two sentences at the end.....What?
So what do you do at farmer's markets? Just buy food, and walk off? Well, that's true. Perhaps its about perspective and control. I keep having to remind myself not every single food item I see, I have to try, or eat. Its not like its going to be my last meal. I keep dipping in and out of dropping off the edge of self-control and casual self-discipline.
Well if I have a relatively unhealthy perception towards food, I can only imagine what women with eating disorders and the amount of self control and inner conflict they feel when faced with food everywhere they go. That's all.0 -
PaulaWallaDingDong wrote: »Since food is required for life, it makes sense. Try not to over think it. A family picnic isn't going to ruin your diet. A trip to the farmer's market isn't going to ruin your diet. A coffee with friends isn't going to ruin your diet.
Thank you @PaulaWallaDingDong for that encouragement and that wee bit of perspective. Its something I can carry with me to remind myself that rather than drop in and out of obsession with food and complete crazy detachment from food I can just keep practicing a sensible balance.
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Why not try to find something you like doing that doesn't involve eating out? On the other hand, we drive somewhere nice prety much every Saturday, enjoy the surroundings and need to eat obviously. We always have our outdoor pack with us: cold water, tins of tuna in brine and bread. On vacation it's usualy some fresh white bread and a small salami for some salt during hikes. Fruit would just be squashed in our backpacks and cheese at high temperatures isn't too convenient either, that's why we chose salami and keep it simple. All nothing excessive, but enough to get us through the day. Due to that my calorie count is usually lower during weekends, but I'm not hungry.
Haha that's the thing, every activity short of staying at home means that I am surrounded by really rich foods - which is fine but its alot of temptation. I actually find it easier to stay home and eat something healthy (not always the case since I just had a fairly large meal + dessert with an S at the back at home, but at least I didn't have to spend money and get a double whammy thinking oh shoot I'm now fat AND X dollars short making myself fat. LOL.
But then again I love love love going out. The eating is really part of that enjoyment as opposed to the focus, but yeah.
But I'll try looking up things which do not involve eating?0 -
My solution to these problems- I just log it. It doesn't matter if it's coffee or cheese samples I treat it the same way. I try to stay under my calories but if I go over every once in a while I don't lose any sleep about it.
All food is the same- it doesn't matter if it's eaten with family or friends or not. Being on a diet doesn't mean never eating out or never having coffee with friends. It's okay to enjoy food.0 -
I try to plan ahead the best I can. Also, I agree with everyone who says to try and fit it in your daily calories.
You don't want to miss out on fun opportunities just because you are eating healthier/trying to lose weight.0 -
You need to shift your focus from food to the world and people around you.0
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I never eat when I go shopping at department stores. At best I'll stash some almonds in my purse in case I get hungry so I'm not tempted by the Cinnabons or Wetzel's Pretzels. When I'm done shopping I go home and eat there. Park...I went to the park with my husband after dinner tonite to enjoy a free summer music concert. We each took a Diet Coke to drink. They were selling ice cream there, but we waited until we got home and had some watermelon instead. Coffee with friends...have one black or with skim milk and skip the pastry. Not everything you do has to include food.0
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Well, people need to eat, and people, myself included like to eat. I also do not like not eating for an extended period of time, so if I'm out with someone for a while I'm gonna wanna eat. I obviously enjoy doing stuff that doesn't involve eating as well, but its just part of life. Its up to you however to figure out which choices you will make when it comes to food.0
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Almost every time I went up to town to go shopping, I would end up going out to eat. Now I eat before I leave to make sure I am not hungry or tempted to eat out while I'm out. You just need to practice self discipline. Sure, enjoy yourself with friends at gatherings, but don't over indulge. Be honest with yourself and get to know about how many calories are in different foods so you can get an idea of how much you are consuming. Don't make every outing about food - make it about the enjoyment with other people.0
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Thanks everyone for your helpful comments.
Yes its the self-discipline thing isn't it. I think its sort of turning off that internal monologue that goes on in my head when it comes to food. I'm like that with shopping too.
"Buy this, should I buy this? Should I not buy this?" (Cue very long drawn analysis on whether I should or should not buy it)0 -
Now I eat before I leave to make sure I am not hungry or tempted to eat out while I'm out. You just need to practice self discipline. Sure, enjoy yourself with friends at gatherings, but don't over indulge. Be honest with yourself and get to know about how many calories are in different foods so you can get an idea of how much you are consuming. Don't make every outing about food - make it about the enjoyment with other people.
Yep, this ^^.0 -
So my initial reaction to all your examples was not that they all center around food, but that they all seem to be good ways to incorporate activity into your day.
Can you walk to the farmers market instead of driving there? Instead of meeting your friends at a restaurant, meet them at a park for a long walk then go get something light to eat afterwards instead of making the focus of the event food?
I do know what you are talking about, there are some weeks (like this one coming up) where it seems like I have something every day which will take me out of my normal routine - concert, parties, book club. What I try to do is remind myself that this is part of life and these things happen, they don't happen all the time, so I do want to make sure I enjoy them. I'm going to try to fit in my normal exercise and make good choices when I can and not stress about it.0 -
It doesn't sound like those outing are centered around food. It sounds like you choose to make them center around food.
When I go to a store, I buy what I came to buy and I leave, for example. I don't use it as an excuse to go to a restaurant.0 -
I did this yesterday. Had a peanut butter and banana snack before going out for a meal, and I think it helped. I also took time to look at the menu online beforehand - even without calorie breakdowns, it was easy to see that the seared tuna and roast veg was a far better option than the battered and fried fish n chips! Knowing that the tuna was on the menu made my resolve to order a few hour earlier it far easier than having to decide on the fly in the restaurant. Given the other 7 people in the party ordered the fish'n'chips or chicken pot pie, I suspect it would have been harder having to make my mind up on the spot. Of course, this only works for restaurant gatherings. Family hosted events are much tougher - although, at a family b'day party, I volunteered to help the host prepare some of the food. That way, I made a huge mixed salad, and put the dressing in a jug on the side - instead of all over the salad, as is her method! I made chicken drumsticks - and painstakingly removed all the skin, reduced the amount of oil they were to have on them, and roasted them in a roaster bag instead. Not one person noticed any difference!ExRelaySprinter wrote: »Now I eat before I leave to make sure I am not hungry or tempted to eat out while I'm out. You just need to practice self discipline. Sure, enjoy yourself with friends at gatherings, but don't over indulge. Be honest with yourself and get to know about how many calories are in different foods so you can get an idea of how much you are consuming. Don't make every outing about food - make it about the enjoyment with other people.
Yep, this ^^.
When all else fails, eat what's offered, and try not to stress out. It's one day, and social gatherings inevitably involve food - it's the human way! I don't want to entirely deprive myself - after my super-healthy tuna main course, I indulged in an amazing slice of chocolate cheesecake, because I had the calories to be able to have it. It was gorgeous, and so worth it!0 -
Good Morning OP -
I do all those things you have as examples but they never involve food. I love to go shopping and use it as an excuse to walk more. I go dancing with friends (ballroom) and that isn't an earring event - we bond over our shared interest of dance. Same with golf. I love shopping for fr sh produce in a variety of locations but never sample offerings unless it's something I haven't heard of, and at that it's a very small bite. I think somehow you have inadvertently managed to make these activities about food when they don't have to be. However, there's nothing wrong with that. I would recommend planning for these excursions and prelogging so you stay within your calorie budget. That's what I do when I know I am going to see my parents as our get togetherness always involve a meal lol.0 -
I love to go shopping and try on perfumes if I want to sample something. Way more rewarding.0
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I can understand you. I have a freind like this- the event always seems to be an excuse to eat, or she tends to feel like it's not a good day out without all the treat food.
Fortunatly I have never been this way, so I don't have to use much willpower. The thing which I don't like is that she tries to force me into sharing the occasion with food- she has actually got quite huffy in the past when I chose a cup of tea over a 'frappa-choco-latte-chino-thing' like her, or refuse to order a huge muffin with my lunch- or heaven's forbid I have the salad instead of the huge stuffed crust pizza she wants.
I'm not denying myself- I just don't need all the extra food to enjoy myself.0 -
food is not required to do as part of any of those things.
I get a cup of fresh coffee from our local roasters and that's it at the farmers market. then I buy my produce, flowers, other random items and leave.
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I was in the same boat until i was 25 or something! Couldn't go anywhere without eating something. But I decided to stop. It wasn't easy, but it's definitely doable...
I can't really relate to the farmer's market thing because when I go, it's pretty much to buy food for later (although yeah, the one here has a delicious bakery stand, and I did buy something there last time, but it was planned). But they don't have samples.
For your other examples though... I don't see the problem with it. Just plan your day around it and make better choices... Get a black coffee, get some grilled chicken and veggies as a meal etc. You don't HAVE to get the high calorie food, but you have to eat anyway (to survive, you know), so just make it your planned meal.
I'm not going to lie though, I don't go out as much as I used to but it's really to save money as a whole...0 -
DeguelloTex wrote: »It doesn't sound like those outing are centered around food. It sounds like you choose to make them center around food.
When I go to a store, I buy what I came to buy and I leave, for example. I don't use it as an excuse to go to a restaurant.
Cosigned.
I eat before I go shopping.
There's a bigger farmer's market near my Mom's that probably does have samples, but the two I go to the most don't. What are these samples for? Jams? Breads? How about you just plan to get produce at farmer's markets?
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#firstworldproblem We are fortunate that there is food available around every corner. Some people aren't that lucky. This "problem" really comes down to self control. Eat to fuel. Eat when hungry. And never shop on an empty stomach.0
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I've never eaten doing any of those activities. Now birthday parties and thanksgiving dinner are a different thing altogether. But those don't happen very often.
Honestly, here's another example of a time when leaving the house may or may not involve eating:
Going to the bank to deposit your paycheck, which is right next to the sonic drive through, and since its next door, that activity revolves around food too.
You can do that with ANYTHING.
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I have never snacked at a Farmer's Market or bought baked goods/jams. While (whilst?) the idea of a picnic in the park sounds lovely, I've never had one. I go to the park or I eat lunch. Not usually both. And, honestly, after trying on clothes, the last thing I want to do is eat lunch!
Food is always going to be there. You don't have to eat it.0 -
I don't sample things at a farmer's market, eat while shopping at a dept store, or take a picnic to a park. Not every activity has to revolve around food. And if it does, you can exercise self control. Eat a portion or skip it,there's no rule that says you must indulge all the time. Food at human gatherings has always been a thing, and will continue to be after you and I are gone. You'll have to deal with it one way or another. And the last two sentences at the end.....What?
So what do you do at farmer's markets? Just buy food, and walk off? Well, that's true. Perhaps its about perspective and control. I keep having to remind myself not every single food item I see, I have to try, or eat. Its not like its going to be my last meal. I keep dipping in and out of dropping off the edge of self-control and casual self-discipline.
Well if I have a relatively unhealthy perception towards food, I can only imagine what women with eating disorders and the amount of self control and inner conflict they feel when faced with food everywhere they go. That's all.
That's exactly what I do. I love wandering around my local farmer's market. There are always samples available. I even have vendors asking me if I'd like to try what they have out. I say "No thank-you." and keep walking.
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Letting food dictate your life to the point you don't feel able to step out of the door is the point you need to seek help.
Lots of good advice here and all I can add is during comp prep when my dieting is at it strictest I always have my cooler packed and with me. Armed with that so I'm never without my meals and determination to reach my goal I was able to have a life, sure I got funny looks at gatherings whipping out my cold chicken and asparagus but I'd laugh it off and then it wasn't a big deal. I had to learn to say no A LOT but that sacrifice was worth it to me and as another poster said I always kept in my head that the food would always be there when I was done dieting.
Your diet should fit your lifestyle not the other way round.0 -
Ironmaiden4life wrote: »Letting food dictate your life to the point you don't feel able to step out of the door is the point you need to seek help.
Your diet should fit your lifestyle not the other way round.
I love that last sentence. That quote should be repeated ad nauseum every time someone freaks out about going to a restaurant without calorie counts online, or feels like they have fallen off the wagon because they ate a piece of cake at a birthday party.
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My friends and I get together for potlucks about once a week, so that's how we do our socializing. I don't stress about thee calories, and I've realized that I don't have to try everything (if I do then I only take a tbsp amount of each item).
If I know that I'm going somewhere and I'm going to indulge in a snack, then I rearrange my calories accordingly. I might only have an egg for breakfast, then a cookie or muffin at the farmers market. Or I might have a salad for lunch so I can get a treat at the mall. You could always just have a tea after shopping, or go for a walk down a path or through a park with friends instead of buying things at the mall. For picnics, bring low calorie foods like watermelon, grapes, or popcorn instead of sandwiches, cheese, and crackers.
After re-reading your post, it stands out to me that you must have a lot of disposable income. If you make your budget a little tighter (for example by putting money into RRSPs or something), then you won't have as much income to spend on rich foods. Since our household went down to one income I've noticed a huge drop in my weight, and it's because we have a lot less money to spend on food. When you have less money to spend, then you get more creative with inexpensive activities 0
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