what are you looking at? where do you get your self image?

mrmarius
mrmarius Posts: 1,802 Member
edited September 27 in Motivation and Support
So many times here as well as in real life i see beautiful women complaining that they need to lose x amount, or fix this or that when infact they are as close to physically perfect as they can be. it makes me wonder what do they see in the mirror, i know for many they were called names growing up and that still sticks with them but i'm really trying to understand the reasons why soooo many women are soooo unhappy with their body, looks etc. Is it the media? so you dont look like the cover models etc but that doesnt mean you are not beautiful and even more beautiful than those women.its weird because i've seen women that had bodies others would kill for sit and be like i need to lose 30 more and i'm looking like where are you gonna get the 30lbs from? and maybe you do have that 50 you need to lose, but you should accept yourself as beautiful now working on being healthier instead of thinking that upon some magic number you will be beautiful. maybe because i'm a man and i think a different way because although i am still another 30lbs from my goal i'm quite happy with where i've gotten so far and really just wanting to be at a healthy weight/ body fat percentage etc, because even when i hit goal according to bmi charts and that foolishness i'll still be "overweight" but i'll be so ripped it wont matter lol. any how i've said all this to say i want you all to stop listening to the negative critic in your head, do your best to be healthy and stop obsessing over magic numbers, quit looking at people and comparing yourselves and learn to veiw you as what beautiful is.
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Replies

  • lilac01
    lilac01 Posts: 180 Member
    Well said!
  • jacquejl
    jacquejl Posts: 193 Member
    Wow, thank you!! :flowerforyou:
  • littlemamajamie
    littlemamajamie Posts: 118 Member
    Very well said thanks!
  • Still_Sossy
    Still_Sossy Posts: 868 Member
    You rock bro! :happy:
  • JPayne53
    JPayne53 Posts: 235 Member
    I totally agree with men and women having a completely different view of self image! I'm actually conducting a bit of an experiment on a similar subject... please add me if your interested and read my blog.. I will admit I am one of those women who will probably never be satisfied with my self image as it is not matter how beautiful others may see me. This experiment has put a few things in perspective for me and helping me get over that hump.. and it's only the beginning! Well said sir! :drinker:
  • kristiek7
    kristiek7 Posts: 198
    and this is why you are Mr. Awesome.
  • pbolton16
    pbolton16 Posts: 87
    Word my brother and right on. I have always dealt with that and still do. I am trying to keep the attitude of " Screw the number".
    1. Are you doing the work
    2. Are you watching what you intake
    3. Do you feel good

    If you can say yes to all three of those that who cares what the chart says. You might be a size 12 and your girlfriend may be a size 6. So what!! How do you feel? The LBS will fall off and everyday you will feel better . Just realize that you will get there.
    It's not easy because if it was it wouldn't be worth it.
  • nehtaeh
    nehtaeh Posts: 2,849 Member
    :drinker:
  • rubyrenga
    rubyrenga Posts: 402 Member
    Nice to hear, and so true!:happy:
  • bmw4deb
    bmw4deb Posts: 1,324 Member
    Wow, Thanks :blushing:
  • NicolCook
    NicolCook Posts: 489 Member
    Was just reflecting on this the other day. I have lost close to 40lbs and I look down and still see the same body I had before.

    I was made fun of when I was younger.:cry: I was the dorky girl....overweight, freckled, no style, buck toothed....yeah, I know people can be mean. I internalized all of that and said those things to myself for years.

    I am SOOOO happy with my new body:love: ......when I have clothes on!! I also know that after YEARS of saying ugly things to myself, it will take longer than these 8 months to change my dialogue with myself. I know I will get there.....it just takes time.

    I WILL DO IT :happy:
  • mishelnkiki
    mishelnkiki Posts: 775 Member
    well said. i too am one of those women that look in the mirror, after loosing quite a bit and still see the 300 lb lady in the mirror. i still see the fat thats there (which is really more skin then anything else) and tell myself it will never be enough. BUT... im starting to realize that i just might never make it to my goal. and even if i dont... thats quite ok with me. bc ive come a long way from where i once was. im no longer obese and as long as i know im working towards a healthier lifestyle then it doesnt matter what the scale OR the mirror says for that matter. thanks mr awesome! we ladies sure do love u!
  • cha36jennings
    cha36jennings Posts: 99 Member
    Word my brother and right on. I have always dealt with that and still do. I am trying to keep the attitude of " Screw the number".
    1. Are you doing the work
    2. Are you watching what you intake
    3. Do you feel good

    If you can say yes to all three of those that who cares what the chart says. You might be a size 12 and your girlfriend may be a size 6. So what!! How do you feel? The LBS will fall off and everyday you will feel better . Just realize that you will get there.
    It's not easy because if it was it wouldn't be worth it.

    I'm in agreement with this although I used to be obsessed with the number on the scale. Since joining MFP I have realised that doing the above 3 have led me to change the way I view myself and I am no longer bothered about what I weigh on the scale....I'm only interested in being healthy, happy and toned :-)
  • faerybun
    faerybun Posts: 65
    Where do I get my self image?

    Personally, I am 19 and on the internet a good portion of the day running my personal blog. A lot of my peers in that forum have blogs dedicated to the beauty that is 'slender'. Some take it even further to praising 'skinny'.

    I've never been medically overweight, ever. Yet even now, I see an overweight girl in the mirror.

    Not only does media contribute to those feelings, my personal life does, too. I'm Puerto Rican and in Colorado, where I live, that's pretty rare. All of my friends are white, petite, thin and don't have the hips, butt and thighs almost all PR women are saddled with. When I see that I wear four or five sizes bigger than them, it's a blow to my self image. I know it's weird to blame this on cultural difference, but it definitely contributes.

    But, I am trying to realize that I'm a healthy weight, I eat clean and exercise regularly and that should be enough. It's been a long, long time that I've been bombarding myself with negative self talk and comparing myself to girls that I could never possibly look like, but here's to trying to change it. I'm far from 'loving' myself and accepting myself as beautiful, but I'm making changes in the right direction.
  • angryguy77
    angryguy77 Posts: 836 Member
    I've thought about this too. I see a lot of women on here who are great looking but feel they have to lose more weight. To me it's how you carry the weight more so than the number.
  • mishelnkiki
    mishelnkiki Posts: 775 Member
    Was just reflecting on this the other day. I have lost close to 40lbs and I look down and still see the same body I had before.

    I was made fun of when I was younger.:cry: I was the dorky girl....overweight, freckled, no style, buck toothed....yeah, I know people can be mean. I internalized all of that and said those things to myself for years.

    I am SOOOO happy with my new body:love: ......when I have clothes on!! I also know that after YEARS of saying ugly things to myself, it will take longer than these 8 months to change my dialogue with myself. I know I will get there.....it just takes time.

    I WILL DO IT :happy:

    u are beautfiul. u are gorgeous. u are exactly as u should be. u are working towards a newer even more amazing u. (i get the freckeled thing alot too... COVERED in them. ugh. lol.) but... it makes us special!
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
    I tend to think more like a guy, but I can definitely get to looking at myself in the mirror and scrutinizing. That said, I think that women especially in the last few decades have been told we need to do all of these things to improve ourselves. Not sure why. Maybe because we are allegedly trying to compete with men in the workforce. I don't know. I am an architect, married mother of one and when I really stop to think about it, I really just want to be a 1950's housewife...well, not exactly, but it would be nice to have less pressure on me than I do now! :)
  • canelly
    canelly Posts: 731 Member
    yup im guilty of feeling fat when i know im not really that fat.. i guess its you know trying to impress your familly ; (
  • bluiz13
    bluiz13 Posts: 3,550 Member
    we need men and other women to keep telling us we are beautiful and then maybe some dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy we might actually start to believe...
    sad to say it but it's true....

    this is a very nice thread to start and you are very smart man - and as a woman who has been told several times in the last week how thin and skinny i am getting even though i DO NOT SEE SKINNY when i look in the mirror i am coming to realize that compared to where i was just 3 short years ago 254 lbs down to 180ish right now - I AM SKINNIER - i may not be model thin but for me at this point in my life i am skinnier than i have been since high school or earlier....i still have more to go and you can see on me where it needs to come from but the point i have finally come to realize is that i am going to celebrate every step of the rest of my body transformation.....i'm going to celebrate my shrinking waist.....i'm going to celebrate my amazingly small calves and shins....and i'm even going to celebrate the hips that still need work because right now i can feel the bone just under the small layer of fat - it is right there...each day i make my body my own best body i will celebrate the parts that make me who i am....every woman - every man for that matter should celebrate the best parts of themselves everyday....keep working to improve but realize how FAR you have come....
  • NicolCook
    NicolCook Posts: 489 Member
    Was just reflecting on this the other day. I have lost close to 40lbs and I look down and still see the same body I had before.

    I was made fun of when I was younger.:cry: I was the dorky girl....overweight, freckled, no style, buck toothed....yeah, I know people can be mean. I internalized all of that and said those things to myself for years.

    I am SOOOO happy with my new body:love: ......when I have clothes on!! I also know that after YEARS of saying ugly things to myself, it will take longer than these 8 months to change my dialogue with myself. I know I will get there.....it just takes time.

    I WILL DO IT :happy:

    u are beautfiul. u are gorgeous. u are exactly as u should be. u are working towards a newer even more amazing u. (i get the freckeled thing alot too... COVERED in them. ugh. lol.) but... it makes us special!

    Thanks! I love my freckles. They are my beauty marks and contribute to me being the "unique" person I am. I hate hearing people that dispise their freckles. They will NEVER go away. Embrace them for what they are :happy:

    And most of the weight and flaws I see on my body were from having my son. I would have 10 more of him if I could, and all the flaws that come with it :wink:
  • Chiquita_Banana
    Chiquita_Banana Posts: 500
    you are the best hun =D i have a number but i will know my goal when i see it... =)
  • Tobi1013
    Tobi1013 Posts: 732 Member
    Thansk so much for this! I am definitely coming out of that place where I only saw the stuff I didn't like about myself and really loving the woman I am becoming...each and every day. It takes time, but getting there has been amazing! Do I still look at myself in the mirror after my shower and lament my belly fat and flabbier-than-I-would-like-them-to-be arms? Yes, but those thoughts are now immediately followed by thoughts of what I used to be and how far I have indeed come.

    Cheers to you, Mr. Awesome, and all of the gorgeous men and women of MFP!!!
  • LadyPersia
    LadyPersia Posts: 1,445 Member
    This was wonderful! Thank you.
  • lizzybethclaire
    lizzybethclaire Posts: 849 Member
    What do I look at when I look in the mirror? A beautiful, happy, lovely girl. It took me a really long time to be happy. I have only been able to take losing weight seriously when I started taking responsibility for my actions and forgiving my "tormentors" of the past. I will never ever forget how bullied I was. I was too tall, too fat, and the sad part is that in High School I was only about 45 pounds overweight. Now I am 180 pounds overweight. Well, now only 165 lbs overweight. The bullies may not have made me fat, but they contributed to the low self-esteem that helped push me to overeat so much.
    I love myself. I love what God has done for me. I actually like my body and I lose weight to be healthier and wear cuter clothes! I don't compare myself to celebrities or other people. I don't always like what I see in the mirror, but I can see the changes since I have lost 15 pounds. This is how I think of it: It took me a long time to gain the weight, so it will take me a long time to take it off. 10 pounds a month is a reasonable goal.
    Women and girls who look in the mirrow and see ugliness are letting those around them color their thoughts. Honestly, it isn't celebirites most of the time, it is usually our own families that make us feel the most awful. Be brave and remember that if you don't love yourself, it doesn't matter how skinny you are you will be unhappy.
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
    Wish I could say that I developed on my own, but my self image comes from my parents. I was raised to have respect for myself and others.

    Very happy with my accomplishments and how I turned out.

    Took some detours and travelled some bumpy avenues, but I wouldn't change a thing.
  • ddalhoff
    ddalhoff Posts: 48
    Very well said!!!! You are a smart man:wink:
  • LonelyPilgrim
    LonelyPilgrim Posts: 255 Member
    I'm not sure where the bad juju comes from.

    You know those skinny mirrors they have in department stores? I wish I could buy one for my house. Maybe that would help fix my entire attitude about my body on a daily basis.

    All I know is that I'm overly critical about my body and I don't know why. I work in an ER, and on a VERY regular basis, I will have women come in to be seen and when I ask their height and weight they'll be either my same height or shorter, and will actually weigh more than me, but in my mind when I saw them, I think they're 20 lbs lighter than me. I don't know why my brain has this discrepancy. Why I think a woman who weighs more than me looks "thin and great" but when I look in the mirror all I see is the wobbly bits and the muffin top? Very frustrating to be sure.

    I think I just have a F*d up brain, and not sure how to fix it. There have been only 2 comments in my entire life that I took as negative about my body, and somehow, although they should be far far far outweighed by the positive comments, the 2 negative ones are the ones that stick in my head. sick!!!

    I see the sickness, but I can't remedy it.

    the sad part is, even when I was really skinny (like irregular periods I was so skinny) I still wasn't happy with my body because then my boobs went away and my stomach still wasn't flat (2 big babies left me with a little excess skin that seems it never wants to shrink back down).

    I see pictures now and I think I looked great. Heck, i even see pictures from my honemoon last year, where I'm the same size as I am NOW and i think I look great. But look in the mirror and...I don't see it.:frown:
  • C_Bran
    C_Bran Posts: 254
    "......and let the Church say Amen......"
  • MeliciousMelis
    MeliciousMelis Posts: 458 Member
    "......and let the Church say Amen......"

    AMEN!!! :)
  • RobMacca1
    RobMacca1 Posts: 51 Member
    totally agree with what you are saying, there is actually an illness linked to a percentage of these people (men and women) the name i cant remember (morph - something) but its basically something in your head which when you look at yourself you dont see a slim, skinny, toned or even normal shape body, u add pounds on because thats your perception of what you look like anyway and see weight, fat, and plumpness that arent actually there.

    im going to research more into this an report back with my findings.
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