Husband of 20 years left

It takes time. I lost my appetite and ability to sleep when I went through mine too. Just take it one day at a time and focus on the positive things in your life. It does get easier like busyPK said.

Going through this right now. Separating our lives is crazy. We have been married for 35 years. Two grown children still living at home. Some days I just want to pack a suitcase and walk out of my life.

it takes time. hang in there

I echo what everyone else says and will add that my ex helped to run my business in the ground. I had to start completely over and was financially ruined. It took a long time to get over it and move on but I did it and I'm happy and a good job and have a new hubby that loves me and is good to me.

You need to get a good attorney and let them guide you through the process. Mine was fantastic and relieved a lot of stress and questions I had involving the process. If you have joint assets, you might want to liquidate them NOW. Mine left me in the dust and took everything of value so I literally had to start over by finding a job as a means to live. And please don't take this the wrong way but mine was horrible to me and I was miserable so him leaving was the best thing to happen to me. I was able to reset my life and find the new me that is happier and glad I went through hell to come out a better person. If your husband was really horrible to you, I'm sure that in time you will feel the same way I do now and will be glad he left. It takes time but you'll be okay, I promise.

In for the sympathy. I'm divorced almost 2 years. I have regrets, but we were both miserable as a married couple. We're much more functional as co-parents.

I have nothing helpful to add, but I'm sorry you're going through this.

One day at a time. : )

Been there done that! Protect yourself legally. I look at it this way, I love my ex, always have, always will. He is a good man and a good father. After 30 plus years I made the decision not to be married to him. A couple of years after the divorce, I am able to sit next to him at family events and enjoy his presence. I wish him only the very best.

when you lose a loved one, a part of you dies. The body and mind needs to grieve the loss, and eventually you will pull through this. It is normal to lose sleep and appetite during this time. You have been dealt a blow and the body/mind needs to adjust to it. I am glad you parted on a kind note..

Don't assume that he is a really nice guy and will play fair.

Get a lawyer ASAP. I was a stay at home mom for 10 years, he had a business that profited 250k per year. He cut us off financially, forced us(his kids too) out of the house, totaled my vehicle, let the bank repo his work trucks, tanked his business and couldn't account for 80k in cash, he even managed to block my financial aid for a year keeping me from going back to school. Today, he works part time in a supermarket deli and pays $30 a week in child support, $5 a week towards 5k in back support..no alimony/spousal support. The judge absolutely could care less that he had made six figures during the entire marriage, did not care about any of his behavior immediately after separation. I know mine is ruining his own life/future, owes the IRS a ton of back taxes, and ruined his credit between the business and letting the house foreclose...I would have never thought he would go to the lengths that he went to to avoid alimony/meaningful child support, but he did.

Asking for that divorce is the best thing that ever happened to me. I am graduating from nursing school in May(an option I did not have while married to him). He has gone on to remarry and destroy another woman financially(in less than 2 years) and is working on ruining the life of some other woman.

JustChristy79 wrote: »

I have nothing helpful to add, but I'm sorry you're going through this.

One day at a time. : )

This is tough stuff:( This experience will change you in so many ways. The end of a marriage is just hard. It's loss on so many levels. I'm five years out and it's still a struggle to stop living in the past. But I know it's pointless to continually dissect what happened and why and how. I wish I had done things differently. There are a 100 things I would change. Had to realize that we are both good people - kids and money problems and stress wore us down. Work on yourself. Surrender.

jgnatca wrote: »

I was part of a divorce group for many, many years. Raised my children alone. It is tougher on the one being left because you are just catching up emotionally. He's probably been simmering on this for a while.

1. Step one, separate the bank accounts and protect your assets.
2. See a lawyer for your options.
3. Don't delay on step 1 and 2. Many spouses have ended up in the dust trying to reconcile while their ex-partner cleaned up.
4. You don't have to help him with anything.
5. If you generally split up the chores before, there are a few skills you are going to have to pick up. Who took care of changing the oil on the car? Paying the utilities? Laundry? This is all do-able.
6. When life is a mess, focus on getting through the next day, the next hour. Give yourself small goals and the big ones will end up taking care of themselves.
7. Try a chamomile tea at bedtime, and no caffeine after lunch. Keep a notebook by your bedside and as things come to you that need to be done, write them down. In the notebook and not rattling around in your brain.

I am a little surprised that you don't have a really good idea why he's leaving, other than he's been grouchy. Did you guys talk things out generally when you were unhappy?

When you have some breather time, this would be a great opportunity to write yourself a bucket list, of where you would like to be and what you want to do in the next five years. This could be an opening to a whole new kind of life for you.

wow, thank you for this.

RodaRose wrote: »

It is going to get better. I remember being in the middle of the grocery store and feeling such freedom because I did not have to buy his crappy white bread for him anymore.

Rotfl....

I just wanted to also add that my thoughts and good wishes are with you...been there(divorced 13 years)....I know it doesn't seem possible but you will survive this...the pain and feeling of loss will pass with time ...sounds cliché but true ...hang in there:)

It's not the time to bash on yourself. I know it may sound silly, but buy a pretty inexpensive journal or notebook and start a gratitude journal. You can start with
1) I am grateful that I found out of myfitnesspal and have a lot of strangers who actually care
2) I am grateful that I am safe
3) I am grateful that I am loving myself now more than ever
4). ...... Do you get where I am going with this?

Also, if you need to cry, go ahead, give Youself 30 minutes or whatever time.
I don't know what state you are in but go to www.211.org and find a non profit or organization that can refer you to a low cost or free great therapist. Even if you don't believe in therapy, try. Or maybe you have insurance. Talking to someone who will not share your info with people you know, is really helpful. And remember, YOU are important too. He ended this relationship for whatever reason, that does not give anyone justification to say it's all on you and now you have to be a doormat.

Every morning go to the mirror and look straight into your eyes and say "I LOVE YOU". It doesn't matter weather you believe it or not, just do it. Trust me with this one.