Husband of 20 years left

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  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
    I turned 24 two days after I walked away from my abusive and unfaithful marriage. With a 10 month old baby no less. It's not easy and it takes awhile for that "I want to puke" feeling to subside even if you were the one to end it (granted he did more than his fair share to put the nail into the proverbial coffin, I just decided enough was enough).

    Lawyer up for sure. And like was already stated get a separate bank account as soon as possible. And help with nothing other than what your lawyer says you need to. I gave my ex money to help cover rent after I left, and it could have bit me in the rear had he filed for spousal support. Luckily he didn't.
  • soldiergrl_101
    soldiergrl_101 Posts: 2,205 Member
    leslisa wrote: »
    Wow. Kind of knew it was coming (he's been really, really mean lately) but it's a bit rough.

    Fitness: Running 4 - 8 miles a day. Faster, stronger, harder. Thinking that's adrenaline?

    I don't know how divorce works. I mean obviously I know the basics. It's all the little stuff. What am I supposed to help him with? How do you separate yourself from someone you've been with over half of your life (our son was 5 when we married). When do you get to the point you do not feel like puking your brains out every minute of everyday? Oh, and sleep would be great, too. Haven't had that for the past week either.

    FYI, I'm sad but not bitter. He's a really nice guy. He just isn't happy with me anymore. I think I just need someone (anyone) to say, "Been there, done that, wrote the book" or something...


    I divorced 4 months ago. I planned it and still didnt know how I should act. Like you said its hard to be away from someone you have seen everyday for the past xx years. On the last day when he moved out we actually gave each other a hug and kiss good bye as if he was going on a weekend trip because how else do you say good bye lol. Took me a while to get accustomed to sleeping alone again and all that stuff but youll figure it out and youll be better off for it :) Just think youll be skinner too!
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
    kbmnurse wrote: »
    First get a lawyer, do NOT use a mediator. Been there done that. It was the worst mistake I ever made.

    Her situation might not need a lawyer. How will said lawyer be paid for? Itspossible to find out the correct information without instructing a lawyer in the first instance. Just because a mediator didnt work for you doesnt mean it hasn't worked for other people.
  • PrizePopple
    PrizePopple Posts: 3,133 Member
    999tigger wrote: »
    kbmnurse wrote: »
    First get a lawyer, do NOT use a mediator. Been there done that. It was the worst mistake I ever made.

    Her situation might not need a lawyer. How will said lawyer be paid for? Itspossible to find out the correct information without instructing a lawyer in the first instance. Just because a mediator didnt work for you doesnt mean it hasn't worked for other people.

    BS. If they were married for 20 years I'm going to bet the have quite a bit of assets to divide. And really it's just outright stupid to not retain legal counsel when you're going to be filing court documents. Having ONE person handle your stuff from start to finish is the best route, because she doesn't need to scramble for a lawyer if crap goes south. My divorce was pretty straightforward as we had little to no assets to divide (we were barely married for over a year), but there was child support and visitation involved. I paid $600. I'd say that was the best money I've ever spent, but the $3,500 to remove his rights to my daughter and to have my husband now adopt her was even better.
  • cole_carter
    cole_carter Posts: 174 Member
    I am sorry you are going through this. I personally dislike dealing with lawyers but they do have a useful function. Best wishes to you.
  • JustChristy79
    JustChristy79 Posts: 156 Member
    schenkeljennjfer wrote: »
    This is tough stuff:( This experience will change you in so many ways. The end of a marriage is just hard. It's loss on so many levels. I'm five years out and it's still a struggle to stop living in the past. But I know it's pointless to continually dissect what happened and why and how. I wish I had done things differently. There are a 100 things I would change. Had to realize that we are both good people - kids and money problems and stress wore us down. Work on yourself. Surrender.

    @schenkeljennjfer

    Can you tell me the top few things you would've done differently? Any advice to people struggling with similar issues. Idk why, but I feel like I need to hear what you have to say.
  • leslisa
    leslisa Posts: 1,350 Member
    edited July 2015
    Thank you all for all of the information and the support!

    I am doing so much better today. Not "top form" but I think maybe the first week is the hardest. Not saying I won't have moments of complete freak out since I'm sure I will but I'm not crying every freaking five minutes either. Still having stomach pains and issues but not nearly as bad as they were. Coffee actually didn't make me feel ill this morning. Being able to stomach coffee is a big deal for me. I really love my morning ritual of going running at a local park followed by drinking ice water and enjoying coffee in car on way home.

    I am doing some of the things suggested and waiting on others but definitely started researching everything.

    ***I feel a need to reiterate he doesn't treat me or our children poorly. He has never been mean until the last month and I believe that was due to his inability to express his unhappiness and also his feeling that he could not leave. He's a good person. I'd like to believe I'm a good person. I'm starting to realize that doesn't necessarily mean we are good together.
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
    Sorry you are going through this. Love yourself more now.
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