Anyone else adopted?
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Hi
I was adopted and came in France when I was 13 month. As you I didn"t know anything about my parents, it's very weird to not knowing about my medical history.
it's "funny " beacause as my adoptive father I am ashmatic...
I know nothing about my family, it misses me now that I have two daughters and I don't know a lot of things about the country I was born (korea).0 -
maggiemay530 wrote: »
Bless you for making that choice... That's such love. Thank you for sharing.madhatter2013 wrote: »I come from the other end of this branch. I put a child up for adoption because I was a teenager and didn't want her to grow upliving the crappy life I saw myself being able to give her. She is 17 now. I see her every year. She was actually with her parents at my wedding recently. I was able to chose her parents and we agreed on a few things since it was an open adoption. They stay informed about me and my family just as I stay informed about her and them. She knows nothing about her dad except a picture she has of him and has never personally asked about him. I do keep track of him so that I know where to find him if she ever does get curious. I just wanted to make sure she didn't grow up wanting for anything or not knowing her history.
Thank you. I was always told "well, you should own your responsability and take care of her the best way you can" and all I could think of to say "isn't that what I'm doing?"0 -
madhatter2013 wrote: »maggiemay530 wrote: »
Bless you for making that choice... That's such love. Thank you for sharing.madhatter2013 wrote: »I come from the other end of this branch. I put a child up for adoption because I was a teenager and didn't want her to grow upliving the crappy life I saw myself being able to give her. She is 17 now. I see her every year. She was actually with her parents at my wedding recently. I was able to chose her parents and we agreed on a few things since it was an open adoption. They stay informed about me and my family just as I stay informed about her and them. She knows nothing about her dad except a picture she has of him and has never personally asked about him. I do keep track of him so that I know where to find him if she ever does get curious. I just wanted to make sure she didn't grow up wanting for anything or not knowing her history.
Thank you. I was always told "well, you should own your responsability and take care of her the best way you can" and all I could think of to say "isn't that what I'm doing?"
That's a terrible thing to say to someone! You did the best thing you could. Glad to know it turned out well for everyone involved.0 -
madhatter2013 wrote: »maggiemay530 wrote: »
Bless you for making that choice... That's such love. Thank you for sharing.madhatter2013 wrote: »I come from the other end of this branch. I put a child up for adoption because I was a teenager and didn't want her to grow upliving the crappy life I saw myself being able to give her. She is 17 now. I see her every year. She was actually with her parents at my wedding recently. I was able to chose her parents and we agreed on a few things since it was an open adoption. They stay informed about me and my family just as I stay informed about her and them. She knows nothing about her dad except a picture she has of him and has never personally asked about him. I do keep track of him so that I know where to find him if she ever does get curious. I just wanted to make sure she didn't grow up wanting for anything or not knowing her history.
Thank you. I was always told "well, you should own your responsability and take care of her the best way you can" and all I could think of to say "isn't that what I'm doing?"
Yes, yes it was. Kudos to you for being able to make that choice. I know you don't need validation from MFP board strangers, but believe me, I admire you for your choice.0 -
Also adopted from birth here, my adoptive parents were actually in the delivery room. It was a closed adoption so other than what is on the legal documents I know nothing.
This is where I differ from most of you and this may come across as insensitive but I have never wanted more details or had any desire to reach out to birth parents. In my eyes- they didn't want me, while my adoptive family did. I usually don't even refer to my family/parents as "adoptive family" bs "birth parents" because I honestly don't care if my mom delivered me or not. This is my family and always will be. They are absolutely wonderful and I am grateful to be with them. I couldn't care less about some woman I don't know.0 -
I was put up for adoption at birth.
It was a closed adoption but I was able to trace the woman who gave birth to me. She had no info on the boy who got her pregnant .
I regard the people who put in all the hard work my parents and not the people who were biologically responsible for my birth.
Don't get me wrong, we get on, but she is not my mom.0 -
madhatter2013 wrote: »maggiemay530 wrote: »
Bless you for making that choice... That's such love. Thank you for sharing.madhatter2013 wrote: »I come from the other end of this branch. I put a child up for adoption because I was a teenager and didn't want her to grow upliving the crappy life I saw myself being able to give her. She is 17 now. I see her every year. She was actually with her parents at my wedding recently. I was able to chose her parents and we agreed on a few things since it was an open adoption. They stay informed about me and my family just as I stay informed about her and them. She knows nothing about her dad except a picture she has of him and has never personally asked about him. I do keep track of him so that I know where to find him if she ever does get curious. I just wanted to make sure she didn't grow up wanting for anything or not knowing her history.
Thank you. I was always told "well, you should own your responsability and take care of her the best way you can" and all I could think of to say "isn't that what I'm doing?"
Just know that you are awesome. I don't know what my life would've been like had I been raised by my birth mother, but I do know that I can't imagine a better life than the one I have now. You made a huge sacrifice for your daughter and gave her, possibly, the greatest gift she'll ever receive.
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Also adopted from birth here, my adoptive parents were actually in the delivery room. It was a closed adoption so other than what is on the legal documents I know nothing.
This is where I differ from most of you and this may come across as insensitive but I have never wanted more details or had any desire to reach out to birth parents. In my eyes- they didn't want me, while my adoptive family did. I usually don't even refer to my family/parents as "adoptive family" bs "birth parents" because I honestly don't care if my mom delivered me or not. This is my family and always will be. They are absolutely wonderful and I am grateful to be with them. I couldn't care less about some woman I don't know.
I don't think you're insensitive. You just have a different way of looking at it. I can definitely empathize with the part about not caring if your mom actually delivered you or not. I'm the same way. I've never in my life referred to my parents as my "adoptive parents" unless I was trying to distinguish between them and my "birth parents" in a conversation specifically about my adoption. They are my family and nothing will ever change that.
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madhatter2013 wrote: »maggiemay530 wrote: »
Bless you for making that choice... That's such love. Thank you for sharing.madhatter2013 wrote: »I come from the other end of this branch. I put a child up for adoption because I was a teenager and didn't want her to grow upliving the crappy life I saw myself being able to give her. She is 17 now. I see her every year. She was actually with her parents at my wedding recently. I was able to chose her parents and we agreed on a few things since it was an open adoption. They stay informed about me and my family just as I stay informed about her and them. She knows nothing about her dad except a picture she has of him and has never personally asked about him. I do keep track of him so that I know where to find him if she ever does get curious. I just wanted to make sure she didn't grow up wanting for anything or not knowing her history.
Thank you. I was always told "well, you should own your responsability and take care of her the best way you can" and all I could think of to say "isn't that what I'm doing?"
Just know that you are awesome. I don't know what my life would've been like had I been raised by my birth mother, but I do know that I can't imagine a better life than the one I have now. You made a huge sacrifice for your daughter and gave her, possibly, the greatest gift she'll ever receive.
I can't say it wasn't a little on the selfish side, but when you're a pregnant teenager, you have to be selfish to be selfless. I imagined having her, living single cause her dad didn't want her, in a trailor (not that that's a bad thing), maybe doing drugs, jumping from job to job, in and out of relationships, trying to find a daddy, in and out of the courts trying to get the father to do his job. I just wasn't all about that. Now granted, my life may have turned out exactly as it is now, happily married with other kids working toward my MBA but I feel that this lesson, as a teenager, was something I needed in order to get where I am. I'm very happy I didn't choose a closed adoption. I think it's been better for all of us that we keep in touch. She's been a part of the important things in my life. I had my high school Senior pics taken with her, she came to my college graduation and I'm sure will be at the next one and she was part of my wedding recently. Her parents couldn't be any better. They were an absolute miracle and I only found them by chance. They are an extension to my family and my life saver. They had their fears in the beginning like most adopting parents do. They feared that I would change my mind or that her dad would come after her. I did everything in my power to make them feel better about the whole thing. We kept limits and boundaries all these years. She was 16 before we moved onto a different level of communication, i.e. friends on facebook, giving out actual addresses and phone numbers, etc. Any time they would ask about her dad I would always reassure them that they'd have to read my obituary before they would ever have a problem with him.
EDIT: I don't mean to take over this thread. Just another point of view on the subject.0 -
Also adopted from birth here, my adoptive parents were actually in the delivery room. It was a closed adoption so other than what is on the legal documents I know nothing.
This is where I differ from most of you and this may come across as insensitive but I have never wanted more details or had any desire to reach out to birth parents. In my eyes- they didn't want me, while my adoptive family did. I usually don't even refer to my family/parents as "adoptive family" bs "birth parents" because I honestly don't care if my mom delivered me or not. This is my family and always will be. They are absolutely wonderful and I am grateful to be with them. I couldn't care less about some woman I don't know.
I don't think you're insensitive. You just have a different way of looking at it. I can definitely empathize with the part about not caring if your mom actually delivered you or not. I'm the same way. I've never in my life referred to my parents as my "adoptive parents" unless I was trying to distinguish between them and my "birth parents" in a conversation specifically about my adoption. They are my family and nothing will ever change that.
Ya, my fiance is the same way as the bolded.
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My word I am so happy I came across this thread. I am going through the process of applying to be an adoptive parent and reading this has been amazing. Hearing the viewpoint of the adoptive child. It gives me an extra insight I never had before and to be honest it's made me quite emotional (in a good way)0
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That's so cool! I'm glad it spoke to you and good luck with your journey! I know there are some pretty big hoops to jump through in the adoption process, but in my (somewhat biased
) opinion, the outcome is so much more than worth it. I'm so thankful to my birth mother for having the courage and wisdom to give me up, and I'm even more thankful to my amazing parents- they were truly meant for me, and I for them. 0 -
^^^ this here is so amazing. I know my husband and I are doing the right thing for us and hope that we can make a difference. And from what I have read here, it gives me so much encouragement xx thank you all for sharing0
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I was adopted when I was 3 months old and I know nothing about my birth parents. I see a lot of people are motived by heart disease or diabetes running in their family. It's scary to not know what runs in my family. It's also kind of freeing in a weird way. Just wondering if anyone else is in the same boat and how they feel about it.
I totally agree with this. If I had the same medical history as my adoptive parent's medical history I would be a hot mess! But the only time I think it would be kind of nice to know is when I fill out medical paperwork and just put a line through the history portions. I discovered in the last couple years I have blood pressure issues but the doctor says it must be genetic because otherwise I am healthy. Not knowing my history I did start mammos before the recommended age just to be on the safe side.Also adopted from birth here, my adoptive parents were actually in the delivery room. It was a closed adoption so other than what is on the legal documents I know nothing.
This is where I differ from most of you and this may come across as insensitive but I have never wanted more details or had any desire to reach out to birth parents. In my eyes- they didn't want me, while my adoptive family did. I usually don't even refer to my family/parents as "adoptive family" bs "birth parents" because I honestly don't care if my mom delivered me or not. This is my family and always will be. They are absolutely wonderful and I am grateful to be with them. I couldn't care less about some woman I don't know.
This. I've never had a desire to seek out my birth parents. My family never gave me a reason to. I'm not judging anyone that has that desire, it was just something I was never interested in. I remember having children's books about being adopted and how special I was. Still have them. And I've always felt thankful that someone made a decision to give me a better life than they thought they could and I would never want to disrupt theirs. But I've also felt that if they sought me out I would love to meet them and thank them but not sure I would ever want an ongoing relationship with them.0 -
kshama2001 wrote: »My fiance is adopted and met his birth mother and half brother when he was in his 40s. He's glad he did satisfy this curiosity, but doesn't feel any need to keep in touch. He didn't tell his adoptive parents that he did this.
That's awesome. I think if I ever did meet them, that's how I would feel. How did he keep that from his parents?! I don't think I could do that. I wouldn't want to hurt them, but we're so close, I literally don't think I could NOT tell them.
My cousin located her adoptive parents and I think it would have been best if she had kept it a secret but I understood her excitement in wanting to share with her birth father but I know that it has hurt him a lot having to witness that relationship. That would be hard either way I think
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I was adopted at birth and only know at that time my birth parents had no family history of major medical issues. I've never really felt the need to find my birth parents. My birth mother starved herself to hide her pregnancy for 8 months and I blame this for lots of my medical issues so no desire to meet someone who did that to me.0
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I was adopted at 6 weeks old, closed adoption. I adore my family, and they are the most wonderful people I can imagine. I found my birth mother when I was 22 and petitioned the state for my medical records. I've met some of my birth family, but honestly, it was hard because there were a lot of things I found out that i was glad I didn't have to grow up with. We don't keep in touch much, except...
I met my half sister and we both agreed that we've always wanted a sister and were sad we didn't have that opportunity. It was incredible meeting someone so much like me and having a big sister has been wonderful. I stood up in her wedding this past spring!0 -
And that's me, too... I'm a mom... "adoptive mom" only due to necessity of topic. I'm so glad and grateful to hear some beautiful stories!kshama2001 wrote: »Also adopted from birth here, my adoptive parents were actually in the delivery room. It was a closed adoption so other than what is on the legal documents I know nothing.
This is where I differ from most of you and this may come across as insensitive but I have never wanted more details or had any desire to reach out to birth parents. In my eyes- they didn't want me, while my adoptive family did. I usually don't even refer to my family/parents as "adoptive family" bs "birth parents" because I honestly don't care if my mom delivered me or not. This is my family and always will be. They are absolutely wonderful and I am grateful to be with them. I couldn't care less about some woman I don't know.
I don't think you're insensitive. You just have a different way of looking at it. I can definitely empathize with the part about not caring if your mom actually delivered you or not. I'm the same way. I've never in my life referred to my parents as my "adoptive parents" unless I was trying to distinguish between them and my "birth parents" in a conversation specifically about my adoption. They are my family and nothing will ever change that.
Ya, my fiance is the same way as the bolded.
Yes, Elphie754... agree with Thea519... You don't sound insensitive in the least...
Your quote, "I usually don't even refer to my family/parents as "adoptive family" bs "birth parents" because I honestly don't care if my mom delivered me or not. This is my family and always will be. They are absolutely wonderful and I am grateful to be with them." You sound like a loving and loyal child to some wonderful parents.
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I am not adopted but I did place a baby girl for adoption when I was 15. I reunited with her when she turned 19 years old. She had access to all of my family history..0
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Have any of you considered doing the DNA test through ancestry.com? There's a pretty good likelihood that you could find distant relatives that way.
There are also DNA tests that can tell you about ethnic origins and some genetic predispositions. 23 and Me is another company that does this.0
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