SO, when does the self confidence come?

bighey75
bighey75 Posts: 6 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Over the last 10 months I've dropped 90lbs (5'10" 255lbs to 165lbs) though diet and regular exercise. I read a bunch of posts where people say they gain a ton of confidence. I, for whatever reason - have none. Don't get me wrong, I physically feel a ton better, I just don't have the overall confidence that others seem to gain along the way in the journey to being healthy.
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Replies

  • girlviernes
    girlviernes Posts: 2,402 Member
    If you had confidence, what would you be doing differently?
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,603 Member
    I didn't really have to gain confidence. I'm confident that in confident enough. :)

    I do get treated better by strangers, though.
  • wolfsbayne
    wolfsbayne Posts: 3,116 Member
    Honestly, I had more confidence when I was heavier. I think it may have been because I wasn't overly concerned with my size and looks and now I am more so concerned and never satisfied.
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
    Maybe your brain has not caught up with your new look. Congrats on the weight loss, however!!
  • Sirius_12
    Sirius_12 Posts: 54 Member
    Confidentially speaking...sometimes the confidence comes by giving others confidence. How about posting your success story in that forum? The feedback you will get may help. I for one congratulate you.
  • boogiewookie
    boogiewookie Posts: 206 Member
    I can't answer that bc I've only lost 24lbs and am still so self conscious. I just wanted to say congrats on the weight loss!! That's amazing, I hope you can learn to be proud and confident in your new (and much smaller) body :-)
  • DuckReconMajor
    DuckReconMajor Posts: 434 Member
    It's going to be different for every person and is still heavily reliant on factors outside of the weight loss itself.

    Working on the way that you think about yourself will go a long way. Parts of it will just "happen", other parts you'll need to catch yourself when you start to think self-deprecating thoughts.
  • fittestpal
    fittestpal Posts: 94 Member
    You have to stop and think a minute.. where would you be if you did nothing at all? only when you love yourself and realize how far you've come will you gain self confidence. sometimes we get caught up in the daily grind that its hard to see the big picture. you have to take time to reflect on your accomplishments and whatever you do don't compare yourself to other people.. there is always gonna be someone stronger, skinner, faster, etc. love who you are and own that *kitten* everyday
  • VintageFeline
    VintageFeline Posts: 6,771 Member
    I think that confidence comes from somewhere else not related to weight loss. It can most certainly help but I was at my most self confident at my heaviest. Actually that's not true, my self esteem is at a plateau but I became most at peace with myself at my biggest. Self acceptance is hard and takes work, much harder than getting the number on the scale to come down I think.

    Posting in the successes is good advice and it may sound a bit naff but self affirmations are good too, really look at yourself in the mirror, look at all the good stuff you've achieved, try to change the internal dialogue you have with yourself.
  • bighey75
    bighey75 Posts: 6 Member
    girlviernes wrote: »
    If you had confidence, what would you be doing differently?

    I suppose I never really had it. I'd been overweight for 20 years. My younger siblings always sort of made fun of me, just little shots here and there about my weight, they still do, but now its more like "dude, eat a cheeseburger".

    I suppose I sort of had this expectation from reading others experiences, and in this area, it's been a complete let down thus far.
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    wolfsbayne wrote: »
    Honestly, I had more confidence when I was heavier. I think it may have been because I wasn't overly concerned with my size and looks and now I am more so concerned and never satisfied.

    Same here.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    It's something you build separately. Self confidence doesn't come from weight loss.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    queenliz99 wrote: »
    Maybe your brain has not caught up with your new look. Congrats on the weight loss, however!!

    Cosigned!

  • bighey75
    bighey75 Posts: 6 Member
    usmcmp wrote: »
    It's something you build separately. Self confidence doesn't come from weight loss.

    I guess. Perhaps one more thing I need to work on. I think getting healthy might be easier of the two....
  • bighey75
    bighey75 Posts: 6 Member
    queenliz99 wrote: »
    Maybe your brain has not caught up with your new look. Congrats on the weight loss, however!!

    Evident in my shopping for new shirts the other day... STILL looking at stuff thats too big. I went to the the next size down and viola! It fit.
  • WBB55
    WBB55 Posts: 4,131 Member
    bighey75 wrote: »
    girlviernes wrote: »
    If you had confidence, what would you be doing differently?

    I suppose I never really had it. I'd been overweight for 20 years. My younger siblings always sort of made fun of me, just little shots here and there about my weight, they still do, but now its more like "dude, eat a cheeseburger".

    I suppose I sort of had this expectation from reading others experiences, and in this area, it's been a complete let down thus far.
    You may never get it unless you work at it. I lost most of my weight more than 7 years ago. In my head I'm still a fat girl. The people who didn't know me when I was obese tell me that when they first meet me, I seem like a stuck up b1tch, but then I tell them "no, I'm actually just super shy. Add 100 lbs to me, and then my personality will make more sense."
  • professionalHobbyist
    professionalHobbyist Posts: 1,316 Member
    It is a strange thing. For me it is taking time.

    I have a new group of friends at the gym and bike trail. I definitely get treated very much differently by women.

    Buying an entirely new wardrobe and getting clothes I like, instead of ones that minimize fat...

    Let yourself emerge. But be patient.

    Congratulations on your great weight loss!!

    Awesome job!!

  • Ohwhynot
    Ohwhynot Posts: 356 Member
    People have already said it, but I agree. It comes from within. :) Deciding that your opinion is the only one that counts is what worked for me. I've been skinny and I've been fat. Realizing that I've been a pretty cool person either way was the hard part. It's OK to like yourself and be proud of your accomplishments!
  • shawnaes91
    shawnaes91 Posts: 60 Member
    I'm still waiting for my confidence to emerge.
  • bandb678
    bandb678 Posts: 104 Member
    Bighey. Confident or not.....congratulations on the weightloss!
  • chubbard9
    chubbard9 Posts: 565 Member
    I've lost 56lb so far, and have about 50 to go, but I feel better about myself now than I ever have. I have my days where I feel like I'm still the same old big me, but I know deep down I'm not. I agree with others that it is harder than weight loss to be fully self confident, but I am amazed by myself every time I accomplish something that I couldn't do when I was heavier at my starting weight... It's kind of a self-learning process... We'll get there soon enough! I love that others have found that self confidence before they Los weight, because I don't know if I had much of it, even before I gained weight... But now I'm learning to love myself for what I can accomplish, and for even trying!


    It's of hard to explain for me, but if you're not confident in yourself already, applaud yourself on your achievements because you should feel so proud of what you have accomplished already!
  • allenpriest
    allenpriest Posts: 1,102 Member
    Weight loss is not a magic pill that makes everything better. If one is a fat jerk getting skinny will just leave a skinny jerk.

    Steve Atterburn has a book called Lose It For Life. The "it" isn't weight. The "it" is what we are medicating with food. Once we deal with the"it" then we can heal and not depend on food to feel better and then we can keep the weight off.

    If we don't deal with the"it" then we might loss weight but we become like a dry drunk.

    In short to feel differently you have to do the work on those issues and feelings. And you need to do that or you are more apt to regain the weight.
  • slaite1
    slaite1 Posts: 1,307 Member
    Self confidence comes from within. Feeling better about your appearance will help. But relying on external factors for your self esteem will never work. Be proud of yourself and just work on it. Just like there was no magic to weight loss there is no magic to this. It's just you.
  • maroonmango211
    maroonmango211 Posts: 908 Member
    The more fitness I gain and the more weight I've lost, the more I realize what my body actually looks like and how much it weighs has little to nothing to do with how I feel about it. If anything I have less confidence now because I assumed losing weight was the magic fix to my self esteem issues.

    Right now I am working on building confidence in what my body can DO not what it looks like and its a rocky road but I do think its helping my over all self worth.
  • barbecuesauce
    barbecuesauce Posts: 1,771 Member
    edited July 2015
    -
  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
    Er, for me the "it" was hypothyroidism.

    I find martial arts practice does wonders for confidence.
  • chaniluv
    chaniluv Posts: 61 Member
    edited July 2015
    My simplest answer is to love yourself. It's not as simple as it sounds, but that's the only way. The journey there is different for everyone, so I can't give you the step-by-step. Some of the best-looking people I've known have been insecure. I'm just starting my fitness journey - I'm incredibly obese - but I love myself. I had to do a lot of soul searching to get there and I'll be damned if I let my weight gain ruin all that hard work.

    You know that little voice in your head? Does it over-criticize? The next time you hear it tear you down for something, think to yourself, "Would I allow anyone else to talk to me that way?" If the answer is no, then it needs to change. You need to give yourself positive reinforcement and constructive criticism. When you wake up in the morning, think about something you love about your life (no ifs or buts). When you lay down at night, reflect on what you can do to be an even better you tomorrow without putting yourself down for any mistakes you might've made.

    You have to know your own worth before you can expect anyone else to. You do deserve happiness, but hearing that from me won't do you any good. Teach yourself that you deserve it. Repeat it to yourself when you're feeling down until you believe it.

    I know it probably doesn't mean much coming from a fat chick, but if I can learn to love myself then you should be able to as well! I respect you a lot for admitting to having a low self-esteem - a lot of people won't. I'm glad you did, though. We're all in your corner, bighey75!
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,626 Member
    i was confident fat.

    i just feel and look better now.

    LOL
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    Self confidence comes from inside and enjoying being who you are.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    Confidence?

    I'm 46, in decent shape, have a good sense of humor, and can make intelligent and acceptable conversation...I still have no idea.

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