SO, when does the self confidence come?

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  • chubbard9
    chubbard9 Posts: 565 Member
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    I've lost 56lb so far, and have about 50 to go, but I feel better about myself now than I ever have. I have my days where I feel like I'm still the same old big me, but I know deep down I'm not. I agree with others that it is harder than weight loss to be fully self confident, but I am amazed by myself every time I accomplish something that I couldn't do when I was heavier at my starting weight... It's kind of a self-learning process... We'll get there soon enough! I love that others have found that self confidence before they Los weight, because I don't know if I had much of it, even before I gained weight... But now I'm learning to love myself for what I can accomplish, and for even trying!


    It's of hard to explain for me, but if you're not confident in yourself already, applaud yourself on your achievements because you should feel so proud of what you have accomplished already!
  • allenpriest
    allenpriest Posts: 1,102 Member
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    Weight loss is not a magic pill that makes everything better. If one is a fat jerk getting skinny will just leave a skinny jerk.

    Steve Atterburn has a book called Lose It For Life. The "it" isn't weight. The "it" is what we are medicating with food. Once we deal with the"it" then we can heal and not depend on food to feel better and then we can keep the weight off.

    If we don't deal with the"it" then we might loss weight but we become like a dry drunk.

    In short to feel differently you have to do the work on those issues and feelings. And you need to do that or you are more apt to regain the weight.
  • slaite1
    slaite1 Posts: 1,307 Member
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    Self confidence comes from within. Feeling better about your appearance will help. But relying on external factors for your self esteem will never work. Be proud of yourself and just work on it. Just like there was no magic to weight loss there is no magic to this. It's just you.
  • maroonmango211
    maroonmango211 Posts: 908 Member
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    The more fitness I gain and the more weight I've lost, the more I realize what my body actually looks like and how much it weighs has little to nothing to do with how I feel about it. If anything I have less confidence now because I assumed losing weight was the magic fix to my self esteem issues.

    Right now I am working on building confidence in what my body can DO not what it looks like and its a rocky road but I do think its helping my over all self worth.
  • barbecuesauce
    barbecuesauce Posts: 1,779 Member
    edited July 2015
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  • LAT1963
    LAT1963 Posts: 1,375 Member
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    Er, for me the "it" was hypothyroidism.

    I find martial arts practice does wonders for confidence.
  • chaniluv
    chaniluv Posts: 60 Member
    edited July 2015
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    My simplest answer is to love yourself. It's not as simple as it sounds, but that's the only way. The journey there is different for everyone, so I can't give you the step-by-step. Some of the best-looking people I've known have been insecure. I'm just starting my fitness journey - I'm incredibly obese - but I love myself. I had to do a lot of soul searching to get there and I'll be damned if I let my weight gain ruin all that hard work.

    You know that little voice in your head? Does it over-criticize? The next time you hear it tear you down for something, think to yourself, "Would I allow anyone else to talk to me that way?" If the answer is no, then it needs to change. You need to give yourself positive reinforcement and constructive criticism. When you wake up in the morning, think about something you love about your life (no ifs or buts). When you lay down at night, reflect on what you can do to be an even better you tomorrow without putting yourself down for any mistakes you might've made.

    You have to know your own worth before you can expect anyone else to. You do deserve happiness, but hearing that from me won't do you any good. Teach yourself that you deserve it. Repeat it to yourself when you're feeling down until you believe it.

    I know it probably doesn't mean much coming from a fat chick, but if I can learn to love myself then you should be able to as well! I respect you a lot for admitting to having a low self-esteem - a lot of people won't. I'm glad you did, though. We're all in your corner, bighey75!
  • callsitlikeiseeit
    callsitlikeiseeit Posts: 8,627 Member
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    i was confident fat.

    i just feel and look better now.

    LOL
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    Self confidence comes from inside and enjoying being who you are.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
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    Confidence?

    I'm 46, in decent shape, have a good sense of humor, and can make intelligent and acceptable conversation...I still have no idea.
  • Lizzles4Shizzles
    Lizzles4Shizzles Posts: 122 Member
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    callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »
    i was confident fat.

    i just feel and look better now.

    LOL

    Same here - I mean, I'm still overweight, but confidence isn't an issue. It isn't tied to my weight, so if it's something you struggled with before, I can see it still being an issue now, even after the weight is gone. You've done an awesome thing and should be very proud of yourself. I'm not to the end of my weight loss yet, but I've seen several other people on the forums mention that they saw a therapist once they got to their goal weight, because mentally and emotionally, it can be a very taxing experience and sometimes you still need a little help getting your head right, even though you've accomplished getting your body "right." Congrats & I hope you can find that peaceful place where you're happy with who you are. It's a great place to be.
  • tannibal_lecter
    tannibal_lecter Posts: 83 Member
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    Confidence can be had at any time. Even at my heaviest I still pranced around in a bikini and had a blast at the beach.

    It doesn't come from looking a certain way, it comes from truly loving yourself.
  • meganjcallaghan
    meganjcallaghan Posts: 949 Member
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    jemhh wrote: »
    wolfsbayne wrote: »
    Honestly, I had more confidence when I was heavier. I think it may have been because I wasn't overly concerned with my size and looks and now I am more so concerned and never satisfied.

    Same here.

    Ditto....though my issue is that now I feel like a walking false advertisement. The excess skin makes my body look grosser than it ever did as a fat person. Everyone says "But you look good in clothes", or "but you can't tell with clothes on" (this depends on which clothes....if I wear clothes that cover the majority of my body, which is extremely uncomfortable in the summer, you can definitely tell.) but that just means what you see is no longer what you get
  • Gska17
    Gska17 Posts: 752 Member
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    It took a minute and by minute I mean "a few months". I lost the weight and was immediately self conscious. Suddenly it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and I wanted to hide. Now (most of the time) I walk with my head high. I'm proud of my accomplishment and if people want to look they can go ahead.

    I hope you turn the corner soon and congratulations on your amazing loss! :)
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,134 Member
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    It doesn't matter how much weight I lose, I won't have or be self-confident. If you ever get yours OP, good job.
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,459 Member
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    Personally, I absolutely did get a confidence boost, and it came from achieving goals I set for myself, comparing current self only to past self (and no one else). I'm not the most naturally athletic person, but it felt really empowering to be able to start with 1 pushup, then 5, 10, 15, etc.

    Also, having the knowledge that I DID go to the gym on days I didn't feel like it initially, proved to me that I *could* to some degree overcome a bad day or foul mood, for example, that I was stronger than my momentary feelings. Not. To mention that exercise became a whole new tool to deal with those moods and bad days.

    I think setting reasonable, achievable goals is a great way to improve self esteem, in a particular domain of life, at least. Proof's in the pudding, indisputable, no matter what your monkey brain wants to tell you.
  • tomatoey
    tomatoey Posts: 5,459 Member
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    People are talking more about body image, which I get, but for me, shifting thoughts about your body to what you *use * it for is really helpful. You think about how strong your legs feel and what they did instead of what they look like
  • Mini_Medic
    Mini_Medic Posts: 343 Member
    edited July 2015
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    .
  • Mr_Knight
    Mr_Knight Posts: 9,532 Member
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    usmcmp wrote: »
    It's something you build separately. Self confidence doesn't come from weight loss.

    I agree with this. Weight loss can only reveal what was already there.

    Good luck! :drinker:
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,626 Member
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    tomatoey wrote: »
    People are talking more about body image...

    I didn't think of that. Is that what you meant, OP? Confident that you look good? I don't know. "Hot" isn't my goal. I want healthy and anything else is just icing on the cake.

    I think feeling better contributes a lot to being more confident that your body is okay.

    I still have a lot to lose, but I'd put my body itself in the "Not too bad" column right now. I feel strong and much more energetic. Every five pounds, I'm slimmer/less fat. But my thighs are hideous. Just a crime against nature. They could be on the poster for, "Don't get fat" if they hung one in high schools and all the girls would say, "Aaargh! I'm never getting fat!" Everything else is progressing nicely toward thin. So, not too bad, overall.

    I just got to this point and I'm on the cusp of overweight/normal on the BMI. It took 85 pounds to get from Big Fat Blob to Not Too Bad. :)

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