Dealing with embarrassment...what's your trick?

I doubt anyone is looking at you, and if they are, then they caught you doing a healthful activity. No big deal.

Worrying about what strangers think about you, a person they don't even know, is to give up power over yourself. Don't degrade who you are and where you are going, by worrying about what strangers might think.

melimomTARDIS wrote: »

I doubt anyone is looking at you, and if they are, then they caught you doing a healthful activity. No big deal.

I agree. You really just have to keep telling yourself "Who cares what they think?" They will be falling all over themselves to compliment you and ask how you did it when the weight loss becomes obvious.

The hardest thing I ever had to do was squeeze my (at the time) 280 lb body into a swimming suit and go to the pool for a water aerobics class. After the first couple of times, the self consciousness went away completely.

There are gyms that cater more towards people making life changes rather than those already into it hardcore. Planet Fitness is one of them and even advertises 'no lunks' and has a reputation for kicking those that are more fit out when they are being aggressive with weights or gawking.

I happen to like lifting heavy and sometimes I make a little noise when I'm doing it. They don't appreciate me there. I've found a local iron gym that suits my needs.

Depending on your goals though, a local iron gym may be more suited to your needs.

I think most people are too busy thinking about themselves to notice others lol. Even when they do they don't particularly care. When I see people out walking/jogging most of the time I think to myself "good for them" or "it's too damn hot to be outside..." and go about my business.

I never worried about it. Just try to put it out of your mind.

Those people you work with see you all the time at work....they already know what you look like. If they are making judgments about your weight, they have already done so. What difference does it make if they also see you exercising? The point is, even if they do see you, you aren't doing anything wrong. In fact, you are doing something positive for yourself. And if they want to think something negative about that (I don't know why they would), it doesn't hurt you in any way.

I'm sure you have lots of random thought every day about strangers you see or people you know that you see...some positive and some negative. If you keep your thoughts to yourself, it has zero impact on those people. The same goes with their thoughts about you.

When I was in my 20s, I was trying to lose 80 pounds and I would walk every day in an empty parking lot next to my apartment building. Unfortunately there was a major road nearby, and sometimes guys driving past would yell things at me. The first time it happened, I burst into tears, but dammit, I kept walking. They actually motivated me to try harder. Ever since then, when I see someone who's overweight out walking, I silently cheer them on. I know it can take guts to get out there, especially when you are seeing people you know, but I bet that many more of them will admire you for trying to get healthy than will have negative thoughts or comments about what you are doing (and many of them will be jealous). Don't worry about what other people think, focus on making yourself stronger! You can do this!

gaelicstorm26 wrote: »

I have a lot of weight to lose. I'm down 18 pounds already but I would like to lose about 100 lbs total. I don't have a problem with motivation, I have a problem with what I think other people are thinking about me when I try to be active. I want to be more active but I find myself waiting until it's dark to do my thing.

How did you guys cope when you were first starting out and worried about what other people thought? I know it's a personal problem, but I walk in the neighborhood where I live as the surrounding older part of the neighborhood doesn't have sidewalks. There are a lot of people I work with who live right by me.

And tips? When will it get easier? Am I dumb?

No your not dumb, I struggle with the with the same thoughts ( I think most do) I try to reverse it and use the desire to show people I'm working hard at changing my body as my motivation. It's helped tremendously while running. The cars and head turns are the one thing that keep me going the last mile sometimes. I don't know how to make you think like that though, you just gotta do that for yourself and start caring more about what your doing and less about what people think....

"What other people think of me is none of my business." <--- it helped me a lot to remember that, particularly when I was over 300 lbs and my only form of exercise was to walk around my neighbourhood.

But you know what? I've had people yell out of their car window at me while I was huffing and puffing up a hill. I've felt judged by my size, and when I joined a gym, felt pity on the people working out behind me while my backside was jiggling on the treadmill. Where are most of these people now? I have no idea. But I know where I am - 155 lbs lower on the scale than I used to be. And for every person that judged me for being fat and working out, there were others that walked up and congratulated me on the effort I was putting in day after day, and those that told me they wanted to be more like me.

As for the people who saw me huffing and puffing and sweating, the ones who saw me in weird clothes and runners on 40 degree celcius days - the mothers at my children's Kindergarten and school, who I still see every week - well, they're just plain amazed and full of compliments. Did it matter that they saw me looking dreadful? Not a bit.

Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. And I honestly think that most people are too busy thinking about themselves and what others are thinking about THEM, to even give one thought to what you are doing. Personally, when I see someone who is overweight doing something to get healthier, my one and only thought is "You go!!"

If I am honest...I USED to feel the same way. Looking back...I wonder...was I looking for an excuse not to go exercise.

Now...I don't care...let people judge. After all...

You can lose the weight much easier than they can lose their judgmental attitudes.

I get it... been there, still there sometimes. Things that have helped me get over it or deal with it:

1) Someone pointed out to me how arrogant it is to think that people are thinking about me at all much less as much as I seemed to think they were. I would never have said I was a self-centered arrogant person, but they were right... why am I so important that all these people (known and unknown) would even look at me out there exercising much less spend any thought on me whatsoever? Seriously, no one is thinking about you as much as you think they are!

2) I have a very nice cheap gym at work... that I avoided like the plague because I didnt want people I work with seeing me all fat and jumping around etc. So I paid for a gym instead near my house where no one knew me and worked out there. Once I actually lost a lot of weight, knew what I was doing in the gym with weights and had a plan where I got in, got it done and got out and looked halfway decent while doing it, I started going there. You know what I saw when I started going? All my overweight, out of shape coworkers busting their butt. Seriously, I would have fit right in and probably gotten a workout buddy or two out of it.

So... maybe start out "hiding" or avoiding people if you need to until you feel more comfortable. Work on an attitude adjustment around strangers first - I.e. do your thing, let others do their thing, and try not to think about it. When you nail that, then start with places where people know you - by then you will know what you are doing and be a little more confident on that side.

Now, honestly, I dont care most of the time. I do take a little extra effort with getting dressed to work out if I am going to the work gym especially, but I put my headphones on and just rock out a workout and I even dance and sing a little (ok. so maybe getting too comfortable ). Its every liberating once you get past this self-consciousness! Keep at it!

gelic ---
I think it's going to boil down to you getting your power back. You'll do that day by day and step by step. When you allow other's thoughts and judgments to control your actions, they are winning- they've got your power. It doesn't matter what "they" think- what matters is what YOU think .... YOU are making an effort to get healthy- that's HUGE (and with that, I think more confidence will come) .... let's face it, you will never keep people from making judgement (skinny or fat)- people judge, it's human nature-- I'm not saying it's right or okay, I'm saying it's going to happen, so what is important that each day you are taking care of you. You're your own worst critic- try taking your fears and doubts about yourself into "positive self talk" ......

I hope it helps! Be proud of the effort you're making!

BasicGreatGuy wrote: »

Worrying about what strangers think about you, a person they don't even know, is to give up power over yourself. Don't degrade who you are and where you are going, by worrying about what strangers might think.

Absolutely this! Why are you worried about what a stranger might think? They don't know you, you don't know them. How in the world would their opinion affect you in any shape, form or way? Besides that, people *aren't* looking at you and judging. Most people are too worried about themselves and their daily lives to see a random stranger on the street and judge them - especially a random stranger that is doing something good for their health. If they *do* give a second thought to you, it's likely to think you are doing a good thing!

I started with 120 pounds to lose. I didn't care what others thought if they saw me exercising. Better to see me exercising at that weight than eating or sitting on my butt!!