feeling fat and horrible..

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  • Queenmunchy
    Queenmunchy Posts: 3,380 Member
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    My ex husband would often ignore any of our conversations about things that bothered me. If someone is blatantly disrespecting you it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship itself.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,372 Member
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    Show him the divorce papers. Seriously. He's an a**.
  • madrecon_3
    madrecon_3 Posts: 12 Member
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    Sorry that says that to you but you are in this for yourself is he really your soulmate? I am sure if he says this about you I am sure he has said other negative to or about you maybe you need to rethink your relationship and ask him does he still want this relationship. I hope all goes well we are here to support you keep us posted :)
  • meeganwr
    meeganwr Posts: 1 Member
    edited July 2015
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    Something my mother once told me when I was bullied in grade school has stuck with me and helped me see things in a different light....

    The bully is usually insecure about themselves so they put the spotlight on you/bully you to boost themselves up and keep the spotlight OFF themselves. It doesn't excuse what they do/say, but it can help you keep in mind that they aren't any better than you and it DOESN'T make what they say TRUE just because they say it!! Remind yourself of this any time he says something and maybe it will take some of the sting out of what he may say.

    That really helped me with my self esteem. I had to tell myself whenever they would say something nasty that they are just scared little children who are probably envious of me in some way so they felt they had to keep me down.

    Your husband knows you are beautiful and may subconsciously want to keep you from losing the weight because he might be afraid you'd leave him or something. Who knows... the point is, we all have our hang ups, just don't give him the power to keep you down. Take it back, stand tall and move forward with what you know is best for you!
  • redperphexion
    redperphexion Posts: 193 Member
    edited July 2015
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    NoIdea101NoIdea wrote: »
    My ex used to do that; constantly jiggling my stomach, calling me 'tubby' and the like because he KNEW it got to me. I am 5ft 3 and weighed 113lbs at the time, and this behaviour was one of the triggers that led me down the path of an eating disorder. I only realized once i ditched him how destructive it was. I wasn't fat by any stretch of the imagination, but that wasn't the point of his mean words; he was just looking for and picking on my weaknesses to try and destroy my confidence as he was a waste of space and i could have done so much better. It was his way of keeping me down and making sure i didn't realize i could do better and actually going off with someone better. After three years, even that wasn't enough to make me stay with him.

    Now i have a boyfriend who loves me for me; his love and support gave me the courage to recover and gain weight. During my time with him i gained two stone (a bit too much, which is why i'm here, and successfully losing the healthy way) and if anything he loves me more and more each day, no matter how much weight i have gained or lost. And that is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

    I know it is entirely different as this guy is your husband, but i feel your pain and you shouldn't have to put up with it, because there are plenty of guys out there who will love you no matter your weight. From your profile picture you look very attractive, and i think your husband needs a bit of a wake up call to appreciate just what he has, whether you are 200lbs or 100lbs. I like what @ChloeRaay said; it may sound a bit petty, but if he continue like that, i would point out to him that he could do with beefing up and getting some biceps and a six pack, as all women love men with bulging muscles (i mean, i personally don't), just to make a point as to how ridiculous his behaviour is. Whatever you decide, good luck, and don't let him get you down!

    Yep, was with someone destructive for 5 years... didn't see this until we split and I found my most amazing husband.

    OP - You can do this! I believe in you! You are an amazing person for -wanting- and -working-!!!!
  • jeffpettis
    jeffpettis Posts: 865 Member
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    I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way, but you have far more serious issues than weight loss right now.

    I have been married to my beautiful wife for almost twenty years. She has always been a small petite woman but after our second child she stayed a little bigger than she has ever been in her life. She has about 10 or 15 pounds to lose but I could never imagine a world where I would criticize her for her weight. Hell I can't imagine ever demeaning her in any way. Why would I try to hurt someone that I have invested so much time and effort into loving for so many years? Of course in the past twenty years is hasn't all been sunshine and roses. We have our fights and dis agreements. But even when we are mad at one another I still know that she has my back and I have hers. She could make me fuming mad but you can bet your *kitten* I still love her and cherish her even in those moments.

    Wow. Sorry for all of that. But my point is... Why the hell are you still in this "relationship"?
  • angelexperiment
    angelexperiment Posts: 1,917 Member
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    Bc she loves him! If you are in this type relationship you suck it up and grow thick skin or learn to dish it out or speak up and set boundaries. or leave. My relationship change when I would no longer accept cruel words or taunts period. Boundaries are so important!
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,141 Member
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    Tell him how his bedroom efforts do nothing for you...he'll soon understand why words can be so hurtful.

    Alternatively tell him to feck off, you're not willing to listen to his crap anymore
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    I would recommend focusing on standing up for yourself. I do not understand why females in this day and age still put up with crap like this. If my partner said something negative/deliberately hurtful about my weight to me - I would be gone in a heartbeat.
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
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    You're hardly fat. And there's certainly no call for someone to be putting you down regardless. I would suggest professional help for your self esteem, which is clearly more of a problem than your weight.

    Why women put up with abusive treatment from men is beyond me. Please protect yourself.
  • BethMilledge
    BethMilledge Posts: 368 Member
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    Feel free to add me
  • tamidtaylor
    tamidtaylor Posts: 49 Member
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    I have lost 58 pounds so far and my husband has not said one word about what I have accomplished. I have received comments from many people in my life and even people that I barely even know, but not him. I'm doing this for me so I don't let it get to me but I agree, a spouse should be your biggest supporter and when they aren't it's really too bad.
  • dinobomp
    dinobomp Posts: 170 Member
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    tamidtaylor wrote: »
    I have lost 58 pounds so far and my husband has not said one word about what I have accomplished. I have received comments from many people in my life and even people that I barely even know, but not him. I'm doing this for me so I don't let it get to me but I agree, a spouse should be your biggest supporter and when they aren't it's really too bad.

    You are right, he should be encouraging and supporting you. I feel so badly for you! I was married for 38 years to someone that was NOT my soul mate. Life is too short for mediocrity. Don't waste your life with someone that doesn't deserve you! I'm too old for true love now, but you aren't. I feel you should seriously consider kicking him to the curb!!!
  • fuelednfit
    fuelednfit Posts: 177 Member
    edited July 2015
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    CassieM686 wrote: »
    We have been.but.he does not.understand that his words hurt... he.keeps.doing it... and I sure won't... I am going to keep going and I will get to my goal... yes he.upsets me.but he also gives me.more drive to lose the weight and prove I can lose it..

    Maybe it doesn't come out nicely but his intention is to motivate you. He needs to learn how to say things in a better way. When my husband criticize me it always hurt no matter the words he uses. He usually means well and just wants me to improve. When necessary I let him know how to make constructive criticism
  • fuelednfit
    fuelednfit Posts: 177 Member
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    As for not supporting...well it's not his journey it's yours. My husband congratulates noticeable loss but that support I don't care for. He doesn't eat like me which means I cook 2x he laughs at my food he buys food that are not good and tempting to me he doesn't make it easier to give me free time for exercise although in the past week he started to support me for exercise but it's not his journey it's mine. Your husband cheering for you is nice but if you are doing it for yourself you don't need his cheers or anyone else cheers. Be strong and keep working on yourself.

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