Have you ever cheated
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leonsinned wrote: »
so for you cheating = infidelity, yes?
abuse, video games and gambling are not sexual infidelity... so no, it's not cheating to do any of those things.nachos_n_beer wrote: »define "cheating"
is it cheating to stay faithful to your spouse or SO yet be abusive?
Is is cheating to stay faithful sexually but spend all your time playing vid games?
is it cheating to stay faithful sexually but spend all your money on gambling
cheating is a difficult issue to wrassel with IMO
For others it might mean something else. If I fell in love with someone else but didn't have a physical relationship with this "someone else", my wife would probably still consider that cheating.
Well that would be consider Emotional cheating.0 -
Emotional cheating is actually a thing???0
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I mean really, how can something emotional be cheating? Can we really control our emotions? We can only control our actions but our emotions....???? I don't know about that. The more I think of it the more ridiculous it sounds.0
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leut_underpants wrote: »nachos_n_beer wrote: »Right, it's like trying to say that if you look at someone with lust, then that is infidelity.
besides, how would you deal with an SO who is faithful sexually, but is spending all of his time and money gambling? or at a bar?
Easy. That's environmental cheating.
LOL....too funny.0 -
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I mean really, how can something emotional be cheating? Can we really control our emotions? We can only control our actions but our emotions....???? I don't know about that. The more I think of it the more ridiculous it sounds.
If your sexually flirting or sexting someone while your dating someone else that is called emotional cheating. Im not saying by having a regular conversation with someone is cheating but when the conversation crosses the line and gets sexual and flirty that's called emotional cheating. You can look it up if you like. It's a real thing. Maybe not everyone agrees with it but it is considered a form a cheating.0 -
I think emotional cheating is a thing and would be more of a deal-breaker in a relationship than a one-nighter with a rando when you're drunk on a work trip in Vegas. You can't control your emotions but if you're in love with someone else, that's a stronger sign than some quick sex that you shouldn't still be with your partner. From a jealousy standpoint, I could maybe forgive the latter situation, but if my partner was actually in love with someone else, and confiding in them over me, that would gnaw at me way more.0
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lislisa123 wrote: »I mean really, how can something emotional be cheating? Can we really control our emotions? We can only control our actions but our emotions....???? I don't know about that. The more I think of it the more ridiculous it sounds.
If your sexually flirting or sexting someone while your dating someone else that is called emotional cheating. Im not saying by having a regular conversation with someone is cheating but when the conversation crosses the line and gets sexual and flirty that's called emotional cheating. You can look it up if you like. It's a real thing. Maybe not everyone agrees with it but it is considered a form of cheating.
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When I was a baby at the age of 15 I had a boyfriend who convinced me that he's my soulmate. One night I was off holding hands with this other guy my age, and he kissed me goodnight. Then I met a guy much older, he was about twenty, and he thought we had a relationship, while I was with my other boyfriend, but I told him we're just friends, and we only kissed like on four occassions nothing more .. okay, it was terrible, but I was young and our relationship wasn't so serious too0
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I'm taking notes because I'm learning stuff here. 0
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Nachos, I don't want to say occasional drunken sex like it's a once every other month thing, but I have given this a lot of thought and I consider it somewhat of a don't ask, don't tell kind of situation. I realize not everyone feels this way. But no, the possibility that a SO could have gotten drunk one night and banged someone he never spoke to again (assuming he didn't knock her up or contract the herp) a couple of times in a very long relationship does not entirely bother me. I guess in a perfect world I'd be with someone that had a similar viewpoint, but I realize it might not be how most people feel. I would have a bigger issue with intimate texts.. not sexting so much where it's just physical. But texts or conversations that indicated some stronger emotions would bother me more.0
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Intimacy is so much more than sex, and I feel like stepping outside of that intimacy with anyone is an issue (in my relationship with my BF). I wouldn't be ok with him having a female friend (whom he isn't banging) that he's closer with than he is with me. Heck... not entirely sure I'd like him to be more emotionally intimate with another dude, as well... but he's pretty "alpha male" and most of his friends talk about cars and other "typically male" things - I'd be surprised if they were talking about their emotional crap.
I also wouldn't be ok with him banging a stripper in Vegas one night. There's inherent physical risk in these situations, and I would want to know and have the choice in what I expose myself to. In our relationship, we have committed to no sexual contact outside of our relationship, partly due to the risks involved.
At any point in our relationship that this agreement doesn't work for both of us any more, we either need to renegotiate or consider whether the relationship is worth continuing. Life is short and I'm worth more than allowing someone to make commitments to me (and my kids!) and then break them repeatedly.0 -
A bit of innocent flirting and playful banter is not cheating.
There is nothing wrong with complementing someone on how good they look or how sexy they are. Its nice to be nice and have abit of playful fun.
That phrase emotional cheating is pretty stupid to say the least.
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iDeltaBigBoy wrote: »Nope. Been cheated on and know what that feels like. Could never do that to someone else. Not to mention if you want to be with someone else then why are you with the one your with.
perhaps you think in your mind it'll get better.0 -
brewingPHX wrote: »All the time back WAYYY back in the day! I'd put in the game Contra on Nintendo and get the 99 lives by entering the cheat code Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Start
EPIC! I know.... Cheating was huge in games. back then... now... no wonder lots of guys cheat.0 -
finny11122 wrote: »A bit of innocent flirting and playful banter is not cheating.
There is nothing wrong with complementing someone on how good they look or how sexy they are. Its nice to be nice and have abit of playful fun.
That phrase emotional cheating is pretty stupid to say the least.
Actually, having cheated physically, I don't agree with you. Why? Because it started out as an emotional connection. I couldn't connect with my husband, lord knows I tried. I'm sure he did too. But I began to feel appreciated emotionally (mentally and intellectually too) by a male co-worker. And started becoming very aware of what I was missing in my marriage. I became very emotionally connected to this guy... (as a friend at first, no hidden motives)... and then it started to turn into physical attraction. There's a long story in there that bears no use repeating, but in the end, I chose to give into the physical attraction and then chose to end my marriage.
Fast forward some time, finding myself single again, I became friends with someone new. That friendship, turned into an emotional connection, and turned into passionate love. I have everything I need and could possibly want now, and no one else catches my attention. But I have also decided that never again will I connect emotionally with a man other than the love of my life, the man I am committed to.
Emotional cheating can be very dangerous to a seemingly healthy relationship. As soon as someone outside your relationship becomes an integral part of your adult life, as soon as they start fulfilling a core need, you open yourself up to wanting more, to increasing distance between you and your spouse/loved one, and to closing the gap with someone else.
At least... that's my experience.
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MireyGal76 wrote: »finny11122 wrote: »A bit of innocent flirting and playful banter is not cheating.
There is nothing wrong with complementing someone on how good they look or how sexy they are. Its nice to be nice and have abit of playful fun.
That phrase emotional cheating is pretty stupid to say the least.
Actually, having cheated physically, I don't agree with you. Why? Because it started out as an emotional connection. I couldn't connect with my husband, lord knows I tried. I'm sure he did too. But I began to feel appreciated emotionally (mentally and intellectually too) by a male co-worker. And started becoming very aware of what I was missing in my marriage. I became very emotionally connected to this guy... (as a friend at first, no hidden motives)... and then it started to turn into physical attraction. There's a long story in there that bears no use repeating, but in the end, I chose to give into the physical attraction and then chose to end my marriage.
Fast forward some time, finding myself single again, I became friends with someone new. That friendship, turned into an emotional connection, and turned into passionate love. I have everything I need and could possibly want now, and no one else catches my attention. But I have also decided that never again will I connect emotionally with a man other than the love of my life, the man I am committed to.
Emotional cheating can be very dangerous to a seemingly healthy relationship. As soon as someone outside your relationship becomes an integral part of your adult life, as soon as they start fulfilling a core need, you open yourself up to wanting more, to increasing distance between you and your spouse/loved one, and to closing the gap with someone else.
At least... that's my experience.
Exactly this!0 -
Anything more than one sentence I refuse to read keep it short people!0
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asianfashionista86 wrote: »Anything more than one sentence I refuse to read keep it short people!
miss much, you will.
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nachos_n_beer wrote: »leonsinned wrote: »
LOL.nachos_n_beer wrote: »sounds like bollshaz to me
I wish I was that sure of anything in my life.
I'll have to respectfully disagree with you, nachos_n_beer
i appreciate that - just that the comment left room for a lot of moving parts, and although it was thought out, it had both of the issues contained in one comment with no room for movement.
mind if i take a right turn on this thread?
at what point in history did we relegate sex to monogamous relationships? who is the author of this arrangement and why, oh why is it relevant in an enlightened society?
perhaps we should fist define "elightened"0 -
nachos_n_beer wrote: »MireyGal76 wrote: »nachos_n_beer wrote: »leonsinned wrote: »
LOL.nachos_n_beer wrote: »sounds like bollshaz to me
I wish I was that sure of anything in my life.
I'll have to respectfully disagree with you, nachos_n_beer
i appreciate that - just that the comment left room for a lot of moving parts, and although it was thought out, it had both of the issues contained in one comment with no room for movement.
mind if i take a right turn on this thread?
at what point in history did we relegate sex to monogamous relationships? who is the author of this arrangement and why, oh why is it relevant in an enlightened society?
perhaps we should fist define "elightened"
lets start with a society that is not under the yoke of the catholic (or other similarly abusive) church -
In many cases, religion or not, there are examples both of monogamous and polygamous relationships. (I know of a number of religious people who have had affairs, and I know many non-religious committed couples).
If you are in a relationship with someone who is ok with the idea of polygamy, then it isn't cheating, is it? In that case, your dual "enlightenment" is mutually satisfactory and you both have an open relationship.
If you start to hide other relationships from the person who *thinks* they're your significant other - then something is wrong. period. It's not enlightenment - it's deception.
It's not about religion, the existence or lack thereof. It's about respecting others. And I would hope, that in an enlightened society such as the one in which we live, that respect would be important.
TLDR:
If you are with someone who expects you to be their ONLY, then be their ONLY. If you are with someone who is ok with sharing, then have at it.
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MireyGal76 wrote: »finny11122 wrote: »A bit of innocent flirting and playful banter is not cheating.
There is nothing wrong with complementing someone on how good they look or how sexy they are. Its nice to be nice and have abit of playful fun.
That phrase emotional cheating is pretty stupid to say the least.
Actually, having cheated physically, I don't agree with you. Why? Because it started out as an emotional connection. I couldn't connect with my husband, lord knows I tried. I'm sure he did too. But I began to feel appreciated emotionally (mentally and intellectually too) by a male co-worker. And started becoming very aware of what I was missing in my marriage. I became very emotionally connected to this guy... (as a friend at first, no hidden motives)... and then it started to turn into physical attraction. There's a long story in there that bears no use repeating, but in the end, I chose to give into the physical attraction and then chose to end my marriage.
Fast forward some time, finding myself single again, I became friends with someone new. That friendship, turned into an emotional connection, and turned into passionate love. I have everything I need and could possibly want now, and no one else catches my attention. But I have also decided that never again will I connect emotionally with a man other than the love of my life, the man I am committed to.
Emotional cheating can be very dangerous to a seemingly healthy relationship. As soon as someone outside your relationship becomes an integral part of your adult life, as soon as they start fulfilling a core need, you open yourself up to wanting more, to increasing distance between you and your spouse/loved one, and to closing the gap with someone else.
At least... that's my experience.
I know exactly what you are on about. Every connection can lead to something more. it takes 2 to tango. Single . married , in a relationship women will always get hit on by guys. Girls have a choice to make when these situations arise.9 out of 10 times its a guy that will ask a girl out. Most woman will not ask a guy out . But some guys can be persistent and dont care if a girl has a boyfriend or husband. And as you said when a connection gets stronger and the guy is persistent it can lead to cheating. But there is always a choice.
The last girl i was serious with would tell me when guys were hitting on her and asking her out , and we would have a good laugh together about it . Our lives were going in different directions and i ended it. She followed her path and i followed mine. Breakups are never fun but you have to have the guts to end them properly.
Good to hear you are in a great spot in your life now. I wish you all the best.0 -
nachos_n_beer wrote: »leonsinned wrote: »
LOL.nachos_n_beer wrote: »sounds like bollshaz to me
I wish I was that sure of anything in my life.
I'll have to respectfully disagree with you, nachos_n_beer
i appreciate that - just that the comment left room for a lot of moving parts, and although it was thought out, it had both of the issues contained in one comment with no room for movement.
mind if i take a right turn on this thread?
at what point in history did we relegate sex to monogamous relationships? who is the author of this arrangement and why, oh why is it relevant in an enlightened society?
Human sexuality is incredibly powerful to society. Some societies have tried out different arrangements with sexuality and we now realize that, like a powerful horse, it has to be bridled to be at its most glorious. Sexuality, unbridled, is like a construction worker turning on a jackhammer and letting it go.
How many episodes of Maury do we need to see before we realize unbridled sexuality is destructive to families and society?
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