The uphill battle at home.
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cwms3rd
Posts: 31 Member
For the past several years now I have been trying to lose weight but always seem to fall short. In the back of my mind I always knew it was my low self esteem and unwillingness to fight for what I wanted. Last night it started to happen again. I have told my wife that I wanted to eat no later than 7 pm at least three times but she drags her feet uses "play time" with our son to push dinner as late as she. You see she is not on this journey I am trying to take so she eats whatever she wants for lunch (mostly late in the afternoon) and is not hungry. She also turns her nose up to most of the healthy stuff that I fix so I am sitting there watching her eat the crap I use to love to eat but have giving up. That is one front of this battle. The second front to the battle is my parents. They are keeping our son, which is cool because of free child care. The problem is that they bring whatever food they want even though I have begged them not to. This food includes cookies, chips, candy, and soda. When I say something I father goes into this rant that he enjoys this stuff and my mom gives my the innocence look and says it is for my son. Then when I push harder they remind me of the free child care they are providing. I know I am suppose to kick the people out of my life that do not support me. I have read that an hundred times, but in this case it is not possible. So for anyone that is facing the same and needs to rant feel free. If you want to be friends and we support each other friend me. Thanks for listen.
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Replies
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You need to stop blaming others around you for your failures.0
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The timing of meals doesn't really matter for weight loss. However, if you don't want to eat after 7PM, then don't eat after 7PM. Your wife can eat whenever she pleases. There's no rule that you both have to eat at the same time. Also, if you eat separately, you don't have to watch her eat things you've decided not to eat. Win-Win.
Your parents are providing free child care for you in your home. You don't even need to cart your offspring over to their house. They can bring whatever they like. You may want to empty out a cupboard for them to store items so that they are out of your line-of-sight.
Supporting you is different from changing themselves around to suit you. They are having to deal with your changes and you need to deal with their non-changes.
Part of being able to sustain weight loss long term is learning how to be surrounded with temptation without surrendering. You can do it!0 -
If you want to eat dinner by 7pm, then you need to make it yourself, unless by "wife" you meant to say "hired employee". She doesn't have to want to eat the way you do, and I find it odd that you would say she's only using play time with your son to sabotage you. She may just want to play with her kid?
Search the message boards. 90% of the users who are successfully losing weight do not eliminate any foods from their diets. You can have cake, chips, cookies, etc. Once you allow yourself to eat the things you love, you stop wanting them ALL THE TIME.
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uh...you're not supposed to kick your family out of your life if they don't support your personal food habits, or even your friends. You're supposed to ignore the cookies and chips and whatever else you don't want to eat. Since you need child care, I assume that your wife is working during the day, so I don't know why you need to be "telling" her what time you desire to be fed. Make some dinner and eat it whenever you like, and she can eat her portion of the meals you prepare whenever she gets hungry.0
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The timing of meals doesn't really matter for weight loss. However, if you don't want to eat after 7PM, then don't eat after 7PM. Your wife can eat whenever she pleases. There's no rule that you both have to eat at the same time. Also, if you eat separately, you don't have to watch her eat things you've decided not to eat. Win-Win.
Your parents are providing free child care for you in your home. You don't even need to cart your offspring over to their house. They can bring whatever they like. You may want to empty out a cupboard for them to store items so that they are out of your line-of-sight.
Supporting you is different from changing themselves around to suit you. They are having to deal with your changes and you need to deal with their non-changes.
Part of being able to sustain weight loss long term is learning how to be surrounded with temptation without surrendering. You can do it!
Superb advice ^^.
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Holy *kitten*, I can't even. Read all of the above, OP, then read it again. Your wife is not your kitchen slave and everyone can eat whatever they damn well please. If you don't want to be around that, find a way not to be. Asking your parents to keep stuff in a cupboard might work--or stop cutting out all the yummies from your diet and have a cookie every now and again if you can fit it into your calories. If you want to eat at a certain time, make your own meals. You're an adult. Deal with things. Don't make other people change for you--they wont, and they shouldn't.0
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You are overweight, because you eat more than you should. Unless your wife is force feeding you, she is not to blame. Neither she, nor your kids, not your parents, no one else but you. Unless you accept you are an adult and responsible for your own habits, you cannot lose weight and sustain the weight loss. Other people around you can eat whatever they like, whenever they like. It does not affect you. If your wife wants to eat at midnight, and her choices in food are terrible, what does this have to do with you? Is she stopping you eating earlier? Is she throwing away your healthy food? If your mother brings over cookies for your kid, surely as an adult you have the self control of not eating a child's cookies, right?0
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For the past several years now I have been trying to lose weight but always seem to fall short. In the back of my mind I always knew it was my low self esteem and unwillingness to fight for what I wanted. Last night it started to happen again. I have told my wife that I wanted to eat no later than 7 pm at least three times but she drags her feet uses "play time" with our son to push dinner as late as she. You see she is not on this journey I am trying to take so she eats whatever she wants for lunch (mostly late in the afternoon) and is not hungry. She also turns her nose up to most of the healthy stuff that I fix so I am sitting there watching her eat the crap I use to love to eat but have giving up. That is one front of this battle. The second front to the battle is my parents. They are keeping our son, which is cool because of free child care. The problem is that they bring whatever food they want even though I have begged them not to. This food includes cookies, chips, candy, and soda. When I say something I father goes into this rant that he enjoys this stuff and my mom gives my the innocence look and says it is for my son. Then when I push harder they remind me of the free child care they are providing. I know I am suppose to kick the people out of my life that do not support me. I have read that an hundred times, but in this case it is not possible. So for anyone that is facing the same and needs to rant feel free. If you want to be friends and we support each other friend me. Thanks for listen.
there is no reason you cant eat after 7pm (unless there is a medical reason you haven't shared?) and there is no reason for your parents to stop bringing treats for themselves and your son. just because its there, you don't have to eat it.
instead of focusing on all the problems you're creating for yourself, why not focus on eating in a deficit and doing some regular exercise?
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Free childcare is never free. I see it all the time. People get Grandma or Grandpa to watch their kids. They enjoy the benefit of not having to pay $150+/week for daycare but then their aggravation levels are constantly on a slow simmer because Grandma and Grandpa do things that Mom and Dad don't agree with. But Mom and Dad won't address the issues for free of losing free daycare.0
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Sorry I offended so many people.0
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I definitely understand your challenges considering my wife is pregnant and is totally entitled to eat more than me!
It comes down to you doing it for YOU! It's balancing act, right? You need to make healthier choices but you need to find a way to fit those choices into your life. I am sure once you start feeling better and looking better your wife may be more on board. It's a journey and you won't go from eating the stuff you have to eating perfectly healthy overnight. Just commit to yourself that you will make the right choices each day and, most importantly, don't beat yourself up when you slip up, just keep working on making better choices every day. You can do it! 0 -
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Alone is alone0
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this is about you and not about your family members. because of this, you have to make the changes. and only you. it would be nice if others were there to help but if it's not the case and even if it were the case, only you can do this for yourself.
good luck and be well0 -
Sorry I offended so many people.
I really don't think anyone was offended.. There were some (harsh, but truthful and well-intentioned) opinions about what you wrote, but they're fairly spot on. You're blaming others for eating crap. Unless they're holding you down and putting it down your throat for you, YOU own that. No one else is to blame for eating too many calories or not working off enough to balance what you do eat.
Yes, it does make it HARDER to make proper choices when the temptation of "bad stuff" (and really, there is no bad stuff--pretty much anything can be made to work within most calorie goals) is close at hand, but that's where commitment becomes personal change. Simply put, either you want to commit or you don't. No one but you owns that.0 -
For the past several years now I have been trying to lose weight but always seem to fall short. In the back of my mind I always knew it was my low self esteem and unwillingness to fight for what I wanted. Last night it started to happen again. I have told my wife that I wanted to eat no later than 7 pm at least three times but she drags her feet uses "play time" with our son to push dinner as late as she. You see she is not on this journey I am trying to take so she eats whatever she wants for lunch (mostly late in the afternoon) and is not hungry. She also turns her nose up to most of the healthy stuff that I fix so I am sitting there watching her eat the crap I use to love to eat but have giving up. That is one front of this battle. The second front to the battle is my parents. They are keeping our son, which is cool because of free child care. The problem is that they bring whatever food they want even though I have begged them not to. This food includes cookies, chips, candy, and soda. When I say something I father goes into this rant that he enjoys this stuff and my mom gives my the innocence look and says it is for my son. Then when I push harder they remind me of the free child care they are providing. I know I am suppose to kick the people out of my life that do not support me. I have read that an hundred times, but in this case it is not possible. So for anyone that is facing the same and needs to rant feel free. If you want to be friends and we support each other friend me. Thanks for listen.
There; fixed it.
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It's called discipline...Have some0
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I realized pretty early on that there was going to be a lot more admin for me in losing this weight and yes, in many respects it is a lonely road. I cook all my food separately, where before we used to take turns to cook and I would eat whatever he made. I eat differently from my partner and eat at different time and vastly different portions. He still eats giant cheese sandwiches while I weigh out very small portions, even if it is the same thing. If he wants McDonalds, he has it and I sit in the other room if it bothers me (I doesn't any more).
He is not making those choices to spite me, just as I am not having a plate of veggies for dinner to spite or shame him.
The only way it works is when you realize that no one has to do anything for you or with you in this process, it is all totally on you and it will succeed or fail entirely on your own efforts.
You get used to it and it is sooooooo worth it, when you start to see results.
It can be hard to hear, when people tell you to stop feeling sorry for yourself and be accountable, when I know you came here hoping for empathy. Sorry about that - but don't get angry with us. We are all in the same boat here. This is not an easy process for anybody and the harsh feedback is actually a really healthy kind of empathy - take it on board.0 -
The timing of meals doesn't really matter for weight loss. However, if you don't want to eat after 7PM, then don't eat after 7PM. Your wife can eat whenever she pleases. There's no rule that you both have to eat at the same time. Also, if you eat separately, you don't have to watch her eat things you've decided not to eat. Win-Win.
Your parents are providing free child care for you in your home. You don't even need to cart your offspring over to their house. They can bring whatever they like. You may want to empty out a cupboard for them to store items so that they are out of your line-of-sight.
Supporting you is different from changing themselves around to suit you. They are having to deal with your changes and you need to deal with their non-changes.
Part of being able to sustain weight loss long term is learning how to be surrounded with temptation without surrendering. You can do it!
YASSS!!!
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