This started out as an answer to "why did you get fat" but then it got long so...

Itsonlymeagain
Itsonlymeagain Posts: 18 Member
edited November 23 in Introduce Yourself
I got fat because I can't lose weight. Apparently, physically I can't. Because I've tried and I still try and I guess because I'm short and my family is obese I must be pre-dispositioned to it. I did well maintaining my weight until pregnancy then I just kept an additional 5lbs and thought it was no big deal. It happens to most and 5 lbs isn't a lot anyway. I weighed 130 then and it wasn't bad for me even though I am 5'2", I've been blessed (at least) with a well distributed firm body. Then I had our daughter and same 5-7 lbs on top of first pregnancy weight gain. Then I went on Mirena birth control and found it even more difficult to lose weight from the hormones (I don't do well with bc hormones anyway, should have opted for the copper but Mirena was advertised and tready... yada yada).

Well after 5 years is when everything hit the fan for me because then I had the Mirena replaced and my body, for some reason, went haywire. Not only did I turn into a raving lunatic but I watched the scale gain .5 lb each and every single day for 3 weeks. Seemingly nothing I could do would make it stop and then it finally settled into place and I just accepted that I was going to be fat like my family. Eventually I had the stupid thing removed because of the bad side effects and I was hoping that I could then lose some weight but I couldn't. Well I did lose 5 lbs by starving myself, celebrated my birthday with a heaping of spaghetti and a slice of cake and like a miracle the 5lbs just appeared back POOF and stayed back. I was frustrated and left it alone.

Now age 40 hit me and again I had the pleasure of watching the scale do a creep up to 156 where I am currently. I've entered my information into fitness pal and it says to lose 1lb per week I need to eat 1400 calories. This hard but not that hard because I've never really eaten poorly to begin with. I normally eat tomato salads, grilled meats and veggies, don't eat fast food but rarely, don't drink pop or alcohol etc. So mostly it's cutting down on in between meal snacking, mindless snacking, and cutting down on breads. So I've been at 1400 for 2 weeks and lost approximately- no EXACTLY- ZERO lbs. I have a digital scale and it literally has not moved at all. I know the scale is working because other scales say the same thing. This is with my normal exercising of walking 4 miles 4 times a week and biking 10 miles intermittently at more than a leisurely pace for both.

I know it's only been 2 weeks but shouldn't I see some movement? At least .5 lb or SOMETHING? I'm not sure, psychologically, I can go below 1400. It already seems like I'm hungry all the time. And angry. I'm around people all the time and they eat pizza with extra cheese and fast food and chips and they are normal weight. And I"m eating another handful of snap peas...
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Replies

  • shrinkingletters
    shrinkingletters Posts: 1,008 Member
    I hope you're being honest with yourself about every little handful of this or that.
  • Maxematics
    Maxematics Posts: 2,287 Member
    Are you weighing the food you eat? Calories add up fast and if you're eyeballing it or just using measuring cups you could be doing yourself a huge disservice.
  • Itsonlymeagain
    Itsonlymeagain Posts: 18 Member
    I am being honest. Why wouldn't I be honest? I can have a habit of mindless picking but now using the app I am very conscious and accountable of what is going in my mouth.

    No, I don't weigh, I measure my food and I eat as naturally as possible. I understand that some see a difference but I think the fractional amount of calories in lettuce and tomatoes don't really matter. So when it put into the app that I had a tomato salad I entered 2 med tomatoes, not grams. It's like 22 in each! And spring lettuce, 1 cup was like 20. A tsp of oil and a good helping of balsamic. I added an oat bar at 120 calories and that was my meal. I"m not into highly processed foods and never have been. I love eating tomatoes and fruit. It's not a chore for me. But I can't overanalyze it either or it'd drive me even more nuts. Can a person get 30lbs overweight by estimating a tomato wrong? Really? But something is wrong and I don't know what.
  • shrinkingletters
    shrinkingletters Posts: 1,008 Member
    Itsonlymeagain wrote: »
    I am being honest. Why wouldn't I be honest? I can have a habit of mindless picking but now using the app I am very conscious and accountable of what is going in my mouth.

    No, I don't weigh, I measure my food and I eat as naturally as possible. I understand that some see a difference but I think the fractional amount of calories in lettuce and tomatoes don't really matter. So when it put into the app that I had a tomato salad I entered 2 med tomatoes, not grams. It's like 22 in each! And spring lettuce, 1 cup was like 20. A tsp of oil and a good helping of balsamic. I added an oat bar at 120 calories and that was my meal. I"m not into highly processed foods and never have been. I love eating tomatoes and fruit. It's not a chore for me. But I can't overanalyze it either or it'd drive me even more nuts. Can a person get 30lbs overweight by estimating a tomato wrong? Really? But something is wrong and I don't know what.

    A person can easily get 30lbs overweight by estimating several seemingly innocuous things wrong every day for an extended period of time. It all adds up.
  • Schmeggly80
    Schmeggly80 Posts: 81 Member
    Have you spoken to a doctor about this? May be a good place to start. Sorry I am not more helpful.
  • Itsonlymeagain
    Itsonlymeagain Posts: 18 Member
    edited August 2015
    @ Shrinkingletters... Mmmm, I get what you are saying but 2 medium tomatoes are 2 medium tomatoes. It's not like I'm taking a 1/2 loaf of bread and calling it a slice or a 1/2 lb pasta and calling it a serving. There IS a difference. And don't forget that I have been speed walking for years now and also this summer added in biking. I'm not sitting on my butt. Any grams miscalculated in my lunch, for example, were burned taking the bike off the rack. Part of the reason I want to lose the weight is because I feel it in my joints and it's slowing me down. And there is nothing saying that I didn't underestimate either. I'm not making excuses although it may sound like it, I get frustrated when I feel people aren't HEARING me.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    Itsonlymeagain wrote: »
    I got fat because I can't lose weight. Apparently, physically I can't. Because I've tried and I still try and I guess because I'm short and my family is obese I must be pre-dispositioned to it.

    From the very first sentence, it's clear to me that you see yourself as a victim rather than as an active and willing participant in your weight gain. And until you take ownership in your part of the issue, the chances of you losing and maintaining a weight loss is pretty grim, I'm afraid.

    So before you change anything, you need to change your outlook. :)
  • shrinkingletters
    shrinkingletters Posts: 1,008 Member
    Itsonlymeagain wrote: »
    @ Shrinkingletters... Mmmm, I get what you are saying but 2 medium tomatoes are 2 medium tomatoes. It's not like I'm taking a 1/2 loaf of bread and calling it a slice or a 1/2 lb pasta and calling it a serving. There IS a difference. And don't forget that I have been speed walking for years now and also this summer added in biking. I'm not sitting on my butt. Any grams miscalculated in my lunch, for example, were burned taking the bike off the rack. I get frustrated when I feel people are HEARING me. Part of the reason I want to lose the weight is because I feel it in my joints and it's slowing me down.

    Exercise is for fitness, calories are what affect weight. If you aren't 100% accurate in calculating your intake of calories (read: estimating is doing it wrong), you can not be 100% certain you're burning the amount of calories you think you are. I guarantee you're not only estimating on tomatoes.
  • Itsonlymeagain
    Itsonlymeagain Posts: 18 Member
    Alright well, thanks but no thanks, OK. I already said I don't' weight my food, I measure it. Now you're calling me a liar.
  • derekspiewak
    derekspiewak Posts: 31 Member
    Itsonlymeagain wrote: »
    I got fat because I can't lose weight. Apparently, physically I can't. Because I've tried and I still try and I guess because I'm short and my family is obese I must be pre-dispositioned to it.

    You're not. This is not a thing. Your weight is always calories in minus calories out. There are physical laws involved here - you cannot gain mass that you didn't add to yourself. You especially have to be very careful because you're short - it takes far fewer calories for you to maintain your body, and therefore every small amount of food matters a lot. A big guy like me can eyeball a lot of things and make good estimates, but if you are 5'4" or below you really should have a food scale.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    Itsonlymeagain wrote: »
    Alright well, thanks but no thanks, OK. I already said I don't' weight my food, I measure it. Now you're calling me a liar.

    This is precisely the victim mentality I'm talking about.

    No one is calling you a liar! What is being said is that if you are not losing weight, it's because you're not estimating your intake correctly. If you *were* eating in a deficit, you would be losing weight.

    Honestly, it's really that simple.
  • Itsonlymeagain
    Itsonlymeagain Posts: 18 Member
    snickerscharlie wrote: »
    Itsonlymeagain wrote: »
    I got fat because I can't lose weight. Apparently, physically I can't. Because I've tried and I still try and I guess because I'm short and my family is obese I must be pre-dispositioned to it.

    From the very first sentence, it's clear to me that you see yourself as a victim rather than as an active and willing participant in your weight gain. And until you take ownership in your part of the issue, the chances of you losing and maintaining a weight loss is pretty grim, I'm afraid.

    So before you change anything, you need to change your outlook. :)

    So what can I change, besides my outlook? I mean did you read the part where I exercise frequently and eat whole, unprocessed foods as a matter of lifestyle rather than "diet"? Adn sticking to 1400 calories (give or take the unweighed tomato).

    I came here for support because yes I'm frustrated by the whole process but obviously this is not a welcome place when people just automatically assume you are lying about everything. Again, why would I lie? What is the motivation in that?
  • Maxematics
    Maxematics Posts: 2,287 Member
    edited August 2015
    You're getting overly defensive with everyone here and refuse to see reality. You may think you're only eating 1400 calories but things add up quickly. If you were such a healthy eater you would not have a weight problem. Point blank. This is why MFP exists; so we can hold ourselves accountable and reach our goals. So many people want to blame the thyroid, etc. Sorry it's not that. Thyroid issues do not slow down metabolism so much that a calorie deficit won't work. Really commit to weight loss if you want it or it's not going to happen. If you truly believe you defy science and you're logging properly, then cut your calories to 1200. If you still don't see weight loss, then accept you are your own enemy.
  • Itsonlymeagain
    Itsonlymeagain Posts: 18 Member
    snickerscharlie wrote: »

    Honestly, it's really that simple.

    and honestly, it's not, not for everyone. Not for me. And you are indeed calling me a liar because you're saying I"m not being honest with myself. I am quite honest with myself. I got fat by mindless eating and snacking NOT by my meals. It was never by my meals. I have had to change very little in that regard. I've only, really, cut out my snacking.

    I guess what I'm saying is that if I was eating 2000 calories before (accounting for 600 calories of snacks) or more on some days who knows. If I'm eating 1400 now or 1500 or even 1600 I'm still eating less than I was before so I should still see a loss, maybe not a quick one, but a loss nonetheless. The scale hasn't budged.
  • JamestheLiar
    JamestheLiar Posts: 148 Member
    Consider this for yourself …

    This site is predicated on the idea that if you eat fewer calories than your body burns, you’ll lose weight. Most people here will swear to that fact. Then along comes a new user, saying I’ve done everything right …
    1. I have set reasonable daily calorie goals which consistently put me into a caloric deficit,
    2. I’m meeting my reasonable daily calorie goals within say plus or minus 20 calories
    If both of those things are true, then that new user MUST lose weight (barring medical issues, hence the suggestion to see a doctor). If the new user is NOT losing weight (and there is no medical issue), then one or both of those things cannot be true. It is absolutely that simple.

    I don’t personally believe anyone is intentionally calling you a liar. There is a difference between being wrong and being a liar.
  • shrinkingletters
    shrinkingletters Posts: 1,008 Member
    You can't out-speedwalk your fork. Eating "unprocessed" foods means nothing in terms of weight loss. Maybe to health and general nutrition (though that's debatable), but not weight lost.

    If you don't weigh, you don't know what you're eating. Simple fact. I'm 5'4, my family is overweight. They're overweight because they "estimate" how much they eat.

    Again, I guarantee the estimating doesn't stop at a tomato. You're estimating everything if you're not weighing. Period.
  • shrinkingletters
    shrinkingletters Posts: 1,008 Member
    Also, you're creating a safety net for your ego by making yourself out to be a victim as soon as you fail (which you will, if you continue estimating things instead of doing them correctly), by making silly comments "I'm eating edamame while skinny people eat pizza." You don't know how much they're eating that entire day, if that slice of pizza or two is all they plan to eat that day, if they're logging their calories accurately and specifically made room for that meal in their diet...

    Snap out of it. Buy the scale, weigh the food, keep your eyes on your own plate.
  • sprc1616
    sprc1616 Posts: 14 Member
    You sound just like me. I am 5'3" and have a sedentary office job but walk about 4 mi. a day to/from work, do an hour at the gym a couple times a week, and also ride my bike a bit. I also did jiujitsu for 4 years, and when I quit I was at my heaviest. I thought my hormonal bc was making me gain weight, too. Then I got a food scale and everything changed. The truth is, being short sucks. We can't get away with anything! If you aren't losing at 1400, knock off another 1-200 calories and see what happens.

    I weigh about 80% of my food and eyeball the other 20% because it's not in me to be a stickler about everything. I am eating "at" 1200 calories a day, and have lost 10 lbs since May, because I go over the limit at restaurants/parties. I'm okay with this, since I think it is a sustainable weight loss instead of a crash diet.

    I assume you are not eating just tomatoes and lettuce, but also some meat, fruit, and the occasional whole grain? Be careful with those because the calories can creep up on you. I had to give up eating whole hamburgers at barbecues because 4 oz of 80% lean beef is 280 calories, and I'm going to also want sides and a bit of dessert!

    I also avoided the food scale for years because I didn't want to micromanage. But I encourage you to at least try one. It makes a big difference. A different strategy is to only eat things that come in discrete quantities or are fairly uniform in size - (e.g. 1 hot dog, 1 egg, 10 grapes, 2 slices of bread, 1 ketchup packet) unless they are vegetables. Be careful about condiments and beverages - they are killer.

    I think if you try this and don't see any progress in a month, then check with your doctor about other possible problems.
  • shrinkingletters
    shrinkingletters Posts: 1,008 Member
    I'm losing steadily at 1400, by the way. I expect the weight loss to stagnate when I don't log accurately, which is something that will occasionally happen and I have no one to hold responsible but myself. No excuses.
  • Rachel_Kee
    Rachel_Kee Posts: 1 Member
    Some people can struggle to lose weight. I have a harder time, and lose slowly because of my thyroid. But if you are consuming less than you are burning, then there should be loss. Do you have a fitbit or something of that sort? I use my fitbit charge hr to monitor the calories I burn during the day. Do you exercise? Eating healthy is great! It does take more than just eating healthy to lose. If you are eating more than you are burning, healthy food or not, you will not lose. It is hard to guess how many calories you are eating. Try measuring your food for a bit. It can help. Have you had your thyroid checked? Vitamin D? Those things can greatly affect the rate your weight comes off if you are doing all as you should be then those 2 things should really get checked out. Also if you are eating more carbs than necessary, your body could hold on to weight as well because those carbs will be turned into fat if not used for energy.
  • shrinkingletters
    shrinkingletters Posts: 1,008 Member
    RCKammerer wrote: »
    Some people can struggle to lose weight. I have a harder time, and lose slowly because of my thyroid. But if you are consuming less than you are burning, then there should be loss. Do you have a fitbit or something of that sort? I use my fitbit charge hr to monitor the calories I burn during the day. Do you exercise? Eating healthy is great! It does take more than just eating healthy to lose. If you are eating more than you are burning, healthy food or not, you will not lose. It is hard to guess how many calories you are eating. Try measuring your food for a bit. It can help. Have you had your thyroid checked? Vitamin D? Those things can greatly affect the rate your weight comes off if you are doing all as you should be then those 2 things should really get checked out. Also if you are eating more carbs than necessary, your body could hold on to weight as well because those carbs will be turned into fat if not used for energy.

    You were doing well before this. No. All calories turn into fat if not used. Carbs may cause some water retention, but they don't magically turn into fat more specialer than any other calorie from another macronutrient.
  • Itsonlymeagain
    Itsonlymeagain Posts: 18 Member
    Maybe a visit with a nutritionist is in order then. I know my TSH is in line. I also know my a1c, glucose, and most other blood chemistry are normal. My LDL and HDH are normal but cholesterol is over the borderline high. Doctors don't usually pay much attention to me when I ask about weight loss, especially when I say I have family history of obesity, because there is nothing there for them to treat, labwork wise.

    I see that some here are very adamant about weighing food and I'm not on line with that. I simply can't be a slave to food that way... if a measuring cup won't do then maybe I will continue with my issues. I spent my life thinking obesity was not genetic and lecturing my own parents about their choices while my dad was eating home grown salad by the bowlful and my mom was stirring stock and canning tomatoes. And now here I am eating my own words and feeling the same exasperation they must have felt.
  • shrinkingletters
    shrinkingletters Posts: 1,008 Member
    Itsonlymeagain wrote: »
    Maybe a visit with a nutritionist is in order then. I know my TSH is in line. I also know my a1c, glucose, and most other blood chemistry are normal. My LDL and HDH are normal but cholesterol is over the borderline high. Doctors don't usually pay much attention to me when I ask about weight loss, especially when I say I have family history of obesity, because there is nothing there for them to treat, labwork wise.

    I see that some here are very adamant about weighing food and I'm not on line with that. I simply can't be a slave to food that way... if a measuring cup won't do then maybe I will continue with my issues. I spent my life thinking obesity was not genetic and lecturing my own parents about their choices while my dad was eating home grown salad by the bowlful and my mom was stirring stock and canning tomatoes. And now here I am eating my own words and feeling the same exasperation they must have felt.

    Then why join a calorie counting site that promotes CICO? Slave? It takes seconds to weigh food. I wish you the best in trying to find the magical reason why you're a special snowflake and "can't" lose weight. The forums will be here when you're ready to face reality.
  • sprc1616
    sprc1616 Posts: 14 Member
    Itsonlymeagain wrote: »
    I see that some here are very adamant about weighing food and I'm not on line with that. I simply can't be a slave to food that way... if a measuring cup won't do then maybe I will continue with my issues.

    Counting calories/weighing food isn't for everyone! No shame in that. Have you tried a low-carb or ketogenic diet? I like bread too much to take that route, but it has been successful for many people who feel the same way you do about weighing food.

    Good luck!

  • derekspiewak
    derekspiewak Posts: 31 Member
    Itsonlymeagain wrote: »
    Maybe a visit with a nutritionist is in order then. I know my TSH is in line. I also know my a1c, glucose, and most other blood chemistry are normal. My LDL and HDH are normal but cholesterol is over the borderline high. Doctors don't usually pay much attention to me when I ask about weight loss, especially when I say I have family history of obesity, because there is nothing there for them to treat, labwork wise.

    You seem to be a believer in the "Health At Every Size" movement that's going on right now. I would agree with you that your health is much more important than your size, but unfortunately HAES is nonsense. Your size has a great deal to do with your health. It predicates things like heart disease, type II diabetes, liver disease, and even dementia.
    I see that some here are very adamant about weighing food and I'm not on line with that. I simply can't be a slave to food that way... if a measuring cup won't do then maybe I will continue with my issues. I spent my life thinking obesity was not genetic and lecturing my own parents about their choices while my dad was eating home grown salad by the bowlful and my mom was stirring stock and canning tomatoes. And now here I am eating my own words and feeling the same exasperation they must have felt.

    What are you trying to do here? Argue with people who have actually done this successfully? Why would any of us care more about your weight loss than you? Eat measurably fewer calories than you burn and the weight comes off. Or don't. It's up to you.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    sprc1616 wrote: »
    Itsonlymeagain wrote: »
    I see that some here are very adamant about weighing food and I'm not on line with that. I simply can't be a slave to food that way... if a measuring cup won't do then maybe I will continue with my issues.

    Counting calories/weighing food isn't for everyone! No shame in that. Have you tried a low-carb or ketogenic diet? I like bread too much to take that route, but it has been successful for many people who feel the same way you do about weighing food.

    What makes you think that low carbers don't have to weigh their food?
  • tincanonastring
    tincanonastring Posts: 3,944 Member
    Itsonlymeagain wrote: »
    Maybe a visit with a nutritionist is in order then. I know my TSH is in line. I also know my a1c, glucose, and most other blood chemistry are normal. My LDL and HDH are normal but cholesterol is over the borderline high. Doctors don't usually pay much attention to me when I ask about weight loss, especially when I say I have family history of obesity, because there is nothing there for them to treat, labwork wise.

    I see that some here are very adamant about weighing food and I'm not on line with that. I simply can't be a slave to food that way... if a measuring cup won't do then maybe I will continue with my issues. I spent my life thinking obesity was not genetic and lecturing my own parents about their choices while my dad was eating home grown salad by the bowlful and my mom was stirring stock and canning tomatoes. And now here I am eating my own words and feeling the same exasperation they must have felt.

    I'm sorry, but your body is not a special snowflake created by special snowflake parents. I promise you that your entire family's weight issues are caused by eating more calories than you burn. Full stop. Your body has to be obey the universe's laws of thermodynamics because, well, you live in this universe.

    If you are not losing weight, you are not eating less than you burn. It sounds like you're not gaining either, though, so congrats on finding your maintenance intake!

    This is why you weigh. It's so easy to eat more than you think you are without doing so.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVjWPclrWVY

  • gemdiver00
    gemdiver00 Posts: 77 Member
    Itsonlymeagain wrote: »
    if a measuring cup won't do then maybe I will continue with my issues.

    You came here looking for support, people are encouraging you to use a food scale, you refuse. There's not much more the community can do if one doesn't have an open mind.

    Good luck with your "issues".
  • tincanonastring
    tincanonastring Posts: 3,944 Member
    gemdiver00 wrote: »
    Itsonlymeagain wrote: »
    if a measuring cup won't do then maybe I will continue with my issues.

    You came here looking for support, people are encouraging you to use a food scale, you refuse. There's not much more the community can do if one doesn't have an open mind.

    Good luck with your "issues".

    The funny thing is that it's actually easier and more efficient to weigh with a food scale than it is to use measuring cups.
  • snickerscharlie
    snickerscharlie Posts: 8,578 Member
    Itsonlymeagain wrote: »
    I see that some here are very adamant about weighing food and I'm not on line with that. I simply can't be a slave to food that way... if a measuring cup won't do then maybe I will continue with my issues. I spent my life thinking obesity was not genetic and lecturing my own parents about their choices while my dad was eating home grown salad by the bowlful and my mom was stirring stock and canning tomatoes. And now here I am eating my own words and feeling the same exasperation they must have felt.

    It takes less time to weigh food than it does to try to measure it in cups and spoonfuls.

    Maybe come back when you're *really* ready to lose the weight instead of trying to come up with more excuses, because clearly you aren't there yet. And there's nothing wrong with that! But insisting that you're a special snowflake for whom CICO magically doesn't apply will not fly here because science. We love science. ;) If you are eating in a calorie deficit you will lose weight. If you're not losing weight, you're not eating in a calorie deficit. I don't know how to make it any clearer than that for you.

    I wish you the best on your journey.

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