Still feeling down & Guilty.

Congrats on working out, and making that good choice! That's something you should be proud of yourself for doing today. Kudos.

I'll offer my two cents, if you don't mind? Venting is therapeutic. So vent away. And then vent some more. And then squeeze out the rest and vent until you have nothing left to vent about. Better out than in, IMHO.

And when you've vented all you can, rack your brain for one thing you can do to serve or help someone else today. And then follow through. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this will "cure depression", however in my experience it is very difficult for me to be focused on my problems and failures, when I am focused on helping others.

The sadness and guilt will return, as is the nature of depression, but that's why you get another day on Earth to pick something else to do for somebody that needs or deserves it. Start small. Some random act of kindness. Plan the whole thing in your head, to the last detail, and follow through. If you need suggestions, let me know and I'm sure we can come up with something together. Then come here and share what you did and we will celebrate

xxKrissxx wrote: »

That is what its doing, but thats what she asked me to do.
I write the date, the time, i write the feelings i am having that are negative, and on a scale of 1 to 10 how they are effecting me on the inside then write a brief description of what is happening at the time to make me feel that way.. then next week i go in and read them all to her and shes supposed to show me how to notice what causes my thoughts.

I did something several years ago along this line.

I had two lists...one for the things that I hated...made me feel bad...that annoyed me...things that depressed me.

My second list was for the things that I loved...made me feel good...that made me smile...things that made me happy.

What I found from this exercise was that there was so many more things in life that were good...that brought me joy than there were that made me sad.

I don't know...If you only focus on those things that are negative...you ignore or don't recognize the positive.

Maybe you could start a notebook about those positive things...rate them. You might find that they out weigh the negative.

Having said that...I know at times it can be difficult. Some things happened in my life at one time that led me to believe that I was not worthy of good/happiness/joy. It took me many years to change those thoughts. I still have a day here and there that those feeling arise. I have learned over time how survive those days and pull myself up. Will they ever totally go away...I don't know.

The only advice that I can give is to grab hold of something that you are fighting for...hold on tight to that. Keep holding on until you can find another reason to keep fighting and then hold on to both of those things. Keep this up and eventually you will find that you have more reason to keep fighting and less reasons to give up.

I can understand about yesterday...I had one of those days myself. I had a love affair with the peanut butter. We have always been friends me and that peanut butter but yesterday...we carried it to the next step. Fortunately I came to my senses before we eloped to Reno.

Here's what I tell myself...you can keep wallowing in self-pity...feel guilty...crappy...OR...you can start again...forgive yourself...realize that one bad day does not make you unworthy nor does it mean that that you have to give up.

I am truly sorry that I have no answers for you OP...I know that is what you are looking for. The answers however lie within yourself...you just have to keep digging for them.

I just took a peak at a few of your dairy entries and if you are being honest with them. It sounds and looks like you might have a ED my dear and you need to seek help.

I'm sorry you're feeling bad. I know how it is - I really do. I've been treated for depression. But for me in the end, I think it is just like living with any chronic condition, like pain. Be kinder to yourself on the bad days. I agree that sometimes just doing one thing like cleaning the kitchen or ironing the laundry can help me feel more in control. Realize that some days will just be harder than others and try your best to get through them.

And keep exercising - it helps. It helps with the physical pain and lifts the mood.

And don't feel bad for reaching out. We all need help sometimes......

tomatoey wrote: »

Access to mental health care sucks in most places, I'm sorry. And, it can just take a while... I still think group therapy (if it's available? Usually is, usually it's faster to get into that) might be helpful - in addition to the therapy you're doing - in that you can at least talk with real live people who get it. Some of whom may be further along in their therapy, and may have tools to share, and of course the therapist will have things to offer, too.

In terms of self-care, my suggestion is to

1) Do one thing every day that you think might feel good (and is not what you think might be destructive). Maybe it's something familiar (like painting your nails, taking a long shower, watching a movie, listening to music that uplifts you), or something you haven't done but think might be interesting (like visiting a museum or gallery you haven't been to before, or attending a free talk on a subject that interests you, or going for a walk in a new neighbourhood - a change of scene might provide at least a temporary break from the loops you might get into at home).

(Three things that reliably help lift my mood when I'm feeling down, even if it's just a little, are going to a park, swimming, and cooking. Feeling the sunlight on my skin, the sensation of water, seeing the green trees and grass, hearing the birds, all those are things I find soothing. Cooking, I like because of the colours of the foods, the rhythm of chopping, ultimately the taste of the meal. Sensory experiences like that can be very grounding and can help take you out of your head.)

What about coming up with a list of things like that today? Even if you can only think of a few activities, it's a start.

2) Do one practical thing that will improve something in your environment. Like ordering the books on your shelf, or buying a little $1 plant, or doing the laundry. It's not fixing the big problems, no. But you'll have done something that will probably make a small difference in how you feel in your place. (Even if nothing else happens that day, you'll be taking steps to take care of yourself and your space.)

great advice

aburns555 wrote: »

The sadness and guilt will return, as is the nature of depression, but that's why you get another day on Earth to pick something else to do for somebody that needs or deserves it. Start small. Some random act of kindness. Plan the whole thing in your head, to the last detail, and follow through. If you need suggestions, let me know and I'm sure we can come up with something together. Then come here and share what you did and we will celebrate

I totally agree with aburns555. At a time in my life when I was going through a severe depression, I saw the doctors and took the meds, but the 2 things I did that helped me on my own as well: 1) I looked outside myself to try to help another. You can not believe how much that can help you. Even when the other person (or being), have really sad circumstances,instead of making you feel worse,the fact that you are focusing on something or someone outside yourself helps YOU. I won't get into the science of it, I just know it worked for me. My individual circumstances of doing this have led me into 25 plus years of advocating for rescue pets. I swear, the pets I have helped,ESPECIALLY the 6 pets I've brought home to become part of our family has enriched and saved my life beyond words.
2) The second thing I did was I started daily grateful thinking. It takes some practice and seems forced at first,but with time you actually train your brain to think positive. I started each day,before my feet ever hit the floor, with listing in my head (or out loud) 3 things to be grateful for. They can be big,like saying thank you for a person you love, or for having the good health to even get out of bed,or they can be small such as "thank you,thank you for my comfy sheets". I did this throughout the day,especially when I found dark thoughts crowding my brain.
It is an exercise for your brain,the same way you exercise your body. But I swear to you it does work with time.
I hope in some way,just the fact that strangers on the internet are reaching out to you and understand,and would like to help, may also help you.
I hope you find peace in your heart.

Also, if you're on Instagram or Facebook, look up yoga_girl AKA Rachel Brathen. She posts really encouraging things throughout the day about acceptance of ourselves and the beauty of life. Her posts really help me see through the fog sometimes.