Starting over again, dieting to survive! I have lost control of my body!
bluebutterfly6
Posts: 26 Member
Hello all, I am a 47 year old mother if three beautiful girls. My children are grown now, one still in college. I have dedicated my life to improving theirs and I have somehow lost myself in that process. I weighed 119 lbs when I became pregnant with my first child and to make a loooong story short,I now weigh almost 400lbs. Writing this isn't easy. I have never even told my children how much I weigh. I keep telling myself that as long add I am active and still do everything I can to look my best each day ( wearing nice cloths, putting on makeup ECT...) that everything is fine.....IT ISN'T! I am now in pain almost all the time, my self esteem is almost non existing. People will come up to me and tell me what a beautiful girl I am or how beautiful my eyes are and that always seemed enough to get me by. But in truth...I fell like I'm dying everyday. Everyday that I wake up I have to convince myself to keep going. Keep fighting...not to give up. EVERY DAY! I am tired of just existing and now I want to live! I just spent the week in cape cod with my amazing husband ego puts up with so much more than he should, And so much of this week was scheduled around what I could and could not physically do. My children came down to visit us for day and they all climbed the pilgrim monument while I waited at the bottom. I wanted to try but my husband insisted it would have been to much for me and, he is right. I would have slowed everyone down and ruined it for everyone and then probably not be able to walk all the next day because of back pain. I have been on every diet they're is. Weight watchers, Atkins, Richard Simmons, liquid diets I even went on the Oprah cabbage soup diet, YUCK! I am tired of failing. I've been dieting for over half my life now and I want to start living. This is the first time I allowed anyone to hear my story. This is the first time I have every asked for support. I think that's the reason for all my failures. I always try alone. Food is my drug,I know that now. It's how I cope....It's my drug of choice. I truly believe if I don't drop weight soon ,I am not going to survive. Luckily,I have somehow managed to stay healthy. No high blood pressure, no diabetes, I don't even have high cholesterol. I am not a lazy person and I'm always on the go, doing something. Maybe that's what saved me from the obese health problems. There I said it obese! First time there too! I am hoping that with this app and support from this community I will beat this obesity that has consumed the last 20 years of my life! Thank you for reading! May you have great luck on your journey as well!
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Replies
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Hi Bluebutterfly, well done for having the courage to face your truths and (more importantly) sharing them. Happy to offer motivation/support whenever you need. Don't look at diets, find a healthy way of eating that suits you, set yourself achievable goals and celebrate achieving them, then set another. Good luck, you got this!0
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Thank you! And thank you for the advice. I was just looking online to purchase a liquid diet called idealshape..now maybe I will consider something different. I was going to try a liquid diet for a few months to get of the majority of the weight that is causing severe pain so I can get moving better. What are your thoughts I that?0
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Learn how to eat real foods to get to the weight you want and stay there. That is the only way you will be successful in the long run. Learn about the macros, protein, fat and carbs. Get a food scale and learn about appropriate portions and their calorie content. Learn to make choices that both fuel you and make you feel good. It's about learning a new way of eating, not short term fixes (that you have already acknowledged, don't work). Losing weight and maintaining your new weight is a life long process. It will become second nature once you get the basics down.
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Thank you toolzz! I will start researching immediately!
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Both @BanksySJ11 and @toolzz have give great advice and I completely agree with both of them: it's a learning process. Log everything, even when you slip, learn what fits within your calorie/macro goals and don't beat yourself up when it's not perfect. The main thing is to keep going, one meal at a time.0
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You sound like an inspirational woman! You are brave and that is the first step!
I work in health and well-being and help people to create and/or maintain a healthy lifestyle so if you ever need any support, then don't hesitate!0 -
here is an awesome link to start...
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1296011/calorie-counting-101/p10 -
Agree with all! Don't try and find a "quick fix" healthy eating and exercise (within your capabilities) is the best life long way of achieving and maintaining0
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Here is another link with awesome info to get you on your way...
http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/1276219/i-went-from-morbidly-obese-to-6-pack-abs-ask-me-anything#latest0 -
Bluebutterfly, Welcome to you
I was touched by your post and your honesty - that couldn't have been easy to write. I don't mean to sound corny but admitting you have a problem with yourself is sometimes the hardest part, so rest assured that you have already begun your journey. This is the start of the rest of your life and you should be extremely proud of yourself. No, this isn't going to be easy and I'd be lying if I said there won't be time where you'll want to give in but you won't. I know you won't. By the sounds of it, you have beautiful children and an incredible husband so it seems that the support will be there for you throughout.
Work out your daily calorie goals using the MFP app if you haven't already. Once you've worked out what number you are aiming for each day, you can make a start! Keep it simple and stick to that number for the time being. If you can go for slow walks a few times a day, see how that makes you feel. If you can't - again, just stick with that daily number and reward yourself with compliments and good thoughts.
This is an amazing thing you are doing. For yourself and for your family. I promise in a years time, You'll look back and see how far you have travelled and truly amaze yourself. Wishing you all the luck and remember to stick to these forums - it'll really help you 0 -
Bluebutterfly hugs to you. thank you for sharing & please know many of us can relate.
Just remember small steps to your final goal. Small steps started me on this journey & i know this time i can do it. I am not letting negative thoughts overwhelm me. All the best to you in your new journey to health0 -
You can do it. You can change right now and go on about your life. My mom was just like you. Went from 130 to 380. We begged her to lose weight starting when she was about 35. She never did. Something else was always more important than her health. Fast forward 20+ years later, and she's 260. She started losing weight about 3-4 years ago, but it's too late. The Sciatica (due to herniated discs), diabetes, high blood pressure, congestive heart failure and the 15+ years on water pills has destroyed her body and her kidneys. Got a text from her about 3 weeks ago. She either goes on dialysis or she's dead by Christmas. My mom is 58. Change now before it's too late.0
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Wow! Thank you all so much! I am sitting here with tears in my eyes! I did start back at a gym membership about a month ago and I was up to almost 2 miles of walking on the treadmill but, life got in the way and I didn't make time to keep going
....that changes today!! Also please forgive all the auto corrects...My phone like to makes a fool of me lol. 0 -
Don't give up! This is for you! & yea i love auto correct lol0
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I wish there was a like button for people's posts Wonderful advice you have all given 0
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Shadowconn , I am very sorry to hear that. Thank you for sharing with me. I hope you're story will help me to strive for better! My children also beg me to get healthy. Mainly my oldest who just graduated Upenn. She is now Dr. Fowler, a beautiful veterinarian! She deserves to not worry about me!!0
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Hi Bluebutterfly, fellow CT gal here. Good for you for making the decision while your health is still with you! You've gotten good advice already! Walking is such a good way to get exercise. The only thing I can add is if you don't feel like going to the gym one day, just do a little to keep the streak going. Even if it's a 7-minute workout app or a short walk. It IS 90% diet though. There's no way to get around that (I wish!!!)0
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This is what I'd do if I were in your position:
1. Right now, if you haven't done so, go through your cupboards, pantry and fridge and throw away everything that is a processed food. Sodas, chips, biscuits, processed meats etc. I don't care who lives with you and if that's their food or snacks. You need to call the shots and put yourself first. If they want to eat these foods, they should go out, buy them, eat them and bring nothing home. If it isn't in the house, you won't eat it.
2. From now on, eat only real food and focus on whole foods. Eat more plant food than animal food. Eat potatoes, rice, whole grains, fruits and veggies. For now, cut back on nuts and seeds. They're healthy but high in fat and you can be more satisfied with a higher volume of food with the same calories compared to nuts.
3. Avoid adding fats and oils when cooking and save hundreds of empty calories from cheese, butter and even olive and coconut oil.
4. Move your body. If you can walk without pain, do it, even if for ten min at a time. Find ways to fidget as much as possible. If watching TV, stand and sit throughout or just pace. If you're talking on the phone, don't sit, just pace back and forth. These simple things can easily accumulate to hundreds of calories a day. Since you're probably better off with low impact exercise, if you go to the gym, use a stationary bike, or elliptical with some resistance. The most important thing is to find an activity you like. If you don't like lifting weights, don't do it no matter if everyone says you must. Do as much cardio as your time allows, even if it's low intensity.
5. No fad diets. Don't fear sugar. Just eat less and move more. Remember that you can eat less calories without being hungry by eating whole foods, especially plant foods. If you get hungry, try eating a grapefruit or a large bowl of strawberries and tell me if you can eat anything else for at least several hours. I can't.
6. The above tips will reduce your caloric intake, increase energy expenditure and increase your calorie deficit which is required for fat loss.0 -
Wishing you all the very best of luck darling....you can do it x0
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Bluebutterflt6,
All I'd have to do is copy & paste your story, because mine is so almost identical with the age, weight, etc. I believe we will succeed finally with MFP!0 -
I once read that diet is a way of eating. I have learned that I've been on a diet, good or bad, all my life. I have learned that I can be in control of my "good" eating as long as I limit my "bad" foods to the correct proportions and document ALL foods that I eat through MFP. By staying within the macros established through MFP, this "diet" is now a way of life. I, too, had to recognize that changing way of life started with me. Don't be discouraged, and take it slowly, one day at a time. You WILL be glad that you did.0
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Thank you all again! Great advice! I have thrown/given away every "bad choice" of food in my house. I have downloaded all the fitness games for my wii, and I am getting a dog for companionship and someone to exercise with me when my husband is at work.0
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bluebutterfly6 wrote: »Shadowconn , I am very sorry to hear that. Thank you for sharing with me. I hope you're story will help me to strive for better! My children also beg me to get healthy. Mainly my oldest who just graduated Upenn. She is now Dr. Fowler, a beautiful veterinarian! She deserves to not worry about me!!
I hope so too. I never thought it was too late to get healthy, but 30% kidney function. I think it's too late for her. And this was fast. Last year this time, her kidneys were fine. 90% or so. Today . . . 30%... And at this point there is no advice I can give her. No one knows what a diabetic, heart disease, kidney failure diet is..... There just isn't one. SOMETHING has to be working correctly! No child deserves to watch their parent die from overeating.
I've used her for my own motivation. I stepped on the scale last month after my mother hounded me about my weight. Aparently, I am fat. I did not believe this. I've never been fat. I stepped on the scale and went OMG . . I'm gonna die. Somewhere in the last 3-5 years . . I gained 80 pounds. I'm down 20. I don't want to die like her, and I doubt you want to experience it personally either.0 -
good for you Shadowconn, for being motivated to do something. good luck along your journey to health 0
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TravTraveler120 wrote: »This is what I'd do if I were in your position:
All great advice! for us all. thank you 0 -
I will also encourage you to change your life now. A life transformation....it's time to dig deep and really work on you...inside and out! Know that you are loved and that you are not alone. My mother is extremely obese and now at 69 she is living in a handicapped apartment because her movements have become so restricted due to her weight. She can't even walk to get her mail, make her bed, bend over, she has type 2 diabetes......As her children, we three kids kindly tried to ask her to lose weight but she refused for the last 20 years. And now, well she is reaping the "benefits" of her decision not to even try. There are so many things she misses out on with her grandchildren because of this. So I encourage you, change now...So much to live for in the next 20 years of your life!0
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I'm impressed with your honesty. So glad to hear you have committed yourself to make a change. You're going to get a lot of advice here from a lot of well-meaning folks, which is good. What you need to do is pick small 'wins' for yourself; decide what you want to accomplish today, and reward yourself for those healthy 'wins'. Don't get down on yourself for not following everyone's advice -- you cannot do it all. Decide what is a 'win' for you, and reward yourself when you do it. This is your battle, and we will be alongside you as you fight it, but it's for YOU! You can do this!0
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Traveler120 wrote: »This is what I'd do if I were in your position:
1. Right now, if you haven't done so, go through your cupboards, pantry and fridge and throw away everything that is a processed food. Sodas, chips, biscuits, processed meats etc. I don't care who lives with you and if that's their food or snacks. You need to call the shots and put yourself first. If they want to eat these foods, they should go out, buy them, eat them and bring nothing home. If it isn't in the house, you won't eat it.
2. From now on, eat only real food and focus on whole foods. Eat more plant food than animal food. Eat potatoes, rice, whole grains, fruits and veggies. For now, cut back on nuts and seeds. They're healthy but high in fat and you can be more satisfied with a higher volume of food with the same calories compared to nuts.
3. Avoid adding fats and oils when cooking and save hundreds of empty calories from cheese, butter and even olive and coconut oil.
4. Move your body. If you can walk without pain, do it, even if for ten min at a time. Find ways to fidget as much as possible. If watching TV, stand and sit throughout or just pace. If you're talking on the phone, don't sit, just pace back and forth. These simple things can easily accumulate to hundreds of calories a day. Since you're probably better off with low impact exercise, if you go to the gym, use a stationary bike, or elliptical with some resistance. The most important thing is to find an activity you like. If you don't like lifting weights, don't do it no matter if everyone says you must. Do as much cardio as your time allows, even if it's low intensity.
5. No fad diets. Don't fear sugar. Just eat less and move more. Remember that you can eat less calories without being hungry by eating whole foods, especially plant foods. If you get hungry, try eating a grapefruit or a large bowl of strawberries and tell me if you can eat anything else for at least several hours. I can't.
6. The above tips will reduce your caloric intake, increase energy expenditure and increase your calorie deficit which is required for fat loss.
OP, I would advise you, personally, to NOT take some of this advice. Here's why... if you restrict too much, you will get bored, and you'll eat all the 'junk' you can get your hands on. Do you know what 90% of the successful people on this site have in common? We didn't cut out foods we love. We learnt how to work those foods into our diets. There is NOTHING wrong with treats in moderation. If you have the calories for it, then go ahead and have a bit of chocolate, or some crisps (chips to Americans) or a couple of biscuits.
Plus, throwing out someone else's food is just plain rude. Asking someone to not eat the foods they want in their own home is rude. OP, you are going to see these foods everywhere and you have to learn to deal with it. What's better, eating a little in moderation, staying under your calories and losing weight... or seeing doughnuts at the store and buying and eating 12 at once because you haven't had anything that could be considered a 'treat' in months?
There's also nothing wrong with fat, so nuts and seeds are a-ok if they fit in your calories. Fat doesn't make you fat, calories do. And if you want to get more meat than plant products, go for it - that's what I do, because otherwise I don't hit my protein goal. Protein is very important because it keeps you full, and helps ensure you lose more fat than muscle.
Most everything else in the above is solid advice. Don't fear sugar, and don't do more exercise than your body can handle - but get moving, even if slowly!0 -
ShashayLee wrote: »good for you Shadowconn, for being motivated to do something. good luck along your journey to health
thanks. I'm getting there. 36 pounds before I hit my healthy range and 59 before I hit my ideal body weight. In 2 pounds, I will be out of the obese category. That was the wake-up call. At 5'9" it is very hard to see OBESE. My jeans are a size 14. You wouldn't think that would be obese. But they wrap around my hips and my hips are narrow even at this size. I never would have realized this had I not stepped on the scale.0 -
Good Morning Ms. Bluebutterfly,
My name is Kelly. I just needed to reply because in reading your heart-given words, I heard a few things...and some of them we have in common. First was the emotional pain. Yup - this lot in life is hard, but it is changeable. I heard you reaching out...I need help too, so guess what? I am asking you to help me too.
PLEASE forget the liquid diets...if they worked there wouldn't be all of the others out there. We just keep looking for the "magic" and it takes a long time to realize it's already here with whole natural foods. They're our medicine, our magic and they're so available!! I really likes what Traveler 120 wrote to you. I, too, am going to take this to heart.
Just by posting your feelings and asking for help, you have already in turn, helped so many others...I'm one of them. I thank you.
Kelly....aka mrsgusto
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