IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME PART 2- WITH DISCLAIMER

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  • Jeepinmom4
    Jeepinmom4 Posts: 298 Member
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    If you really knew me, you'd know that I come from a dysfunctional family and it ashames me that I can't have a "normal" family life, I am afraid that anyone I meet will judge me on my family and how poorly we get along and how odd we all are, that I have fought depression that my whole family has had since I can remember and how I used to be a binge eater and am becoming entirely too possessive of what I eat to the point that 95% of people around me think I am over the top with my diet and I too will never be happy with my own face no matter how great my body looks.
    This is my if you knew me! 100% but I'm bettin my family is worse!
  • writtenINthestars
    writtenINthestars Posts: 1,933 Member
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    If you really knew me, you'd know that I come from a dysfunctional family and it ashames me that I can't have a "normal" family life, I am afraid that anyone I meet will judge me on my family and how poorly we get along and how odd we all are, that I have fought depression that my whole family has had since I can remember and how I used to be a binge eater and am becoming entirely too possessive of what I eat to the point that 95% of people around me think I am over the top with my diet and I too will never be happy with my own face no matter how great my body looks.

    Oh man....this is very much what my post would be...my relationship with my mother growing up was so horrible...and while it's made leaps and bounds in the last 10 years...its still nothing like what I see other people have. And then of course, I have horrible guilt afterwards when I'm closer to other friends moms' than my own. My dad is somewhat absent. And my brother is on a course of disaster....ironically I'm the one who's considered to have it "all together" but between the OCD, depression, and battling the bulge....
  • Fesse
    Fesse Posts: 611
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    If you really knew me you would know that I can hear a song 1 time and have it memorized, but I can watch a movie 20 times and not remember 1 damn quote.
    OMG!!! Me too........ I didn't know anyone else could do that. Been like that since I can remember listening to music!!! WOW
  • ruffledviolet
    ruffledviolet Posts: 260
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    ...i would give up attempting suicide for good if it was possible to transform into a dolphin or other sea creature and live under the sea in a time period prior to when man evolved and polluted the world.

    i identify with a lot of the others as well concerning eds/si/abuse.
  • Heather75
    Heather75 Posts: 3,386 Member
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    If you really knew me you would know that I am unable to walk past wet cement without desperately wanting to take a twig or my finger and write something in it.
  • Swimgoddess
    Swimgoddess Posts: 711 Member
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    ...i would give up attempting suicide for good if it was possible to transform into a dolphin or other sea creature and live under the sea in a time period prior to when man evolved and polluted the world.

    i identify with a lot of the others as well concerning eds/si/abuse.

    Watch the movie "Big Blue" with Jean Reno and one of the Arquette girls. I think you'll like.
  • PeachyKeene
    PeachyKeene Posts: 1,645 Member
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    If you really knew me you would know, I worry entirely to much about what others think of me. I am extremely insecure and have been since I was a very little girl, even when I was skinny. I stress and beat myself up over everything. I alway second guess myself. I have been abused in more ways than one. I love my family more than anything in this world and they are the only reason I try.
  • xojox
    xojox Posts: 187 Member
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    if you really knew me you would know that i have a 3 year old with autism and have recently discovered that my 8yr old may have aspergers, and there isn't a day goes by where i don't lose/give up on myself, and the only reason i still come on these pages is to read the posts of people who are sooo much stronger than me, because i no longer care enough about myself enough to keep going. I take the highest dose of anti depressents the doc can give me but i still cry x
  • norcalbowler
    norcalbowler Posts: 49 Member
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    If you really knew me...

    -I'm afraid I'll die old and alone (which is why other thoughts enter my mind)
    -admittiedly will cry myself to sleep some nights...
    -when I was younger I was picked on alot
    -I'm always wanting other people's approval
    -have never done or tried drugs (marijuana, etc)
  • norcalbowler
    norcalbowler Posts: 49 Member
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    If you really knew me you would know that I can hear a song 1 time and have it memorized, but I can watch a movie 20 times and not remember 1 damn quote.

    Im pretty good with movie quotes
  • Melly1606
    Melly1606 Posts: 79 Member
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    If you really knew me you would know that I have been depressed for a really long time. I look in the mirror and want to be happy, I mean after all, I have a beautiful family, a wonderful husband- what else do you need. I feel so lost inside myself. I never take pictures with myself in them because I can't even smile without my eyes looking sad. I feel trapped.....

    I have been battling an eating disorder since I was in high school, I feel like It would be easier to go back to my old "tricks" but I know that is not the answer. But yet I still feel like I was my happiest when I was a size 0 ruining my body just to be skinny .......


    If you really knew me I do everything and anything to make others happy. I am working on me!!
  • timeforme23
    timeforme23 Posts: 461
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    if you really knew me you'd know that I sometimes wish I could chuck my current life out the window and start over as a whole new identity in a completely different location.

    I sometimes wish the same
  • KierstyPants
    KierstyPants Posts: 468
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    if you really knew me you'd know that I sometimes wish I could chuck my current life out the window and start over as a whole new identity in a completely different location.

    I sometimes wish the same

    I triple that.
  • djthom
    djthom Posts: 651 Member
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    If you really knew me you would know that I am unable to walk past wet cement without desperately wanting to take a twig or my finger and write something in it.

    Me too!!!
  • whatupskinnyjeans
    whatupskinnyjeans Posts: 229 Member
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    bump (hope thats ok)
  • angp7711
    angp7711 Posts: 324 Member
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    If you really knew me you would know that I am physically unable to purge because of my surgery. I have wanted to so badly and have tried to the point of getting broken capillaries around my eyes. Do you know how embarrassing that is to try to explain to your kids. I want SO desperately to have my head and body issues "fixed" before my daughter is old enough to be influenced by them. Others have baggage from their past for their dysfunction but I really don't and I actually feel guilty about that. Like whats my problem I have a blessed life and still can't get it together. My mom got clean and sober over 20 years ago and I have been married to a wonderful man for 13 years and have three beautiful children. I feel like I have no excuse for my failures.
  • fromaquasar
    fromaquasar Posts: 811 Member
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    If you really knew me you would know I practise saying the things I could write in here, like they are a script, so they can be part of a story I can rattle off if need be and I never really have to believe they are true. I can't say them if I have to do so truthfully.
  • hush7hush
    hush7hush Posts: 2,273 Member
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    You would know that me and my Uncle Joe are the blacksheep of the family.
    And we are closer than any other family members. [:
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
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    If you really knew me... you'd know that I was sexually abused by a neighbor when I was five and six. It only ended because we moved. And you'd know that I never told my family because I thought it would destroy us. Why or how I thought this I'll never know.

    ... you'd know that I've always had a plan on how to commit suicide and that for a long while it was the only thing that kept me going. The knowledge that if it got bad enough, I had a way out. Even now I have enough pills to do the job.

    ... you'd know that I still have one secret that I can never, and will never, tell anyone.
  • LuluGirl140
    LuluGirl140 Posts: 364 Member
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    Thank you for bringing this back! I was sad to see it gone this morning....

    If you really knew me...

    I can touch my nose with my tongue
    I can wiggle my ears
    I love rap and hip hop, the more cuss words the better
    My husband is my best friend, I adore him but am hard on him!
    I have no friends
    I have low self esteem but try to portray otherwise
    I really want a boob job!!!
    I have a huge heart and always think of peoples feelings when I do or say something!!

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