The weight/fat gain with Parenthood dilema
ninerbuff
Posts: 48,992 Member
Just about every serious couple (married or not), look to having children in their future. Unfortunately, there are statistics that show that having children is directly correlated with weight/fat gain. On average, for every child a couple has (adopted or not) males gain about 2-5lbs and females 5-7lbs. So you can see that having 3 or more children easily can have parents 15lbs to 21lbs more than when they were childless.
Some of the identifiable issues were, more "snackables" around the house, less physical activity with the parents, higher stress levels and longer working schedules that reduced rest time.
I know from experience that this isn't an uncommon thing with my clients. Practically every client has or had children. It's maybe 1 out of 20 who needed help with weight loss that didn't from my own estimation over the years.
So how do we deal with it? Well hopefully those that read this just understand that while their kids are their world, you still have to deal with you too. We many times just put everything important to us on the back burner, but the reality is that kids emulate their parents. It's okay to take care of you too. And your kids will respect that if they see that you still have time for you and them. Chances are if you're an overweight/obese parent, your kid will end up the same way. And vice versa.
So take the time to work on you. It's okay to do.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
Some of the identifiable issues were, more "snackables" around the house, less physical activity with the parents, higher stress levels and longer working schedules that reduced rest time.
I know from experience that this isn't an uncommon thing with my clients. Practically every client has or had children. It's maybe 1 out of 20 who needed help with weight loss that didn't from my own estimation over the years.
So how do we deal with it? Well hopefully those that read this just understand that while their kids are their world, you still have to deal with you too. We many times just put everything important to us on the back burner, but the reality is that kids emulate their parents. It's okay to take care of you too. And your kids will respect that if they see that you still have time for you and them. Chances are if you're an overweight/obese parent, your kid will end up the same way. And vice versa.
So take the time to work on you. It's okay to do.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Replies
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Yes! I can't wait to show this to my kids - "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" ...and I'm joking here.
I fell into this behavior when I first had kids (now 7, 5, and 1), but it's just an excuse of convenience. I want to play video games, therefore I neglect my PT time rather than properly prioritizing. Now we involve our kids into our PT regimen first and still budget time for other play.
You bring up a key point - that of leadership by example. If you want healthy active kids, you must lead a healthy active lifestyle. Despite what we say, our children will ultimately emulate our behavior.0 -
Me and my husband are very in to physical fitness and we have already started passing that on to our 5 year old. We encourage physical activities in and outside although its hot here in south Louisiana. My husband already has plans on getting our son into the weight room as soon as our gym will allow. So he can learn the proper way increase strength and muscle mass.0
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Yes.So take the time to work on you. It's okay to do.
I personally gained around 50 lbs after my 1 child came along. She must be like super concentrated compared to the average kid.
I would not have gained as much if earlier on I just had taken the time to focus on me and do things right.
My parents were overweight but I was not until I was in my late 20's. I really didn't know how to lose/maintain weight right because they always did crazy diets and then gave up and regained. I wasted time with that kind of pattern too.
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i gained weight when pregnant, but lost it all after all my births. the only reason i am overweight right now is because of meds i started taking for BPD. honestly i don't think it has anything to do with my children at all, seeing as how i was at my perfect (low) weight before starting said drugs.0
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I gained a ton of weight with my pregnancy (~ 100 lbs). I only managed to lose half of that naturally and then was just too busy to focus on losing the rest after that. Was definitely more focused on my DD. Most of my friends are just getting started having kids and all of them are heavier. I encourage them to make time for themselves too. Very important.0
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The truth is that when the kids are little it can be pretty challenging to find the motivation to cook and exercise. I mean yeah, it's an excuse, but I had twins and it wasn't easy!0
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The lack of sleep makes it harder to find motivation and simply harder to lose weight. That is at least one element in the scenario.0
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sheldonz42 wrote: »The lack of sleep makes it harder to find motivation and simply harder to lose weight. That is at least one element in the scenario.
yes that can be true for alot of people. i try not to mention it to new parents, but all of my children slept through the night starting at 6 weeks and never looked back. i am so lucky i didn't have a lack of sleep issue
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sheldonz42 wrote: »The lack of sleep makes it harder to find motivation and simply harder to lose weight. That is at least one element in the scenario.
This is very true - my firm just did a "Sleep for 7" challenge and in a 6 week period I've never reached 7 hrs of sleep, typically get 5-6 at the most.
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It shouldn't have to do anything with children, but we're speaking of changing one's behavioral lifestyle. Having a child does limit how you spend your time, of course unless that child is attended to by someone else for everything. It can also impact how you exercise. I couldn't go the gym for 3 months because 3 months was the minimum age for a child to go to daycare. Luckily I'm well versed at exercise, but many new parents aren't. And while I didn't really have an issue of eating my DD's leftovers, many parents gain a lot of weight from not wanting food to go wasted.WeddedBliss1992 wrote: »i gained weight when pregnant, but lost it all after all my births. the only reason i am overweight right now is because of meds i started taking for BPD. honestly i don't think it has anything to do with my children at all, seeing as how i was at my perfect (low) weight before starting said drugs.
Again, there are correlations. Kids may not be the cause, but studies do suggest that childless people don't have the same issues.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3391503/
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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Yeah.... There are many reasons that I gained a few with my kids; I had three and gained about 7lbs. Your time is not just your own anymore. Fatigue is pretty constant. And then when they get older, they keep you busier and finding time to work out is harder.
And then it comes to food... We have celiac in the house so we can't eat out safely so I need to always cook. I have three picky eaters in my house, one is my husband, so that makes it harder to cook ideal meals for myself.
My main obstacle to healthy eating was my sugar issues though.0 -
I was thinner postpartum with my first than I was pre pregnancy. After my second I was 10-15 lbs heavier. The difference between my first and second was huge.
First child- slept through the night, never made a fuss, super easy going, always a pleasure to be around, always listens, obeys etc
Second child- didn't sleep through the night, fussy colicky irritating, demanding, never listens, thinks disobeying is fun etc
I think the gain for me was the stress my second caused me. Slowly loosing it now. She's better as she ages, but the personality is still there!0 -
sheldonz42 wrote: »The lack of sleep makes it harder to find motivation and simply harder to lose weight. That is at least one element in the scenario.
Yeah, I only gained around 20lb with both my pregnancies. I lost most of the weight right after birth. But the lack of sleep and stress kept me overeating that first year of their lives. I didn't want to drink a lot of caffeine because I was breastfeeding, so I would snack to feel more awake. Then even after they slept through the night (around 8 months for both), I kept overeating. I knew I had to change when I was still wearing pregnancy clothes when my son was 15 months old.
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I gained 25 pounds with each of my two pregnancies, and lost it all within six weeks. I didn't worry about my weight while pregnant, as per my doctor's strict orders not to starve the baby when I freaked out over the weight I had gained. But after the babies were born, I just limited my caloric intake and exercise was automatically increased and it didn't take very long at all to get back to where I was.0
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Hmmm. I had two children and mostly raised them by myself. I never gained weight during their childhoods or adolescence. In fact, I never gained weight at all until they went to college, I contracted a little empty next syndrome and lived on Chinese carry out for a while.0
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It's definitely easier said than done. I have 4 kids 6 and under, the youngest being 8 months old. I barely sleep anymore. Someone is always up too late, someone else up too early, and I'm up to feed the baby during the night. So there's a lot of just plain exhaustion where i would love to skip my work out and nap or just sit and relax. Also with 4 kids my house is a disaster. I feel a lot of guilt when I work out when the house is messy because I feel like I'm neglecting my mom duties.
All that being said, I've managed to make my health a priority and I've lost 64 lbs since my baby was born and only ten lbs away from my goal. My kids get to experience a happier healthier mama, and a slightly messier house. It's not always easy but worth it.0 -
I lost the baby weight after each of my 3 pregnancies. My oldest, who is 6, sees me diet and exercise to stay fit. I worry about being a positive influence on her. I don't want her obsessing about her weight when she gets older.0
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victoria_1024 wrote: »It's definitely easier said than done. I have 4 kids 6 and under, the youngest being 8 months old. I barely sleep anymore. Someone is always up too late, someone else up too early, and I'm up to feed the baby during the night. So there's a lot of just plain exhaustion where i would love to skip my work out and nap or just sit and relax. Also with 4 kids my house is a disaster. I feel a lot of guilt when I work out when the house is messy because I feel like I'm neglecting my mom duties.
All that being said, I've managed to make my health a priority and I've lost 64 lbs since my baby was born and only ten lbs away from my goal. My kids get to experience a happier healthier mama, and a slightly messier house. It's not always easy but worth it.
Oh I like this ^^^
In case nobody tells you enough, in name of all the women and mothers around the world, you rock, and sound like an amazing mother ! #StayStrong 0 -
This does make sense. I had my baby in January and the weather was soooo cold. However, I still brought her out for walks. It was good for me and for her. She was so content during our walks. Even if I was going on only a few hours of sleep, we still went for a daily walk. It was such a great way to unwind and have some quiet time. Also, I had to walk the dog. When she was super fussy, walking was the only thing that would settle her down.
I gained 25lbs with her and lost about 15 lbs very quickly. I exclusively pumped for 4.5 months and my appetite was very difficult to control. I didn't really worry about it too much. I figured I could cut calories when I stopped pumping. The weight is slowly coming off now. I'm about 7lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight. Again, the baby LOVES going out for walks, so we get out as much as possible.
If anything, I find having a baby has motivated me to get out and walk more. I can't stand staying cooped up inside of the house. I'm not too fond of shopping or browsing stores. In addition, the baby doesn't make a peep when we are out and about. I'm looking forward to next summer when I can pull her on the bike trailer. I think she will really enjoy that. I feel that she gets some great stimulation watching the world go by.0 -
The truth is that when the kids are little it can be pretty challenging to find the motivation to cook and exercise. I mean yeah, it's an excuse, but I had twins and it wasn't easy!
Yes, as a mother of almost 3 year old twins, I agree. It's only now that they are getting more independent and I have found a way to prioritize my/our family's health.
About 3 weeks after the girls were born, I was still carrying roughly 10kg above my pre-pregnancy weight. The mind-bending fatigue that comes with small babies made it easier for me to have ice-cream for dinner or lunch depending on whether my husband was away or not. And then I had 25 kg to lose instead of 10.0 -
victoria_1024 wrote: »It's definitely easier said than done. I have 4 kids 6 and under, the youngest being 8 months old. I barely sleep anymore. Someone is always up too late, someone else up too early, and I'm up to feed the baby during the night. So there's a lot of just plain exhaustion where i would love to skip my work out and nap or just sit and relax. Also with 4 kids my house is a disaster. I feel a lot of guilt when I work out when the house is messy because I feel like I'm neglecting my mom duties.
All that being said, I've managed to make my health a priority and I've lost 64 lbs since my baby was born and only ten lbs away from my goal. My kids get to experience a happier healthier mama, and a slightly messier house. It's not always easy but worth it.victoria_1024 wrote: »It's definitely easier said than done. I have 4 kids 6 and under, the youngest being 8 months old. I barely sleep anymore. Someone is always up too late, someone else up too early, and I'm up to feed the baby during the night. So there's a lot of just plain exhaustion where i would love to skip my work out and nap or just sit and relax. Also with 4 kids my house is a disaster. I feel a lot of guilt when I work out when the house is messy because I feel like I'm neglecting my mom duties.
All that being said, I've managed to make my health a priority and I've lost 64 lbs since my baby was born and only ten lbs away from my goal. My kids get to experience a happier healthier mama, and a slightly messier house. It's not always easy but worth it.
Oh I like this ^^^
In case nobody tells you enough, in name of all the women and mothers around the world, you rock, and sound like an amazing mother ! #StayStrong
Thanks! 0 -
I'm finding with a lot of my clients whose kids have moved on to college, that their kids after school activities (sports, dance, band,etc.) took up a lot of their time for themselves. My cousin was in band and the weekends were basically spent during his highschool years, attending competitions across the state. The parents footed all the expenses since there was hardly any support money from the schools (lol, yet they claimed the bands excellence in competition placing). My aunt and uncle were spending at least $200 a week. And out on the road on the weekends, lots of the foods were canned, prepped, etc. Stress and food...............great combination for weight gain.The truth is that when the kids are little it can be pretty challenging to find the motivation to cook and exercise. I mean yeah, it's an excuse, but I had twins and it wasn't easy!
Yes, as a mother of almost 3 year old twins, I agree. It's only now that they are getting more independent and I have found a way to prioritize my/our family's health.
About 3 weeks after the girls were born, I was still carrying roughly 10kg above my pre-pregnancy weight. The mind-bending fatigue that comes with small babies made it easier for me to have ice-cream for dinner or lunch depending on whether my husband was away or not. And then I had 25 kg to lose instead of 10.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I'm not in the crazy after school activities thing yet but yeah, I can imagine that you don't have much time to cook on those days.
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I'm not in the crazy after school activities thing yet but yeah, I can imagine that you don't have much time to cook on those days.
This is exactly why I freezer cook on weekends. I have one child, but I was a single mom for years until I just got remarried. Between dance, karate, swim lessons, girl scouts, gymnastics, and school events, it is/has been nuts. Sometimes I would have 15 minutes to get her fed and changed for an activity.
It is EXTREMELY important to me that she eat a lot of vegetables and I didn't want to rely on fast food several days a week, so I made my time work for me instead.
I think fitness was easier when I was younger and childless. I could go to the gym at my leisure instead of having to cram it in at 4am or at 10pm. I wasn't so tired because my responsibilities were so few compared to now. I also feel the guilt of going for a run or to the gym when I could be doing yardwork, cleaning, or laundry, not to mention helping with homework or even just doing activities together.
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I held on to significant weight after each of my first few pregnancies. Looking back, I know I was using my kids as an excuse for not "having time" to exercise. And I told myself I had "thyroid issues" while stuffing myself with ice cream and Dr. Pepper on a daily basis.0
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I have two teen boys that we adopted as newborns. When my boys were preschool/toddler age, I was in to see my ob/GYN and I complained that I had gained just as much weight as my friends who had birthed their babies. She very passionately said, "this just confirms what I have been saying for years--that it is not pregnancy that makes women fat, it is the mommy lifestyle".
Every stage is difficult in its own way. When my kids were small, I either did not work, or worked about 10 hours a week. Every day we went to a park and I walked with them in the stroller, with a promised visit to the playground if they behaved. Yes, there was mind-numbing fatigue, plus the emotional stress of caring for little people 24/7 and feeling like I was being sucked of life by all their needs. But I could definitely make time for physical activity!
Once both were in school (kindergarten or higher) I went back to work 30+ hours per week. The schedule became crazy! They had after school activities, and I had work, plus trying to do just as many mommy/wife duties as before I went back to work. The home responsibilities didn't let up just because I took on another job! This was probably the most difficult situation. You completely lose control of your schedule because of their lives. Three years later I had gained 35 lbs and was well into the overweight category headed for obese. That is when I found MFP. The schedule was still crazy, but I learned to carry workout clothes with me everywhere and walk, and eventually run, while they were in their activities. The crock pot also became my best friend, as during this time hubby lost his job, so eating out was not an option. I lost 44 lbs.
Now I have one teen driver and one young teen. Things are getting easier, with them being so much more independent. I still am at the mercy of their schedules to some degree, but I have learned to plan ahead to fit in workouts, and to plan meals ( we still mostly eat at home. $$ is not as tight now, but we are trying to save for college now). I have maintained a healthy weight, although I have gained back some of my loss (perimenopause seems to wreak havoc with metabolism, etc. or at least that is how it seems).
You CAN maintain a healthy lifestyle around your kids lives. It is difficult. And I am constantly juggling the balance between what is fair for my work, my family, and me. When my kids leave, I may take it up to the next level, fitness wise. Right now, I feel that giving much more time to my fitness program is not the right thing to do. So that means I may not have the six pack abs I want, etc. but there will be time for that later. It's all about priorities and choices.
Thank you OP for starting this discussion! Very valuable in many ways.0 -
I'm finding with a lot of my clients whose kids have moved on to college, that their kids after school activities (sports, dance, band,etc.) took up a lot of their time for themselves. My cousin was in band and the weekends were basically spent during his highschool years, attending competitions across the state. The parents footed all the expenses since there was hardly any support money from the schools (lol, yet they claimed the bands excellence in competition placing). My aunt and uncle were spending at least $200 a week. And out on the road on the weekends, lots of the foods were canned, prepped, etc. Stress and food...............great combination for weight gain.The truth is that when the kids are little it can be pretty challenging to find the motivation to cook and exercise. I mean yeah, it's an excuse, but I had twins and it wasn't easy!
Yes, as a mother of almost 3 year old twins, I agree. It's only now that they are getting more independent and I have found a way to prioritize my/our family's health.
About 3 weeks after the girls were born, I was still carrying roughly 10kg above my pre-pregnancy weight. The mind-bending fatigue that comes with small babies made it easier for me to have ice-cream for dinner or lunch depending on whether my husband was away or not. And then I had 25 kg to lose instead of 10.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
My oldest was in baseball and many weekends were spent at games, not just one game, but tournaments and often out of town. Now that he's in college, I will only get to attend a handful of games at best, so I'm enjoying less hectic weekends which always made things harder.0 -
I have a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old. I haven't gained any weight compared to pre pregnancy. The fat has migrated from my chest to my stomach tho which makes me rather sad.
My husband and I are very active people. We met climbing. All of our dates were skiing or climbing or running dates with some food afterwards. When we get alone time we are in our home gym. If we are lucky enough to get a babysitter our dates aren't movies or dinners but time at the climbing gym or trail running together. We eat a lot of veggies. We cycle to work. We organize family vacations around activities like skiing and hiking. We don't invest in screens at home (tablets the cable etc). Those are choices we make.
But we are also very privileged. We have a full time paid nanny who cooks and we outsource a lot of home maintenance including cleaning and landscaping. We live in a place where fresh high quality food is readily available and with excellent weather and safe streets and tons of outdoor recreation opportunity.0 -
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