Rocky Marriage Vs. Stress Eating

Wow - I could have wrote this!! I am 34 and my husband is 44. We do love each other, I do not consider divorce, but I am pretty darn unhappy and talking about it, nagging, yelling, making deals, begging and pleading have all not worked. I feel like I'm holding things together all by myself with no support at all and when I feel like it's hopeless I tend to turn to food. I am working so hard on it - on realizing that will NOT make anything better. It won't make my husband help around the house, it won't make him actually pick up our 4 year old and put him in time out rather then sitting there yelling back and fourth at each other, it won't make him more affectionate and it won't pay our bills. It will make me feel weak and further damage my self-esteem. I've made up my mind very recently that I'm just going to have to start being more selfish and it's hard when you have two children - ONE of you have to do the parenting if both wont'...I feel for you. Wish I had some words of wisdom but I am looking for them myself! And for the record I have threatened divorce and even called a lawyer once, but deep in my heart I'm just not ready to leave...I'm just not. (We've been married 7 years)

Just read this, and i find it heartbreaking. If i were in your shoes, personally, I would tell your husband he needs to help or get out!
Have you told him how you feel?! Cause having a good heart to heart and getting to the stage where you're telling him everything and you cry may be more cleansing for you then you think.
Having a good ol' cry is a great stress reliever!
And just remind your husband what a marriage is about.
Maybe he needs to be re-told, re-told his vows and how he needs to help you or he'll loose you.

And.
Have you ever thought of investing into a punch bag!
They're great if you stress is anger, when you want to eat something, go punch the living daylights out of this punchbag, you feel good, it doesn't hurt anyone and its an exercise all in one.

Good luck! x

Is he trying to find a job?
When DH was out of a job for a bit (a few months) his job became twofold, a)finding a new job and b) caring for the house- inside and out. I was responsible for working and bringing in the money. Your DH NEEDS to help out- no ifs and or buts. He needs to get the food, cook, clean, mow, and look for a job.
That way, when you are home, you can focus on being present with your children.
If he won't pull his fair weight, don't pull it for him.

I, too, have a problem with stress eating and know how hard it is. The easiest way to overcome it really is to keep anything that you tend to overeat out of the house. With that being said, I do realize that since you are getting donated food, you don't really have a say in what you receive and probably can't afford to throw out any food at this point. So, that will make it more difficult, but you can still control it. For me, whenever I stress eat, I end up feeling worse after eating than I did before! It's a vicious cycle because then I stress about the fact that I went over and I feel like it's hopeless and I might as well just keep eating because I already ruined the day. But I have decided that it just isn't worth it. I am learning to control it by reminding myself why I am doing this. I feel so great after exercising, eating healthy and meeting my goals for the day. I feel awful after binging. So I'm trying to make sure to do other productive things when I am stressed. The thing that has finally made a break-through for me this month (finally) is that I realized there are many things in my life that cause me stress that I truly can't control...but my weight loss is one thing I CAN control. It is solely on me and yours is on you. You cannot control your husband or your kids, or even you financial situation always, but you do have full control of how much exercise you do, or how many calories you put in your mouth. All you have to do is say, I am not going to eat this stuff...I don't need it, I'm not eating because I'm hungry, I'm going to do some laundry instead, or workout, or play with my kids. It's so much easier said than done, I know...but it's all about the mindset. No one can make you do it. You have to decide that it's what you truly want, remember the reasons why you want to do it, and do it. I still struggle and cave once in a while and I don't think anyone is perfect, but the key is that you realize what you are doing and stop. Don't feel like you failed so you might as well keep going. Say you slipped and nip it in the bud. Don't let it continue the rest of the day or the rest of the week. Have that snack/junk food and then move on and make better choices. Hope this helps a little. I have been where you have been...unhappy with the marriage, but you love them and want to stay committed and try to make it better. it's hard, but it can be done. I know from personal experience...it's not easy. I hope things get better for you!

I agree with the poster who mentioned enabling his behavior. I too have been guilty of this with my husband and it was just recently in talking with a chaplain that I came to really be aware of it. It doesn't sound like you have the means financially, but if there is anyway for you two to get some marriage counseling I would suggest it (perhaps it might help)...even maybe your pastor or church group may have something that can help and is free or cheap. Another suggestion might be reading a book on healing a marriage (I just read "Desperate Marriages" by Gary Chapman). If you can't afford to buy a book, perhaps you could try looking on freecycle.org and post a request for one. There are lots of options by lots of authors.

I am in no way trying to say I have the answers. My heart goes out to you. I am going through a very bad time in my marriage too and not sure if I'm going to leave him or not. I found out just two months ago that he has cheated on me with multiple partners since the very beginning of our relationship (been together 4yrs)...in fact, that is what caused me to drastically lose 10lbs in an unhealthy way, I lost my appetite, but I'm making lemonade from these lemons and have taken it as a motivation to become serious about my health. When those junk foods call your name, call a friend, go outside with your kid, or simply try to remind yourself that the food is not going to fill that hole inside you. Good luck to you!

Jaime...
I feel so badly that I missed this post. You are a strong, amazing woman. You are capable of anything you put your mind to. I have no idea how to motivate B into the man you need him to be...but this I DO know. YOU ARE A DAUGHTER OF THE KING. You deserve to be loved, and cherished. I also know that I love you. And I want to support you anyway I can! Love, Sarah