When loved ones don't support you?

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glowcap
glowcap Posts: 8 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've been on an exercise and diet routine for about a month and I'm happy with my results. Unfortunately, my wife couldn't care less. She cooks healthy meals, but complains about my smaller portions. She also continues to keep buying snacks (which doesn't tempt me), but she buys them FOR me.

I've told her I'm trying to lose weight. I've lost about 10 lbs in the last month, and I'm aiming for a bit more.

My question is how do you stay motivated when it seems like your on the road alone?

On a side note, my wife is naturally thin and never had problems maintaining her figure. Is that part of it?

Any input would be greatly appreciated.
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Replies

  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,669 Member
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    The reality is that many people will comment on how you're doing if you're successful, but they don't really care about how you're doing it. They have no interest in doing what you do, nor following any plan you're doing. So it's really your burden to bear.

    http://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10134341/you-arent-always-going-to-get-support/p1

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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  • Vickilick
    Vickilick Posts: 81 Member
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    My boyfriend is the same, he always wants to eat unhealthy foods and doesn't consider that if I eat it it's going to affect my weight loss for the week.
    I think you're right when you ask if your wife's natural slim physique is part of it. If you've never had to diet or watch what you eat it's difficult to know just how careful you have to be and understand why you're being so particular about portions etc.
    As for the snacks, she may enjoy buying little treats for you, so why not just suggest some alternatives like fruit or other healty foods you enjoy?
  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
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    Support is an added bonus but it is just that: a bonus.

    The road is yours.

    Tell her you don't want the snacks but thank her for thinking of you.
  • jb32hss
    jb32hss Posts: 23 Member
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    I couldn't imagine not having support at home. My boyfriend is bulking but we eat similar meals and when he cooks he measures everything for me! He does buy treats too but I just leave them in the cupboard and he soon eats them all lol
  • unrelentingminx
    unrelentingminx Posts: 231 Member
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    I buy all the shopping in our house so at least I don't have to worry about random snacks turning up. I will still buy my OH his treats and snacks because he's not trying to lose weight like I am.
    As for support though, my OH swings between not caring less and telling me I can do better [this from a man who uses the stationary bicycle as a fancy clothes hanger], so now if he asks me how I got on at the gym I just tell him 'fine' and leave it at that.
  • jsmestflowers
    jsmestflowers Posts: 52 Member
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    One of the first things I told my wife when I went on the diet I am on is that it was my diet and that it was my choice, I do not expect her to go on it with me, or support me in it. She is a very sweet woman and does to a point anyway but she doesn't need to lose weight I do. I just have to say thanks for thinking of me, not eat everything she offers me and have a good laugh about it all. Brother at the end of the day its your becoming, as the gentleman said earlier, support is a bonus, but only that. Sides we all support you here, so you got us :)
  • NoIdea101NoIdea
    NoIdea101NoIdea Posts: 659 Member
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    Stick to your guns. Eventually she will see that you are serious and buying you treats that you aren't eating or moaning about your smaller portions is just a waste or time and money. 10lbs in a month is fantastic. Sounds like you got this :)
  • SueInAz
    SueInAz Posts: 6,592 Member
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    Most of us are definitely in this on our own. My husband isn't losing weight with me, although he could stand to, and he isn't always the most supportive, either. He knows I'm going to watch what I'm eating with or without his support or approval, though.

    The portion size thing had me chuckling. I can't imagine being upset at my husband for eating less. Do you take leftovers for lunches at work? That could be one way to eat the same amount overall; just split it into two meals.
  • TiberiusClaudis
    TiberiusClaudis Posts: 423 Member
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    My significant other was like your wife. Naturally thin, always eating stuff I can't eat in front of me, not taking my goals serious. I muddled thru, because I was seeing results. When you start losing significant weight and other people also notice, it eggs you on. Now when we go anywhere, I get comments all the time. And guess what? She's now my biggest supporter. Weird how it happens, you have to show the results before some people will jump on board to support you.
  • fiddletime
    fiddletime Posts: 1,862 Member
    edited September 2015
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    My husband is trying to gain weight. So, my efforts on this journey are noted, but he still buys the things he needs to (that are often very tempting). We basically do our own thing when it comes to food and as long as we don't expect that the other will support us more than they are, it works. Unmet expectations are a b**ch so we try to avoid them by not expecting too much.
  • jjhintz
    jjhintz Posts: 17 Member
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    TiberiusClaudis wrote: »
    My significant other was like your wife. Naturally thin, always eating stuff I can't eat in front of me, not taking my goals serious. I muddled thru, because I was seeing results. When you start losing significant weight and other people also notice, it eggs you on. Now when we go anywhere, I get comments all the time. And guess what? She's now my biggest supporter. Weird how it happens, you have to show the results before some people will jump on board to support you.

    This 100000x

    This is the only way to get people to be continually motivated. Whether it be clients, family, or friends, a program without results will die a quick death. It's a win-win for all those involved and you also realize the program you are on is successful.

    Just keep working at it because one day she will notice the progress and be eager to jump on the gain train!
  • lithezebra
    lithezebra Posts: 3,670 Member
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    My SO has no interest in losing weight, and thought I was perfect when I was 20 pounds heavier. That is not a bad thing. I do what I need to do.
  • glowcap
    glowcap Posts: 8 Member
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    Thanks for all the replies. It's definitely my own journey, and I'm continually motivated by my results. I do it for my health and longevity. But there's a part of it that's for my family. Based on the comments I'm not completely alone in this situation.

    I have mentioned to her to try to find more fruit instead of cookies and chips, which she has a bit.

    I do take leftovers to work. Just not ALL the leftovers. LoL!

    Thanks again for all the support. I'm coming up on the end of month 1, hopefully I'll have some good news to report.
  • TonieOnBadassMission
    TonieOnBadassMission Posts: 30 Member
    edited September 2015
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    I wish I knew. My husband comments that he "likes fit women" and clearly wants me to be thinner but won't exercise with me.

    Hang in there. I think we have to decide to do it for ourselves
  • SpleenThief
    SpleenThief Posts: 293 Member
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    Your drunk friends don't want you to be sober.
    Your fat friends don't want you healthy
    Your smoking friends don't want you nicotine free

    It makes them look at things in their own lives they're not doing well.

  • TonieOnBadassMission
    TonieOnBadassMission Posts: 30 Member
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    SpleenThief wrote: »
    Your drunk friends don't want you to be sober.
    Your fat friends don't want you healthy
    Your smoking friends don't want you nicotine free

    It makes them look at things in their own lives they're not doing well.

    That's so true!!!
  • BCham25
    BCham25 Posts: 48 Member
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    Ugh, that has been my complaint for years! My husband gets so irritated at me when I talk about losing weight. And he could stand to lose weight himself! I have come to the conclusion that if I just keep my mouth shut then he has nothing to be mad at me about. He also gets mad when he thinks I'm not eating enough. When in reality I'm eating the portion size I was supposed to be eating the entire time.
  • stillMR305
    stillMR305 Posts: 10 Member
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    I feel you OP, my wife tends to want to cook healthy, but it isn't consistent. Not only that, she'll buy cakes, desserts, chips for the house knowing that I won't eat that. I wouldn't mind that but then I go and buy vegetables and I hear the comments to the effect that I'm obsessed or that I'm trying be skinny. I'm not trying to be skinny at all, but fit because I've been overweight all my life.
  • KANGOOJUMPS
    KANGOOJUMPS Posts: 6,472 Member
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    you do it for yourself, not them,,, keep at it.
  • FlippyW
    FlippyW Posts: 20 Member
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    My husband isn't very supportive either, he loves me the way I am and doesn't want me to change and doesn't think I need to lose weight, which is lovely but I have to keep reminding him that I was slimmer when he met me and he liked me a lot then too lol. I just want to be fit and healthy as I'm overweight, I'm not trying to change drastically. He can't seem to understand this, he thinks I should eat the same things as him and can't seem to understand that he can naturally eat more than me anyway and he is also a lot more active than I am. He brings in sweets or biscuits and puts them next to me or asks if I want something and when I say no gets stroppy and says that means he can't either! It makes it so much harder when someone you live with is not supportive, it's like your battling against that as well.

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