"You don't NEED to lose anymore weight!!!"
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It's terribly flattering, but quite unrealistic, since I'm not even at a "Healthy" BMI yet!0
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atypicalsmith wrote: »Nobody notices that I've lost 30 pounds. Nobody. I have to show them a "before" picture and they are totally taken aback. Then they say I don't need to lose another 30 pounds. Yes, I do, but they won't notice. Which Is fine with me.
No one noticed until I reached 33 lbs lost, and then one person commented ... and it wasn't until I was down 37 lbs before more than that 1 person said anything. Now I'm down 45 lbs, and now people are making the "you're disappearing" comments. But I don't take them as an insult because in a way I am. I have lost 1/4 of my original body weight. That's like a leg and a bit.
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I get this a lot now. I find it really interesting actually. Not to get all psychobabbleish, but I often think it's just people projecting their frustration with themselves onto me. Seeing others have success and the resulting change in lifestyle and attitude just reminds so many people that they haven't been able to do it in whatever capacity they have attempted.
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I think this is a great explanation of why people change their opinion after a certain point.
People always tell me how much 'better' I looked off season ( about 20lbs from comp weight). I just shrug my shoulders. opinions are like bum holes... Everyone's got one
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OP shrug it off and continue on your way. You look great, you obviously feel great and that is the only thing that matters
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To date I have lost 111lbs. When I started losing weight, the comments I got were have you been ill or have you cancer. Nobody ever said congrats on your loss. Recently went for a medical all my statistics were fed into a computer. And guess what. I need to lose weight and take up some exercise, despite the fact I am training for a 240km road race. Don't let these comments get to you. You are you, in any case some get jealous of your awesome achievements.0
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This is a really interesting one. It's as though people feel threatened by your achievements and unintentionally dampen your's to make themselves feel a bit better.
As long as you are happy, healthy and on the track towards what you perceive as a 'better' you then that's your prerogative; no one else should even get a say!
Comments like 'what!? You don't have any weight to lose' or 'don't be stupid' do not help in any way shape or form. If you feel you are still a bit away from your target just let comments like these drive you forward!
Well done you for your amazing achievement!!0 -
2. In many cases, YOUR weight loss stands in direct contrast to their LACK of weight loss. Even though you have no intention of doing so, your physical presence is a rebuke to their lifestyle habits and it can be threatening. Shaming you about losing more is a way for them to reassert control.
I agree that this is part of why people have this reaction, along with it being a backhanded compliment, like 'you're just fine the way you are, you don't have to lose more weight.'0 -
This is why I don't tell people my actual goal anymore. Even on this forum, I mentioned my goal and someone thought it sounded too high and "chunky" for my height. Your goal is yours and yours alone, and there's no need to defend it to anyone.
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I just don't engage. If they ask if I've lose weight, I'll say, Thanks, yes I have. If they ask how, I say "Eating less and exercising more." That's it. Also I totally agree about not understanding why people think it's OK to criticize thin people. I try to never comment on people's bodies, period.0
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Successful weight loss can bring up lots of issues for other people who want to and don't or who have tried themselves and been unsuccessful. It's their issue, don't make it your problem. It's far more about them than you.
I also don't think we, as a society, have a good perception of what a healthy body looks like. It seems the examples we see are very under-weight. And some very over-weight. We don't see a lot of "normal, healthy weight."
That being said, I wanted to touch on another thread you started about your relationship and your healthy life-style impacting your relationship with your boyfriend.
You are very diligent and disciplined which is how you got to where you are. But are you living your life the way you want to? Are you controlling your diet, or is it controlling you? People who know you and your habits (OCD) may be legitimately expressing concern for fear you might be headed towards an eating disorder (something else that is so sensationalized that people often have no idea how to identify the signs or help someone).
Bottom line, for me, I take it as concern (on the sunny side) and brush it off. I work out hard, I'm not striving for an underweight BMI, and if i want to eat over my limit, I do it. I don't do it every day, or often. But I know now it won't hurt me. I know I'm healthy and OK. If you're honest with yourself and feel you are too, then shake off the comments. If you find some sliver of truth in the concern they're expressing, maybe it's time to reflect a little more about how you're taking charge of your health.0 -
ruqayyahsmum wrote: »1. When you lose a lot of weight, you look much thinner than you are to people who have known you. It's like an optical illusion. Sometimes, you appear a little older. So in some ways it's understandable.
2. In many cases, YOUR weight loss stands in direct contrast to their LACK of weight loss. Even though you have no intention of doing so, your physical presence is a rebuke to their lifestyle habits and it can be threatening. Shaming you about losing more is a way for them to reassert control.
Number 2 is what i tend to get. Seems my friends preferred it when i was 387lb and almost unable to function. Im told i should stop now (211lb) cos some people want to be the clothes size i am now (uk 18) and i should be greatful and would look rediculous any smaller. They also bag on my exercise choices cos everyone knows gentle walking is better for you ( insert eye rolling here) and they were gleefully happy to find a small chocolate bar in my car until i pointed out it was my daughters
When we go out they buy and eat 2 meals each and thats there choice im certainly not going to bash them for it but it doesnt work the other way round sadly
This reminds me of the other day when I was in the gym. Out of curiosity, I picked up a box of Quest cookies, wondering whether they were just a good old cookie made by Quest or a protein bar made into a cookie, when one of my gym cohorts, goes, "Oh, noooo, noooo, don't even think of it." I just kind of laughed at him and moved on because I know he doesn't know weight loss/management is not about food type but calories in/out.0 -
First of all congratulations on your success! It is not an easy task! Isnt this app awesome?! Not sure what I would have done without it!!
I feel like this exact thing has been my major downfall the past few months. I'd lost a total of 40 pounds since January by mid June. (I'm 5'4" Starting at 185lbs down to 145lbs *goal: 125lbs) I kept hearing "You dont need to lose anymore weight" from my family and co-workers. I shrugged it off at first.
They looked at me like I had an eating disorder because I told them I had 20 pounds to go to the ideal goal.
I found by July I was almost believing them because I would go to a bbq or party and think to myself "I can afford to snack a little." or skip the gym here and there, etc. But throughout the course of time over the summer I'd put 7 pounds back on. I feel like I'd let myself down and the demons never truly leave. I've kicked it back into high gear but it wasn't fun at first because of my negligence.
I'm so glad I'm not the only one.0 -
ruqayyahsmum wrote: »1. When you lose a lot of weight, you look much thinner than you are to people who have known you. It's like an optical illusion. Sometimes, you appear a little older. So in some ways it's understandable.
2. In many cases, YOUR weight loss stands in direct contrast to their LACK of weight loss. Even though you have no intention of doing so, your physical presence is a rebuke to their lifestyle habits and it can be threatening. Shaming you about losing more is a way for them to reassert control.
Number 2 is what i tend to get. Seems my friends preferred it when i was 387lb and almost unable to function. Im told i should stop now (211lb) cos some people want to be the clothes size i am now (uk 18) and i should be greatful and would look rediculous any smaller. They also bag on my exercise choices cos everyone knows gentle walking is better for you ( insert eye rolling here) and they were gleefully happy to find a small chocolate bar in my car until i pointed out it was my daughters
When we go out they buy and eat 2 meals each and thats there choice im certainly not going to bash them for it but it doesnt work the other way round sadly
This reminds me of the other day when I was in the gym. Out of curiosity, I picked up a box of Quest cookies, wondering whether they were just a good old cookie made by Quest or a protein bar made into a cookie, when one of my gym cohorts, goes, "Oh, noooo, noooo, don't even think of it." I just kind of laughed at him and moved on because I know he doesn't know weight loss/management is not about food type but calories in/out.
Ahh yes the unsolicited food type advice. My sister told me the other day that its sugar causung obesity so shes now switched to using honey in its place instead and thats how she will lose the few stone she wants to and i should do the same.
I just smiled as she doesnt want to hear the cico discussion and since i have short gut syndrome i cant have more than a tiny amount of sugar/honey/ sweet stuff anyway and im still 176lb down thanks to cico
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This whole thing is very representative of society and how it views body image, etc. I recently dropped 25 pounds (on my way to 38 as my first goal), and most people have been very complimentary.
Some people were concerned because I was "obsessive" - logging my food, not eating deserts, etc. It is a calorie restricted diet, for goodness sake! Everything matters...
The funny thing is that I do not look anything like a slim underwear model - yet people say, oh don't lose more, you will look sick... NO - I will look healthy and I will look good naked! :-)
I told people that when the time came, if they thought I was overdoing it, I would take off my shirt and they could more carefully assess my body fat.
If your friends are "jealous" you should move on to other friends!
R
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Yes, my God yes. I am so sick of hearing family members telling me to stop losing weight, it's beyond annoying. Why would I stop losing weight when I'm so close to a normal, healthy BMI for the first time in my life? And it's not like I'm even small now, I'm just not zoo animal sized anymore. I'm 6ft 3 and 15st 5lbs, I want to get down to 15st and then look into skin removal as I probably have at least 7lbs worth over my body. Honestly I could be happy at this size if it weren't for the skin which I hate more than anything.0
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ruqayyahsmum wrote: »
Ahh yes the unsolicited food type advice. My sister told me the other day that its sugar causung obesity so shes now switched to using honey in its place instead and thats how she will lose the few stone she wants to and i should do the same.
I just smiled as she doesnt want to hear the cico discussion and since i have short gut syndrome i cant have more than a tiny amount of sugar/honey/ sweet stuff anyway and im still 176lb down thanks to cico
For your sister.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/wonkblog/wp/2015/09/11/honey-seemed-like-a-healthier-choice-then-scientists-tested-it-against-high-fructose-corn-syrup/0 -
I hate this. I got this from my dad not too long ago. I'm 5'7 and 145 right now. My goal weight is 140 (literally right in the middle of a healthy BMI!). I haven't been at a healthy weight since I was about 7, so perhaps he thinks I look very skinny compared to how I looked at 211. I may lose another 5 to get to 135, but if I do it won't be until spring next year. I also got the same comment from my friend on wednesday. She's quite short and very overweight, as is her whole family. It's probably the case that she's not used to me being thinner than her, and that she thinks of being overweight as the norm. I do look good with clothes on, but when I'm naked it's very obvious that I still have fat to lose.0
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I hear it all the time. People I see once in a while comment on me being 'skinny' (I'm 5'5" and 133 pounds, so not even in the middle of the healthy BMI range yet). My mom is always commenting on it (thankfully I only see her three times a year). So annoying. I guess she's always been borderline overweight and she's always been used to seeing me overweight, so it's her normal (and my sister is chunkier than me and she thinks she looks great). Super ironic considering we're French and French people are supposedly thinner.
But yeah, I just don't mention my weight loss anymore, but when she visits it's tough because she still sees me using my scale etc (I just really would like to lose another 5 pounds... eventually).0 -
[quote="Machka9;33937222"
And the funny thing is, I spent a lot of years in that lower half of the range ... only the people I know now, even my husband, never knew me then. So what seems normal to me, seems skinny to them.[/quote]
I hear ya! I'm currently trying to lose the last 10 lbs. I was already square in the middle with my BMI , but I like being on the lower end. I feel more energetic,younger,cuter,faster at that weight. I have family members who are overweight who seem downright annoyed that I'm losing weight, I've learned to just not draw attention to it, but just an hour ago at dinner at longhorn steakhouse. I had to hear "that's all your ordering??" And then "no dessert?you don't know what you're missing". It's annoying, but I know what I want, and I'm going to accomplish it no matter what they say or think.0 -
I have gotten that too. I've lost 80lbs and have just under 24 to go to get me into the healthy bmi range. I've been asked by a few people if I planned on losing more and when I say yes, they insist that I couldn't possibly need to lose that much! They haven't been rude about it though, and I've taken it as a compliment, that I don't look 24lbs overweight. 0
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I used to be insanely skinny. My mom was worried I would have fertility issues, my dad thought I had a secret eating disorder, my MIL made comments .... and then concern or judgment from other people.
You know who wasn't concerned? My midwife. (Turned out I'm very fertile. I should have figured considering my cycle was very regular). Even after losing ten pounds because of morning sickness. When I say I was insanely skinny I'm not kidding.
Now after four kids and too much soda no one ever accuses me of being too skinny.
The biggest problem that being so skinny was to my health was that I was lazy. I didn't exercise and I sometimes ate sweets instead of balanced meals. Those bad habits got me where I am now that I'm older.
Everyone has an opinion -- it doesn't mean they are right.0 -
frankiesgirlie wrote: »"you don't know what you're missing"
There's a perfect response to that:
"Neither do you."
They don't know what THEY'RE missing by not being healthy and fit.
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I ate lunch with my father at Texas Roadhouse on Friday. I declined the rolls, and appetizer, and he said he was proud of that. I kind of laughed, and told him there is nothing wrong with eating rolls, I just hadn't eaten breakfast, so I didn't want to eat until my steak arrived. I knew I'd be hungry and would want to eat more than one roll.frankiesgirlie wrote: »I hear ya! I'm currently trying to lose the last 10 lbs. I was already square in the middle with my BMI , but I like being on the lower end. I feel more energetic,younger,cuter,faster at that weight. I have family members who are overweight who seem downright annoyed that I'm losing weight, I've learned to just not draw attention to it, but just an hour ago at dinner at longhorn steakhouse. I had to hear "that's all your ordering??" And then "no dessert?you don't know what you're missing". It's annoying, but I know what I want, and I'm going to accomplish it no matter what they say or think.
Still, support is nice, even when it's a little misguided. Better than how he was teasing me last week about me being on a diet! He means well, he just doesn't know how to communicate it. It's a common theme I am seeing in this thread, though some don't seem to mean well at all!0 -
When people ask if you plan on losing more weight, kindly explain to them that you never intended on losing weight in the first place, that you decided to make changes to start living a healthier life by eating better and exercising.
That should make them think twice about questioning you again and may even have them start asking for advice 0 -
I think people just get used to you one way. They would never say stuff like that to a person who was just slim always and hadn't lost weight. They will get used to the new you. It really isn't their business though!0
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Don't worry. As long as you are happy with yhere you are just remember they are saying those things out of sheer jealousy. People get so jealous when their friends lose weight and look good!0
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