"You don't NEED to lose anymore weight!!!"
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PinkPixiexox wrote: »Is anyone else familiar with the "That's enough now.. You don't need to lose anymore weight, you'll look GAUNT" conversation? *Rolls Eyes*
It kind of depends on context. I've told people they should consider the fact that they don't need to lose anymore weight, but I never would've volunteered that comment if I didn't think I had the appropriate kind of relationship to say it.
I've told two separate people to stop losing because I was concerned about their health. Because they already had very little body fat and lean mass and were talking about trying extreme things like only eating raw veggies and chicken broth for a month to lose whatever pudginess they imagined was there. When I brought up my concerns for their health, they didn't want to hear it, but when I brought up their looks, and how other people might see them... Well, the appeal to their vanity worked. (And that's one reason why I go straight for the side effects of hair loss and bad skin when talking to people on VLCDs here on MFP; they don't care what under-eating does to their organs, but if affects their looks, they're more likely to listen.)
That being said, I've received the "you're getting too skinny" comment from my mom when I was even heavier than I am now (and I still have 30 lbs I want to lose). The eye roll definitely happened. But in her case, I knew she was trying to be positive, so I changed the subject and continued on my merry path.0 -
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You might consider "nope" for an answer.
"Are you planning to lose more weight?"
"Nope!"
10 pounds later...
"Have you lost more weight?"
"Nope!"
This was the strategy I used with my wife. I started losing weight while she was pregnant and gaining weight, which irked her. "Have you been losing weight?" Nope! She caught on after about 30 lbs though....
What's interesting about the subject at hand is that it's NOT limited only to people who also need to lose weight. It would be easy to label this problem as being jealousy or something like that. Last night at work a coworker who is quite fit and thin asked me if I was planning to lose more weight. When I replied "probably another 15 lbs" her response was "Really? From where?" as if to imply that I'm rail thin. I'm still 183 lbs, not "thin" by any means!
I think the "nope" response is really the best one.0 -
30 lbs in 5 months? That is awesome. You started exactly where I am and are now exactly what I want to be at.
Maybe people are jealous. You were very successful in what so many people fail at. Congrats! Take it as a compliment.
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stephaniemarie2 wrote: »30 lbs in 5 months? That is awesome. You started exactly where I am and are now exactly what I want to be at.
Maybe people are jealous. You were very successful in what so many people fail at. Congrats! Take it as a compliment.
Thank you very much :]
I am happy with my weight loss so far but if I were to do this again, I would probably slow it down and entitle myself to have a bit more of a 'life' in the process. I haven't had a single treat as of yet (something I will definitely be changing)! I appreciate your comment however.0 -
Don't let it mess with your head, I received comments like your heads to big for your body, you're getting to small, you don't look good skinny... lots and lots of *kitten* up comments! All from coworkers within an office environment which was/is completely unprofessional IMO.
100000000 questions about my diet all the time, every day ... trying to explain I just eat healthy and am not on diet was the worst.
They'll start to ask you for help; don't do it man!! it's such a waste of your time! I've done full meal plans, offered free training no one does anything with it. My go to is; I'll help as soon as you invest some time and learn why you need to restrict your calories, do that and track your food for 2 weeks bring me the logs and then we can start. By "they" I mean coworkers I help my friends for free.
I did a bulk for a year after all the comments about being small got to me, you do get the reverse. I had people ask me if I stopped working out, "why'd you quit working out"... "way to fall off" it's like ... there is no pleasing any of these mothers. I was also asked if I was using or am on steroids, people didn't believe that I've done everything 100% natural... it's so annoying
I can legit go on about this and the *kitten* rude people around me for hours!!! at the end of the day I am in year 3 of being smaller, the attention has died off but it comes up with new hires from time to time (not by me). just a FYI I went from 355lbs to 182lbs total of 173lbs lost, I never reached my goal... I wanted to weigh 178lbs so I could say I lost literally half myself ... I could care less now.
[Edited by MFP Staff]0 -
Tell them you're working your way to the weight range your doctor told you to do. And yes, you've had a second opinion that concurred. Even if you really haven't, most people aren't going to argue with that!0
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Until it's coming from the doctor, it's just people giving opinions and doesn't matter.
Loads of people feign shock when I say that yes, I plan to lose a lot more weight. They think it's the nice thing to do. I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm not paying them for good advice, you know?
When the doctor says he thinks it's a bad idea, then it's time to listen.
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I got to admit that bmi really isn't that accurate, you could have lots of muscle and be considered overweight and not have any fat on you.
I guess it would be best to go by body fat, not bmi.0 -
This isn't scientific or anything, but I couldn't help but notice that the few people who have commented negatively on my weight loss ("So, are you done, yet?" "You're going to disappear!") sure could stand to lose a few, themselves.
Just sayin'.
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Yes! When I lost about the same as you (since gained it back
) but when I lost 25-30 pounds about a year and a half ago I got those comments all the time. Even my soon to be mother in law said recently when I was talking about losing weight again that before "you got way too skinny last time!" I was about 120lbs-125lbs and I'm 5'4. I felt great!
So really know how you feel. And now that I've gained my weight back no one has said "oh wow now you are fat again" which I would be mortified but still...I get your point!0 -
Optimistical1 wrote: »The wonderful world of being vertically challenged, or as I like better "space efficient."
With all the ups and downs I've been through with my weight at only 5'0", I can completly relate. Another I love, "you ONLY wear a size 5/6?! You are so lucky! I would NOT be dieting if I could squeeze my butt in a size 5!"
What the taller people fail to realize is that at my height, any pant size above a 1 or a 2 means I am overweight. Size 5 is a step away from being obese.
I envy the taller people, from my short prospective, it feels like it would be much less of a struggle to keep the weight down if only I was tall. My husband is 6'1" so he can eat, what seems to me, a massive amount of food and still stay lean. He also burns nearly triple the amount of calories I do when we go hiking together. Must be nice :-(
As a 6'1" woman its exactly the same struggle. Yes, we can eat more. But we burn a lot more. My TDEE is close to 2500 calories. It's very much the same if you were to eat 1250 cals and your TDEE is 1500 vs me eating 2250 if my TDEE is 2500. I'm still just as "calorie deprived" as you are.0 -
I'm 5'2, and with a fairly large frame (based on my wrist size), my goal is 130. When I get there, or close, I may re-evaluate.
I do know that anything UNDER 120 on ME really does make me look sick, but we all carry our weight and size differently, based on our frame.0 -
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vinegar_husbands wrote: »This is going to sound unusual, but I never got that from anyone. The closest I got was "Don't go below 85lbs."
Like, of course I wouldn't???
Wow - for what height, out of curiosity? I had a friend who was 5'4 at the time of getting down to 88lbs (from an intestinal disease, not an ED). Because her parents waited forever to take her to the doctor, he (very angrily) told them than if they'd waited just another week, she would've gone into organ failure from the malnutrition. I always wondered if that was true, or if he was being hyperbolic out of concern/anger. 88lbs is ridiculous for 5'4 either way.0 -
My mom said that to me when I was around 230. My face was pretty skinny. My stomach definitely wasn't (still had at least 30 lbs to lose). She wasn't actually telling me to stop, I just looked different, and that was probably jarring for her.0
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I've heard before, especially when losing and when I was close to goal. After over a year and a half of maintenance, I don't hear it much anymore.0
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I've made comments before along the lines of telling people I think they look great at their current weight/progress (like I think you look quite lovely yourself!)
But I agree about the rudeness factor. If you're just a coworker or acquaintance, even a casual friend, I wouldn't feel it my place at all to tell you you should stop trying to lose. It's none of my business.
I think the only time I may raise concern is if they're close to me, and they're actually in danger of being underweight/are already underweight wanting to lose more.
All that aside, your goal seems fine. Do you and ignore the rudeness. ^__^0 -
I enjoy all the comments, well meaning or not. Because I'm getting fit on my terms, it just reinforces to me that what I'm doing is working. It's not like I'm going to change my plan just because someone else makes a comment, you know?
Most backhanded comments are made out of jealousy anyway... they can't look as good as me!
I always just say "Thanks!" no matter what. For the well meaning, they appreciate it. For the not well meaning, you should see the confused look on their faces!
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Yes these people are rude, but one thing I would recommend against is lying just to get them off your back. If you say you don't plan to lose any more weight, and then they see you drop 10 more pounds, that could legitimately look like you have some kind of eating disorder. Your lie could indicate that you are in denial, or out of control, or are trying to hide a problem.
I understand it's none of their business, but better responses might be "I'm always re-evaluating and determining my optimal fitness" or "I always check against the BMI chart and am committed to staying in the healthy range", etc.
As has been mentioned, some people are genuinely concerned, but others simply feel threatened by seeing someone succeed. It's sad but true. Your success is like holding a mirror up to them, and people don't like that. In a perverse way, they take your weight loss as a direct comment about their own weight. In other words, if you think you aren't skinny enough, you must be thinking about how fat they are. Hence their need to convince you that you are wrong.
And as also has been mentioned, people honestly don't know what a healthy weight looks like anymore. We're so used to seeing people on the high end or above the proper BMI.0 -
PinkPixiexox wrote: »I just find it strange that losing weight, with a lot of people - can be met with this 'be careful' attitude. No one was telling me to 'be careful' when I was overweight and struggling to walk up the stairs without puffing. My body is now smaller and my heart is far healthier yet NOW i'm getting the concerned warnings despite being physically in a better place. It seems like the general rule is, say nothing about people being overweight but say ALL THE WORDS to someone actively losing. It's a strange one!
Weight has always, always been a really sensitive subject for me. Ever since I was very young, I was substantially over-weight. If I got 'fat' comments from unkind people, I would cry for days. But it doesn't feel good getting picked on for being (finally) a healthy size. Seems we can't win!
It's a combination of things.
1. People are intimidated by your success in the face of their failure. Some of the time they might actually WANT you to mess up, to maintain their ego.
2. Some people tell themselves that they are naturally fat, to shirk their responsibility for it. When you show that you can lose the weight by taking action, it dispels this construct and reveals their comparative laziness. To resolve the resulting cognitive dissonance, they convince themselves that it's not good to lose weight after all, citing health and anorexia as a reason (people will really reach to resolve cognitive dissonance, especially when it regards ego)
3. It can be strange or even scary to see a loved one change. Even though you are mostly the same as before, you look a lot different now. That can be admittedly scary, in a way. I bet the people who make these comments to you tend to be people who knew you from when you were fatter.
4. Watching somebody successfully slim down is rarer than seeing somebody get fat and unhealthy. So we tend to comment on it when we notice it more than when we see somebody getting fat.
5. Calling somebody fat is considered a major insult, but skinniness became very fashionable in the past few decades. Therefore people might think it's okay to say what they want about you if they are calling you skinny, because they think it should be taken as a compliment. However, deep down I think they know that they are making jabs at you when they call you too skinny.0 -
I hate remarks like those. Yesterday I got a "you're going to disappear!" and I nearly responded with "I wish you would!"0
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shrinkingletters wrote: »I hate remarks like those. Yesterday I got a "you're going to disappear!" and I nearly responded with "I wish you would!"
I've got this
"THERE'S NOTHING LEFT OF YOU"
Wow, thanks!!!!!!
I am now NOTHING?! hehe
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PinkPixiexox wrote: »I just find it strange that losing weight, with a lot of people - can be met with this 'be careful' attitude. No one was telling me to 'be careful' when I was overweight and struggling to walk up the stairs without puffing. My body is now smaller and my heart is far healthier yet NOW i'm getting the concerned warnings despite being physically in a better place. It seems like the general rule is, say nothing about people being overweight but say ALL THE WORDS to someone actively losing. It's a strange one!
Yeah, I've only gotten this a little, but I find it partially weird and partially understandable.
I think people assume, when you are overweight, that you know it and aren't happy about it, so they don't think they need to say anything (and understand that doing so would be impolite in many cases). Also, I suppose when I was fat I'd make comments on occasion so people would know I knew and was generally willing to make fun of myself (which was a little defensive/messed up, no question).
People want to compliment you when you've lost and "you don't need to lose more" can be that, but I also think some are genuinely worried about people getting obsessed with losing and being unable to stop. My pilates instructor (who is thinner than me) kind of grilled me about my goals at one point, for example. With others it's been more casual. I haven't gotten anything really negative like the "too skinny" comments, but I live in a subculture where thinner is still usually better, and I'd likely take even "you are getting too thin" as a veiled compliment (again, which is maybe messed up, but I also know I'm not close to too thin).
Anyway, I tend to just say "oh, I'm just focusing on getting more fit" if someone asks about weight loss (and I also generally won't answer questions about specific weight unless I'm really close with someone). It's really no one's business what my specific loss goals are, and chances are they won't notice. (Or they will be wrong -- I keep getting people asking if I've lost more weight when I've been maintaining for months.)0 -
PinkPixiexox wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »I hate remarks like those. Yesterday I got a "you're going to disappear!" and I nearly responded with "I wish you would!"
I've got this
"THERE'S NOTHING LEFT OF YOU"
Wow, thanks!!!!!! I am now NOTHING?! hehe
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PinkPixiexox wrote: »shrinkingletters wrote: »I hate remarks like those. Yesterday I got a "you're going to disappear!" and I nearly responded with "I wish you would!"
I've got this
"THERE'S NOTHING LEFT OF YOU"
Wow, thanks!!!!!! I am now NOTHING?! hehe
Hahahaha!!! Yes!
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Nobody notices that I've lost 30 pounds. Nobody. I have to show them a "before" picture and they are totally taken aback. Then they say I don't need to lose another 30 pounds. Yes, I do, but they won't notice. Which Is fine with me.0
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1. When you lose a lot of weight, you look much thinner than you are to people who have known you. It's like an optical illusion. Sometimes, you appear a little older. So in some ways it's understandable.
2. In many cases, YOUR weight loss stands in direct contrast to their LACK of weight loss. Even though you have no intention of doing so, your physical presence is a rebuke to their lifestyle habits and it can be threatening. Shaming you about losing more is a way for them to reassert control.
Number 2 is what i tend to get. Seems my friends preferred it when i was 387lb and almost unable to function. Im told i should stop now (211lb) cos some people want to be the clothes size i am now (uk 18) and i should be greatful and would look rediculous any smaller. They also bag on my exercise choices cos everyone knows gentle walking is better for you ( insert eye rolling here) and they were gleefully happy to find a small chocolate bar in my car until i pointed out it was my daughters
When we go out they buy and eat 2 meals each and thats there choice im certainly not going to bash them for it but it doesnt work the other way round sadly
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