Depressed woman - wife - mother ((help))
Untilproud11
Posts: 297 Member
Im writing because today i've had such a bad day ...
Why do I want to lose weight for my husband ?
Why my self confidence is so low these days ?...
Maybe because of the past issue with relationship ?!
I know I will never be the skinny hot girl i would like to be doesn't matter how hard i try to look better
My story is a really long one , but i just needed to vent
And any motivation to get me out of this will help
I used to think that as woman I rock
I rock that i had these babies
I rock that i am strong
I rock that i am bright and always have a smile on my face
But then...
One day i found something out and all these words flew off my heart
Rant over
Why do I want to lose weight for my husband ?
Why my self confidence is so low these days ?...
Maybe because of the past issue with relationship ?!
I know I will never be the skinny hot girl i would like to be doesn't matter how hard i try to look better
My story is a really long one , but i just needed to vent
And any motivation to get me out of this will help
I used to think that as woman I rock
I rock that i had these babies
I rock that i am strong
I rock that i am bright and always have a smile on my face
But then...
One day i found something out and all these words flew off my heart
Rant over
0
Replies
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It sounds like something serious is going on. Is there a person you can talk to, like a close friend or even a therapist?
As strangers on the internet we can't help you very much, especially without knowing details. I do hope that if you are in a bad situation you have the resources to remedy it or even leave if necessary.
You should not feel so down about yourself. You are a mom, you are a wife... but you are also a person of your own outside of those things. Like you said in your post you rock just for being a woman and a mother. If you want to lose weight you need to do it for YOU, not for your husband or anyone else. Your husband shouldn't make you feel like you need to lose weight anyway.
Hang in there, I hope things get better. And remember that you CAN do this. You CAN lose weight if you set your mind to it. And you CAN have the happy life that you deserve, regardless of weight loss. You got this. *hugs*0 -
It sounds like something serious is going on. Is there a person you can talk to, like a close friend or even a therapist?
As strangers on the internet we can't help you very much, especially without knowing details. I do hope that if you are in a bad situation you have the resources to remedy it or even leave if necessary.
You should not feel so down about yourself. You are a mom, you are a wife... but you are also a person of your own outside of those things. Like you said in your post you rock just for being a woman and a mother. If you want to lose weight you need to do it for YOU, not for your husband or anyone else. Your husband shouldn't make you feel like you need to lose weight anyway.
Hang in there, I hope things get better. And remember that you CAN do this. You CAN lose weight if you set your mind to it. And you CAN have the happy life that you deserve, regardless of weight loss. You got this. *hugs*
I loved this reply
Thanks
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I don't know what else to say but I am praying for you. I wish I could give you a hug. I have moments like this too and it will get better. I know it does not seem likely but amazingly it will get better.0
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i suffer from anxiety and depression...losing weight, being healthy, being fit, etc hasn't changed that...it's a completely different thing to deal with outside of the physical aspects of health and wellness. anxiety and depression are most often triggered from hormonal and chemical issues...losing weight doesn't fix that...not that you shouldn't do the best to be your best...but you have to understand what you're dealing with and deal with that particular issue...i was in counseling for a long time...great benefit to me and my mental health. occasionally (as necessary) i still have to take meds if i get a bad run of anxiety and panic attacks...so be it...it helps me live a normal life.0
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Sorry that you are feeling this way. Wish I could say that I don't know what it is like. That would be a lie. I suffer from depression, feel that when my husband looks at me he is wishing I was sexy and pretty and skinny. It doesn't help that he has mentioned that he thinks I let myself go.
Mix that with raising three teenaged daughters- having an adult daughter with autism whom is on the verge of losing her job and being homeless, a husband that loathes autistic daughter and vice versa. Being the strong rock for my autistic daughter and her sister when fathers days and birthdays and other holidays roll around because their father is dead and was tragically ripped from their lives 3 years ago. Stress of worrying about my mother who is a widow and of ill health.
I feel as though I'm swimming against the tide more often than not. I take comfort in foods.
Yes- I know how you feel. It's a feeling of being lost/ a lost or forgotten identity. For me anyway0 -
You can't let someone else define your self worth. And you definitely shouldn't lose weight for anyone but yourself. Remember...the best revenge is success. Just get yourself in gear without saying a word and let him wonder where the motivation comes from
[Edited by MFP Staff]0 -
Sorry that you are feeling this way. Wish I could say that I don't know what it is like. That would be a lie. I suffer from depression, feel that when my husband looks at me he is wishing I was sexy and pretty and skinny. It doesn't help that he has mentioned that he thinks I let myself go.
Mix that with raising three teenaged daughters- having an adult daughter with autism whom is on the verge of losing her job and being homeless, a husband that loathes autistic daughter and vice versa. Being the strong rock for my autistic daughter and her sister when fathers days and birthdays and other holidays roll around because their father is dead and was tragically ripped from their lives 3 years ago. Stress of worrying about my mother who is a widow and of ill health.
I feel as though I'm swimming against the tide more often than not. I take comfort in foods.
Yes- I know how you feel. It's a feeling of being lost/ a lost or forgotten identity. For me anyway
Thanks you for this
I wish you luck ❤️
And thank you all0 -
Hope you all have a great day !!0
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cwolfman13 wrote: »i suffer from anxiety and depression...losing weight, being healthy, being fit, etc hasn't changed that...it's a completely different thing to deal with outside of the physical aspects of health and wellness. anxiety and depression are most often triggered from hormonal and chemical issues...losing weight doesn't fix that...not that you shouldn't do the best to be your best...but you have to understand what you're dealing with and deal with that particular issue...i was in counseling for a long time...great benefit to me and my mental health. occasionally (as necessary) i still have to take meds if i get a bad run of anxiety and panic attacks...so be it...it helps me live a normal life.
This. There are some aspects of losing weight that helped a bit. My anxiety is very often triggered by control issues; control is a big part of MFP and exercise, so that eases up a lot when I'm actively doing it -- but now if I stop tracking for a while, I have a new thing to add to my anxiety list. Woooo.
But OP, seeing a therapist for even a little bit is going to be 100x important than losing weight for your mental health. People have this idea that losing weight will make them happier, and if the only thing going on is that you're unhappy about your weight -- sure. But most of us have more complex issues than that, and especially if you're dealing with depression. People don't take care of things they don't value, so you have to value yourself as you are now. Not some idealised version of who you could be.
(And agreed that motivating yourself to lose weight for another person isn't going to work long-term. You have to think about what you really want, not what you think your husband wants.)0 -
I would also suggest talking to your doctor. They can recommend you to a counselor that could help, and if it is clinical depression, can suggest other things that can help.
Something else to keep in mind, and it's a hard one, is that you have to lose weight for YOUR own reasons, not anyone elses. By taking a good, honest look at why you want to lose weight for yourself, comments from others won't bother you as much because you'll have your own motivation. Losing weight just for someone else is not a good reason. You're basing your entire outlook of yourself on someone else's opinion. I understand where that can come from, and sometimes it feels easier, but it makes things worse in the long run. So find your own reason for wanting to lose weight, and no, it doesn't have to be 'to be healthier'. Mine was that I looked fat in my wedding pictures. It didn't matter what my husband said, or all the people that said I looked beautiful in my dress, the truth was, I didn't look like myself. That's what got me started on MFP in earnest and kept me going.
And a counselor would help with that as well. You need to learn to shift your perception of yourself off other people's comments and go with what works for YOU. That's a really hard thing to learn, espically for people that have depression and anxiety issues, and having a trained counselor or therapist to help guide you through the process will make it easier.0 -
I understand where that can come from, and sometimes it feels easier, but it makes things worse in the long run. So find your own reason for wanting to lose weight, and no, it doesn't have to be 'to be healthier'.
Thank you for adding this. My weight loss was never health related, as I was never in poor health at my high weights. It was always vanity -- I wanted more clothing options, I wanted to look as fabulous as I felt (when I was feeling well), and I didn't want to be so much heavier than all of my friends; I wanted to feel like an equal and obvious member of the group, not the fat outlier. (No one taught me this, or made me feel this way -- this is just how my garbage depressed brain categorizes things, lol. I recognize it for the dysfunctional thinking it is.)
Choosing things for health is great for a lot of people! But there's also nothing wrong with choosing weight loss for vanity, as long as it's being done consciously and doesn't negatively impact your health.0 -
It seems that there is something outside of yourself that is causing you pain. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through whatever it is that you are going through. Most of us have walked a similar path at some point in our lives. I know that for me; I suffer from depression and anxiety. I didn't used to, but sometimes life throws you curve balls and after catching so many of them you're bound to miss a few and get hit by them. Whether it's relationship issues or work or family, things can bog you down and that can make you become less than what you actually are.
Whatever the problem is, what you need to keep telling yourself is that you ARE all those things you used to tell yourself you were. You DO rock for all those reasons. You are a strong woman, a mother and inside you are a bright and happy soul. What you might or might not weigh has no bearing on what you are inside and who you are as a person. If you want to lose weight, then do so. But do it for yourself and only for yourself. Don't do it for a man or for whatever someone might say about you. Love yourself for the beautiful, awesome woman that you are. Never let anyone tear you down.0 -
I understand where that can come from, and sometimes it feels easier, but it makes things worse in the long run. So find your own reason for wanting to lose weight, and no, it doesn't have to be 'to be healthier'.
Thank you for adding this. My weight loss was never health related, as I was never in poor health at my high weights. It was always vanity -- I wanted more clothing options, I wanted to look as fabulous as I felt (when I was feeling well), and I didn't want to be so much heavier than all of my friends; I wanted to feel like an equal and obvious member of the group, not the fat outlier. (No one taught me this, or made me feel this way -- this is just how my garbage depressed brain categorizes things, lol. I recognize it for the dysfunctional thinking it is.)
Choosing things for health is great for a lot of people! But there's also nothing wrong with choosing weight loss for vanity, as long as it's being done consciously and doesn't negatively impact your health.
Exactly. I knew I needed to lose weight, my doctor told me I needed to lose weight, but it wasn't until I saw the wedding pictures that I was motivated to do so. I know one girl that wanted to lose weight to have better sex. External motivation only goes so far. Unless you have your OWN reasons for losing weight, you will most likely not succeed.0 -
Thank you all for the amazing replies
You have no idea how these words have an impact inside my heart0 -
At least you used to be skinny and hot. Ha ha! I dont personally know you. Just to add from my own experiences: I feel your pain. Some days I feel like I'm rocking it! Some days I feel like a looser and I'm failing at everything. Wife, mom, woman: it's a lot of stuff to deal with. I've never been skinny and I rarely feel hot. I got issues. Dude has issues. I'm sure my kids have issues. One thing for sure, I'm responsible for me. If I'm struggling, that's my bad. I'm hard on myself because sometimes there's only so much that can be done about it TODAY. I need to be patient and keep moving forward. I shouldn't even think about it because I should be busy trying to rock it. I can make myself feel bad just like I can make myself feel good. No one's going to cheer me up unless I allow it. Just like I'll keep spiraling downward until I pull myself up (which is usually after a rant). Middle finger to negative vibes. On my darkest days, I just need to remember why I rock! Big girls are sexy too. Keep your independence and stay confident.0
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I'm so sorry you are feeling so down. I've had a tough time too... Having low self confidence, bad past relationships... And now struggling with trying to get the weight off. I'm thinking and praying for you! Hang in there! You can add me as a friend if you'd like
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Keep Ur head up:) u got this:)0
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These are but words in your head and when we think negative negative is attracted to us. Change your thinking, change your life! It is so easy to say ill never be the hot chick I dream of... why bother? And then go eat a cake (like I have done before) but to say self I am going to be that hot chick she is in there and im letting her out and make yourself do it! Its so hard! But one thing I know is do mot quit! You will believe in you you will have that confidence again and one day you look and see the hot chick and do a double look bc you don't recognize it is you in the mirror!0
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angelexperiment wrote: »These are but words in your head and when we think negative negative is attracted to us. Change your thinking, change your life! It is so easy to say ill never be the hot chick I dream of... why bother? And then go eat a cake (like I have done before) but to say self I am going to be that hot chick she is in there and im letting her out and make yourself do it! Its so hard! But one thing I know is do mot quit! You will believe in you you will have that confidence again and one day you look and see the hot chick and do a double look bc you don't recognize it is you in the mirror!
Amazing0 -
...most of us have more complex issues than that, and especially if you're dealing with depression. People don't take care of things they don't value, so you have to value yourself as you are now. Not some idealised version of who you could be.
(And agreed that motivating yourself to lose weight for another person isn't going to work long-term. You have to think about what you really want, not what you think your husband wants.)
...oh, man. this, right here. she gets it.
i started down this road after my marriage crumbled - not because i thought it would provide some magic key to turning back and clock and "fixing" us, but because i needed to focus on something other than my broken heart and the loss of my son.
ironically, as of today, my little man weighs exactly the same as the amount of weight i've lost...so you could say i've "lost him" in more ways that one.
BUT - it hasn't brought him back. I still can't hear him breathing in the next room at night.
All the stuff associated with that loss is still there. EVERY BIT of it.
Doing this has been a metabolism booster, a self-esteem builder, and a wonderful distraction...but it hasn't changed my situation one bit - except to make me feel better about myself and who I am, and to give me enough of a boost in esteem to make some decisions about what i'm willing to tolerate and what i won't put up with any longer.
I hope it has the same effect on you, OP. and @lyndahh75 - oh, man. i'm sending good energy your way, too. you deserve better.
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This is true. I suffer from the thoughts and the depression at times too. But I have learned the more you do the better you feel and the more attractive you feel the more you believe you are worth every sacrifice and struggle in this process. It is not just about weight it is about you.angelexperiment wrote: »These are but words in your head and when we think negative negative is attracted to us. Change your thinking, change your life! It is so easy to say ill never be the hot chick I dream of... why bother? And then go eat a cake (like I have done before) but to say self I am going to be that hot chick she is in there and im letting her out and make yourself do it! Its so hard! But one thing I know is do mot quit! You will believe in you you will have that confidence again and one day you look and see the hot chick and do a double look bc you don't recognize it is you in the mirror!
Amazing
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Im writing because today i've had such a bad day ...
Why do I want to lose weight for my husband ?
Why my self confidence is so low these days ?...
Maybe because of the past issue with relationship ?!
I know I will never be the skinny hot girl i would like to be doesn't matter how hard i try to look better
My story is a really long one , but i just needed to vent
And any motivation to get me out of this will help
I used to think that as woman I rock
I rock that i had these babies
I rock that i am strong
I rock that i am bright and always have a smile on my face
But then...
One day i found something out and all these words flew off my heart
Rant over
If you found out something that made you sad and depressed, try to talk to a therapist. I mean, if it is just a reaction to some very recent bad news, of course it is normal to feel sad and disappointed and upset, but if it something that is really affecting your life, a specialist can help you figure out how to cope and what the best thing for you is. Good luck.0 -
hamptontom wrote: »
...most of us have more complex issues than that, and especially if you're dealing with depression. People don't take care of things they don't value, so you have to value yourself as you are now. Not some idealised version of who you could be.
(And agreed that motivating yourself to lose weight for another person isn't going to work long-term. You have to think about what you really want, not what you think your husband wants.)
...oh, man. this, right here. she gets it.
i started down this road after my marriage crumbled - not because i thought it would provide some magic key to turning back and clock and "fixing" us, but because i needed to focus on something other than my broken heart and the loss of my son.
ironically, as of today, my little man weighs exactly the same as the amount of weight i've lost...so you could say i've "lost him" in more ways that one.
BUT - it hasn't brought him back. I still can't hear him breathing in the next room at night.
All the stuff associated with that loss is still there. EVERY BIT of it.
Doing this has been a metabolism booster, a self-esteem builder, and a wonderful distraction...but it hasn't changed my situation one bit - except to make me feel better about myself and who I am, and to give me enough of a boost in esteem to make some decisions about what i'm willing to tolerate and what i won't put up with any longer.
I hope it has the same effect on you, OP. and @lyndahh75 - oh, man. i'm sending good energy your way, too. you deserve better.
@hamptontom sometimes we have to go through some pretty rough times in order for our souls to learn. It's how we take it and apply it to our lives that matters. Some people adopt that woe is me mind set, others have that this makes me stronger mind set. Then there's me- stuck in the middle depending on what demon whispers louder lol.
I'm sorry you have lost your son:(
Your distraction though, is the very thing that is and will continue to heal you- your soul. Ya gotta love you. Easier said than done for me. I've spent too much time hating me - beating myself up that I've victimized myself. I need to learn to ease up and love myself.0 -
hamptontom wrote: »
...most of us have more complex issues than that, and especially if you're dealing with depression. People don't take care of things they don't value, so you have to value yourself as you are now. Not some idealised version of who you could be.
(And agreed that motivating yourself to lose weight for another person isn't going to work long-term. You have to think about what you really want, not what you think your husband wants.)
...oh, man. this, right here. she gets it.
i started down this road after my marriage crumbled - not because i thought it would provide some magic key to turning back and clock and "fixing" us, but because i needed to focus on something other than my broken heart and the loss of my son.
ironically, as of today, my little man weighs exactly the same as the amount of weight i've lost...so you could say i've "lost him" in more ways that one.
BUT - it hasn't brought him back. I still can't hear him breathing in the next room at night.
All the stuff associated with that loss is still there. EVERY BIT of it.
Doing this has been a metabolism booster, a self-esteem builder, and a wonderful distraction...but it hasn't changed my situation one bit - except to make me feel better about myself and who I am, and to give me enough of a boost in esteem to make some decisions about what i'm willing to tolerate and what i won't put up with any longer.
I hope it has the same effect on you, OP. and @lyndahh75 - oh, man. i'm sending good energy your way, too. you deserve better.
I'm really sorry to hear about the problems with your marriage and son.
I hope things improve, in whatever way that means for your situation, soon.
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You are a loveable and worthy person right now.
Finding a way out of that black dog, depression, I would say is your first priority.
Then if you want to improve your eating habits do it out of self love, not sadness.
Did I hear right, that you are a mom of babies, plural? Then you have your hands full. If you are stay at home, is there any external recognition for your hard work (other than your husband)? Do you have any hobbies and interests outside the home?0
This discussion has been closed.
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