Depressed woman - wife - mother ((help))

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Untilproud11
Untilproud11 Posts: 297 Member
in Motivation and Support
Im writing because today i've had such a bad day ...
Why do I want to lose weight for my husband ?
Why my self confidence is so low these days ?...
Maybe because of the past issue with relationship ?!
I know I will never be the skinny hot girl i would like to be doesn't matter how hard i try to look better
My story is a really long one , but i just needed to vent
And any motivation to get me out of this will help
I used to think that as woman I rock
I rock that i had these babies
I rock that i am strong
I rock that i am bright and always have a smile on my face
But then...
One day i found something out and all these words flew off my heart
Rant over :'(:'(:'(:'(
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Replies

  • LaurenAOK
    LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
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    It sounds like something serious is going on. Is there a person you can talk to, like a close friend or even a therapist?

    As strangers on the internet we can't help you very much, especially without knowing details. I do hope that if you are in a bad situation you have the resources to remedy it or even leave if necessary.

    You should not feel so down about yourself. You are a mom, you are a wife... but you are also a person of your own outside of those things. Like you said in your post you rock just for being a woman and a mother. If you want to lose weight you need to do it for YOU, not for your husband or anyone else. Your husband shouldn't make you feel like you need to lose weight anyway.

    Hang in there, I hope things get better. And remember that you CAN do this. You CAN lose weight if you set your mind to it. And you CAN have the happy life that you deserve, regardless of weight loss. You got this. *hugs*
  • Untilproud11
    Untilproud11 Posts: 297 Member
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    LaurenAOK wrote: »
    It sounds like something serious is going on. Is there a person you can talk to, like a close friend or even a therapist?

    As strangers on the internet we can't help you very much, especially without knowing details. I do hope that if you are in a bad situation you have the resources to remedy it or even leave if necessary.

    You should not feel so down about yourself. You are a mom, you are a wife... but you are also a person of your own outside of those things. Like you said in your post you rock just for being a woman and a mother. If you want to lose weight you need to do it for YOU, not for your husband or anyone else. Your husband shouldn't make you feel like you need to lose weight anyway.

    Hang in there, I hope things get better. And remember that you CAN do this. You CAN lose weight if you set your mind to it. And you CAN have the happy life that you deserve, regardless of weight loss. You got this. *hugs*

    I loved this reply
    Thanks

  • jfrye85
    jfrye85 Posts: 37 Member
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    I don't know what else to say but I am praying for you. I wish I could give you a hug. I have moments like this too and it will get better. I know it does not seem likely but amazingly it will get better.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,867 Member
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    i suffer from anxiety and depression...losing weight, being healthy, being fit, etc hasn't changed that...it's a completely different thing to deal with outside of the physical aspects of health and wellness. anxiety and depression are most often triggered from hormonal and chemical issues...losing weight doesn't fix that...not that you shouldn't do the best to be your best...but you have to understand what you're dealing with and deal with that particular issue...i was in counseling for a long time...great benefit to me and my mental health. occasionally (as necessary) i still have to take meds if i get a bad run of anxiety and panic attacks...so be it...it helps me live a normal life.
  • Untilproud11
    Untilproud11 Posts: 297 Member
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    jfrye85 wrote: »
    I don't know what else to say but I am praying for you. I wish I could give you a hug. I have moments like this too and it will get better. I know it does not seem likely but amazingly it will get better.

    Thank you❤️
  • lyndahh75
    lyndahh75 Posts: 124 Member
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    Sorry that you are feeling this way. Wish I could say that I don't know what it is like. That would be a lie. I suffer from depression, feel that when my husband looks at me he is wishing I was sexy and pretty and skinny. It doesn't help that he has mentioned that he thinks I let myself go.
    Mix that with raising three teenaged daughters- having an adult daughter with autism whom is on the verge of losing her job and being homeless, a husband that loathes autistic daughter and vice versa. Being the strong rock for my autistic daughter and her sister when fathers days and birthdays and other holidays roll around because their father is dead and was tragically ripped from their lives 3 years ago. Stress of worrying about my mother who is a widow and of ill health.
    I feel as though I'm swimming against the tide more often than not. I take comfort in foods.

    Yes- I know how you feel. It's a feeling of being lost/ a lost or forgotten identity. For me anyway
  • shirl662015
    shirl662015 Posts: 6 Member
    edited September 2015
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    You can't let someone else define your self worth. And you definitely shouldn't lose weight for anyone but yourself. Remember...the best revenge is success. Just get yourself in gear without saying a word and let him wonder where the motivation comes from

    [Edited by MFP Staff]
  • Untilproud11
    Untilproud11 Posts: 297 Member
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    lyndahh75 wrote: »
    Sorry that you are feeling this way. Wish I could say that I don't know what it is like. That would be a lie. I suffer from depression, feel that when my husband looks at me he is wishing I was sexy and pretty and skinny. It doesn't help that he has mentioned that he thinks I let myself go.
    Mix that with raising three teenaged daughters- having an adult daughter with autism whom is on the verge of losing her job and being homeless, a husband that loathes autistic daughter and vice versa. Being the strong rock for my autistic daughter and her sister when fathers days and birthdays and other holidays roll around because their father is dead and was tragically ripped from their lives 3 years ago. Stress of worrying about my mother who is a widow and of ill health.
    I feel as though I'm swimming against the tide more often than not. I take comfort in foods.

    Yes- I know how you feel. It's a feeling of being lost/ a lost or forgotten identity. For me anyway

    Thanks you for this
    I wish you luck ❤️
    And thank you all
  • Untilproud11
    Untilproud11 Posts: 297 Member
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    Hope you all have a great day !!
  • queenliz99
    queenliz99 Posts: 15,317 Member
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    mita271 wrote: »
    Hope you all have a great day !!

    Today is new day!! I hope you feel better!!
  • gramarye
    gramarye Posts: 586 Member
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    cwolfman13 wrote: »
    i suffer from anxiety and depression...losing weight, being healthy, being fit, etc hasn't changed that...it's a completely different thing to deal with outside of the physical aspects of health and wellness. anxiety and depression are most often triggered from hormonal and chemical issues...losing weight doesn't fix that...not that you shouldn't do the best to be your best...but you have to understand what you're dealing with and deal with that particular issue...i was in counseling for a long time...great benefit to me and my mental health. occasionally (as necessary) i still have to take meds if i get a bad run of anxiety and panic attacks...so be it...it helps me live a normal life.

    This. There are some aspects of losing weight that helped a bit. My anxiety is very often triggered by control issues; control is a big part of MFP and exercise, so that eases up a lot when I'm actively doing it -- but now if I stop tracking for a while, I have a new thing to add to my anxiety list. Woooo.

    But OP, seeing a therapist for even a little bit is going to be 100x important than losing weight for your mental health. People have this idea that losing weight will make them happier, and if the only thing going on is that you're unhappy about your weight -- sure. But most of us have more complex issues than that, and especially if you're dealing with depression. People don't take care of things they don't value, so you have to value yourself as you are now. Not some idealised version of who you could be.

    (And agreed that motivating yourself to lose weight for another person isn't going to work long-term. You have to think about what you really want, not what you think your husband wants.)
  • dubird
    dubird Posts: 1,849 Member
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    I would also suggest talking to your doctor. They can recommend you to a counselor that could help, and if it is clinical depression, can suggest other things that can help.

    Something else to keep in mind, and it's a hard one, is that you have to lose weight for YOUR own reasons, not anyone elses. By taking a good, honest look at why you want to lose weight for yourself, comments from others won't bother you as much because you'll have your own motivation. Losing weight just for someone else is not a good reason. You're basing your entire outlook of yourself on someone else's opinion. I understand where that can come from, and sometimes it feels easier, but it makes things worse in the long run. So find your own reason for wanting to lose weight, and no, it doesn't have to be 'to be healthier'. Mine was that I looked fat in my wedding pictures. It didn't matter what my husband said, or all the people that said I looked beautiful in my dress, the truth was, I didn't look like myself. That's what got me started on MFP in earnest and kept me going.

    And a counselor would help with that as well. You need to learn to shift your perception of yourself off other people's comments and go with what works for YOU. That's a really hard thing to learn, espically for people that have depression and anxiety issues, and having a trained counselor or therapist to help guide you through the process will make it easier.
  • gramarye
    gramarye Posts: 586 Member
    edited September 2015
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    dubird wrote: »
    I understand where that can come from, and sometimes it feels easier, but it makes things worse in the long run. So find your own reason for wanting to lose weight, and no, it doesn't have to be 'to be healthier'.

    Thank you for adding this. My weight loss was never health related, as I was never in poor health at my high weights. It was always vanity -- I wanted more clothing options, I wanted to look as fabulous as I felt (when I was feeling well), and I didn't want to be so much heavier than all of my friends; I wanted to feel like an equal and obvious member of the group, not the fat outlier. (No one taught me this, or made me feel this way -- this is just how my garbage depressed brain categorizes things, lol. I recognize it for the dysfunctional thinking it is.)

    Choosing things for health is great for a lot of people! But there's also nothing wrong with choosing weight loss for vanity, as long as it's being done consciously and doesn't negatively impact your health.
  • Wraiythe
    Wraiythe Posts: 786 Member
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    It seems that there is something outside of yourself that is causing you pain. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through whatever it is that you are going through. Most of us have walked a similar path at some point in our lives. I know that for me; I suffer from depression and anxiety. I didn't used to, but sometimes life throws you curve balls and after catching so many of them you're bound to miss a few and get hit by them. Whether it's relationship issues or work or family, things can bog you down and that can make you become less than what you actually are.

    Whatever the problem is, what you need to keep telling yourself is that you ARE all those things you used to tell yourself you were. You DO rock for all those reasons. You are a strong woman, a mother and inside you are a bright and happy soul. What you might or might not weigh has no bearing on what you are inside and who you are as a person. If you want to lose weight, then do so. But do it for yourself and only for yourself. Don't do it for a man or for whatever someone might say about you. Love yourself for the beautiful, awesome woman that you are. Never let anyone tear you down.
  • dubird
    dubird Posts: 1,849 Member
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    gramarye wrote: »
    dubird wrote: »
    I understand where that can come from, and sometimes it feels easier, but it makes things worse in the long run. So find your own reason for wanting to lose weight, and no, it doesn't have to be 'to be healthier'.

    Thank you for adding this. My weight loss was never health related, as I was never in poor health at my high weights. It was always vanity -- I wanted more clothing options, I wanted to look as fabulous as I felt (when I was feeling well), and I didn't want to be so much heavier than all of my friends; I wanted to feel like an equal and obvious member of the group, not the fat outlier. (No one taught me this, or made me feel this way -- this is just how my garbage depressed brain categorizes things, lol. I recognize it for the dysfunctional thinking it is.)

    Choosing things for health is great for a lot of people! But there's also nothing wrong with choosing weight loss for vanity, as long as it's being done consciously and doesn't negatively impact your health.

    Exactly. I knew I needed to lose weight, my doctor told me I needed to lose weight, but it wasn't until I saw the wedding pictures that I was motivated to do so. I know one girl that wanted to lose weight to have better sex. External motivation only goes so far. Unless you have your OWN reasons for losing weight, you will most likely not succeed.
  • Untilproud11
    Untilproud11 Posts: 297 Member
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    Thank you all for the amazing replies
    You have no idea how these words have an impact inside my heart
  • miatch
    miatch Posts: 7 Member
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    At least you used to be skinny and hot. Ha ha! I dont personally know you. Just to add from my own experiences: I feel your pain. Some days I feel like I'm rocking it! Some days I feel like a looser and I'm failing at everything. Wife, mom, woman: it's a lot of stuff to deal with. I've never been skinny and I rarely feel hot. I got issues. Dude has issues. I'm sure my kids have issues. One thing for sure, I'm responsible for me. If I'm struggling, that's my bad. I'm hard on myself because sometimes there's only so much that can be done about it TODAY. I need to be patient and keep moving forward. I shouldn't even think about it because I should be busy trying to rock it. I can make myself feel bad just like I can make myself feel good. No one's going to cheer me up unless I allow it. Just like I'll keep spiraling downward until I pull myself up (which is usually after a rant). Middle finger to negative vibes. On my darkest days, I just need to remember why I rock! Big girls are sexy too. Keep your independence and stay confident.
  • hazeleyez26
    hazeleyez26 Posts: 71 Member
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    I'm so sorry you are feeling so down. I've had a tough time too... Having low self confidence, bad past relationships... And now struggling with trying to get the weight off. I'm thinking and praying for you! Hang in there! You can add me as a friend if you'd like :)
  • jtwakes
    jtwakes Posts: 607 Member
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    Keep Ur head up:) u got this:)
  • angelexperiment
    angelexperiment Posts: 1,917 Member
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    These are but words in your head and when we think negative negative is attracted to us. Change your thinking, change your life! It is so easy to say ill never be the hot chick I dream of... why bother? And then go eat a cake (like I have done before) but to say self I am going to be that hot chick she is in there and im letting her out and make yourself do it! Its so hard! But one thing I know is do mot quit! You will believe in you you will have that confidence again and one day you look and see the hot chick and do a double look bc you don't recognize it is you in the mirror!

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