We broke up because...
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Took a bite out of my poptart0
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Was paranoid! Would lock up his food in his own special cupboard because his ex would eat it all0
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But a lock on the fridge0
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Locked me up in handcuffs and left me there0
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Couldn't escape from handcuffs.0
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He wanted someone who was more magical in the bedroom.0
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Ran her tongue across my birthday cake!0
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I wouldn't butter myself for her0
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He wouldn't butter himself for me either. Dealbreaker.0
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He wanted me to lick butter off his duck0
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she wanted to get married after one date0
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She asked to involve an animal...0
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Called herself the beast in bed, I expected more.0
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Liked to yodel during sex0
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She kept sleeping under trees0
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Didn't like camping0
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Did not understand glamping is as bad as camping0
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She just started walking one day...kept walking0
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Liked watching other girls walk a bit too much.0
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she kept wearing my kilts0
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Wouldn't admit they were dresses when they came from Victoria's Secret.0
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Wore kilts
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He would not wear matching dresses0
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He threw away the ducky0
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She preferred to slide backwards to work0
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Didn't like my moonwalk0
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