IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME PART 2- WITH DISCLAIMER
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If you really knew me... I guess you would know I've been clean and sober a year and a half. It feels like a lifetime ago but I still worry about falling back to old habits. I could never do that to my family again.
Actually if you really knew me, we would be friends ; )0 -
If you really knew me... I guess you would know I've been clean and sober a year and a half. It feels like a lifetime ago but I still worry about falling back to old habits. I could never do that to my family again.
Actually if you really knew me, we would be friends ; )
I have been drug free for almost 11 years....actually 10 years and 8 months...120 months and I fear a relapse everyday...especially my bad days0 -
If you really knew me... I guess you would know I've been clean and sober a year and a half. It feels like a lifetime ago but I still worry about falling back to old habits. I could never do that to my family again.
Actually if you really knew me, we would be friends ; )
I have been drug free for almost 11 years....actually 10 years and 8 months...120 months and I fear a relapse everyday...especially my bad days
Thats incredible congratulations! I had so many legal and health consequences because of my using but it is still the thought of how I treated my poor parents that makes me sick to my stomach. I'm in the program right now and working really hard to repair the emotional and financial damage I did- still.
I guess it never gets any less scary even after a decade.0 -
If you really knew me you would know....that I always put on a smile when I am feeling down so others can't see.
If you really knew me you would know......I am deathly afraid of sharks and can't stand goodbyes because i am reminded of my mother. I also can't stand to go inside until I know my puppy is watching.
If you really knew me you would know that I absolutely love people!0 -
Because here you know me, you'll know that I am in awe of the strength of so many people here who have gone on and go on in the face of such adversity and tragedy. The people who judge us because we are too fat, or too thin, or not strong enough or whatever, have no clue of what lies beneath the skin, and t hose are the people I feel sorry for.0
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If you really knew me, you'd know that no matter how much weight I lose, I will probably never truly be happy.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I am terrified of dying at a young age and leaving my daughter with a mother, the way both my parents did.
If you really knew me, you'd know that my life seems great on the outside, but its anything but great on the inside.
If you really knew me, you'd understand that it is a daily struggle for me to make the right choices.
If you really knew me, you'd find out that I was an alcoholic before I was even the legal age to drink. Now, food is my new addiction.
If you really knew me, you'd know that I'm afraid of being alone.
This was very theraputic and helpful. Thanks for reading!0 -
you would know that I compare my body to everyone else's, and I am jealous of my boyfriend's ex for being skinnier than me :O
I wonder that once I have a better body than her, if it will stop
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If you really knew me, you would know that my husband saved my life when I was 16. He taught me food wasnt an enemy, but a life sustaining force NEEDED to survive. You would know that I reward my child with treats, just as I was rewarded and I feel guilty. You would know that most days I feel good about how I look, in all of my 216 pound glory, but some days I let MYSELF pull ME down into that dark place, where the fat girls are never good enough, and wont ever be able to change.0
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If you really knew me you would know that I am you and you are me and that these dark things are not any of us. We make them into our identity but our true self is love and our infinite ability to transcend these darknesses. So I won't post about my losses, abuses and difficulties because that's not me and it's not who I see you as even if you think it is.0
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If you really knew me, you'd know I tried to go bathing suit shopping last week and couldn't even bring myself to put one on. Just the thought of me in one makes me want to throw up. I haven't worn a bathing suit since I was a teenager probably.0
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If you knew me, then you know I doubled the post0
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If you really knew me, you would know I am a very nice guy but I have always wondered what it would have been like to grow up with a father? I have that emptiness, my father died when I was a year old, I never knew him, I was the "man" of the house at a young age, growing up very poor. I learned at a young age that I had great neighbors who helped my mother out with her 5 kids. A woman having 5 kids in the 70's with no husband....well it was extremely difficult, women did not ahve the oppurtunites they have now, there were no day care centers, thre was no "assistance" programs back then, She just had to buck up and do it, and we all had to pitch in to survive. Which we did, So I have a very low tolerence for some things, especially when someone says, I can't do something, Unacceptable to me, You can do it! I coach two youth Soccer teams, one is my daughters, I instill in these young ladies to be Strong, be leaders, to not accept things as they are to get better and be positive. When A girl says, I can't do it coach, I tell her, Yes you can, and you will, we go over it until she "gets it"...I have ben coaching for over 10 years, I have countless children that come up to me and say hi every time I am at our complex, I know everyone of their names and have a positive relationship with them and their parents. If you know me, then you know I want you to accomplish something great and I will help you get there0
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I hope everyone find this as therapeutic asI did. it's nice that no-one has judged me0
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my uncle would do that type of thing to me to.(well not chubs- but general teasing and nicknames) it really crushed me- and in my opinion he WAS an adult- i didnt even realize he was still in school till i was was about 9 or 10 y.o he is about 6 years older than me... also i never let anyone see me cry. EVER. it takes strength to show your emotionsIf you really knew me...you would know that I've thought I was fat since the age of eight because an uncle jokingly nicknamed me Chubs. I held a lot of bitterness towards him, wondering how an adult could do that to a child, when it visibly upset them( I would cry when he called me that). It wasn't until the last year or so that I realized he was only15 or 16 years old at the time and far from being an adult. I then realized that I had let a stupid, punky teenager's comments shape a large part of who I am today and how I perceive myself! So silly!0 -
If you really knew me....
-You'd know that I know that I'm not overweight or unhealthy, but I think I am. And that I am a stubborn German (as my dad says) and will not stop until I'm happy.
-You'd know, that no matter how many people tell me I'm skinny I won't believe them.
-You'd know that I am ashamed of my "Buddha- belly", which is why I'm on this site.
-You'd know that no matter how many times my mom tells me I look too skinny, I just can't believe her.
-You'd know that I've had a feeling for several years that at some point I am going to get into a traumatizing accident, that will leave me injured but won't kill me.
-You'd know that I still cry about the death of my grandpa, which was over a year ago.
You'd know that although I'm not a germ-aphob, the thought of cancer scares me to tears because all 4 of my grandparents died with (and/or of) it, and my biological uncle had it.
Happy side:
-You'd know that I WILL find the cure to some disease and I will be remembered forever.
-You'd know that I LOVE the fact that my friends and I party without the thought of alcohol or drugs.
-You'd know that I'm a hopeless romantic with many close guys friends that I'm stuck in the 'friend-zone' with.
-You'd know that I plan on going to an Ivy-League school.
-You'd know that I donate my hair to Locks of Love every two years.
-You'd know I've donated 16 ponytails to Locks of Love.
-You'd know that I haven't made a Facebook for myself because my parents don't want me too, and I enjoy having their trust.
-You'd know that I'm bursting with excitement because my high school band is playing at CARNEGIE HALL next March.
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If you really knew me...
You'd know that no matter how much weight I lose, I don't think that I will be happy with myself.
You'd know that it upsets me every day that my husband does not want to have another child.
You's know that I hate the way I look so much, that I refuse to wear shorts anywhere but to bed. It doesnt matter how hot it is outside. My legs are always covered up.
You's know that I am terrified that my husband is going to find someone else and leave me.
You'd know that I question every single thing and decision I made. I over analyze every situation and answer and I always think the worst.0 -
Well, here goes nothing....
If you really knew me, you'd know that...
-I judge and criticize people for things that even I do myself.
-No matter how much weight I lose, I will probably never be happy with my body.
-I crave compliments, but have no idea how to accept them gracefully.
-I am very attracted to some women, and that scares me a little bit because I have never ever thought of myself as "bi-sexual", but why do I find some women so attractive??
-I am very self-conscious of my looks 24/7, but I HATE looking in mirrors.
-Sometimes I think my husband tells me how incredibly gorgeous I am and how hot he thinks my body is just because he thinks its what I want to hear.
-There are so many things about my body I want surgically changed. I want a boob job, a nose job, a brow lift, (and veneers).
-Sometimes I think money would buy my happiness.
-I say I don't care what people think about me, but deep down, I really do.0 -
If you really knew me you'd know that I'm not cold and distant. You'd know that I've had too many two-faced "friends" who have just turned around and hurt me, so I put up a wall.
You'd know that waiting it out and getting past the wall is totally worth it.
You'd know that for me it's all about respect. You'd know that once you lose my respect, it's gone. Forever. And you'd know that even with that hard attitude, I still give everyone the benefit of the doubt and the respect is always yours to lose. You never need to earn it, you just have to keep it.0 -
if you really knew me you would know that i have a 3 year old with autism and have recently discovered that my 8yr old may have aspergers, and there isn't a day goes by where i don't lose/give up on myself, and the only reason i still come on these pages is to read the posts of people who are sooo much stronger than me, because i no longer care enough about myself enough to keep going. I take the highest dose of anti depressents the doc can give me but i still cry x
Stay strong! If you really knew me, you'd know I am living proof that Asperger's is not the end of the world. I have a mild case of it, and learning to live a normal life has been a struggle my entire life. I have heard my mom talk to numerous people about raising me. One story that stands out is from when I was maybe 1 or 2. We were at my grandpa's house and I had been screaming, crying, and throwing "fits" for the entire 4 hours I'd been there. My grandpa turned to my mom and said, "can't you just shut her up? Does she always cry like this?" My mom snapped back at him and said, "No she doesn't ALWAYS cry. She does shut up. And when she does, she's got the most beautiful smile you will ever see."
Educate yourself. Learn everything you can about it. Take each day one day at a time and enjoy every single "smile" you get. :]0 -
If you knew me, you would know:
That iam a veteran who suffers from PTSD. Iam terrified of loud noises, and sometimes to drive.
I try to see the good in everyone.
I pray every night for every single person in the world.
Most of the time I see myself as fat, and very ugly.0 -
If you knew me you would know that I am terrified that my husband will die young and leave me all alone to raise our daughter. He has so many health problems it is ridiculous, he is going in for a disc replacement surgery sometime in the near future and I am so terrified that he won't make it back off that table that when I think about the surgery I sometimes break down crying. I am going to be a right mess the day before and the day of.
If you knew me you'd know that I am afraid my daughter is going to have Tourretts like her dad. I will not love her any less than I already do but I'm afraid that my husband will blame himself for it because there is a 50/50 chance she will since he does. We won't know until shes probably 3 or 4 which is when it usually shows up and even after that age I think I will always be afraid its going to crop up.0 -
if you really knew me you would know that i have a 3 year old with autism and have recently discovered that my 8yr old may have aspergers, and there isn't a day goes by where i don't lose/give up on myself, and the only reason i still come on these pages is to read the posts of people who are sooo much stronger than me, because i no longer care enough about myself enough to keep going. I take the highest dose of anti depressents the doc can give me but i still cry x
Stay strong! If you really knew me, you'd know I am living proof that Asperger's is not the end of the world. I have a mild case of it, and learning to live a normal life has been a struggle my entire life. I have heard my mom talk to numerous people about raising me. One story that stands out is from when I was maybe 1 or 2. We were at my grandpa's house and I had been screaming, crying, and throwing "fits" for the entire 4 hours I'd been there. My grandpa turned to my mom and said, "can't you just shut her up? Does she always cry like this?" My mom snapped back at him and said, "No she doesn't ALWAYS cry. She does shut up. And when she does, she's got the most beautiful smile you will ever see."
Educate yourself. Learn everything you can about it. Take each day one day at a time and enjoy every single "smile" you get. :]
I know two people VERY close to me that have Aspergers. I love your story and it made my eyes tear. You have a wonderful mom...and yes, a beautiful smile.0 -
Bump.0
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If you really knew me you'd know
* I have survived 2 terribly physically and mental abusive relationships
* I used to cut myself
* I have tried to be anorexic
* I have thought about trying to binge and purge after eating too much but, cant bring myself to do
* I worry that no matter what I do I wont be happy with my body
* I am a loving, honest person
*I am unbelievabley happy0 -
me too:(If you really knew me, u would know that i hide my low self esteem behind my sense of humor. but behind the smile, i cry....ALOT!0 -
I'm still really struggling. It seems the further I get from the time I had my miscarriage the closer the date of my baby's due date gets. Its hard knowing how far along my pregnany I should have been especially when lots of my friends are announcing happy baby news.0
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I don't even know you, but I love you for this!!If you really knew me you would know that I am you and you are me and that these dark things are not any of us. We make them into our identity but our true self is love and our infinite ability to transcend these darknesses. So I won't post about my losses, abuses and difficulties because that's not me and it's not who I see you as even if you think it is.0 -
If you really knew me, you would know that:
I have only dated one guy my entire life and that's the father of my 2 kids, but truly I am very unhappy.....
I would love to get married someday.....
I have lots of friends but I'm still unhappy....
I love my kids with all my heart even though I hate their father....
I secretly want to have more than one sexual experience even though I'm too scared to do anything b/c I've only done it with my boyfriend...
MTV called me for a show when I was 17 and turned them down because my boyfriend didn't want me to do it.....
I totally regret everything......
I wish I can start my life over....0 -
I feel like that sometimes...if you really knew me you'd know that I sometimes wish I could chuck my current life out the window and start over as a whole new identity in a completely different location.0
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I also pray every night and I feel bad If I miss it...If you knew me, you would know:
That iam a veteran who suffers from PTSD. Iam terrified of loud noises, and sometimes to drive.
I try to see the good in everyone.
I pray every night for every single person in the world.
Most of the time I see myself as fat, and very ugly.0
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