I want to quit so I fit in with my friends.

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24

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  • allenpriest
    allenpriest Posts: 1,102 Member
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    Get new friends. Seriously. Good friends don't act that way.
  • Sabine_Stroehm
    Sabine_Stroehm Posts: 19,263 Member
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    Google "lemming".
    /end thread
  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
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    So quit.

    Either you want to lose weight or you don't.

    IMO, who cares what other people think? If they're really your friends, they'll be happy for you and celebrate your successes. Otherwise, it's time to find some new friends.

    BUT, if you're just going to quit based on what other people think, then you don't want it bad enough.
  • Lynzdee18
    Lynzdee18 Posts: 500 Member
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    WakkoW wrote: »
    Crabs in a bucket. Don't let them pull you back in.
    Love that! I may use it myself! :D
  • kk_inprogress
    kk_inprogress Posts: 3,077 Member
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    Ninkyou wrote: »
    So quit.

    Either you want to lose weight or you don't.

    IMO, who cares what other people think? If they're really your friends, they'll be happy for you and celebrate your successes. Otherwise, it's time to find some new friends.

    BUT, if you're just going to quit based on what other people think, then you don't want it bad enough.

    QFT.
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    You could quit. You probably won't be happy with yourself or your friends. I recommend not using your friends as an excuse to quit making efforts to improve your health.

    You could have an honest talk with your friends explaining what you are doing, why and ask for no comments on your body or food. If they are good friends they will want you to be healthy and happy and will respect your wishes.

    You could get new friends who are fitter and more health minded. Let the unfit, negative friends fade away. Sometimes we take different paths and that is fine.
  • michelle7673
    michelle7673 Posts: 370 Member
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    the things people say/and the things people do/are all about them/and not about you

    :)
  • tannibal_lecter
    tannibal_lecter Posts: 83 Member
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    People are always going to comment on our bodies.

    Your friends may think they are actually being good to you by doing this. The fact is that no one is a mind reader: you owe it to your friends to express your concerns so that they could have an opportunity to correct this and maybe you will show them a better way of looking at things.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,626 Member
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    There is no way anything anyone could say would stop me from doing what is healthy and good for me!

    If the friends are jerks, drop them. Make some new friends. :)
  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,150 Member
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    You need different friends.
  • Werk2Eat
    Werk2Eat Posts: 114 Member
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    Must be nice to have fat friends you can pig out with and not feel guilty afterwards.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    If you're friends are actually being dickish about your weight loss, you need new friends.

    But your post sounds more like they ask how you manage to lose and still indulge, or express envy at your body. neither of those things should make you want to quit and chub up to be like them, that's just crazy talk.

    If they actually MEAN it when they ask how you can eat that and lose - tell them! Explain it once, calories in and out, that you balance it, whatever, and thereafter if they ask again, tell them you already told them. If it's just an off the cuff comment from them, let it slide.

    If they say they wish they had a body like yours, say thanks. Then let that slide too.

    To give up and 'fit in' is completely illogical. May as well say you wish you had the same disease as your friends if they mention they wish they were of good health like you.
  • 0utrun
    0utrun Posts: 71 Member
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    Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »
    Google "lemming".
    /end thread
    How true.

    You can't control how other people will react and it sounds like your friends are afraid of change. Think of it like this: Even if you are the sweetest most perfect berry on the vine, there will always be someone who doesn't like berries.

    Quit, or don't. But it is ultimately your choice.

    Good Luck!
  • Traveler120
    Traveler120 Posts: 712 Member
    edited September 2015
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    I think quitting would be understandable. Fitting in with your friends is more important. Forget about losing the 5kg and gain the 25kg instead. Your friends will feel better about themselves and that's what truly counts.
  • Livgetfit
    Livgetfit Posts: 352 Member
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    e_j_wilson wrote: »
    I find it hard to stick with a healthy lifestyle when ALL of my friends are 25kg or more heavier than I am. I need to lose 5kg to be at the upper limit of the healthy BMI range, so I wouldn't class myself as thin. If I indulge (which is often) I get comments like "How do you do it? I eat half what you do and look at me." If I make healthier choices I get comments like "You don't need to lose weight. I'd love to have a body like yours." Well I'd love to eat without my size being brought up. Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.

    You need new friends.

    I'm sorry, that is brutal but we have to face some other challenges during a lifestyle change and I think you've hit one of yours.

    You've grown as a person. You're doing this because you want better for yourself. You're putting yourself first. This is at odds with the people you are keeping around in your life.

    Accept that how you interact with them may need to be overhauled. If you truly believe they deserve you, speak openly & frankly about either getting their support or having the subject off limits. If you cringe at the thought of doing this, you have your answer. Chuck 'em.
  • 555_FILK
    555_FILK Posts: 86 Member
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    e_j:

    Screw em.

    I'm serious. You have one body, and it's all yours.

    There's a great book by Nate Silver called "The Signal And The Noise". I'm not recommending the book to you, as it has nothing to do with weight loss or nutrition, but the concept is relevant here. Locate the signal and ignore the noise. The signal is the healthy choices you know you should make, and the noise is the blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah from these friends you are talking about.

    #Ignore

    Simple. Done.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,569 Member
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    The decision is up to you. Just remember if you have weight related health issues, those same friends aren't going to pay for them. And the reality is if they are bigger than you eating half of what you eat when you go out, they're eating a lot more when they aren't with you. Your responsibility is to you, so you have to figure out what's more important.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,943 Member
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    shell1005 wrote: »
    I don't consider the spectrum of thin to heavy to be a competition between myself and my friends. Some of your overweight friends may be a little envious of your success...I know I have experienced that. However, I would try to just discount it once or twice, but if they really try to hamper your health goals and make you feel badly about losing weight, I'd find new friends. Giving up your health doesn't seem like an option to me.

    This.
  • GaleHawkins
    GaleHawkins Posts: 8,160 Member
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    Livgetfit wrote: »
    e_j_wilson wrote: »
    I find it hard to stick with a healthy lifestyle when ALL of my friends are 25kg or more heavier than I am. I need to lose 5kg to be at the upper limit of the healthy BMI range, so I wouldn't class myself as thin. If I indulge (which is often) I get comments like "How do you do it? I eat half what you do and look at me." If I make healthier choices I get comments like "You don't need to lose weight. I'd love to have a body like yours." Well I'd love to eat without my size being brought up. Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.

    You need new friends.

    I'm sorry, that is brutal but we have to face some other challenges during a lifestyle change and I think you've hit one of yours.

    You've grown as a person. You're doing this because you want better for yourself. You're putting yourself first. This is at odds with the people you are keeping around in your life.

    Accept that how you interact with them may need to be overhauled. If you truly believe they deserve you, speak openly & frankly about either getting their support or having the subject off limits. If you cringe at the thought of doing this, you have your answer. Chuck 'em.

    Yes that is blunt talk.

    Research however shows birds of the feather flock together. The odd man out will feel the pressure to conform most of the time. However I know two very good friends (women) with a weight difference of 200 pounds and there is no talk of size or eating habits between them. If we talk weight differences then it is on top of our minds.

    It may be different being an old man. I just tell others if they comment I plan to live to be 110. It is unreal how many openly state they DO NOT want to live to be 110. If they have been really mean I may just tell them they really have nothing to worry about in their case. :)

    Now that I am not obese I have to guard against thinking bad things about obese people that want to stay obese. On the flip side I will work with anyone asking me serious questions about how I lost 50 pounds. Most know I did it for pain management and as an example for my 18 year old twins. One is showing signs of arthritis and asked for her own copy of Wheat Belly Total Health by William Davis MD. I gave it to her today. I expect she will do LCHF if needed just because she sees I went from very limited mobility to walking well and for long distances. If it had not been for the kids I may have just sit down and stopped moving or got on Enbrel.


  • OsricTheKnight
    OsricTheKnight Posts: 340 Member
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    e_j_wilson wrote: »
    I find it hard to stick with a healthy lifestyle when ALL of my friends are 25kg or more heavier than I am. I need to lose 5kg to be at the upper limit of the healthy BMI range, so I wouldn't class myself as thin. If I indulge (which is often) I get comments like "How do you do it? I eat half what you do and look at me." If I make healthier choices I get comments like "You don't need to lose weight. I'd love to have a body like yours." Well I'd love to eat without my size being brought up. Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.

    Have you tried "wouldn't you like to lose some weight too? I can show you how - it's calories in vs calories out: I might be eating more than you right now but it's because I've earned it with healthy habits all week. Let me show you this logging tool I use - here's the meal we're eating right now ..."

    Osric

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