A very strange conversation.......

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Whitezombiegirl
Whitezombiegirl Posts: 1,042 Member
in Motivation and Support
I’ve been quietly fuming about this for a while now and just need to vent!

I had a very strange conversation with my father. He was calling me gaunt and too thin. His main argument was that I’ve lost my bust. (I’ve lost 2 cup sizes, 1 chest size btw) I replied that I still have a big round bottom (lol). He said that it didn’t matter about the bottom, the top was the most important (he is a breast-man). I said ‘who cares?’. To which he replied ‘Men!’.

This is where I’m fuming… in some way he feels that it’s a women’s duty to be pretty and attractive to all men, as if we are window-dressing or part of the decoration. It’s so demeaning. I don’t dress for men. I wear what I want for me – and me alone. I don’t care if random men in the street would be more attracted to me if I had a larger bust. I’m not that insecure.

I said there was nothing wrong with having a small chest and he said ‘that’s up to your husband’. WTF!!! Since when should my husband have a say over MY body? If that was the case surely I should have expected in say in my husbands 20lb weight gain?? (which I don’t). This was the man who was also pointing out my slight saddlebag thighs- I can’t win!

and yes, I think it's inappropriate for my father to comment on my bust.

Vent over…..
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Replies

  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    "Dad, I think it's creepy that you're commenting on my boobs, and as I am a grown woman, I will make my own choices."
  • oh_happy_day
    oh_happy_day Posts: 1,138 Member
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    That is gross and demeaning for all the reasons you mentioned. It reveals a lot about his beliefs about women.
  • TheopolisAmbroiseIII
    TheopolisAmbroiseIII Posts: 197 Member
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    Boobs come and boobs go, but good hips are where it's at. *ahem* that is, only you need to be happy with you.
  • lisalsd1
    lisalsd1 Posts: 1,521 Member
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    He sounds like a pig; no offense, but seriously. And you're right, not all men care about big boobs. Purely from a physical standpoint, it's been my experience (as small busted and big-butted) that hot men at the gym prefer large backsides.
  • MelodyandBarbells
    MelodyandBarbells Posts: 7,725 Member
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    Kick him in the nuts next time - would be just as appropriate as your conversation :)
  • MissusSpags
    MissusSpags Posts: 109 Member
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    Alatariel75 wrote: »
    "Dad, I think it's creepy that you're commenting on my boobs, and as I am a grown woman, I will make my own choices."

    This.
  • hcs00
    hcs00 Posts: 40 Member
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    Tell him his boobs are too big and he should try your diet.
  • MNRaven
    MNRaven Posts: 5 Member
    edited September 2015
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    My dad's full of *kitten* too.
  • WickedPineapple
    WickedPineapple Posts: 701 Member
    edited September 2015
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    oh_happy_day wrote: »
    That is gross and demeaning for all the reasons you mentioned. It reveals a lot about his beliefs about women.

    ^This says a lot about his beliefs about men as well. (It always bugs me when men say "all men want ABC" and women say "all women want XYZ".)

    Also, eww.
  • jlahorn
    jlahorn Posts: 377 Member
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    Oh my god, that's so creepy...

    ... and I can totally visualize my dad saying the same thing. Gross :/
  • goldthistime
    goldthistime Posts: 3,214 Member
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    As usual, I'm looking for the pony in this pile of poop. Are you and your dad generally close? Is he a "gentle ribbing", fun kind of guy? I can't imagine my dad saying this under any circumstance, but that formality might preclude us from discussing personal things perhaps we SHOULD be discussing. We aren't huggers either. And he never teases or jokes around. Hoping there is some good with the obvious bad.
  • refuseresist
    refuseresist Posts: 934 Member
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    AS far as my dad is concerned, i don't even HAVE breasts. And that is as it should be
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,325 Member
    edited September 2015
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    "and yes, I think it's inappropriate for my father to comment on my bust." so do I. so tell him to mind his own business and your breasts aren't his business!

    inappropriate towards us and our bodies is really a big motivator for getting heavy in the first place. fat = protection.

    give it some thought.

  • refuseresist
    refuseresist Posts: 934 Member
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    "Mum said she would prefer it if your #### was bigger, but we can't always get what we want can we?'
  • amusedmonkey
    amusedmonkey Posts: 10,330 Member
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    He's from a different generation that had a different set of beliefs and expectations. Trying to change parents or their beliefs almost never works. Nod and divert is the best strategy.
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,908 Member
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    Really? I would just tell him that if your husband has a problem with the size of your breasts he can speak up for himself and if your husband has a problem with the size of your breasts he can offer to buy you new ones or keep his trap shut too. Being healthy is much more important than cup size anyway.
  • Whitezombiegirl
    Whitezombiegirl Posts: 1,042 Member
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    goldthistime wrote: »
    Are you and your dad generally close? Is he a "gentle ribbing", fun kind of guy? Hoping there is some good with the obvious bad.

    Yeah, we are close. He is 70 and has 'old fashioned' kind of views. He also has no verbal filter.........

    I do ignore him - but sometimes i can't help seething behind his back. My sister hit the roof when he described women as 'fragile and delicate' to his young grandson.........
  • maillemaker
    maillemaker Posts: 1,253 Member
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    Creepy thread is creepy.
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
    edited September 2015
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    Whitezombiegirl wrote: »
    goldthistime wrote: »
    Are you and your dad generally close? Is he a "gentle ribbing", fun kind of guy? Hoping there is some good with the obvious bad.

    Yeah, we are close. He is 70 and has 'old fashioned' kind of views. He also has no verbal filter.........

    I do ignore him - but sometimes i can't help seething behind his back. My sister hit the roof when he described women as 'fragile and delicate' to his young grandson.........

    That explains a lot.

    My dad is a bit younger than yours, and is still sometimes awkward even making off-color jokes in front of me so there is no way we'd ever have a similar conversation. Plus, my dad just doesn't think that way.

    But some of his contemporaries? That's a different story. They're bright enough not to comment about me even if dad's not in earshot because I'm known to return fire and it's not as if I like these people or care what they think of me. But, they'll make similar comments about other women.

    The fragile and delicate thing, though - that's not one I've heard in a looong time. Not where they actually meant it.
  • Jruzer
    Jruzer Posts: 3,501 Member
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    Parents can be very difficult to deal with. My mom was very pleased when I had lost weight, but was constantly on me about regaining it, probably because she had yo-yoed her entire life. She was projecting her failures onto me.

    Once I sent her some pictures of me and my sons from a difficult backpacking trip; I was really proud of them. He comment: "You look like you've gained some weight in your face."

    After that I told her that discussions of my weight were off limits.

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