husband complaint

I think your hubby needs a reality check! Maybe in some, twisted, idiotic way, he thinks by saying those horrible things will encourage and motivate you, when in reality he is hurting you and is too blind to realise what a mistake he is making. Sit him down and tell him what a pratt he is being.
Or, he just is a bloody idiot and needs kicking to the curb!

135 and 5'2" is a good weight... Especially after having children. I would say that you are probably looking smoking hot.

If I were you I would tell him to put a sock in it... And, if he doesn't have anything nice to say - Then he shouldn't say anything at all. Try to stay positive... Think about the other people in your life that give you compliments and thrive on those... Remember that you are doing something good for YOU - Not him.

Keep up the good work!
Kait

p.s. Everyone telling you to ditch your husband... Don't take that to personally. He sounds like an a**. But if you love him... then you love him. Make your own choices; you are your own woman.

wow. i'm 5'2" and 137. and my hubby tells me everyday how beautiful and sexy i am. and i have a flabby csection tummy. so i dont see it at all. your husband doesnt sound very supportive of you. and doesnt sound like a healthy environment for you or your children. as far as compliments when drunk, my mom always told me that drinking brings out the truth. ppl dont edit themselves when drunk for the most part. maybe his own insecurities with himself make him bring you down when he's sober. like the whole mean girls in high school mentality. either way, not all men are like this. nor do you deserve this treatment. your kids will eventually see it. and i'm speaking from experience, its a very hard thing to listen to and see your parents fight and say harsh things to each other.

My question for you is, why would you be with someone who called you names like that? What disrespect that is to you. I see you have kids, which makes it even worse. They don't need to grow up and hear that kind of talk. Total BS!

Agreed, but walking out of an otherwise healthy relationship (if it is) is not great role modeling either. Children need to see conflict and need to see appropriate and healthy ways to deal with it. These are life skills that they will use for the rest of their lives. Your children should see that you are strong as a couple and that you will make every healthy attempt to overcome issues.

With that said, maybe he was listening to your complaint and internalized it. Alcohol fuels emotions so he was prob really just loving you and wanted to show it.

I would not mention the fact that he compliments you only when intoxicated. Instead I would be more proactive. I would say "Honey, you know when you complimented me the other day? It made me feel really good and it motivates me to keep pushing harder. Thank you." It will acknowledge what he said, how it benefited you, and open the door to say those kinds of things when he is sober (it may be difficult for him to do until he becomes more comfortable with complimenting you). Then compliment him every once in a while, and you kids. Make it a family effort to encourage each other.

Don't forget to take the compliment and enjoy it. You have earned it.

He's a jerk, you're deep in denial. I honestly hope you get some help beyond this board. You really need it. How long do you think it's going to before your kids hear and understand him saying things like that to you. If you can't find the strength to get help for yourself, do it for your babies.

So many of those comments are ridiculous and while they are meant to be supportive, they are not.

Smack the *kitten* out of him, really? How about the other way round, a woman calls her husband a fat slob, should he also smack the *kitten* out of her?

The OP is married, with children and while the things her husband is telling her are mean and unkind, I find it horrible that people immediately suggest to ditch him and kick his *kitten* to the curb, and suggest physical violence. What has he actually said to you, verbatim? Did he look at you and say to you "You are fat and gross!" and "I am embarrassed to be seen with you!"? Or is that something you THINK he thinks, and maybe an assumed feeling you extrapolate from your own insecurity?

I believe you should try and get together with him and ask him about why he is shy about paying you compliments when alcohol reveals that he is thinking this way. Some people are not brought up to compliment others, but they can learn it. Tell him how it may affect your daughters, if they also feel that their Dad doesn't "like" their Mom.
Tell him that his support is important to you, that it actually can help you reach your goal (and what he likes to see from you too) easier and earlier. Show him the kindness that you are hoping to get from him, instead of all the hateful things people have said about him here. People learn by example, and yes - that even works for a grown man!

Only if you think that this relationship is not worth saving on any level and that you AND your kids are better off without him should you consider leaving -- not because of some careless words, even if they were hurtful.

Hey come on people. It's a bit full on to tell someone to leave their husband! And I am sure it makes her feel a whole lot better knowing how fabulous your husbands are (I am sure they are lovely and I am genuinely relieved to hear so many of you have wonderful partners) !

I think there is some truth in the whole reverse psychology thing. Some people are just a bit tactless. Also if you speak / think about yourself in a certain way, others think it's OK to think / talk that way about you too. First you have got to love yourself.

He does love you, he wants you to look good because he knows that's what makes you feel good, which in tern probably gives you a better relationship as you are more confident.

I also agree with the other comment. Maybe he feels if you lose weight and become more confident you might look elsewhere. He may be feeling insecure. That way he picks on the thing that bugs you most to make you less likely to stray. However, the alcohol gives him the confidence to say how he really feels, which is that he has noticed you taking care of yourself and he likes it.

You need to lose the weight to feel good about yourself, not to gain compliments from hubby. If, once you have lost the weight, he is still an *kitten*, maybe he needs its time to consider a bit of cognitive therapy for him!

Either way, focus on yourself and getting fit an healthy.

Uhm, conflict doesn't include calling each other horrible names. "You're a fat slob and I'm embarrassed to be seen with you." just completely blows my mind away. There is no conflict there. He is an a**hole. Plain and simple. And FYI - if I called my Fiance a nasty fat slob and told him I didn't ever want to be seen with him, I'd HOPE he'd leave my *kitten* so quick I wouldn't have time to blink.

My question for you is, why would you be with someone who called you names like that? What disrespect that is to you. I see you have kids, which makes it even worse. They don't need to grow up and hear that kind of talk. Total BS!

Agreed, but walking out of an otherwise healthy relationship (if it is) is not great role modeling either. Children need to see conflict and need to see appropriate and healthy ways to deal with it. These are life skills that they will use for the rest of their lives. Your children should see that you are strong as a couple and that you will make every healthy attempt to overcome issues.

With that said, maybe he was listening to your complaint and internalized it. Alcohol fuels emotions so he was prob really just loving you and wanted to show it.

I would not mention the fact that he compliments you only when intoxicated. Instead I would be more proactive. I would say "Honey, you know when you complimented me the other day? It made me feel really good and it motivates me to keep pushing harder. Thank you." It will acknowledge what he said, how it benefited you, and open the door to say those kinds of things when he is sober (it may be difficult for him to do until he becomes more comfortable with complimenting you). Then compliment him every once in a while, and you kids. Make it a family effort to encourage each other.

Don't forget to take the compliment and enjoy it. You have earned it.

This was a great response!

So many of those comments are ridiculous and while they are meant to be supportive, they are not.

Smack the *kitten* out of him, really? How about the other way round, a woman calls her husband a fat slob, should he also smack the *kitten* out of her?

The OP is married, with children and while the things her husband is telling her are mean and unkind, I find it horrible that people immediately suggest to ditch him and kick his *kitten* to the curb, and suggest physical violence. What has he actually said to you, verbatim? Did he look at you and say to you "You are fat and gross!" and "I am embarrassed to be seen with you!"? Or is that something you THINK he thinks, and maybe an assumed feeling you extrapolate from your own insecurity?

I believe you should try and get together with him and ask him about why he is shy about paying you compliments when alcohol reveals that he is thinking this way. Some people are not brought up to compliment others, but they can learn it. Tell him how it may affect your daughters, if they also feel that their Dad doesn't "like" their Mom.
Tell him that his support is important to you, that it actually can help you reach your goal (and what he likes to see from you too) easier and earlier. Show him the kindness that you are hoping to get from him, instead of all the hateful things people have said about him here. People learn by example, and yes - that even works for a grown man!

Only if you think that this relationship is not worth saving on any level and that you AND your kids are better off without him should you consider leaving -- not because of some careless words, even if they were hurtful.

it's a pattern of behavior not an off hand comment. He's not pointing out -- "hey honey -- you've gained some weight and I'm worried about your health". The words she used were "fat" and "gross" and embarrassed to be seen with you". And what a skewed perception -- she gained some weight having HIS kids. We're not talking about years of self neglect here.

It's one thing if he "just doesn't know how to compliment her" -- but he's on the other end of the spectrum. He's insulting her -- that's verbal abuse -- a form of DOMESTIC VIOLENCE. Maybe advocating physical violence isn't the rainbow and roses way to solve this issue -- but the point everyone's trying to make is she deserves better. Based on her description of the situation the man is an *kitten*. He's abusive. You don't change that type of behavior without a wake up call -- a dose of reality.

Speaking as a former counselor who worked with victims and abusers. Abusers are slick -- paint a real nice picture for everyone around you -- but make sure you convince the victim that they are worthless. Convince them that there's no where else to go -- that your only option is to put up with the abuse. I think the majority of responses here are just trying to say that's not the case. She and her children deserve better than that!!!