I want to quit so I fit in with my friends.

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Replies

  • Mezzie1024
    Mezzie1024 Posts: 380 Member
    When people ask me how I do it, I answer in detail, all the way down to logging to keep to my 250/day calorie deficit, but sometimes I go over on a particular day and make it balance out by the end of the week, and sometimes I have maintenance days and weeks. It takes 30 seconds to a minute to answer, and it stops repeat questions except from the few who ask what I use to log or how I know what a serving is (those few sometimes become new MFP members). I've taken their questions at face value and assigned them zero judgment or emotion. I have also lost zero friends, and my friends come in all fitness, size, and ability levels. Maybe it's just me, but when my friends say something that I *could* take the wrong way, I choose not to. If it's really bad and I can't find a positive or innocent intention for it, I ask them what they meant. I've yet to catch someone I consider a friend actually intentionally trying to bring me down in any way, and these candid talks have always brought us closer.

    If the comments bother you, and a straight answer doesn't end them, then let them know how you feel. People aren't mind readers, and they may very well be intending to compliment you or be talking more about themselves than you.

    A lot of people are telling you to dump these friends, and that's a bit unfair if you haven't leveled with them that this subject is uncomfortable for you and given them a chance to adjust. It is entirely possible that your different lifestyles may make you grow apart, but growing apart and dumping are two very different things.
  • Bshmerlie
    Bshmerlie Posts: 1,026 Member
    You can be a leader or a follower. Lead them by example. Explain how you're doing it. Show them the way. Chances are they would love to lose some weight too. Ask them to join you on this journey.
  • hamelle2
    hamelle2 Posts: 297 Member
    When this happens to me I smile and start talking about everything I have learned on here, what to do, how to do it, how not to do it....on and on. Lol
    Now they never ask because they are afraid I will tell them AGAIN for 30 minutes!
    You don't want to quit because of them....do you? ;)
  • mbaker566
    mbaker566 Posts: 11,233 Member
    I just say thanks for the compliments and keep doing what I'm doing.
    not everyone has the motivation to make changes in their life and that's not for me to worry about.
    you do you and let them do them
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
    I would be direct and let them know that unless they are asking for advice, your eating habits and weight are not up for discussion. Also make sure that you are not the one bringing it up. People will take that as an opening to be able to make the kind of comments that are bothering you.
  • megomerrett
    megomerrett Posts: 442 Member
    You've got to do this for you. For the clothes you fit in. The person who looks back from the mirror. The person who stops wheezing when going up stairs.

  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,323 Member
    Merkavar wrote: »
    Don't give in to peer pressure.

    Sounds like your friends are either unsupportive, jealous or lazy.

    Not supporting your healthy choices, jealous of your smaller body and too lazy to do what your doing so trying to make you stop so they don't feel bad.

    Got to do what you need to do, maybe tell them how you feel or explain what you are doing. Maybe, like most people, they have no idea about weightloss and think your starving yourself etc.

    Maybe they need encouragement, from you to get on board and get healthier together.

    ^^^..^^^ this
  • klkarlen
    klkarlen Posts: 4,366 Member
    Tell them there are three "off limits" topics, religion, politics and weight. Then change the subject.

    My elderly mother, who has mild dementia, occasionally says "did you lose more weight?". I just say, no, these are baggy pants. And then I change the subject.
  • SeanNJ
    SeanNJ Posts: 153 Member
    e_j_wilson wrote: »
    Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.

    It's entirely possible these same people would then start discussing your weight gain behind your back.

    "See how much weight she put on?"
    "Yeah, really let herself go."
  • SeanNJ
    SeanNJ Posts: 153 Member
    Mezzie1024 wrote: »
    When people ask me how I do it, I answer in detail

    I go into so much detail that, after a while, people are sorry they asked. :)
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    OsricTheKnight wrote: »
    e_j_wilson wrote: »
    I find it hard to stick with a healthy lifestyle when ALL of my friends are 25kg or more heavier than I am. I need to lose 5kg to be at the upper limit of the healthy BMI range, so I wouldn't class myself as thin. If I indulge (which is often) I get comments like "How do you do it? I eat half what you do and look at me." If I make healthier choices I get comments like "You don't need to lose weight. I'd love to have a body like yours." Well I'd love to eat without my size being brought up. Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.

    Have you tried "wouldn't you like to lose some weight too? I can show you how - it's calories in vs calories out: I might be eating more than you right now but it's because I've earned it with healthy habits all week. Let me show you this logging tool I use - here's the meal we're eating right now ..."

    Osric

    I would totally do this.
  • Azuriaz
    Azuriaz Posts: 785 Member
    jkal1979 wrote: »
    I would be direct and let them know that unless they are asking for advice, your eating habits and weight are not up for discussion. Also make sure that you are not the one bringing it up. People will take that as an opening to be able to make the kind of comments that are bothering you.

    I liked this. Sort of a 'you ask for it, you'll get it' polite approach.

  • Okie_Gal
    Okie_Gal Posts: 36 Member
    Sarah4fitness wrote: »
    Get new friends.

    Agree
  • Unknown
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  • StaciMarie1974
    StaciMarie1974 Posts: 4,138 Member
    edited September 2015
    Sounds like you spend a lot of time with people who pay too much attention to your habits, or perhaps are too concerned with what other people think. Don't discuss your weight loss goals with friends - unless they ask. And even then, keep your response simple and then change the topic. If they push mention whatever health issues you have to shut them up. (Such as: My doctor says I'm at high risk for a heart attack/diabetes if I don't lose weight.)
    e_j_wilson wrote: »
    I find it hard to stick with a healthy lifestyle when ALL of my friends are 25kg or more heavier than I am. I need to lose 5kg to be at the upper limit of the healthy BMI range, so I wouldn't class myself as thin. If I indulge (which is often) I get comments like "How do you do it? I eat half what you do and look at me." If I make healthier choices I get comments like "You don't need to lose weight. I'd love to have a body like yours." Well I'd love to eat without my size being brought up. Sometimes I want to give up just to fit in.

  • krithsai
    krithsai Posts: 668 Member
    Traveler120 wrote: »
    I think quitting would be understandable. Fitting in with your friends is more important. Forget about losing the 5kg and gain the 25kg instead. Your friends will feel better about themselves and that's what truly counts.

    Of course.

  • TinyRaccoon19
    TinyRaccoon19 Posts: 31 Member
    Wow. I wasn't expecting so many responses. I'll keep them in mind in the future, especially the "suck it up buttercup" themed ones☺. I guess I should clear some things up.

    1. I'm not ditching my friends over one tiny aspect. I've ditched friends in the past but that was to do with drugs and gangs. A few years ago I had "friends" ditch me because my income dropped to one third of what it was. My current friends are awesome and have hearts of gold. And three of them are already on MFP
  • vivelajackie
    vivelajackie Posts: 321 Member
    I have friends that have lost weight just because they were inspired by seeing my progress. Don't let all your hard work go because they interogate you whenever you put something in your mouth. What sense does that make?! You got this. Be your own person.
  • TinyRaccoon19
    TinyRaccoon19 Posts: 31 Member
    e_j_wilson wrote: »
    Wow. I wasn't expecting so many responses. I'll keep them in mind in the future, especially the "suck it up buttercup" themed ones☺. I guess I should clear some things up.

    1. I'm not ditching my friends over one tiny aspect. I've ditched friends in the past but that was to do with drugs and gangs. A few years ago I had "friends" ditch me because my income dropped to one third of what it was. My current friends are awesome and have hearts of gold. And three of them are already on MFP
    Half my post dissappeared :/

    2. I'd never intentionally gain that much weight.
    3. I was venting, have a woe-is-me pity party rant, which is something I can't do in real life because it's bound to upset someone. Sometime I run low on confidence and determination.

  • aprilricks86
    aprilricks86 Posts: 67 Member
    People will always have something to say about your body, whether you're skinny, fat or in-between. I, and I'm sure many people have dealt with this our entire lives. As a kid I was teased for being chubby and the nickname given to me (by "loving" family members) was "chubs." As a teen, one of my family members "told" me to eat a cookie in front of her to "prove" to her that I wasn't anorexic. Now, as an adult, I feel the pressure all the time to eat how others want me to eat, eat foods that other people want me to eat (or not eat), and do things with my body that other people do or don't want me to do, really it's never-ending.

    Unfortunately, other people feel the need to do and say things to other people in hopes that they will do whatever that person is doing to. . . feel better about themselves I'm guessing? I'm sure that's not always the case, but in any event, you are in control of your own body and what you do / don't put in it and what you choose to do or not do with your body. I've learned to just "do me" and let other people "do them." Everyone has a different opinion in regards to eating / fitness / nutrition, why not just move on and choose to do what makes you (and for me, God) happy? Instead of "fitting in" why not choose to be a good role model to other people to help them realize their own potential? Anyway, that's up to you to decide ;)

    Good luck! :)
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