30 yrs old girl in need after life-changing events...sharing my story and asking for help! <3

Hello Serenere! I can relate to your challenges. My story is similar, though I am quite a few years older. The combination of loss of a relationship, family issues and moving away from home and the place of your healthy habits can have a dramatic affect on your sense of self. I am American, married to a European and have lived in Europe for the past 12 years. Before that, I lived in NYC - where I had moved after university. Both of these moves were my choice and were a positive part of coming to understand who I am/want to be and what I need to feel my best.

I had to return to the States for most of the past 18 months because of a family member's health crisis (in the interim, my 20+ year marriage ended as well - just to add another source of stress!). While I was happy to be able to play a supportive role, it was a culture and lifestyle shock to move back to my childhood home in the suburbs, after years of urban life. Some changes I had to accept. For example the absence of a public transit system outside the cities meant that I had to get a car - which I spent hours sitting in, in traffic!

Of course it was I who allowed myself to be influenced by some of the other cultural habits which I had grown away from in my adult years while living on my own. Now I was living with family and wanted to "go with the flow". What was initially a sort of vacation from my healthier habits became the new reality and I started to doubt that I'd ever find the motivation, belief and will to become my former much healthier self. I basically defaulted to bad habits as a means of coping with stress, rather than prioritizing my health.

So, now I am back in Europe, in my own home, and I thought everything would fall into place again, but it hasn't been so easy. I know that the missing link is within me. So I ask myself what is really holding me back. We block ourselves in ways were not even aware of. Usually fear of some sort is at the root of it. For me, at this point in my life, I think it is fear of putting myself out there again, professionally and socially. As long as I feel my role has been to support a sick loved one, I haven't had to take a more active role in my own life. I have been able to hide in the role of care giver. Having my marriage end - even if I believe it was for the best - has shaken my sense of self and this self doubt has flowed into other aspects of my life. It's as if I view my former self and my interests from the other side of a window that I cannot seem to open. The former me: designer in the NYC fashion industry for 15 years, athlete, with a passion for people and languages and social justice and a closet full of fantastic clothes that I cannot (at the moment) wear, has almost come to feel like someone else.

So how do we overcome these obstacles and nurture the best versions of ourselves? Of course these are just my thoughts.

First - Acknowledge the changes in your life and the sense of loss that you're feeling. It's real and deserves to be validated.

Second - Be your own best friend. It sounds silly but it's true. Only you really know yourself and what you need to feel your best (de se sentir bien dans la peau).

Third - Celebrate your life! See it as an adventure - a rich learning experience in which life is the teacher and you are the student. We learn the "right" answers as we go along - and sometimes the right answer changes. But the purpose of life is to learn and to share what we learn with others. We each have something of value to share. And we should never be ashamed to ask for help. The help we gain from one, we can use to help another. Trust that the pain you have felt has made you stronger and use that strength to start the next chapter of your amazing story!

Fourth - Life and everything/everyone is in a constant state of flux - including our weight and physical fitness. Yet who we are, fundamentally, doesn't really change. What are the things you like about yourself? Celebrate those qualities! The more you do, the more others will respond positively to you and the less you will define yourself by your physical appearance. The funny thing is - at least for me - the more we are engaged in things that excite us and with people who inspire and appreciate us - the less seductive croissants (or, in my case, red wine) are. Think about times when you've felt at the top of your game, physically. I would guess that you felt overall happier - food was less tempting because you were being "nourished" by other things.

Five - (this one is sort of a contradiction)
Think of the things that are essential to your sense of equilibrium and inner happiness. For me, it's being able to ride my bike - whether to town or on a 2-hour exercise route. While I was in the States I made sure to get a bike and that really saved me. At the same time, allow yourself to discover new things about your new "home" - even if it's just temporary. Is there a local market? Get to know the vendors. Seek out others who are embracing a healhy lifestyle.

Lastly - I thought I knew it all in terms of nutrition and exercise, but I am always learning new healthy tips from others. At the same time, all of the information can be overwhelming. One of the most useful pieces of advice I come across is to make small changes. Incorporate them gradually into your habits. They may be things you've already done in the past and forgotten about. Don't set the bar too high for yourself. Set yourself up for success. Be patient. The old/new you will reemerge before you know it!

Wow! That was super long! I may have lost you along the way :-)
Hope that wasn't too "preachy"! I'm on this journey too (I've got the same amount to lose) and am happy to share and support!

Thank you, JdoubkleJ!

nrainb wrote: »

@matti2 inspiring, thank you!

@serenere I hope you can like and love yourself again with or without the weight lost, YOU are worth it!!

Good luck to both you!

Thank you @nrainb ! I hope it's going well for you.