i dont want my "real" friends to friend me on MFP!

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13

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  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
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    If you can't be yourself around your "real" friends then why are you all friends??


    my boss isn't my friend...neither is my foster sister...and they both want to be on here pokin' around. I totally get what the OP is saying. And I don't want to share my weight loss with my best friends either, because it just gets into a heated argument. I let them do what they have to do and I'll do what I think is best for me. So I refer them to other sites and forums that might help them, that way I'm not totally sabotaging their weight loss goals. I just friended one of my co-workers on here, so I'm going to stop b!tching about work now, but he's cool...just here to work out, not to vent.
  • Jdismybug1
    Jdismybug1 Posts: 443 Member
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    I feel about the same way. I find that my trouble is that my friends will be like hey lets work out together too. I don't like it, when I go to the gym it's to get away from everything, it's like my sanctuary lately. I've been to the gym with friends and they're like hey are you ignoring me, or hey lets lift weights together, and I just want to do my thing, my way, and work out myself.
    Or I hear that what I am eating is bad, or I feel like I'm competing against someone. For me it's all about support. I don't have to be the best, I just have to feel and see my progress.
  • Sunshine_Girlie
    Sunshine_Girlie Posts: 618 Member
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    I don't think it's really so much of a bad thing having people you truly know as a friend on here, but I like doing this myself. I like having support, but I don't tell everyone around me that I'm trying to lose weight. I'm around a lot of the same people day in and day out and if I mess up, some people will just rub it in my face and make me feel like I'm not ever going to achieve my goals. Yes, I know what Eleanor Roosevelt said, but some people do make me feel inferior. I think it's great to get to know people on here and know that you can help each other. I tell people about these site all the time, but I have not given out my username.

    Anyway, maybe that's just the self-conscious side of me. Then again, I don't do facebook or myspace either. I don't like having the feeling that someone is breathing down my neck constantly.
  • SassieSarah
    SassieSarah Posts: 26
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    I totally understand. That's why I dont post a picture....yet.

    Mostly because I get a feeling people think you're obsessed with ur looks when ur active on sites like this.... Dont wannabe be perceived as obsessed and vain......

    Wich I may be......;)
  • amelia_atlantic
    amelia_atlantic Posts: 926 Member
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    I know what you're saying. It's not that you're phoney or anything with your "real friends" it's just that mfp friends all have a similar mindset. We all came here for the aminimity and support of strangers. It's a way bigger base of people and it goes beyond your daily life.

    Weight loss is a private and personal journey with struggles people who aren't on a similar journey can't fully understand or appreciate.
  • Amy338
    Amy338 Posts: 3
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    of course! who wouldn't want their boss knowing the details of their bowels...maybe if my boss knew about my poo problems i would get a bigger bonus!... its even better to friend the hot guy from work just so he can have written proof of my obesity... its a real turn on, I'm sure he would love to know all about my period and how much i ****!

    i am obviously being very sarcastic here...i don't want my profile to be used for gossip material for the skinny girls at work

    personal things are said on this cite that aren't meant for certain people in my life
  • sbwood888
    sbwood888 Posts: 953 Member
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    Whether you accept them or not, they already know who you are on MFP--so they will see anything you say. Just simply change your user name and profile pic to something they will not know about and keep it to yourself. You can remain anonymous that way. If MFP wont let you change your user name (I never tried) I would just start a new account for the new anonymous me.
  • amber2o05
    amber2o05 Posts: 6
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    Yeah I feel the same way! Lol that's funny bc I wouldn't accept any friend request from people I actually know, that's actually why I came on the boards to find some people on here to discuss things with :)
  • monkeysmum
    monkeysmum Posts: 522 Member
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    i can see both sides on this for me what works is having my rl friends on here being in a place that they can boot my *kitten* if i go all TOM choc binge on them who will support me to get back on the trampoline and wii fit and celebrate our victorys with a skinny cappuchino in person

    im not sure about my boss or work friends especially if i fancied a rant but then again isnt that what fb is for and diet support on here

    add who will help you on your journey and ignore the rest if they are good enough friends they will understand your reasons and if not well they arent really worth the bother
  • julsofdenial
    julsofdenial Posts: 225 Member
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    I agree... all of my closest friends are skinny and don't use a site like this..lol.

    Other than that, I have told a few people/friends but I have not given my user name. Some of my hubby's friends etc..and I don't really want them knowing my actual weight or TOM etc either. I come to forums and have friends here because we are all working towards the same goal and I feel I can vent, be stressed, depressed or anything that won't then bleed over into the rest of my life. I enjoy having a bit of anonymity.
    Now, do I vent and talk with my "real life" friends.. of course... but that is how/when I want.
    I don't really think my "real" friends aren't really my friends because I don't let them into this part of my life. In fact, of the few I have told, they are less supportive than most people here who are so excited for me or understand the work I am putting in.

    Maybe I am looking for a pat on the back, or just support, but when I told my BF I lost 7 pounds, she just said "oh nice. You know so and so lost 50 pounds." So I try not to talk about calories, dieting, weight loss to some people.. its just maddening.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,991 Member
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    once they know your screen name, you aren't hiding anything..."friend" or not.
  • KendalBeee
    KendalBeee Posts: 2,269 Member
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    I completely understand. I'm friends on here with a lot of people I know in real life, but they aren't necessarily a "real friend."

    I equivilate it to being friends with my mom and former pastor on facebook. There are some things I want to post on there, but I also want to keep from my relatives and pastor. In the end, I keep my mouth shut more on facebook than I used to.
  • JMCade
    JMCade Posts: 389 Member
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    If you can't be yourself around your "real" friends then why are you all friends??
    WELL SAID!!!!!!
  • Cmccracken1
    Cmccracken1 Posts: 326 Member
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    i'm kind of a take it or leave it person so if my real friends wanted to friend me on here i absolutely would do it. if i cant be myself around them they dont fall into the friend category that is more the acquaintance category, you know what i mean..
  • brph26
    brph26 Posts: 207 Member
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    I totally get what you are saying. Out of my close girlfriends, I am probably the smallest in weight.....but, I am still working on getting back to where I started before having kids. So, it's something I feel like they sometimes resent me for because I am smaller and still wanting to lose. Not all of them, but a few, so I don't like to bring up the weight loss/calorie counting when we are together.

    I love being on the site and finding friends that are so close in the same weight loss goals, etc. You feel like these people "understand" you better because you are so similar in this one particular area.
  • tacticalhippie
    tacticalhippie Posts: 596 Member
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    The difference between talking about it on here vs IRL with them is that on here, they can chose to ignore it.
    Its not like they *have* to be part of what you're talking about....
    Make sense?

    Like if you were in/at the *insert random gathering of people* and started asking "insert random weightloss question* they would be obligated to sit there and be engaged in the conversation. Online, unless they were just really nosey, if they didn't want to get involved in the conversation, they could just skip over it.
  • NeuroticVirgo
    NeuroticVirgo Posts: 3,671 Member
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    Totally. I feel like I'm almost a little obsessive about food and exercise now...and most my friends just don't want to hear it. (Heck half of them are probably tired of seeing MFP update my facebook LOL). But I enjoy coming on here and being able to vent about how hard it is to lose weight, or how I was pissed that my friend thought it was a good idea to buy me a 2000 calorie brownie for my birthday etc.

    I have some people on my MFP friends list that are my friends in real life, but they are focused on weight loss too. Like really focused...not "Ooo look I made a new profile some where and I want lots of friends" focused...if that makes sense.

    Just ignore their friend requests...if they say anything (sorry MFP) maybe just blame it on the system and say you didn't get it. But especially if you think them signing up to MFP is just a phase...they probably won't even notice you didn't accept their friend request because after a month or so they won't even sign in anymore.
  • stephlake
    stephlake Posts: 105 Member
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    I agree with your perception on keeping the two seperate. My struggle is mine and mine alone. I am told by those that know me closely that I wear my weight well and although the people in my life, (family,friends,coworkers) know that I am working out and losing weight, they dont NEED to know my exact goals, struggles and concerns.

    The people in my life are my real friends, and my contacts on this website are other citizens with the same goals and struggles as me. I can speak openly without embarrassment on this site knowing that tomorrow when they pass out donuts at work no one will be thinking "she better log that later".

    As far as those who have asked "If you can't be yourself around your "real" friends then why are you all friends??" Those comments seem to amplify the exact reason why you are making the right decision to keep the two areas seperate. Keeping this site impersonal allows you to be honest without fear of judgement from those around you. Its easy for them to call you out about your friendships, but I think its unrealistic to say that we are completely open with our "real life" friends.
  • joeysrib
    joeysrib Posts: 158 Member
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    I would have to agree, I do not want my boss as a "friend". She sent me a friend request on FB, and I ignored, I did not feel I had to explain to her, until one day she asked, I told her that to me, that was my time to vent, and that I felt there should be a professional separation as it were. Surprisingly, she understood.
  • craft338
    craft338 Posts: 870 Member
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    i think a lot of people are misunderstanding what i really meant by "friends" and that's my fault because i didn't explain well.

    i was really talking more about regular people in my life that i might consider my "friend" but not necessarily a GOOD or CLOSE "friend", like co-workers or friends of friends that i hang out with every so often or the girl who sat next to me last semester, my mom's neighbor, my cousin's girlfriend, my old roommates NEW roommate, and so on....

    sorry i wasn't clear in the first post =(

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