Throwing in the towel

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  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,135 Member
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    clarion_r wrote: »
    zyxst wrote: »
    and what will "snap back" in a few years.

    What does this mean?

    I have plenty of loose skin. It may or may not tighten up in the next few years.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,135 Member
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    Patttience wrote: »
    I'm a bit confused about where you are at . Have you lost the weight you needed to lose and just want to relax now or do you still have some way to go. If hte latter, I can offer help but if you are ready to just coast along having been diligent in reaching your goal, then all i'd say is be careful you don't fall back into bad old ways.

    If you are merely sick of logging, great. You can't be expected to log yoru food for hte rest of your life. That's a bad plan.

    I'm in maintenance, have recently stopped food diarising. Haven't done much actually logging all along my journey becuase its too tiresome.

    But if you need help, because you have still some way to go then i'm your gal. Pm me as i may not get back here. MFP forum doesn't really make it easy to revisit threads. You need to be extra motivated to get back and check.

    But as someone who has spent a lot of time in depression over the years I probably understand some of your issues. I am certainly with you as regards exercise. I do it now of course but most of my journey i did not do it and i will stop anytime i'm sick of it except now i've got a dog so i can't really do absolutely nothing as i used. But the gym - never!

    I've lost 163# so far and have 10ish left to reach the original goal I'd set almost 4 years ago. I understand the last bit will take it's sweet time coming off - maybe in 2 months, maybe 2 years - though it's becoming more and more annoying to play the yo-yo game every month. I'd been set to .5# loss per week and, in the long run I was on "schedule", but seeing my loss would get masked by ToM weight gain - I'd lose 2# in a week, gain 4# in 10 days, lose those 4# in 2 weeks (basically only losing weight 1 week a month). I'm honestly sick of that yo-yo crap. I'm not at a "healthy" weight (another 15# according to BMI). I don't know what else to do to lose it other than eat less and develop the ED I was getting into. I'm PO'ed that I didn't reach my GW and probably never will. I explained to a RL friend that it's like running a 24 miles of a marathon, then deciding to take the sag wagon the last 2 miles. Oh yeah, I ran 24 miles, but I didn't complete the marathon I set out to do. Oh yeah, I lost 163#, but I didn't reach my goal.

    I could've worded the title better, such as 'when did you decide you were done with losing/gaining weight and ready to begin maintaining', but that was too long.

    Also, I'm going to have to keep a food diary and weigh my food the rest of my life otherwise I will gain the weight back. I'm curious why you think this is a bad idea?
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,135 Member
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    ninerbuff wrote: »
    Awhile back I had a client who had a frustrating day and told me she was ready to quit (she had about 30lbs left to lose). At this point she lost 100lbs. I consoled her and asked her to do me a favor. I grabbed a pair of 50lb dumbells and put them in her hands and told her to just walk across the room with them and back. She thought it was part of the workout. When she put them down I asked her if that was hard or not and she replied in an expletive. Then I reminded her that almost a year ago, that's how she felt everyday.
    She kissed me on the cheek, called me an expletive name, smiled and said, "Okay I get it, let's get to work now".

    She ended up reaching goal (this past April), had some surgery to remove loose skin and is in the best shape of her life.

    It'll happen. Just not when you throw in the towel.

    I guess I'm not reading your intent in your posts. All I get from them is "Yeah, all this work you've done is great, but you're still a loser because you want to stop now". It's nice to be pushed when both people can see the end, be it end of session or weight lifted or reps complete. No or very little progression is not inspiring.

    inb4 "I guess you don't want it bad enough" spiel.
  • lapierrecyclist
    lapierrecyclist Posts: 153 Member
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    Oh my gosh, you have lost 163 lbs??? That is an AMAZING achievement. Give yourself credit! You have worked so hard for that. I am sorry you are feeling down. In one of your posts you mentioned being tired of feeling "hangry" (that is hungry + angry, right?). I wanted to suggest that you might try eating something with protein at every meal to help with that feeling.

    I am also wondering, after checking out your profile, if you are an emotional eater like me? Maybe after losing the weight you are also finding a lot of feelings coming out that formerly were stuffed down? Just a thought. I use a free, private journaling site called penzu.com and that helps me work through some of those feelings. Also, I know that when my sleep is not good, that impacts me a lot (and my sleep is frequently not good).

    Know that you are worthy, just as you are.
  • ahoy_m8
    ahoy_m8 Posts: 3,053 Member
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    I just want to say, as many others have, what you have accomplished is awesome and inspiring. I'm just not seeing the marathon analogy. One is a sporting event. One is an arbitrary number on the scale. In CBT, it'd be called "all or nothing" thinking. "All or nothing" thinking distorts reality, which in this case, is you have achieved 95% of your goal. That's amazing. That's not nothing. "All or nothing" thinking promotes depression. Try to recognize it and stay away from it.

    What's bad about giving maintenance a "trial run?" See if it feels different, if added calories impact your mood, if you discover different behaviors that help/hinder, etc. If you treat it like an experiment, you will most certainly learn something. And what you learn will be valuable for the final push (if you decide to go that route) and beyond. Lyle McDonald makes a good case for occasional full diet breaks. If you haven't had one, Lyle would say you're way overdue.

    Deficit fatigue is totally understandable. Cut yourself some slack. I'm willing to bet that if you did maintenance for a month, the whole picture would look different than it does right now. Congrats again on your amazing progress.
  • ahoy_m8
    ahoy_m8 Posts: 3,053 Member
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    I just looked up my handy list of cognitive distortions, for my own edification. It seems like a couple could conceivably apply in this case, so FWIW I'm posting them below. Once again, you have a tremendous accomplishment behind you. The last 10-ish pounds, whether you decide to go after them or not, in no rational realistic way constitute failure.
    • •All-Or-Nothing Thinking –If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
    • •Overgeneralization – You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.
    • •Mental Filter – You dwell on a single negative exclusively so that your vision of reality becomes darkened.
    • •Disqualifying the positive – You dismiss positive experiences, distorting the big picture.
    • •Jumping to conclusions – You make a negative interpretation without definite facts.
    • A. Mind reading. You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you.
    • B. The fortune teller error. You feel convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.
    • •Magnification or Minimization- You exaggerate the importance of things or shrink things
    • •Emotional Reasoning – “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”
    • •Should Statements – Directed toward self, the emotional consequence is guilt. When directed toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.
    • •Labeling –extreme form of overgeneralization, involves language that is emotionally loaded.
  • amyf2000
    amyf2000 Posts: 44 Member
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    I decided I should maintain within a range, and I decided to make my UGW the lower end of my range. I felt like I wanted more energy to put into my workouts, and getting to a number on the scale became less important to me than having the energy to work on my figure skating jumps every day and get stronger.
  • DeterminedFee201426
    DeterminedFee201426 Posts: 859 Member
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    For me i threw in the towel temporarily because mentally couldn't hold a deficit any longer .. and went straight to maintaining for 3 months (i think i got tierd of being in a deficit) i wanted that extra food more than weightloss at the time_ also i was comfortable at thee weight i was at the time.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
    edited October 2015
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    zyxst wrote: »
    I've lost 163# so far and have 10ish left to reach the original goal I'd set almost 4 years ago. I understand the last bit will take it's sweet time coming off - maybe in 2 months, maybe 2 years - though it's becoming more and more annoying to play the yo-yo game every month. I'd been set to .5# loss per week and, in the long run I was on "schedule", but seeing my loss would get masked by ToM weight gain - I'd lose 2# in a week, gain 4# in 10 days, lose those 4# in 2 weeks (basically only losing weight 1 week a month). I'm honestly sick of that yo-yo crap. I'm not at a "healthy" weight (another 15# according to BMI). I don't know what else to do to lose it other than eat less and develop the ED I was getting into. I'm PO'ed that I didn't reach my GW and probably never will. I explained to a RL friend that it's like running a 24 miles of a marathon, then deciding to take the sag wagon the last 2 miles. Oh yeah, I ran 24 miles, but I didn't complete the marathon I set out to do. Oh yeah, I lost 163#, but I didn't reach my goal.

    The last bit IS frustrating, especially when you are used to losing much faster (like at the end of a big weight loss).

    I think you should drop that marathon analogy, it's not like that at all. What makes your original goal weight, set before you really had any idea how you would look at feel at your current weight or that weight, the ultimate prize, such that you aren't successful completely until you make it? You ARE successful and if you are happy where you are now or feeling that it's messing with your mind to keep going right now, then stop. I think there's a bigger risk if you don't take a break when you feel miserable that you might overeat more when you stop.

    But also, I don't think you need to think of it as a final decision or throwing in the towel. Stop for now, and work on maintenance and how that works for you. You can always lose more weight later if you decide you want to.
  • coachRichie
    coachRichie Posts: 27 Member
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    So 3 years ago I was at 185 pounds and was at my heaviest and my 36" waist pants were getting snug. That is when I decided to start to do something about it.. I had always gone to the gym but was sort of not regular about it and my diet included anything and everything.
    So first thing I did was to exercise on a regular basis.. I actually quit my gym and I started to do cardio workouts at home. I started to do the T25 workout since it only required 25 minutes of my day.. after 5 weeks I was down 10 pounds and after 15 weeks I was down 30 pounds.. I got down to 155 pounds and I was feeling great and a lot of people noticed the weight loss. I then started to get more strict on my nutrition and I gave up alcohol and also went gluten free. I then did another workout from BeachBody and this one was P90X3 and by the end of that 90 days I was down another 10 pounds.. I got down to 145 pounds. I met my goals and guess what.. I was not happy with the way I looked. I did get down to a 32" waist but I had lost so much muscle and body fat.. so I decided to start another goal and I decided that I was going to go back up to my heavy weight but slowly and this time by eating the correct foods not just junk food.
    So this is where I am now.. 3 years later I am currently at about 173 pounds and I have added weight training to my workouts and I have gained a lot of muscle but have stayed fairly lean.. I do have moments when I am bulking up and then cutting.. so my weight does go up and down. .

    So I guess I did not throw in the towel and give up but rather set new goals.
    If you find your goals are not attainable then maybe try for different goals.
    Do not give up.. this is not something that should last for 3 weeks or 3 months this has to be something that you are going to continue to do for the rest of your life.. It is a lifestyle that you need to commit to.

    Richie
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,135 Member
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    lemurcat12 wrote: »
    zyxst wrote: »
    I've lost 163# so far and have 10ish left to reach the original goal I'd set almost 4 years ago. I understand the last bit will take it's sweet time coming off - maybe in 2 months, maybe 2 years - though it's becoming more and more annoying to play the yo-yo game every month. I'd been set to .5# loss per week and, in the long run I was on "schedule", but seeing my loss would get masked by ToM weight gain - I'd lose 2# in a week, gain 4# in 10 days, lose those 4# in 2 weeks (basically only losing weight 1 week a month). I'm honestly sick of that yo-yo crap. I'm not at a "healthy" weight (another 15# according to BMI). I don't know what else to do to lose it other than eat less and develop the ED I was getting into. I'm PO'ed that I didn't reach my GW and probably never will. I explained to a RL friend that it's like running a 24 miles of a marathon, then deciding to take the sag wagon the last 2 miles. Oh yeah, I ran 24 miles, but I didn't complete the marathon I set out to do. Oh yeah, I lost 163#, but I didn't reach my goal.

    The last bit IS frustrating, especially when you are used to losing much faster (like at the end of a big weight loss).

    I think you should drop that marathon analogy, it's not like that at all. What makes your original goal weight, set before you really had any idea how you would look at feel at your current weight or that weight, the ultimate prize, such that you aren't successful completely until you make it? You ARE successful and if you are happy where you are now or feeling that it's messing with your mind to keep going right now, then stop. I think there's a bigger risk if you don't take a break when you feel miserable that you might overeat more when you stop.

    But also, I don't think you need to think of it as a final decision or throwing in the towel. Stop for now, and work on maintenance and how that works for you. You can always lose more weight later if you decide you want to.

    140 was just at the top of a "healthy" weight on BMI charts, close enough that medical people might stop the constant suggestion of "your medical problems would go away if you lost weight" that I've heard since I was a child. I'm already cringing for this to happen again despite my GP being quite happy with my health markers.

    It's not that I don't think I'm successful, however success is interpreted. I'm very tired of fighting my hormones in order to lose weight. Yes, I understand I should be "happy" that I lose any amount of weight when many people don't, but that doesn't make the frustration go away when I'm doing the "right" things to lose weight and my hormones keep going "lol, nope".

    As usual, I didn't make myself clear in any of my posts, especially the OP. I wanted to know when/how others decided the time was right to go into maintenance. When did you know you were done losing/gaining weight? Did you reach your goal(s)? Did you stop out of frustration (like me)?

    As for the marathon, I guess I don't see how it's not a reasonable comparison to explain my weight loss problems to a person who's never had a weight problem. Both have starts and finishes. Both are only partially completed. My inability to understand and convey complex ideas strikes again.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,135 Member
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    To point out, I wasn't upset over not reaching my goal other than a slight disappointment of "Oh well, not this year. Guess I'll keep going." As per the MFP playbook, things got out of hand.
  • besaro
    besaro Posts: 1,858 Member
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    For me, i dont think I will ever go fully into "maintenance" even though thats pretty much where I've been for 2 years. I feel chasing after those last 5-10 pounds keeps my head in the game, keeps me from becoming complacent, and keeps me motivated. I dont look at it as drudgery. its unfortunate you do. good luck keeping your 140 pounds off!

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