Ever lose a friend over your weight loss?
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I will never have to worry about such problems. Being a social recluse I have zero friends. Acquaintances yes, family members, yep, but no actual friends and I am just fine with it. I am looking to better myself for myself and no one else.0
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I will never have to worry about such problems. Being a social recluse I have zero friends. Acquaintances yes, family members, yep, but no actual friends and I am just fine with it. I am looking to better myself for myself and no one else.
I'm the same. The less people in your life, the less problems you have to deal with.
I've got my family and husband, and I'm happy and content with that.
OP, in answer to your question. . My sister has been pretty distant since I've lost weight. She's always been thinner than me, but now I'm smaller than her, the whole dynamic has changed.
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Yes. It was an old friend from high school days. I realized it had nothing to do with me, it was her insecurities about herself. She was always the tall skinny one. Me, not so much, lol, barely 5 feet tall and well rounded. Over the years we didn't get to see each other much, as we live in different states, but over the course of last year I happened to travel a bit to my old home town to take care of my aging mom. It was clear that I was changing shape and losing weight slowly. She never said a word. Really? I mean complete strangers had noticed, you know, like the cashier at the grocery store, etc. The last time I walked into her house, I knew I looked and felt good, I had reached my goal weight. And I was wearing a skirt, something I never felt comfortable doing in my fat days, she was downright mean, nasty even. She looked at me as I walked in the door and laughed as she said, "You never wear skirts!" That was her only comment on my weight loss. I realized she was never really a good friend, because good friends encourage and support your efforts. She, on the other hand, felt threatened. That was the last time I saw her. I wish her well.0
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Alatariel75 wrote: »PinkPixiexox wrote: »Interesting question.
I've come close to losing my boyfriend over weight loss - not a friend. The reason being there was a time where I became totally, utterly, unhealthily obsessed with what the scales told me which resulted in me practically giving up any form of social life so I could plan my calories easier. It was awful - and totally my fault. Luckily, he's a good man and we worked through it. I also totally changed my mind-set which was good..!
@PinkPixiexox I was really glad to read this. I remember your thread a little while back, and I'm so pleased that you eased off a bit and have sorted things with your man and your mind-set.
Thank you so much
I've actually turned to maintenance now instead of losing more weight. Technically, my ideal weight is around 115 (according to the BMI scale) but I'm 125 lbs and 5'2. I still have fat to lose but I'm recomping instead. Feeling a lot better about every thing now - mainly thanks to you awesome people here.0 -
No but I lost a husband..he liked me fat0
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farmerpam1 wrote: »Yes. It was an old friend from high school days. I realized it had nothing to do with me, it was her insecurities about herself. She was always the tall skinny one. Me, not so much, lol, barely 5 feet tall and well rounded. Over the years we didn't get to see each other much, as we live in different states, but over the course of last year I happened to travel a bit to my old home town to take care of my aging mom. It was clear that I was changing shape and losing weight slowly. She never said a word. Really? I mean complete strangers had noticed, you know, like the cashier at the grocery store, etc. The last time I walked into her house, I knew I looked and felt good, I had reached my goal weight. And I was wearing a skirt, something I never felt comfortable doing in my fat days, she was downright mean, nasty even. She looked at me as I walked in the door and laughed as she said, "You never wear skirts!" That was her only comment on my weight loss. I realized she was never really a good friend, because good friends encourage and support your efforts. She, on the other hand, felt threatened. That was the last time I saw her. I wish her well.
Some people are not comfortable giving weight related compliments. I'm not sure I can conclude from what you've written that she had issues with you due to your weight loss. However, you're the one who was there, so admittedly there could be something I'm missing. The comment on skirts sounds like something only someone really close would ever notice or say. Others just wouldn't know you well enough to even know that.
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Not really no. I'm still me, with the same interests as my friends. The only thing that's different about me is my size, and that only means that we have more choices when going out because I'm guaranteed to fit into any chair, unlike back then. I still go to the same places, eat the same things, talk about the same topics, and poke fun at the same people. I don't really discuss my diet with them, I actually discuss it more with the curious random people who notice. I don't try to drag them into my new lifestyle or inadvertently mention my diet or fitness accomplishments. I try not to judge any misunderstood comment as "jealousy" because I'm pretty sure I may have gotten the same comments in the past which I did not over-analyze because I was obese. Does being less obese give me the license to judge others in ways I never have in the past? Does it give me some sense of entitlement where I mistake being defensive for self confidence?
At one point I had to give myself a reality check when I first noticed negative thoughts and behaviors creeping in. Losing weight involves a lot of fantasizing how all the problems will go away with weight loss, including self-image, confidence, health, a better job and maybe even a lottery. This is not the case. The other issues will need to be worked on separately. Pretending to have suddenly acquired a new sense of self-worth would only lead to me being miserable fishing for something to make myself feel offended in every conversation. I've never had self confidence issues when I was morbidly obese, but I admit for a very short while I let the world revolve around me feeling as if I was entitled to more attention and respect just because I'm no longer morbidly obese, as if the world has to reward me for my accomplishments, and that nearly affected some of my relationships before I snapped out of it. This was a choice I made, so I shouldn't expect anyone else to bend their usual routines and interactions to accommodate me and my new lifestyle. In fact, I should be the one learning to cope with change. Having this outlook has made me happier and has reduced my episodes of snappiness and self-petty to nearly null.
Now I just keep my weight loss and everything that follows to myself and don't let it bleed out into my social life in a way that changes my interactions with people or their interactions around me. For example, you will never see me munching on salad in the corner or frantically entering my foods into my diary in front of my friends making it about me or affecting certain social rituals. I just make up for a day of indulgence later or plan for it beforehand.0 -
Not really but then I'm a bit of a loner. It does change the dynamics of some relationships though. I don't take complements well so I find it awkward when people say anything nice to me, including weight loss. I also find if I'm eating a salad I get "oh you're so healthy" when they pick an unhealthy option and if I'm eating cake I get "oh you're so lucky, if I eat that it goes straight to my hips" even though I tell them I calorie count. I changed my exercise routine too and a coworker I work out with often got upset because I didn't work out with her that week and assumed I wasn't talking to her.
Friendships are too confusing!
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christinev297 wrote: »I will never have to worry about such problems. Being a social recluse I have zero friends. Acquaintances yes, family members, yep, but no actual friends and I am just fine with it. I am looking to better myself for myself and no one else.
I'm the same. The less people in your life, the less problems you have to deal with.
I've got my family and husband, and I'm happy and content with that.
OP, in answer to your question. . My sister has been pretty distant since I've lost weight. She's always been thinner than me, but now I'm smaller than her, the whole dynamic has changed.
My sister has always been thinner than me as well. (Part of that due to my larger frame.) I'm curious to see what happens when I get thinner than she.
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No, but it doesn't affect my relationship with my friends at all. I have less time for certain things we used to do together since I spend a lot of time on my exercise-related hobbies (although actually that's not new for me, just something I stopped doing for too long), but I still go out to eat and so on. They don't care what I order.0
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kshama2001 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »I will never have to worry about such problems. Being a social recluse I have zero friends. Acquaintances yes, family members, yep, but no actual friends and I am just fine with it. I am looking to better myself for myself and no one else.
I'm the same. The less people in your life, the less problems you have to deal with.
I've got my family and husband, and I'm happy and content with that.
OP, in answer to your question. . My sister has been pretty distant since I've lost weight. She's always been thinner than me, but now I'm smaller than her, the whole dynamic has changed.
My sister has always been thinner than me as well. (Part of that due to my larger frame.) I'm curious to see what happens when I get thinner than she.
I'm in this boat too. I think it's going to change our dynamic quite a lot.
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kshama2001 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »I will never have to worry about such problems. Being a social recluse I have zero friends. Acquaintances yes, family members, yep, but no actual friends and I am just fine with it. I am looking to better myself for myself and no one else.
I'm the same. The less people in your life, the less problems you have to deal with.
I've got my family and husband, and I'm happy and content with that.
OP, in answer to your question. . My sister has been pretty distant since I've lost weight. She's always been thinner than me, but now I'm smaller than her, the whole dynamic has changed.
My sister has always been thinner than me as well. (Part of that due to my larger frame.) I'm curious to see what happens when I get thinner than she.
Interesting. My sister is smaller than me too--she's generally been around 110-115, whereas even when in shape I tend to be more like 120-125 (we are both 5'3). I was never bothered by this, as we are built differently. I don't think she'd care if I got as thin or thinner than her (she gave me a size 2 pair of jeans that didn't fit her right in the hopes that they might fit me--my weight tends to be more up top--and although they didn't I don't think she would have been upset if they did).
My sister is pretty into staying in shape, though, so I suspect I won't get thinner than her, as I think I'd be thinner than I like at 115.0 -
SingRunTing wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »christinev297 wrote: »
OP, in answer to your question. . My sister has been pretty distant since I've lost weight. She's always been thinner than me, but now I'm smaller than her, the whole dynamic has changed.
My sister has always been thinner than me as well. (Part of that due to my larger frame.) I'm curious to see what happens when I get thinner than she.
I'm in this boat too. I think it's going to change our dynamic quite a lot.
My sister was always the thin one. She used to come around to my place two or three times a week for coffee. Now that we're the same size, I haven't seen her in three weeks.
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christinev297 wrote: »I will never have to worry about such problems. Being a social recluse I have zero friends. Acquaintances yes, family members, yep, but no actual friends and I am just fine with it. I am looking to better myself for myself and no one else.
I'm the same. The less people in your life, the less problems you have to deal with.
I've got my family and husband, and I'm happy and content with that.
OP, in answer to your question. . My sister has been pretty distant since I've lost weight. She's always been thinner than me, but now I'm smaller than her, the whole dynamic has changed.
I find this rather sad if I'm honest0 -
I have not. If there are people who have had this happen with multiple friends, it makes me wonder why. Do people just habitually choose terrible friends, or are they being obnoxious and obsessive about their weight loss and making it a part of the friendship? Otherwise I can't even imagine why my friends would know or care what I'm doing.0
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Yep. They were happy as long as I was the fat tag-along but when I lost weight and had my own life outside of them it became an issue.0
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SweetestLibby wrote: »Yep. They were happy as long as I was the fat tag-along but when I lost weight and had my own life outside of them it became an issue.
So was it more that you became more independent, and your friend might have felt you were leaving her behind?0 -
Therealobi1 wrote: »SweetestLibby wrote: »Yep. They were happy as long as I was the fat tag-along but when I lost weight and had my own life outside of them it became an issue.
So was it more that you became more independent, and your friend might have felt you were leaving her behind?
I thought about that and tried talked to them about it. I was working full-time, in grad school, and losing 100 pounds so time was pretty limited. The thing is we were roommates and it seemed liked the closer I got to their weight (neither one of them were overweight) the less they spoke to me. It's pretty obvious when your roommates stop letting you know when roommate dinner is, stop inviting out on weekends with them, and blow you off when you reach out to them or ask them to hang out. I didn't stop drinking, or stop hanging out, or say no I can't go out because I can't eat XYZ.
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Due to an abusive father, I tended to keep to myself at school because that way, I could not be "rejected." However, I managed to make friends despite my standoffish-ness These few friends I had in high school are still my oldest and dearest friends and could not be any happier for me than I am for myself. The new friends I have made over the years, since marrying a fantastic man, are also some of my biggest cheerleaders. A few have told me that I inspired their own lifestyle changes to be healthier and that gives me the best warm and fuzzies! 0
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