Wow Im in shock? Giving it up

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  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,856 Member
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    My thoughts - for whatever they are worth...

    be the girl you want your guy to be attracted to. If you want someone that will respect you enough to hold out, then wait.
    if you want someone who is a little old fashioned and is willing to do "the chase", they exist. they're just few and far between.
    if you want someone who prefers that you dress with a little self respect, then nix the mile of cleavage.
    but if all you're looking for is a one night stand, a "booty call", or someone who will come and go with no real emotional connection... my experience has been that they're a dime a dozen.

    sex is easy. relationships are high maintenance when done well.
  • danacho
    danacho Posts: 115 Member
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    In all honesty it depends on 1: how the date went, 2: the flirtation leading upto the date.....(ie the chase)

    We dont lose respect for girls who want to have sex on the first date coz after all thats what the guy is wanting also :) (providing the chemistry is there)

    The time we dont have repect ladies is one night stands, because we just wonder how many others there have been lol thats usually when a guy wont bother to chase...
  • Disinte_GratioN
    Disinte_GratioN Posts: 60
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    Good article......I did not find anything i did not agree with. MY 2 CENTS
  • RoadDog
    RoadDog Posts: 2,946 Member
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    Only speaking for ME.

    1. He wont respect you if you have sex on the first date

    "Sex on a first date" and "respect" don't necessarily have to correlate at all. I could love someone, and do, that had sex with me on the first date. Lots of women I respect that I have never had sex with and some women I will never respect even if they wanted to have sex all the time.

    2. Men love the chase

    Not me. I like the whole courtship process, but I don't dig the whole "playing hard to get" game.

    3. A man can't be friends with a women without wanting to have sex with her

    There is always an undercurrent of sexual tension.

    4. Guys prefer something left to the imagination

    I like the whole process of getting to know someone. It's like slowly unwrapping a fabulous gift.


    5. Guys are intimidated by independent women

    Not in a healthy relationship. Both people should be independent. Should be in a relationship because they are both headed in the smae directions and have similar goals. A relationship should NEVER be a Host/Parasite relationship. My wife doesn't need me and I don't need her. We can survive independently. We CHOOSE to be together. We have the same goals, dreams and aspirations. While I can survive without her in my life; I can't picture my life without her in it.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    uummmm there is a word for that kind of girl...cant really think of it

    Let me help you out. Grease is the word.

    Nah, the word you are looking for is self confident. I have more respect, by a country mile, for a woman who knows what she wants and can act upon it without any hang ups.

    I think a relationship where one party, be it the man or the woman, uses the giving and with holding of sex as a means to maintain control or power is deeply flawed. I can't abide people who play games and the sex card can be the ace in the hole (pardon the pun) for some people.

    Besides, most guys who have a clue understand that women want sex far, far more than men. We know, you know. You just want us to create an environment or an excuse where you won't be judged before you jump us and get buck wild.

    Women. You only want one thing...*sniff*
  • Heather75
    Heather75 Posts: 3,386 Member
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    I still dont think its okay to sleep with someone you dont even know...uummmm there is a word for that kind of girl...cant really think of it

    I'm proud to be "that kind of girl" because I am strong and empowered enough to do what I want to do. If I am attracted to someone and want to sleep with them, I'm not going to play some kind of twisted game where I deny us both pleasure so I can manipulate him into thinking I'm a different kind of person.

    I do what I want, and if people judge me for that, then as far as I can tell, they have the problem. I'd rather know they were a judgmental moron right off the bat.
  • exercisesucks
    exercisesucks Posts: 102
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    While I dont teach that kind of behavior to my daughters I dont look down on a person that makes their own decisions about how they live their life. Dont worry about what others think. What is most important is how you feel about yourself.

    As for the others, guys hate games and we dont care what you make as long as you bring something to the table. "Because I'm a chick" is no longer an acceptable excuse to expect free dinners and other treats. You are considered equal to men so we expect you to act like it. Real men go dutch!
  • casey12105
    casey12105 Posts: 293
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    I still dont think its okay to sleep with someone you dont even know...uummmm there is a word for that kind of girl...cant really think of it

    I'm proud to be "that kind of girl" because I am strong and empowered enough to do what I want to do. If I am attracted to someone and want to sleep with them, I'm not going to play some kind of twisted game where I deny us both pleasure so I can manipulate him into thinking I'm a different kind of person.

    I do what I want, and if people judge me for that, then as far as I can tell, they have the problem. I'd rather know they were a judgmental moron right off the bat.

    Agree, and I agree with the other girls who feel this way as well. For me, sex is just sex; it's 2 (or more, as someone already pointed out lol) consenting adults doing something they enjoy together. Yes, it can be more if you're doing it with someone that you love it's more than just physical but it's great without that too. Hell, my husband started out as my booty call lol.
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
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    Wow.... who has sex on the first date.

    I would NEVER.

    1.- You don't know if the guy has some nasty herp or disease.
    2.- No man will respect you.
    3.- I couldn't have any self respect if I did sleep around like that, simply because I have very strong morals/values that don't permit me to be so promiscuous.
    4.- I would feel like a skank.

    This is my personal opinion, I don't expect anyone to agree.

    Also, I just remembered this quote "you're gonna wish you had listened to your mother when she said, "They're not gonna want to buy the whole friggin' ice cream truck when you're handing out the popsicles for free!" "
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
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    2.- No man will respect you.
    It is funny how males and females see things differently.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    "First date" doesn't necessarily mean "some random guy you just met and don't know."

    I didn't have sex (at least not by President Clinton's standards :blushing: not that it's anyone's business ) on my first date with my husband, but I did know him several weeks before that first date. We sealed the deal the next weekend, though. I knew he wasn't some *kitten*. I knew he was really into me. I knew he wasn't seeing anyone else. I knew his history. And we used protection. We're celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary this fall, together 12 years, so if he doesn't respect me, he's doing a great job of faking it! :happy:

    If you're someone who doesn't believe in it, that's fine, too. I'd never tell someone to do something that goes against her values. Just don't say "no man will ever respect you." Because there are men who will.
  • hroush
    hroush Posts: 2,073 Member
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    I agree with everything the article says.
  • skittybang
    skittybang Posts: 1,525 Member
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    I still dont think its okay to sleep with someone you dont even know...uummmm there is a word for that kind of girl...cant really think of it

    I slept with my husband on the first date.... worked out alright :wink: :wink:

    But I think this article is GREAT! I tend to give the male advice because I try not to think as deeply as some of my girlfriend's do. Men are not quite as complex as women. You get what you get. The more you try to analyze his feelings or reactions, the further from the truth you get.
  • _Aimée_
    _Aimée_ Posts: 190
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    if you want someone who prefers that you dress with a little self respect, then nix the mile of cleavage.

    I often find women who slate on other women about cleavage are usually lacking their own. Since when does alot cleavage on show mean you have no self respect?


    Also, I just remembered this quote "you're gonna wish you had listened to your mother when she said, "They're not gonna want to buy the whole friggin' ice cream truck when you're handing out the popsicles for free!" "

    I handed out a heck of alot of popsicles, my partner of three years thought they were so good he bought the whole truck!
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
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    if you want someone who prefers that you dress with a little self respect, then nix the mile of cleavage.

    I often find women who slate on other women about cleavage are usually lacking their own. Since when does alot cleavage on show mean you have no self respect?


    Also, I just remembered this quote "you're gonna wish you had listened to your mother when she said, "They're not gonna want to buy the whole friggin' ice cream truck when you're handing out the popsicles for free!" "

    I handed out a heck of alot of popsicles, my partner of three years thought they were so good he bought the whole truck!

    I heard that quote in a movie and I laughed so hard.... I still find it funny! XD
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    I just don't see sex as this carrot I have to dangle in front of a guy to get him to like me, love me, respect me. Sex is awesome, but it's really a minor part of what makes a great relationship great. It's how we feel about each other during the... uh... vertical times we spend together (and I'm not talkin' about in the shower!) that determines what kind of relationship we have.

    If some dude could only love and respect me if I acted all dainty and ladylike... he would be sorely disappointed when I swear like a sailor, get filthy muddy dirty, and tackled home remodeling projects better than Bob Frickin' Villa.
  • phenrichs
    phenrichs Posts: 102
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    3. A man can't be friends with a women without wanting to have sex with her

    There is always an undercurrent of sexual tension.


    THANK YOU!
    Finally someone said it. I would like to clarify a bit. If a man is only friends with a women it means one of 2 things. Either he has devoted himself to someone and he will never let on one way or another how he feels about another, OR he has either consciously or subconsciously measured the woman up and found her to be less than sexually attractive.

    A good man can meet the woman of his deepest sexual desire and she could become his spouse's best friend and if he is truly in love he will never act on it or even make light of it.
  • wsheaf82
    wsheaf82 Posts: 248 Member
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    3. A man can't be friends with a women without wanting to have sex with her

    There is always an undercurrent of sexual tension.


    THANK YOU!
    Finally someone said it. I would like to clarify a bit. If a man is only friends with a women it means one of 2 things. Either he has devoted himself to someone and he will never let on one way or another how he feels about another, OR he has either consciously or subconsciously measured the woman up and found her to be less than sexually attractive.

    A good man can meet the woman of his deepest sexual desire and she could become his spouse's best friend and if he is truly in love he will never act on it or even make light of it.

    That is totally opposite of what the article was saying. He was saying that that was a myth. And I for one agree with him. Not every guy measures a woman by whether or not he would poke her with his tube steak or mini wiener for you unfortunate folk, then determines if he only wants to be friends or showing some O face.
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
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    5. Guys are intimidated by independent women

    Not in a healthy relationship. Both people should be independent. Should be in a relationship because they are both headed in the smae directions and have similar goals. A relationship should NEVER be a Host/Parasite relationship.
    Have a cigar. :bigsmile:

    Only immature boys who are not ready for healthy adult relationships are intimidated by independent women, but that's okay because we neither need or want those types anyway!
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
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    I think too much of guys - and myself! - to think that a woman's sexuality is her greatest quality. I know a lot of horndog guys and a lot of guys who are only friends with girls because they want them, but I know way more who are kind, considerate and true friends. It's an insult to them to say that they're just sitting in the sidelines, waiting for me, or whoever they're friends with, to give the ok so they can start going at it like crazed weasels. And it's an insult to women to say that they have no other qualities that a man would appreciate enough to want to be around her.

    I don't understand how anyone can think so little of EITHER gender to say men and women can't be friends.

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