Cooking for myself (to lose weight) and my boyfriend (to gain weight).
joanaliachristina
Posts: 18 Member
Hi all!
Hoping to get some advice or input from others on this.
I am working to lose weight, but my boyfriend is underweight and wants to gain a little bit of weight. We live together so it is difficult to cook for both of us. Most of the time, he just eats the meals I cook for myself. This isn't always ideal as I am trying to cook low-carb and low-cal meals! I've tried to just give him bigger portions, but his stomach has shrunk (from his bad eating habits) so he can't eat too much in a meal, and he often doesn't have an appetite.
I love him the way he is, but he really wants to gain some weight for himself (the same way he feels about me and my desire to lose weight). I asked him to get MFP but I'm not sure he wants to or is the kind of person who can stick to it. Perhaps I can get him to look at the weight gain community here!
Does anyone have similar experiences or advice on how I can motivate him to eat more?
Jo
Hoping to get some advice or input from others on this.
I am working to lose weight, but my boyfriend is underweight and wants to gain a little bit of weight. We live together so it is difficult to cook for both of us. Most of the time, he just eats the meals I cook for myself. This isn't always ideal as I am trying to cook low-carb and low-cal meals! I've tried to just give him bigger portions, but his stomach has shrunk (from his bad eating habits) so he can't eat too much in a meal, and he often doesn't have an appetite.
I love him the way he is, but he really wants to gain some weight for himself (the same way he feels about me and my desire to lose weight). I asked him to get MFP but I'm not sure he wants to or is the kind of person who can stick to it. Perhaps I can get him to look at the weight gain community here!
Does anyone have similar experiences or advice on how I can motivate him to eat more?
Jo
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Replies
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Add butter, oil, cheese cream to his portions0
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High density calories ...0
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Same situation but we don't live together...so we don't have all our meals together but when we do we have the same thing with his portion being much larger than mine or slightly modified. For example, we will make turkey tacos and he will have his on 2 tortillas with 3/4 an avocado. Mine will be on a salad and heavier on the pico de gallo with only a quarter of the avocado.
He also snacks on nuts, trail mix and full fat peanut butter and other dense foods.
The only thing that crushes me is when he sits down with a pint of ice cream and two spoons. I just cant walk away from that
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Add butter, oil, cheese cream to his portions
Yup, that's the fastest way to get him more calories.
Jo - say you're making a low carb faux pasta meal with spaghetti squash - you could make the higher calorie regular pasta for him. Not sure how low carb you are going - my fiance and I have regular pasta and I have smaller portions with more veggies than he does.
Make him fat bombs: http://lowcarbediem.com/fat-bombs-recipes-atkins-ketosis/. I had the Allspice Dark Almond Fat Bomb today, nom nom nom.0 -
If he can't simply eat larger portions of what you cook, then he just needs to eat more often throughout the day. If he has a small appetite than foods with large amounts of calories relative to how filling they are is what he needs. Nuts/nut butters, avocado, olive oil, butter, coconut oil, liquid calories, and things of that nature can add lots of calories without filling you up.0
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if he eats your meals, just add things to fatten up his some.
like add a tbsp or two of margarine/butter to his rice, potatoes, noodles.. use it to fry his eggs in too.
stir fry, salads, shakes, cereals, yogurt, etc,; add 2-3tbsps of hemp hearts to his, it will barely add any extra food and will add over 100 calories or more to each of his meal/s, plus they are healthy. i was getting 510 of my daily calories alone from doing this two months ago (9tbsps in one day).
make him a PB & banana milkshake before bed, or whenever. you can get lots of calories in that and its quick to drink with a straw.
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SylvieKuchma wrote: »make him a PB & banana milkshake before bed, or whenever. you can get lots of calories in that and its quick to drink with a straw.
Absolutely milkshakes! They average about 700 calories.0 -
Hi! I'm in exactly the same situation as you. I'm trying to lose and he's trying to gain a little. To make things more difficult he has a relatively active job, so needs even more cals.
As a general rule, we'll eat different things for breakfast and lunch (due to different schedules) but the same dinner. When we do eat together, I make the same/similar things but with variations. So for example we both have our own bread, cheese, mayo etc, mine is the light version and his is the normal. I'll make myself a 'light' sandwich with less and lower cal ingredients, and pile his up with different cured meats, cheese, condiments etc.
My boyfriend also cant eat big portions, so he's trying to snack more. Things like nuts are great as they're high in calories but also pretty good for you. We've mixed up a load of dried fruit, nuts, and some chocolate chips and he keeps them on his desk to pick at
As for dinners- I'll usually make something that's adaptable for both of us. Eg. Grilled meat and veggies, I'll make mash for him, or add beans, chips etc to his, and just have veg myself. If bigger portions isn't an option the only way you're really going to get more calories in is to eat little and often, or to make his meals from high-calorie ingredients.
We've found that keeping the cupboard well stocked with snacks helps obviously it may be an issue if you find it too tempting, but in general I have my snacks and he has his. Crisps, biscuits, cereal bars, hot chocolate etc are all great high calorie snacks- they're not the healthiest option but as long as your boyfriend doesn't live off those alone he should be fine 0 -
Thank you so much guys!
I'm going to try to make it to the store today to get a few of your suggestions. High carb/cal additions to meals, pasta, etc. You guys are right, I do make low-carb zucchini pasta meals and I can just make regular pasta for him.
It might be difficult to get him to eat small meals throughout the day because this basically requires me to prepare small meals for him throughout the day... He doesn't really have the motivation or drive to do it himself.
The milkshake idea is a GREAT idea and he will LOVE it. Gonna look up milkshake recipes and definitely put it into action!0 -
My husband and i eat pretty much the same.
For me smaller portions. And he adds in between with some snacks like his nuts. His ice cream which is more calorie dense than mine. And his cheese and lunch meat which i cant have because of too much salt. I eat a piece of avocado, he eats the rest which is more.
I cook potatoes i eat mine normal his are mashed with butter and milk. My salad with my dressing ( light version or Bolthouse farms) his with full dressings and cheese on top etc etc etc
The only thing i dish out more for myself is fruit and vegetables.
This as example.
It is not that hard
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You can both eat the same thing!
You just need to eat smaller portions, he just needs to eat larger portions.
Cook whatever you both like, and just weigh everything.
No problems!0 -
I like to say that for weight gain, you find most of your "most valuable" calories in the extras. An extra pat of butter on his bread. An extra slice of cheese on his grilled cheese. A glass of whole milk with every meal that has a couple tablespoons of heavy cream stirred in. You can also always give him desserts. Most men always have room for dessert, even when they say that they're full. Pecan pies from the grocery store freezer are high calorie and don't require any bake time. Just defrost and top with some vanilla ice cream for him. Get the super-premium stuff like Ben and Jerry's or Haagen Das, though -- it's much higher calorie than the cheap stuff.0
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joanaliachristina wrote: »Thank you so much guys!
I'm going to try to make it to the store today to get a few of your suggestions. High carb/cal additions to meals, pasta, etc. You guys are right, I do make low-carb zucchini pasta meals and I can just make regular pasta for him.
It might be difficult to get him to eat small meals throughout the day because this basically requires me to prepare small meals for him throughout the day... He doesn't really have the motivation or drive to do it himself.
The milkshake idea is a GREAT idea and he will LOVE it. Gonna look up milkshake recipes and definitely put it into action!
One big thing in relationships I have found is not to accept what you don't want to live with for the rest of your life
So me, for example, I wanted an equal partner, and that means we cook for each other, we take equal responsibility for childcare and housecare and yes in the early years that had to be pointed out and sometimes forcibly...but 20 years happily together and we generally mosey along not taking advantage of each other
What I'm saying is...teach him that he has to cook for you too 0 -
Oh and clean up after himself when he does...cos for some reason when men cook (stereotype ahead) they use every single pot, pan, spoon, knife and gadget in the entire house0
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One big thing in relationships I have found is not to accept what you don't want to live with for the rest of your life
So me, for example, I wanted an equal partner, and that means we cook for each other, we take equal responsibility for childcare and housecare and yes in the early years that had to be pointed out and sometimes forcibly...but 20 years happily together and we generally mosey along not taking advantage of each other
What I'm saying is...teach him that he has to cook for you too
Oh no, it's not that we're not equal. He just really doesn't cook and I'm pretty particular so I prefer to cook for myself anyway. He usually makes pizza or chicken nuggets, etc. and I don't really want that most of the time. I can try to teach him but it might produce disastrous results, haha! He does chores etc. around the house outside of cooking!
Thank you much for all of your suggestions and anecdotes. It has been helpful! Glad to know I'm not alone.
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joanaliachristina wrote: »One big thing in relationships I have found is not to accept what you don't want to live with for the rest of your life
So me, for example, I wanted an equal partner, and that means we cook for each other, we take equal responsibility for childcare and housecare and yes in the early years that had to be pointed out and sometimes forcibly...but 20 years happily together and we generally mosey along not taking advantage of each other
What I'm saying is...teach him that he has to cook for you too
Oh no, it's not that we're not equal. He just really doesn't cook and I'm pretty particular so I prefer to cook for myself anyway. He usually makes pizza or chicken nuggets, etc. and I don't really want that most of the time. I can try to teach him but it might produce disastrous results, haha! He does chores etc. around the house outside of cooking!
Thank you much for all of your suggestions and anecdotes. It has been helpful! Glad to know I'm not alone.
Yeah...but any monkey can learn to cook, and they should...it's a life skill
If you're happy to let him get away with it then fine ..he would be perfectly capable of following a recipe though...you're bending over backwards to ensure his food achieves his goals, he should return the favour ...jus' sayin' ..and totally IMO and up to you and your relationship dynamic0 -
In my relationship dynamic he gets to grill and that's it for cooking
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If he can't simply eat larger portions of what you cook, then he just needs to eat more often throughout the day. If he has a small appetite than foods with large amounts of calories relative to how filling they are is what he needs. Nuts/nut butters, avocado, olive oil, butter, coconut oil, liquid calories, and things of that nature can add lots of calories without filling you up.
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joanaliachristina wrote: »One big thing in relationships I have found is not to accept what you don't want to live with for the rest of your life
So me, for example, I wanted an equal partner, and that means we cook for each other, we take equal responsibility for childcare and housecare and yes in the early years that had to be pointed out and sometimes forcibly...but 20 years happily together and we generally mosey along not taking advantage of each other
What I'm saying is...teach him that he has to cook for you too
Oh no, it's not that we're not equal. He just really doesn't cook and I'm pretty particular so I prefer to cook for myself anyway. He usually makes pizza or chicken nuggets, etc. and I don't really want that most of the time. I can try to teach him but it might produce disastrous results, haha! He does chores etc. around the house outside of cooking!
Thank you much for all of your suggestions and anecdotes. It has been helpful! Glad to know I'm not alone.
Yeah...but any monkey can learn to cook, and they should...it's a life skill
If you're happy to let him get away with it then fine ..he would be perfectly capable of following a recipe though...you're bending over backwards to ensure his food achieves his goals, he should return the favour ...jus' sayin' ..and totally IMO and up to you and your relationship dynamic
To be fair, I can relate to both of these points. My boyfriend is a chef and NEVER cooks at home, but I prefer it that way. I'm a student who has a lot of self directed study time as I'm in my final year, so I'm often home earlier/more than he is. I actually prefer to do the cooking as it means I can log everything as accurately as possible, and make it how I like it. I'm totally happy with how we do things, because he helps with other things around the house, I just prefer to be the one that cooks and he's fine with that- although we do occasionally cook together
That being said, if he's only making chicken nuggets and pizzas and things, he's not really respecting your choice to live a healthier life or try and lose weight. I know for a fact that if I asked my boyfriend to cook he would do and he'd make something he knew we could both eat. Maybe it's worth just some gentle coaxing- start by suggesting you cook together maybe?
OP- you mentioned earlier that getting him to eat small meals throughout the day may be hard, I'd suggest maybe it doesnt have to be a meal every time? I'm sure he can manage to make a sandwich or something himself. Failing that just buy pre-made snacks and/or meals if you can? Another option would be to bulk cook your meals or just to make a little more at dinner times (things like pasta bake, chilli, soup etc are good for that). That way he can just reheat it and have it the next day 0 -
joanaliachristina wrote: »Thank you so much guys!
I'm going to try to make it to the store today to get a few of your suggestions. High carb/cal additions to meals, pasta, etc. You guys are right, I do make low-carb zucchini pasta meals and I can just make regular pasta for him.
It might be difficult to get him to eat small meals throughout the day because this basically requires me to prepare small meals for him throughout the day... He doesn't really have the motivation or drive to do it himself.
The milkshake idea is a GREAT idea and he will LOVE it. Gonna look up milkshake recipes and definitely put it into action!
This is how I used to make PB banana smoothies. (Now I use less PB & banana, and add protein powder, but it doesn't taste as good.)
Teeccino is an herbal coffee substitute - I make "coffee" with half coffee, half Teeccino.
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My husband too. There's always some truth in stereotypes...Queenmunchy wrote: »
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Something that he might want to consider is snacking during the day outside of regular meal time. It won't impact you and so much and it will help get those extra calories. Get him stuff like nuts, dried fruit, granola bars. Things that are stable and you can just toss in with his regular lunch.0
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My gf and I have never cooked for each other on a regular basis. We have different goals and preferences (she's vegetarian; I eat mostly meat), so it's just never been convenient or desired.
Unless your boyfriend is 12, he should be cooking his own meals. :-)I can try to teach him but it might produce disastrous results
This actually made me sad to read.0 -
Oh, there are marriages that work with a strict division of duties. We negotiated. I haven't done laundry in fifteen years.0
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Lol, it sucks, but I can't complain. My first husband wouldn't even lift a finger in the house while my current husband is helpful in every way possible.
My husband too. There's always some truth in stereotypes...Queenmunchy wrote: »
Anyway, OP, my husband is also trying to gain while I'm always trying to lose. When we first moved in together he lost quite a bit of weight and I gained a few lbs (he has a takeout wing habit that I've acclimated to!).
I batch cook and freeze portions as well as flash freeze individual items. While I may have a few zucchini/turkey meatballs, he'll put them in a roll with sauce and cheese. My daughter and husband love eating "walking tacos" with Doritos, but I take my turkey taco meat and put it on a salad or a thin corn tortilla. We also do the veggie noodle swap and he eats regular pasta. I often don't really eat dinner, but he has super easy foods to grab and eat (portions of chili to just put condiments on, stew, soups, frozen homemade burritos, squash/chicken nuggets, etc) or just makes a pita pizza, a quesadilla, or some eggs and bacon.
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-My husband is willing to have cheese put on top most things. Sometimes I steam broccoli, remove my share and throw cheese on top his and continue to steam until melted. That is pretty much the extent of how far I am willing to go to cook differently for him.
-We keep snacks on hand for him. His current "thing" is roasted seaweed. The nice thing about this one is we can both have it
-Since you are eating low carb, he can get quite a few calories just by adding high carb items to whatever you are having: bread with dinner, lots of fruit, cereal for snacks.
-If you make him twice as much as you do for yourself, he doesn't have to eat it at one sitting; he can have it for snack some other time.
-He should learn to cook SOMETHING. He doesn't need to learn complicated techniques or experiment with flavors, but he should have a handful of things that he can fix himself.
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Oh and clean up after himself when he does...cos for some reason when men cook (stereotype ahead) they use every single pot, pan, spoon, knife and gadget in the entire house
Omg! This is so true in our case too. Married almost 19 years in a few weeks Last night he was making us beef brocollie fried rice! Yummy, but I was washing and cleaning as he cooked. That way I wouldn't have every pot in the house to wash after dinner! I guess a trade off for delicious fried rice!
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Give him larger portions and as mentioned above add fats and oils to his.0
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I can sympathize with this.
I've been making my bf and I the same stuff but feeding him little snacks throughout the day. Peanut butter bars. Cheese. Chips. etc. Things like that. Not the healthiest but it has helped him gain. Also, I'll have him drink juice and milk whereas I'll drink water. Makes a difference. Now my bf is a healthy weight.0
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