weight loss and its effect on a relationship

A lot of people have this problem. Try to get onboard. I she won't maybe go food shopping with her and choose the things you want. She is feeling bad about herself but if she doesn't want to change then she will have to get over it. You don't want to be unhealthy just to keep her happy.

While neither my husband nor I are more than a little overweight, we both needed to lose a few pounds. I know he gets tired of me talking about feeling fat but has been very encouraging to me as I have lost a few pounds and actually has started working out more too and decided he's going to try to lose a few pounds.

Have you tried to plan exercise you can do as a family? Trying to get my husband to do something as simple as go for a walk is a pain in the *kitten* so I don't even ask. But if I plan a trip to the zoo, or to a local metro park for an afternoon, I get him to exercise without putting it out as exercise. Its just fun family time with our 2 year old. Maybe she just doesn't feel she can do it. Its more mental than anything, try really talking to her about it.

I'm sorry your going through that. When I was with my ex husband i had that problem he would always bring home junk and then get mad when I refused his 10pm chocolately snack offer... He hated that I was working out would tell me things like my friends say your doing this so you can leave me and attract other guys....well no that wasn't it I left him shortly after cause he was cheating on me....But my husband now is awesome we started insanity together last night. Maybe you can find a way to get her involved or encourage her to join you. good luck hun

My God has been super supportive too. But he is skinny.

That doesn't sound very supportive at all I'm sorry. I'd talk to her and explain that you're doing this because you want to live a longer life with her and your children.

My DH has always been supportive. I've been very lucky.

The only change that my weight loss/gain ever really makes is in our sex life.

My boyfriend weighs less than me and is very physically fit. He was a state champ in swimming so I always felt he could have someone better looking. Before I started losing weight he told me that he would love me no matter what; if I gain 10lbs or lost 10 he would always love me. He had told me that he was concerned about my health and diabetes because his mom's friend passed away not too long ago from it but stressed that I was beautiful the way I was. I soon agreed that my health was an issue and began to lose weight while I was off at college. When I returned home 21 lbs lighter the relationship itself didn't really change because he loved me the way I was before but he was so proud of me and he couldn't stop saying 'look how skinny you are!'

I hear ya. For years my bf has complained about my weight and saying I should do something about it. When finally do, all he knows how to do is whine, and cry. He also complains that I don't buy enough snack or "good food". I haven't gotten any "good jobs" or "you look wonderful" either so don't feel too bad. IDK why they act this way, but it sucks to have the person you care about act like this. You're not alone.

I think sometimes it's harder for a woman to be supportive, only because women typically have more body issues than men. You said yourself that her weight bothers her, but you never really cared that much about yours. It makes sense that she would be feeling insecure. But it is not acceptable for her to behave this way. She can't treat you badly because you're trying to better yourself. She needs to be supportive of you getting healthy and doing something that makes you happy.

I agree with the person who suggested inviting her along for exercise. If you typically go hard at the gym, maybe you could dial it back a notch once in a while and go for a brisk walk with her, making sure not to go faster than she can handle. On weekends, see if there's somewhere active that you guys can go to have fun and spend time together -- hiking in a park, or kayaking, or dancing lessons, something like that. (Of course, make sure to do things that she wants to do too. If you always do stuff that YOU want to do, that will lead to resentment too.) And talk to her honestly about how you're feeling. Tell her that you love her and you think she's beautiful the way she is, and you would appreciate it if she were more supportive of you on this journey. Remind her that she has no reason to be threatened by your wanting to work out, that it is no reflection on how you feel about her. If she gets on you about the groceries, tell her that she's more than welcome to buy a treat if she wants it, and you won't bug her about it or eat her treats. (And then follow through with that! No nagging, and no stealing!)

If none of that works, ask her what's really bothering her, and don't take "nothing" or "I'm fine" for an answer. Maybe she's resentful of your time, or maybe it's something else. If she's willing to talk to you about it, then you guys can work through it without resentment.

You said yourself that she is insecure with her weight, and that's basically all that it amounts to is insecurity. Maybe she's afraid you won't find her attractive anymore or that you will cheat? It is her own self-confidence that makes her act that way, and she is trying to hold you back so that you don't lose interest in her. What are you doing to help the situation? I noticed on your profile you said your motivation is to be a better Dad & Teammate, and to be happier, what about to be a better husband & to have a long healthy and happy marriage? You took her for better or worse as your spouse, so try to understand this may be one of her worse moments and encourage her to do activities with you, ask her if she will run the marathon in October with you, invite her to exercise with you so that it's not taking time away from your relationship. She will feel better about herself and will encourage you more than.

I would sit down with her and have a talk. She may be feeling left out, you have this new way of life and she may be feeling a little jealous. Try to find something in common, go kayaking together, pick up a sport, start Insanity/P90X/etc. together.

With my husband, I didn't push the issue, if he asked questions I answered, but I didn't nag him about joining me, I wanted it to be his choice.

My husband has been very supportive, but now that I've lost 60+ lbs and I'm looking good, more active, etc. he is getting jealous of me. He said that he wants to lose weight because he doesn't want me looking better than him. I told him that if he wants to lose weight it should be for himself and not just to look better than me. I want to support him, but it is hard when I know the only reason he is doing it is to one-up me.

Good luck sweetie

In the past my husband would get extremely worried about my efforts because I'd keep a notebook and write everything down and when I'd gain weight anyway (due to an undiagnosed medical condition) it'd make super frustrated. But now that it's all sorted out and my notebook is digitalized and I was able to explain that my food diary isn't just to keep me from eating too much, but also to stop me from eating too little, that it's to keep me in a healthy range, then he's been really excited for me. His concern always has been for my health, his mom is a compulsive non-eater and so whenever he saw me on some sort of similar (but nowhere close) behavior it would freak him out. Once I figured out that was his trigger, and was able to assuage those fears, then we haven't had a problem. He's been very supportive and he's happy to see me not drop several pounds a week or he'd be worried again, instead it's one a week on average. At least every day though he pulls me in for a hug and kisses me and tells me how beautiful I look and how skinny I'm getting and that he's so proud of me.

I suggest a good heart to heart. I doubt your wife is having the same issues my husband did, but a good heart to heart is important. This behavior could get absolutely toxic and it's suggestable to head it off before it gets to that point.

Oh, and he's even changed his own diet and is started to lose weight as well.

Men never resent their wives looking sexy. They appreciate it when we put forth the effort to be appealing, but it is different for women. Before, when my husband would diet and I wouldn't I resented it too. I felt like I was a failure because I didn't fit the mold of a stereotypical wife. I wasn't lighter then my husband and with him getting smaller I was becoming more of a failure everyday, and why would a man want to stay with someone who is a failure. It is amazing how much we can beat ourselves up. This time I started the effort to lose weight and after I had been going for awhile then he started working towards his goal. He treats me like I'm sexy even when I know I'm not which helps me a lot. It is so much easier to stick to my diet when I feel attractive and sexy. He knows this and never complains about me getting my nails or hair done or buying some new clothes. It is hard on her because she is afraid she might lose you, and when peoples lives change sometimes they do grow apart. Shower her with as much love and romancing as you possibly can and see if you can bring her fears that you no longer love her under control. This is all just my opinion so take it for what it is worth and good luck! Whatever you do, don't go back on the positive changes you have made in your life. Don't bring yourself down--help bring her up.

Hi...I too am sorry that your relationship is having an "insecurity" situation right now. You have been doing great working on your health and she is worrying about it(speaking from experience) While the ideal situation would be for her to come out of her insecurity and be supportive, the reality is, its hard to be happy and insecure at the same time. If you want this to truly iron out, check yourself, are you spending time with her, making her feel good, or is everything about you and your weight loss journey?? Its okay to let her know that you feel unsupported but at the same time...she may be feeling the same way. Best of luck.