weight loss and its effect on a relationship

my weight GAIN caused alot of issues in our marriage...Finally it all came to a head when we had gotten into a big argument (about something totally different) and he said "i want my hot wife back"

I was so angry...the next day i joined a gym...he comes with me to work out (he does weight lifting) and he is very very encouraging and proud of me...I signed up for a Zumba class that is early in the morning, so he has "kid duty" but he doesnt complain at all...he is very skinny and so there's no jealousy issues or anything like that...


i want to say...we have a 16 yr old, so when the younger kids are in bed, my 16 yr old will hang out and watch the kids....Working out together has been really good for my relationship...

I hear ya. For years my bf has complained about my weight and saying I should do something about it. When finally do, all he knows how to do is whine, and cry. He also complains that I don't buy enough snack or "good food". I haven't gotten any "good jobs" or "you look wonderful" either so don't feel too bad. IDK why they act this way, but it sucks to have the person you care about act like this. You're not alone.

lol about the "good food" comment - I get the same from my husband! He's always moaning about losing weight but doesn't do anything about it- then has a bar of chocolate followed by a pint!

My DH and I have done this together. He lost 40 pounds in the same amount of time it took me to lose 20. I would get frusterated and jealous and make snide comments to him but I realized that it was not doing anything but making me mad (he could have cared less) so I stopped. Now that I have reached my goals and feel better about myself, I feel no resentment towards him at all. I hate you are dealing with this because we all know we need as much support as possible because this is hard. Is she also on this journey with you or is this something you are doing yourself? My thoughts is that she is taking out her frustrations of being unhappy with herself on you and that is really unfair. I really do not have much advice for you because goodness knows us women can be crazy. If she is not losing with you, maybe try and GENTLY encourage her to start??? I don't know how that would go over but that's all I have for now. But don't let her get you down. Keep it up, you're doing great!

I understand this is not a personal attack! But my wife has everyone opportunity to go out after the kids go to bed. I go to the gym, after everyone is in bed, including her. I've basically given up half of my nights sleep so that I can run and go to the gym.


Also, I did get a comment the other day "How am I supposed to know what you're doing all night while you're out"

Um... If my husband was going out after I went to bed I think I'd have a similar reaction. I think you might need to work on assuring her of your fidelity and devotion.

I WAS that wife.

And I feel horrible about it. When my husband started to lose weight, get healthy, and exercise nightly I started to feel incredibly insecure and alone. I no longer had a partner in crime. I was ashamed that I was eating cookies/chips/whatever when he was busting his *kitten* in our living room doing P90x. I was afraid I was losing him to exercise and fitness and that he's leave me for someone who was hot and not put up with his fat, whining wife.

I wasn't ready to get on the fitness train so I did everything to sabotage his. I'd complain that he spent all his time exercising. I'd complain that we weren't eating at our favourite restaurants anymore. I would insist that he would share garbage food with me, in a distorted effort to get him away from the exercise regimen.

I was jealous. Really jealous. Watching him exercise meant that I would have to face what I had done to MYSELF over the years. We both packed on a rediculous amount of weight. He was doing something about it. And I wasn't. And that was hard.

Stick through it and be continue to be positive. Don't take it personally. She just feels left out as I did. Insist that she work out with you. She'll probably say no, she's too tired, doesn't feel like it, but ask her anyway. I know my husband did. He never uttered a negative comment back even when I was being a complete *****, and I love him for it.

Just keep pressing on. She'll come around. I know I sure did.

Awesome story. thanks for sharing!

I understand this is not a personal attack! But my wife has everyone opportunity to go out after the kids go to bed. I go to the gym, after everyone is in bed, including her. I've basically given up half of my nights sleep so that I can run and go to the gym.


Also, I did get a comment the other day "How am I supposed to know what you're doing all night while you're out"

My response to that comment would have been, well I'll show you tonight because you're coming with. But I'm the youngest of my family so I'm very stubborn and direct that way. I would have forced her to come and participate so she would know without a doubt what I was doing all night.

It's a good thing my husband and I have good communication lines because that sort of stuff would drive me absolutely crazy. But, again, I'm a direct sort of person.

When I lost the 40 whatever kilos and went from very uncomfortable to feeling great about myself it impacted my then relationship very badly. I had gained all the weight having babies and taking care of them and when I switched from just taking care of everyone else to also taking care of myself it led to a fair amount of resentment on the part of my ex-husband. My ex is also not very active and has some extra weight, probably around 25 kilos overweight. I don't think it was the eating/reduction/diet so much that killed us, although I felt he tried to sabotage me with food a lot of the time. It was more that the inactive kind of things that we had been doing as our 'together' things no longer worked for me. He wanted to stay in and play games and I'd have to walk/go to the gym to get my calories back.

At some point he was proud of what I did but our paths started to diverge enormously. I wanted to be riding my bike with the kids/walking in the forest etc and he just wanted to be like it always was before. He came to the gym with me but that ended in disaster when he was doing something wrong and I tried to help him - all the resentment came to the surface and he ended up shouting at me in the gym and calling me a fat cow. Something I will never forget!

I had never felt like he found me attractive at all, either thin or fat, and our sex life suffered from that, but when it became clear that other people did find me attractive that unleashed another whole can of worms!

In my current relationship I am trying not to let the same thing happen. My bf is sporty which helps, although also a little overweight he has lost around 14 kilos since I met him 3 years ago. He will always come with me when I suggest an active activity but we do sometimes argue because he likes to settle on the couch with a bag of chips and a beer just as much as the next guy!

Basically from that point on it was all pretty much downhill.

I hope you can make some sense of that. Try and work out the resentment before it's too late.

My husband had gastric bypass surgery right before we met. He started losing a lot of weight while we were dating. Then he stopped for awhile. Then he began to lose weight and everyone was complimenting him and I was really, really jealous. I was also scared that he would fall in love with some skinny girl and leave me. When I finally told him, he laughed and told me he loved me, every inch of me, and that I was the most beautiful woman in the world to him. He told me I could wear a sack and be beautiful and that he desired me. knowing that he loved me no matter what I looked like stopped the jealousy.
You need to take your wife out to a romantic dinner or make her her favorite foods, bring her flowers, and tell her she is the most beautiful woman in the world. Then you need to lavish her (you know what I mean) and prove that you love her and her body. I hope that was not graphic :noway: Tell her that you want to be healthy so you can live a long time loving her. I would encourage her to try the new healthy foods you are eating, but make what she likes to so that she knows you are not forcing this lifestyle on her. That's what I do for my family. I make my food and I prepare them their food, but I let them try my food. That is how I got my husband and kids to start eating TVP. I hope this helps. Most imporantly, don't talk to her about her losing weight. just keep loving on her. also, be honest that her words are really hurting you and keep assuring her (you may want to do it everyday) that you love her forever.

my fiance gets mad when i'm on the computer too much and he looked at me the other night and said "do you really think some stupid website is going to help you lose weight?" i was so mad and when i got up to sit somewhere else he proceed to smack my *kitten* as too say it looked nice. he wanted me to spend time with him and get off the computer he's mentioned to me that it's harder for him to wrap his arms around me and pick me up, he's over 6 foot and i'm just over 5 foot so his arms can wrap around me like twice now and he tried to pick me up and i slipped thru his arms lol.