Does Lifting As A Couple Work?
crpoll5
Posts: 105 Member
My wife and I have been active gym goers for some time now and we have decided to step off the treadmills and start lifting weights. For some reason all the people we look at and want bodies like are over lifting weights and not running there bums off. We need some advice. Is it best to lift as partners or do our own thing? We have watched both. Please advise us what you think is best and why? Also since we are new to lifting, what are the best programs? We are looking for someone on MFP to help coach us through this process so feel free to add me if you are interested in mentoring us.
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My husband and I tried lifting together one time and it was a bust. My working set weights were more like his warm ups. That was a big problem. BUT! If you are doing a program like SL5x5, which I believe (double check this obviously) has everybody start at the same weight that won't be a problem. If that is the case, it could be a time saver since you'd be able to switch off on the same equipment rather than wait for two sets of equipment to free up.0
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This made me chuckle remembering the time my man and I tried to lift together. I had been lifting for a couple of years and he hadn't lifted since HS.
We only tried it once. I still lift, he still does not.
That being said, I think if you start out together then it's completely doable.
Have fun!
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I have lifted with my boyfriend occasionally usually when I am getting a new program from him. I usually lift on my own but that also has to do with our schedules. When we lift together we are doing the same exercises and I lift, he rest unless we're super setting. Changing the weight takes no time at all since I am no where near lifting what he can. It's good couple time for us and I like it.0
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I'm a firm NO in the lifting together.
I don't care for it at all. I want to lift on my own- it's just usually not a wise option. I say- GO together to the gym- then do your own thing.0 -
You are treading in dangerous water my friend. I lifted for 15 years before my wife decided to try it with me. She was new, and I became "coach". Mistake number one. No one wants the persons they care about being critical of them in that setting. My jobs allows me to call things like I see them. I found out communicating with my wife takes a little more finesse. So a net plus.
Mistake number two: I assumed that she would have similar goals to me, get stronger, be lean, run fast. (You know the perfect athlete.). She could have cared less about getting stronger and she is not a speed runner and does not want to be one. She only wanted to be healthy her goals were very different from mine. That is really what you need to decide. What do you both want? If it is the same thing you guys could lift together and have a good time. My wife still spots me at the home gym and comes to my competitions, but our joint venture didn't last.
We both learned a lot and she still uses some of the HIIT style cardio we did together. But never again will we try that.0 -
Sorry dear....you are on your own because my MFP friends said run as far away as you can when it comes to lifting together. If only I can convince her of that same thing when it comes to shopping. Thanks for all your advice. PLAY BALL !!0
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This is an interesting thread. My experience has been the opposite of the others. I started hitting the weights when my guy and I first started dating 6+ years ago. I had previously tried lifting on my own but never stuck with it. Maybe it was the whole honeymoon phase "magic" at first, but I have stuck with it this time. We don't work out together every day (max 1-2x/week), but when we do we push each other; it works well for us. He is very encouraging and pushes me to lift heavier than I would if I were alone.0
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Sorry dear....you are on your own because my MFP friends said run as far away as you can when it comes to lifting together. If only I can convince her of that same thing when it comes to shopping. Thanks for all your advice. PLAY BALL !!
Haha! Funny. I think it depends on the couple. Personally, I don't like working out with anyone, but that doesn't mean lifting together can't work. Give it a try if you want. Either way, you're right that to really make progress you have to leave the treadmills behind and get over to the weights. Cardio is just a bonus for heart health and burning extra calories.0 -
My wife and I will go to the gym together but we don't work out together. She has different goals than I do and a couple of times I did help her out but she is more interested in the machines than free weights.
Of course, that being said, I don't like lifting with anyone so that plays into it too.0 -
LeanButNotMean44 wrote: »This is an interesting thread. My experience has been the opposite of the others. I started hitting the weights when my guy and I first started dating 6+ years ago. I had previously tried lifting on my own but never stuck with it. Maybe it was the whole honeymoon phase "magic" at first, but I have stuck with it this time. We don't work out together every day (max 1-2x/week), but when we do we push each other; it works well for us. He is very encouraging and pushes me to lift heavier than I would if I were alone.
So far it seemed like I was the only one pro lifting together. I actually met my BF at the gym. But as others has said if goals are different it could be a problem.0 -
^^ I agree with "Lean..." I enjoy lifting with my man. We started Stronglift 5x5, which I found BTW. Before that, he was lifting without a program, just doing whatever strikes his fancy. I didn't dig that so I found a program that is structured and can see my progress in strength. Of course, he wanted to do it too. Now I spot him when he bench presses and he has overtaken me in deadlifts but I can keep with with squats.
I say you try it first as a couple, especially when building the foundation in the weight room. See where it takes you. We encourage each other and sometimes its fun to taunt each to push to get to the next level. There are days where our schedules clash but that's ok. It sometimes happens but keep going. Good luck0 -
My wife and I have been active gym goers for some time now and we have decided to step off the treadmills and start lifting weights. For some reason all the people we look at and want bodies like are over lifting weights and not running there bums off. We need some advice. Is it best to lift as partners or do our own thing? We have watched both. Please advise us what you think is best and why? Also since we are new to lifting, what are the best programs? We are looking for someone on MFP to help coach us through this process so feel free to add me if you are interested in mentoring us.
I think it really depends on the dynamic of your relationship. Can you two agree on a well-structured program to follow and encourage each other without getting pissed at each other? That's really not a question we can answer for you. I know my parents use to try and golf together and it was always just bickering back and forth about shot setup and stuff, so it wouldn't work for them. Whatever it is, follow a good program that somebody intelligent created; don't be the guy that tries to walk around the weight room like they know everything because their wife is with them and look stupid.0 -
Since my gf is a trainer also, it's really nice having someone point out when I'm lax in my form. We typically don't get to workout together too much, but it's been fun when we have.0
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Thanks for the input. We are heading to the gym in about an hour. I will keep you all posted.0
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I don't think there's a "right" answer here...it's just going to depend...on a lot of things. One thing to consider is having to add and remove plates between sets...this becomes increasingly more "interesting" if you're doing a program like 5/3/1 or any kind of program that utilizes undulating periodization. My wife and I did Starting Strength together for a time and it wasn't really an issue...but when we started 5/3/1, there was a lot of plate changing going on and it was taking a lot of time.
No and understand your goals. My wife and I lifted together for a time, and it was fine...but she quickly started having issues with recovery and namely recovery and still being able to train for her runs. I wasn't doing much at that time besides hitting the weight room and doing some walking so no biggie for me doing a traditional strength program...but it was murder on her runs. She ultimately moved on to a program that catered more towards general fitness and athleticism vs pure strength...I did likewise down the road when I got into cycling. I only do "heavy" cycles now in the winter when I'm not on my bike as much. I also became very interested in the Olympic lifts being the foundation of my programming...not so much for my wife.
Another issue that we had from time to time was that she sometimes took my "coaching" as criticism rather than just me helping her out with her form or whatever. I think that is often a problem for many, particularly one one is more experienced than the other in the weight room.
In the long run, it really didn't work for my wife and I and we're much better off doing our own thing...that said, I know plenty of couples that lift together and they love it.
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My bf and I lift together 3x a week. We have a home gym. We are doing strong lifts together. He has lifted before so it's nice to have him check my former and give me tips here and there. We do have similar goals so it works and honestly I look forward to our weight lifting time
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My wife won't even work out with me in the same room.
Take that as you may.0 -
It depends on goals and relationship. I used to have a boyfriend a long time ago with whom we worked out together. He was a bodybuilder and introduced me to free weights, I convinced him that there are cardio classes a man can enjoy and benefit from. But we both had similar goals, and both loved exercise.0
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My husband and I run into issues...b/c I'm 5'3, and he is 6'3. Trying to squat at the same time would be a disaster. We're on the same program...if our bench days end up falling on the same day, we'll share a bench...we have to change plates for each other, but I can lift the 45s.0
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My wife and I have been working out together for over 20 years, with the last 2 being the most intense. We have a home gym and it fits our lifestyle and we motivate each other. Changing plates can be a pia, but even when I lifted with a buddy all thru college, we were still changing plates on most sets. She can handle all the plates which actually makes it go pretty quick in comparison to doing it by myself. I have a grease board and we list our exercises and weights to stay efficient on plate changes. We do weights 3x a week - full body, heavy, compound movements; HIIT/circuit workouts (planks, kettlebell swings, mt climbers etc) 2x a week, and normally do 2-3 mile walk after. Weekends are for mountain biking and hiking which we also do together.
so - Yes!0 -
My husband and I run into issues...b/c I'm 5'3, and he is 6'3. Trying to squat at the same time would be a disaster. We're on the same program...if our bench days end up falling on the same day, we'll share a bench...we have to change plates for each other, but I can lift the 45s.
Ah, yes, that sounds familiar. I'm 5'6" (rounding up) and my husband is 6'2". Not as big of a difference but enough that it would make sharing equipment a bit challenging. That time we tried to lift together we ended up trying with me squatting and him doing OHP. Then we ran into the issue of him hitting the ceiling with the weight (long arms.) He wasn't really into the idea of lifting, period, and all of the problems with the details didn't make him more interested. I still (gently) try to convince him but lifting is pretty much a no go for him at this point.0 -
I think it really depends on the couple. There is nothing wrong with giving it a try and just because you are at the gym together doesn't mean you have to be doing the same thing. You could each do your own thing or you could be doing squats and giving her a bit of a spot on bench during your rest or vice versa.0
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Ok, for a second I sort of imagined each of you taking one end of the barbell...0
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Put me in the "no" team. First the two of us have way different strength ability and we are built differently. So even on machines, we have adjust constantly. Next, we go at different speeds. I work out fast, she works out...well slower. I have different lagging parts than she does...so I spend more time on legs...she does more on arms. That's my two cents. Your mileage may vary.0
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I enjoyed lifting with my wife and I didn't mind swapping the weights for every lift either. We stopped lifting together when she injured her shoulder on vacation (which wasn't very long into her joining me).
I don't know if my wife cares for it though. She has poor form (doesn't go down all the way, caves her knees in while squatting, lots of obvious stuff) and she doesn't like it when I try to correct her and didn't read the SL's squat form page when I sent it to her so I wouldn't have to explain it to her. Basically, she was lifting because I wanted her to lift with me, but wasn't putting any effort into learning proper form.
I'd be open to it again, and it can work, but my hopes aren't high as I don't expect my wife to bring the drive she needs to. She is much more motivated to do ab programs than to build muscles everywhere.0 -
Give it a try and see what happens. Hubby and I argued about what to do, how many to do, and form. His pace was SLOW. Do a set and walk about the gym and chat for 10 minutes. It drove me nuts.
Now we CrossFit together. That works. We have a coach that works with us individually on form, and the pace is definitely more my speed.
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We work out one day a week, together, doing Stronglifts workout A. It's fun for us, we laugh, we're there to spot bench or suggest a form tweak. The other days are individual.
When I made the decision to lose weight and get fitter, he wanted to join me. When I found out about strength training, he wanted to do that with me, too. He's not super committed to increasing the weight quickly and we've both had de-loads here and there for a variety of reasons. We're close to the same weight on squats, so we just add a plate for the one going heavier. Bench is a quick change of plates. Row is the same (he hates these and would probably skip if I weren't there!). We use the other's rest period do do our sets.0 -
Try it. It depends upon the couple. I met my husband in a powerlifting club over 6 years ago so it's natural that we train together since we both compete together. As for switching out the plates, once you've had to do it for 5 or more people in a club, doing it for 2 is not a big deal. You plan it out. If my top set is 185 and his is 300 we leave my weight on the bar and add a 45, a 10 and a 2.5 to each side. You think ahead.
I plan most of our programming and we critique each other. Some times he pisses me off but that's life. Having done it together for so many years, it's lonely to do it alone. It's also our time to shoot the *kitten* and gossip.0 -
My husband and I lift together - it's our "date" time together. We go to the gym together 3 days a week, and are working on putting together our own home gym. Hubby started lifting before me, and patiently waited for me to get over my preconceived notions about what weight lifting would do to sabotage my weight loss goals and join him.
I did at first get frustrated when he would lovingly and helpfully give me tips, and I admit I was a bit of a brat about it, but the more confident I've become in my own knowledge in what I'm doing, the more I've been able to allow it without taking offense. Even still, I never allowed it to affect things outside the gym (yes, it was a conscious choice at times).
We started out doing Starting Strength together, but we have since set our own personal goals that we are working on (I'm doing kind of my own variation of Wendler 5/3/1, and he's focusing primarily right now on getting up to a 400-pound squat), and we are also learning Olympic lifting together. So while we are not always working on the exact same thing, we still go together, cheer each other on, and enjoy being together.
I personally think the effect it will have on a relationship depends on both of the people involved. It doesn't have to hurt the relationship unless you allow it to. Instead, look for ways to allow it to strengthen your relationship and encourage each other in your own goals/programs, and then it can be totally fun and rewarding and bring solidarity to the relationship.0 -
cwolfman13 wrote: »I don't think there's a "right" answer here...it's just going to depend...on a lot of things. One thing to consider is having to add and remove plates between sets...this becomes increasingly more "interesting" if you're doing a program like 5/3/1 or any kind of program that utilizes undulating periodization. My wife and I did Starting Strength together for a time and it wasn't really an issue...but when we started 5/3/1, there was a lot of plate changing going on and it was taking a lot of time.
No and understand your goals. My wife and I lifted together for a time, and it was fine...but she quickly started having issues with recovery and namely recovery and still being able to train for her runs. I wasn't doing much at that time besides hitting the weight room and doing some walking so no biggie for me doing a traditional strength program...but it was murder on her runs. She ultimately moved on to a program that catered more towards general fitness and athleticism vs pure strength...I did likewise down the road when I got into cycling. I only do "heavy" cycles now in the winter when I'm not on my bike as much.
Do you mind if I ask you what kind of strength training your wife moved to so that it wouldn't interfere with her running?
I run and cycle and am just starting up strength training but I'm concerned about it affecting my rides/runs.0
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