Loosing weight & Relationships?

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Replies

  • prettysoul1908
    prettysoul1908 Posts: 200 Member
    NFOM16 wrote: »
    I think I'm just going to speak tomorrow night that way he's had a decent sleep and we can try get a babysitter have a proper discussion, 10 years is a lot to walk away from.

    I saw a quote that said... Don't keep making a mistake just because you've spent a lot of time making it.

    I'm not suggesting being brash and walking away... But don't let that be the thing to keep you in an unhappy situation.

    I'm speaking from experience. I left a relationship that had abusive tendencies (not physical) when our twin daughters were 9 months old. 8 years later... I still know that was the best thing for me... And my little girls.
  • NFOM16
    NFOM16 Posts: 35 Member
    aggelikik wrote: »
    Your profile says you are 24. What do you mean by he is watching younger girls? Like, kids????

    Oh god no ! I mean there about 17/18. He's 27 .... His sister is 16 for gods sake. I just don't get it...

    Definitely not supporting me is a problem to me, I didn't do it to him when he went through a health phase a few years ago.

    No I'll cook a dinner say lemon and honey salmon with steamed veg but added potatoes to his.

    My problem is I'm defo a hot head so I can see why he wouldn't tell me maybe he thought I'd just snap?
  • jemhh
    jemhh Posts: 14,261 Member
    NFOM16 wrote: »
    aggelikik wrote: »
    Your profile says you are 24. What do you mean by he is watching younger girls? Like, kids????

    Oh god no ! I mean there about 17/18. He's 27 .... His sister is 16 for gods sake. I just don't get it...

    Definitely not supporting me is a problem to me, I didn't do it to him when he went through a health phase a few years ago.

    No I'll cook a dinner say lemon and honey salmon with steamed veg but added potatoes to his.

    My problem is I'm defo a hot head so I can see why he wouldn't tell me maybe he thought I'd just snap?

    Yes that is a problem. Being a hothead isn't good for you, your partner, your kids, or for your relationships with them. Get it under control and learn to communicate calmly.
  • stircrzy
    stircrzy Posts: 47 Member
    It doesn't sound like it's about you. It sounds like it's about him. Either it's his way of showing love and affection by bringing home things he knows you like. Or maybe he's not comfortable with change. The only person who can tell you is him. In the end you have decide if you want to put up with the behavior. As far as the pornography is concerned again that is about self gratification. It isn't about whether or not you like your partner. Some people can enjoy pornography and be very effective in their real life relationships. Other people do not agree with it. If it's something you're uncomfortable with let him know. If he is unwilling to make any changes to accommodate you again it's a decision about what you feel comfortable with.
  • angerelle
    angerelle Posts: 175 Member
    Do other people (your friends and family?) think you're hot-headed, or is it just your other half?
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
    NFOM16 wrote: »
    He's always watched porn but I've noticed that he's constantly searching for skinny girls, or young teens

    That young teens thing bothers me.

    Me too. . If I caught my husband doing that His *kitten* along with his computer would be out the door quick smart!


    NFOM16 wrote: »
    Emily3907 wrote: »
    As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.

    If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.

    Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing.

    Ummm No, it may be normal for teenage boys, but grown *kitten* men, no it's not. Your man is only 27 though, so still pretty young and immature at that age IMO.

  • lindsey1979
    lindsey1979 Posts: 2,395 Member
    NFOM16 wrote: »
    He's always watched porn but I've noticed that he's constantly searching for skinny girls, or young teens

    That young teens thing bothers me.

    Me too. . If I caught my husband doing that His *kitten* along with his computer would be out the door quick smart!


    NFOM16 wrote: »
    Emily3907 wrote: »
    As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.

    If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.

    Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing.

    Ummm No, it may be normal for teenage boys, but grown *kitten* men, no it's not. Your man is only 27 though, so still pretty young and immature at that age IMO.

    It's pretty normal for grown men too.
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
    NFOM16 wrote: »
    He's always watched porn but I've noticed that he's constantly searching for skinny girls, or young teens

    That young teens thing bothers me.

    Me too. . If I caught my husband doing that His *kitten* along with his computer would be out the door quick smart!


    NFOM16 wrote: »
    Emily3907 wrote: »
    As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.

    If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.

    Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing.

    Ummm No, it may be normal for teenage boys, but grown *kitten* men, no it's not. Your man is only 27 though, so still pretty young and immature at that age IMO.

    It's pretty normal for grown men too.

    Maybe for singles... But for men in a healthy marriage, I don't understand why they would. In all fairness, my life wouldn't be worth living either if he caught me looking at porn, and especially teenage boys :confounded:

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  • lindsey1979
    lindsey1979 Posts: 2,395 Member
    edited October 2015
    NFOM16 wrote: »
    He's always watched porn but I've noticed that he's constantly searching for skinny girls, or young teens

    That young teens thing bothers me.

    Me too. . If I caught my husband doing that His *kitten* along with his computer would be out the door quick smart!


    NFOM16 wrote: »
    Emily3907 wrote: »
    As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.

    If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.

    Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing.

    Ummm No, it may be normal for teenage boys, but grown *kitten* men, no it's not. Your man is only 27 though, so still pretty young and immature at that age IMO.

    It's pretty normal for grown men too.

    Maybe for singles... But for men in a healthy marriage, I don't understand why they would. In all fairness, my life wouldn't be worth living either if he caught me looking at porn, and especially teenage boys :confounded:

    Because guys like variety and stimulation. Perhaps they have a kink that they like to fantasize about but don't really want to tell their wives about. Maybe they're bored, their wife/gf is away, etc. There are a whole lot of reasons for it. And they're all pretty healthy/normal.

    I think it's really sad that you value your life according to someone catching you watching porn. It's not my thing personally and it's also not many women's thing, but men are more visually stimulated than women (whereas women are more stimulated through touch), so it makes more sense that it would appeal more to men than women in general.

    There are certain porn habits I would be worried about -- like watching young teenagers, animals, snuff videos, etc. But that's a very different thing than thinking that all porn is horrible, abnormal or not healthy. Different strokes for different folks.

  • Kimegatron
    Kimegatron Posts: 772 Member
    NFOM16 wrote: »
    He's always watched porn but I've noticed that he's constantly searching for skinny girls, or young teens

    That young teens thing bothers me.

    Me too. . If I caught my husband doing that His *kitten* along with his computer would be out the door quick smart!


    NFOM16 wrote: »
    Emily3907 wrote: »
    As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.

    If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.

    Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing.

    Ummm No, it may be normal for teenage boys, but grown *kitten* men, no it's not. Your man is only 27 though, so still pretty young and immature at that age IMO.

    It's pretty normal for grown men too.

    Maybe for singles... But for men in a healthy marriage, I don't understand why they would. In all fairness, my life wouldn't be worth living either if he caught me looking at porn, and especially teenage boys :confounded:

    I'm married, he's 30, we have a child, and he still watches. I have NO problem, it's completely normal.
  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
    Kimegatron wrote: »
    NFOM16 wrote: »
    He's always watched porn but I've noticed that he's constantly searching for skinny girls, or young teens

    That young teens thing bothers me.

    Me too. . If I caught my husband doing that His *kitten* along with his computer would be out the door quick smart!


    NFOM16 wrote: »
    Emily3907 wrote: »
    As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.

    If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.

    Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing.

    Ummm No, it may be normal for teenage boys, but grown *kitten* men, no it's not. Your man is only 27 though, so still pretty young and immature at that age IMO.

    It's pretty normal for grown men too.

    Maybe for singles... But for men in a healthy marriage, I don't understand why they would. In all fairness, my life wouldn't be worth living either if he caught me looking at porn, and especially teenage boys :confounded:

    I'm married, he's 30, we have a child, and he still watches. I have NO problem, it's completely normal.

    That's nice. But for me/us, it just wouldn't fly.

  • UncaToddly
    UncaToddly Posts: 146 Member
    edited October 2015
    NFOM16 wrote: »
    Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing. Maybe it actually does bother me? I know the younger girls thing bothers me just as much as the skinny part does..

    One of the ways to answer these questions is to ask yourself....If he were searching for porn involving 60 year old women or Fat Women, would you still feel insecure about the choices?

    I am 47 years old and believe me, I am not simply searching out stuff with 40 year olds in it.

    As for you checking out what he searches for...... how would you feel if he made a point to search through your phone or computer to see what you have been up too? If you love him that needs to include trust. Snooping is the opposite of trust.

  • lindsey1979
    lindsey1979 Posts: 2,395 Member
    Kimegatron wrote: »
    NFOM16 wrote: »
    He's always watched porn but I've noticed that he's constantly searching for skinny girls, or young teens

    That young teens thing bothers me.

    Me too. . If I caught my husband doing that His *kitten* along with his computer would be out the door quick smart!


    NFOM16 wrote: »
    Emily3907 wrote: »
    As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.

    If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.

    Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing.

    Ummm No, it may be normal for teenage boys, but grown *kitten* men, no it's not. Your man is only 27 though, so still pretty young and immature at that age IMO.

    It's pretty normal for grown men too.

    Maybe for singles... But for men in a healthy marriage, I don't understand why they would. In all fairness, my life wouldn't be worth living either if he caught me looking at porn, and especially teenage boys :confounded:

    I'm married, he's 30, we have a child, and he still watches. I have NO problem, it's completely normal.

    That's nice. But for me/us, it just wouldn't fly.

    It's totally fine for it not to be okay for you, but that's very different than saying it's not normal. You made different choices, but it doesn't make others' choices abnormal.
  • Kimegatron
    Kimegatron Posts: 772 Member
    Kimegatron wrote: »
    NFOM16 wrote: »
    He's always watched porn but I've noticed that he's constantly searching for skinny girls, or young teens

    That young teens thing bothers me.

    Me too. . If I caught my husband doing that His *kitten* along with his computer would be out the door quick smart!


    NFOM16 wrote: »
    Emily3907 wrote: »
    As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.

    If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.

    Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing.

    Ummm No, it may be normal for teenage boys, but grown *kitten* men, no it's not. Your man is only 27 though, so still pretty young and immature at that age IMO.

    It's pretty normal for grown men too.

    Maybe for singles... But for men in a healthy marriage, I don't understand why they would. In all fairness, my life wouldn't be worth living either if he caught me looking at porn, and especially teenage boys :confounded:

    I'm married, he's 30, we have a child, and he still watches. I have NO problem, it's completely normal.

    That's nice. But for me/us, it just wouldn't fly.

    So that is your OPINION. It is perfectly normal for grown men to watch it. You don't have to sit there and call grown men abnormal, who do something PERFECTLY NORMAL, as well as call someone immature at 27. Everyone has different maturity levels at all stages and walks in life. The man at the end of my street who looks about 70 who sexually harasses women who walk by, who has naked centerfolds tacked up on his living room walls, he is immature. So does that mean that all 70 year olds are immature?
  • Kimegatron
    Kimegatron Posts: 772 Member
    The funny thing is that your husband probably sneaks it when you're not around. But will deny it to the ends of the Earth, ha ha!
  • UncaToddly
    UncaToddly Posts: 146 Member
    NFOM16 wrote: »
    He's always watched porn but I've noticed that he's constantly searching for skinny girls, or young teens

    That young teens thing bothers me.

    Me too. . If I caught my husband doing that His *kitten* along with his computer would be out the door quick smart!


    NFOM16 wrote: »
    Emily3907 wrote: »
    As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.

    If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.

    Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing.

    Ummm No, it may be normal for teenage boys, but grown *kitten* men, no it's not. Your man is only 27 though, so still pretty young and immature at that age IMO.

    It's pretty normal for grown men too.

    Maybe for singles... But for men in a healthy marriage, I don't understand why they would. In all fairness, my life wouldn't be worth living either if he caught me looking at porn, and especially teenage boys :confounded:

    No, not just for singles. I am in a very healthy marriage and my wife has no problem with porn. Heck, if she isn't in the mood she will suggest I watch it even if she is sitting at her computer 6 feet from me. And no, we aren't some young kids, I am 47 and she is 55. Me watching 18-20 year olds isn't an issue. If it truly were minors that would be a different story but there is a big difference between seeking out porn of legal 18 year olds and that of 14 year olds.

    As for why we would, the answer is simple. As my wife, I may find you to be absolutely beautiful and believe me when I say that you turn me on beyond belief, but that doesn't mean others don't turn me on either. Others who are sexy and gorgeous and ready to watch anytime. And yes, I expect the same from my partners. My wife watching porn, with or without me, is in no way a reflection on our relationship having any issues.

    You may be more of the type who slaps your husband if you catch him looking at some other hottie. My wife is more likely to point them out so I don't miss them. We trust each other that way.
  • UncaToddly
    UncaToddly Posts: 146 Member
    That's nice. But for me/us, it just wouldn't fly.

    Just playing the odds here but I am willing to bet that it is more about "you" than "us". I highly doubt your husband would be upset if he found you watching porn.

  • Liftng4Lis
    Liftng4Lis Posts: 15,151 Member
    I think this is something you should share with your partner. You won't be finding the answers you seek here.
  • rleider
    rleider Posts: 14 Member
    we deal with SO much when we have kids, men lose their spouse for a while. He may feel confused that you have changed so much and can't express himself or even understand his own feelings. Men don't go through the same hormonal changes, its line they are on the other side of the glass.
    The porn thing; I find that guys just change things up a bit. I'm confident that he just has that interest for now. That's no reflection on you. People watch porn to check out of reality and fantasize, not visualize their spouses that way. That's the best part of it; see something different. Nothing wrong with that. And it doesn't mean anything is wrong sexually.
    But now go talk to him. Just ask him if he likes what you're doing. Tell him to be honest that it won't hurt your feelings. Guys fib yo avoid an argument or hurt feelings. If you help him feel comfortable to talk then he will.
    That's my advice anyways :)



  • Karen_can_do_this
    Karen_can_do_this Posts: 1,150 Member
    edited November 2015
    NFOM16 wrote: »
    He's always watched porn but I've noticed that he's constantly searching for skinny girls, or young teens

    That young teens thing bothers me.

    Me too. . If I caught my husband doing that His *kitten* along with his computer would be out the door quick smart!


    NFOM16 wrote: »
    Emily3907 wrote: »
    As far as the porn thing goes.......if you know and accept that he watches it, how do you know what he is watching? Do you check up on him to see what he is searching? I am only asking because maybe you *think* the porn doesn't bother you, but maybe it bothers you more than you realize if you are going in after him and checking what he is watching. And if it deep down really does bother you, you will need to come to some kind of compromise. Just a thought from a complete stranger on the internets.

    If I were in your shoes, it would be time for some serious conversations. You both need to be on the same page about the way things are going in your life, so you can understand one another. Right now it sounds like things are a little disjointed. Life is tough and with a new baby, you making big changes in your health/life and general realtionship junk, sometimes a "state of affairs" meeting (as we call them in our house) is necessary.

    Doesn't every guy watch porn? I thought it was jut a normal thing.

    Ummm No, it may be normal for teenage boys, but grown *kitten* men, no it's not. Your man is only 27 though, so still pretty young and immature at that age IMO.

    It's pretty normal for grown men too.

    Maybe for singles... But for men in a healthy marriage, I don't understand why they would. In all fairness, my life wouldn't be worth living either if he caught me looking at porn, and especially teenage boys :confounded:

    My husband watches porn. I have no issue with it. Sometimes I'll watch it with him. Sometimes I watch it without him. It's just moving pictures on a screen
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