1220 calories - Morbidly obese (obese Class 3) Male - Meal Suggestions - Assistance Needed.
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Calliope610 wrote: »I'm still wondering why you feel obligated to do this? Are you his caregiver? Why isn't his wife participating in overseeing his health and diet?
It's not an obligation, as much as if I don't help him he will end up having diabetes in a couple of years from now. While having a poor quality of life.
His wife can do as much as he allows her to. She cannot force him what to eat and what not.
If I give him a weekly meal plan he will stick to it for the most part. His wife is willing to cook everything and weight stuff as long as she has preset product list and quantities.
They don't know basic nutrition.
For example pork side baked would mean as much as chicken breast if in the same quantity for them.
He can learn basic nutrition if it is important to him.... obviously it's not.0 -
I didn't read all that (I kind of skimmed) because I figured something out pretty quickly: If he really wanted to lose weight, he would be looking into it instead of you looking into it.
People who cannot be bothered to see the see the doctor really don't care that much about their health. That's cool. That's most people! It's their choice and we have to respect their choice. But if he doesn't care, he doesn't. Suggest that he see the doctor for a physical and get a referral to a dietitian while he's there. Tell him that you're not qualified to help him, but they are. Tell him that losing weight is hard work and that he needs to start doing it (!) and that the place to begin is the doctor's office.
There is no reason for you to knock yourself out trying to keep him healthy if he won't even bother to visit the people who are qualified to give him GOOD advice. You shouldn't be doing more work than he does!
When he's truly motivated to lose weight, he will seek the advice of people who are qualified to help him. Until he's really motivated, I'd wash my hands of the whole business. Adult people make their own choices. We cannot save them from themselves.0 -
You are very kind and well meaning but this is ridiculous. He has to have special coffee, he doesn't like to eat the same thing two days in a row, people have to wait on him. He sounds like a baby. You can try all you want but you can't help him. He has to help himself. The picture you have painted for us is one of a meek and simple wife with a demanding and petulant husband. The weight and poor health are simply one small part of a dysfunctional relationship.. He needs to see a therapist (for anxiety if nothing else), a physician (to deal with the ramifications of his kidney situation), and a dietician who can educate him about nutrition. If he really wanted to lose weight, he could eat a bowl of cereal every morning, a turkey sandwich every day for lunch and chicken and vegetables for dinner. The weight would fall off but obviously that's not what's going to happen. Save yourself misery and politely remove yourself from this situation!0
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Tblackdogs wrote: »You are very kind and well meaning but this is ridiculous. He has to have special coffee, he doesn't like to eat the same thing two days in a row, people have to wait on him. He sounds like a baby. You can try all you want but you can't help him. He has to help himself. The picture you have painted for us is one of a meek and simple wife with a demanding and petulant husband. The weight and poor health are simply one small part of a dysfunctional relationship.. He needs to see a therapist (for anxiety if nothing else), a physician (to deal with the ramifications of his kidney situation), and a dietician who can educate him about nutrition. If he really wanted to lose weight, he could eat a bowl of cereal every morning, a turkey sandwich every day for lunch and chicken and vegetables for dinner. The weight would fall off but obviously that's not what's going to happen. Save yourself misery and politely remove yourself from this situation!
The reason people behave this way is because they are allowed to. Somehow they get through life without anyone ever saying to them, "Hey, your behavior is unacceptable." OP, if you give in to his demands you're just reinforcing this behavior even more. Send him to doctors just as suggested above.0 -
Are you sure you put his stats in correctly? You put 1.58 cm on here.
Yes he is 1.58cm 107.6kgRuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »Did they remove the gland as well as the kidney?
I have no idea about that. He was diagnosed with kidney cancer and had his kidney removed 3years ago but his weight loss issues go back way before that.
1.58 cm is less than 1 inch. That can't be correct.
1m58cm... I thought it was pretty obvious?
That's like 5.18 in feet/inches
It's funny how you thought it was sooo obvious that you meant 1m58cm, and then you go ahead and incorrectly write his height in feet/inches..lol. Not that easy to correctly interpret a system with which you are 'obviously' unfamiliar, is it? Think about it from the other person's perspective.
Anyway, you can only help someone so much. If he wants to keep living his life that way, what can you do? You can try to teach someone and encourage them, but in the end, he is the one in control of his body. If a person wants to destroy himself, he will do it. It's good of you to want to help, but you can only do so much before it starts stressing and destroying you in the process.
Also, with his complicated situation, this sounds like something that requires a professional. You may want to suggest that to them if you haven't already.0 -
Calliope610 wrote: »I'm still wondering why you feel obligated to do this? Are you his caregiver? Why isn't his wife participating in overseeing his health and diet?
It's not an obligation, as much as if I don't help him he will end up having diabetes in a couple of years from now. While having a poor quality of life.
His wife can do as much as he allows her to. She cannot force him what to eat and what not.
If I give him a weekly meal plan he will stick to it for the most part. His wife is willing to cook everything and weight stuff as long as she has preset product list and quantities.
They don't know basic nutrition.
For example pork side baked would mean as much as chicken breast if in the same quantity for them.
Does he have a disability or condition that prevents him from learning about basic nutrition and meal planning? Or is he simply uninterested? If the latter, why are you more invested in his health than he is?
No disability. He is the kind of person that is uninterested till something clicks in. He is usually afraid of trying something because he thinks he will fail at it. That leads to anxiety so he doesn't get involved right away with many things.
I know that nutrition is something that would interest him, as long as I'd "force" him the first month.
But he will not stick to it unless he has a preset meal plan. I am sure that daily slip ups will happen. But at the same time that those will happen, he will have the required deficit to lose for example if not 1kg/week then 0.8kg plus the initial water weight, that will make him more interested at it.
His health isn't enough to make the need to change his ways "click in"?
What makes you so special to this guy that you'll get through to him? You actually believe that?0 -
Calliope610 wrote: »I'm still wondering why you feel obligated to do this? Are you his caregiver? Why isn't his wife participating in overseeing his health and diet?
It's not an obligation, as much as if I don't help him he will end up having diabetes in a couple of years from now. While having a poor quality of life.
His wife can do as much as he allows her to. She cannot force him what to eat and what not.
If I give him a weekly meal plan he will stick to it for the most part. His wife is willing to cook everything and weight stuff as long as she has preset product list and quantities.
They don't know basic nutrition.
For example pork side baked would mean as much as chicken breast if in the same quantity for them.
Think about it though - you're not the only one that knows this and can act on it. He does, too. He should be the one doing all of this if he cares about his health, not you. You need a lot of stamina to complete this task. You cannot do it for someone else
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I hope he pays you for all this effort you put into a project that will fail.
This lazy, selfish manchild is obviously good at manipulating, so this will go nowhere.0 -
He doesn't need people to help him diet. He needs a tough-love-style intervention. If someone is addicted to drugs you don't do rehab for them. They need to do it themselves, and not be helped every step of the way. It's his responsibility, not anyone else's.
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If he is unwilling to do at least some of the work himself, than he is not ready to make this journey. He should not be putting this on anyone else, this is his life and his journey. I would suggest high fiber high protean foods and to drink lots and lots of water, in fact drink only water, I am 240 lbs and drink between 12 to 18 cups of water a day.0
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All I can tell you is that what worked for me was continuing to eat the same food I always was but learning the appropriate portion sizes for my activity level and calorie goal. I realized pretty quickly that I could pair my smaller portion of a higher calorie item with more vegetables on my plate and that using my calories on bread would not make me as satisfied as using them on protein foods. I also decided I didn't want to drink my precious calories because I like to eat so I drink water or unsweetened tea mostly. It was pretty painless and easy to just eat 1-2 slices of pizza with a big salad or a hamburger with a side salad instead of fries.
I would give him a deadline. If he won't put in effort to change by the end of the month then he is on his own.
You want him to be able to sustain his way of eating long term so he can keep off any weight he loses.
Have him start keeping an honest food diary- on paper if need be- without making dietary changes yet. Then have him just try to stick to the calorie goal. Work with him and his wife on figuring out what portion sizes of his favorite foods are that fit in his goal. Then have him try increasing his protein and adding more servings of vegetables. It will take time to make lasting changes.
For no meat days, I would look at having bean or lentil dishes.
If you want pre-made menus you can get sample menus by searching the internet for "1200 calorie meal plans". There are a lot out there.
If he has a health condition that requires a special diet he really should talk to his doctor and a dietitian.
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Sorry but, all that is required to lose, is a caloric deficit. Which HE needs to want to have. Doesn't sound like he wants this badly enough.0
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Like OP, I too have a relative/loved one in my life who struggles with morbid obesity and a host of resulting health problems. Behavior-wise, the description of husband and wife in this scenario is very familiar to me. It isn't easy, but it also isn't impossible. Offering support through education, organization and planning is, in my opinion, the very best thing OP can choose to do at this point, and I commend her for researching to find out how best to do that. (And, tough-love works for some people, but not for everyone. When you love someone who doesn't respond well to any type or amount of tough-love, then you keep searching for other ways. Eventually, another way will click, or it won't. But, if it won't, you know that you tried and hopefully planted a seed that will take future hold.)
As I see it, OP has requested help with recipes/meal suggestions. The reasons around it were probably listed to help keep recipe suggestions narrowed down to what will be most useful to what she's looking for right now. So, it'd be nice to see recipes and meal suggestions offered.0 -
justrollme wrote: »Like OP, I too have a relative/loved one in my life who struggles with morbid obesity and a host of resulting health problems. Behavior-wise, the description of husband and wife in this scenario is very familiar to me. It isn't easy, but it also isn't impossible. Offering support through education, organization and planning is, in my opinion, the very best thing OP can choose to do at this point, and I commend her for researching to find out how best to do that. (And, tough-love works for some people, but not for everyone. When you love someone who doesn't respond well to any type or amount of tough-love, then you keep searching for other ways. Eventually, another way will click, or it won't. But, if it won't, you know that you tried and hopefully planted a seed that will take future hold.)
As I see it, OP has requested help with recipes/meal suggestions. The reasons around it were probably listed to help keep recipe suggestions narrowed down to what will be most useful to what she's looking for right now. So, it'd be nice to see recipes and meal suggestions offered.
I don't see how recipe/meal suggestions help. He could eat anything to lose weight. Surely he knows what kinds of food are bad for his medical conditions. I'm assuming the OP has cooked/meal planned in the past. Recipe/meal suggestions are a red herring imo.0 -
OP...does he have the money to do a prepackaged meal plan?0
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OP, based on the entries I have seen, I understand we live in the same country
If he needs to be babied, you are not helping him by treating him as a baby. A psychiatrist could help him, and the good news are that there are several ones that are covered by insurance if this is an issue. If you are in one of the big cities, or close ot one, you can easily find someone.
If his wife likes babying him, teach her how to use the internet, or just buy her a calorie counting book, they still exist. Especially since he is married, do not get into the middle of this, it will end up in you getting hurt and everyone fighting or turning against you. If this man is your father, this is even more unfair for you, and reason to demand that your mother takes action. And in this case, a therapist for yourself is where I would start.
Were he a 13 year old, all this would make sense. He is an adult, you cannot put the work for him to lose the weight, not possible. I know this is not the advice you asked for, but what you are describing is not normal. It is not normal for him to ask this of you, not normal of his wife to let you do it, not normal for you to want to do it. Even if he is for father. And it will not work.
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Bloody88, you wrote 1.58cm.
Centimeters. Less than an inch. Not likely that he is the size of an insect. So if you put 1.58cm in mfp, of course it gave him only 1220 calories. Make sure you get the meters in there. It thinks you're trying to make a cricket lose weight.
Put in his actual height and you'll get far more calories.
Feel free to make a new account if you wish so.
The stats are correctly set.
For a 41 y old male, 158cm, 107.6kg and Sedentary lifestyle it gives 1220calories/day. If he was like 13years younger it would give him 1310..
He heeds more than 1220 when I check it in various calculators. Someone so resistant to weight loss (& he is resistant, despite claiming he wants to lose- why else would he refuse to do any of the weight loss work himself?) has at least a slightly better chance of success if he's eating an appropriate number of calories. Check the calculator at scooby's workshop.
But again, he does not sound as if he wants to lose weight. Yes, he wants to magically weigh less, but that's not the same thing. You want to help but from this side of the screen it reads like enabling - letting him continue to take no responsibility for his own health.0 -
Calliope610 wrote: »I'm still wondering why you feel obligated to do this? Are you his caregiver? Why isn't his wife participating in overseeing his health and diet?
It's not an obligation, as much as if I don't help him he will end up having diabetes in a couple of years from now. While having a poor quality of life.
His wife can do as much as he allows her to. She cannot force him what to eat and what not.
If I give him a weekly meal plan he will stick to it for the most part. His wife is willing to cook everything and weight stuff as long as she has preset product list and quantities.
They don't know basic nutrition.
For example pork side baked would mean as much as chicken breast if in the same quantity for them.
Does he have a disability or condition that prevents him from learning about basic nutrition and meal planning? Or is he simply uninterested? If the latter, why are you more invested in his health than he is?
No disability. He is the kind of person that is uninterested till something clicks in. He is usually afraid of trying something because he thinks he will fail at it. That leads to anxiety so he doesn't get involved right away with many things.
I know that nutrition is something that would interest him, as long as I'd "force" him the first month.
But he will not stick to it unless he has a preset meal plan. I am sure that daily slip ups will happen. But at the same time that those will happen, he will have the required deficit to lose for example if not 1kg/week then 0.8kg plus the initial water weight, that will make him more interested at it.
Since you are afraid of diabetes, get him to book an appointment with an endocrinologist. Any hospital with a diabetes clinic will do. And it is for free. He will get detailed instructions on what to eat and when, including calorie goals. They have little booklets with very detailed instructions and information, that will allow him and his wife to come up with a plan. If he cannot even follow this, then nothing will help him.0 -
If this person is bed ridden how is he getting the extra food? If he wont eat the food that is served him then surely he should go hungry or if he wants something different he should get up and get it himself. he needs a bit of tough loving.0
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justrollme wrote: »Like OP, I too have a relative/loved one in my life who struggles with morbid obesity and a host of resulting health problems. Behavior-wise, the description of husband and wife in this scenario is very familiar to me. It isn't easy, but it also isn't impossible. Offering support through education, organization and planning is, in my opinion, the very best thing OP can choose to do at this point, and I commend her for researching to find out how best to do that. (And, tough-love works for some people, but not for everyone. When you love someone who doesn't respond well to any type or amount of tough-love, then you keep searching for other ways. Eventually, another way will click, or it won't. But, if it won't, you know that you tried and hopefully planted a seed that will take future hold.)
As I see it, OP has requested help with recipes/meal suggestions. The reasons around it were probably listed to help keep recipe suggestions narrowed down to what will be most useful to what she's looking for right now. So, it'd be nice to see recipes and meal suggestions offered.
You first? Surely, you know some0 -
It's nice of you to care, and there's nothing wrong with trying to help him.0
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justrollme wrote: »Like OP, I too have a relative/loved one in my life who struggles with morbid obesity and a host of resulting health problems. Behavior-wise, the description of husband and wife in this scenario is very familiar to me. It isn't easy, but it also isn't impossible. Offering support through education, organization and planning is, in my opinion, the very best thing OP can choose to do at this point, and I commend her for researching to find out how best to do that. (And, tough-love works for some people, but not for everyone. When you love someone who doesn't respond well to any type or amount of tough-love, then you keep searching for other ways. Eventually, another way will click, or it won't. But, if it won't, you know that you tried and hopefully planted a seed that will take future hold.)
As I see it, OP has requested help with recipes/meal suggestions. The reasons around it were probably listed to help keep recipe suggestions narrowed down to what will be most useful to what she's looking for right now. So, it'd be nice to see recipes and meal suggestions offered.
You first? Surely, you know some
I had already sent some in a message. 0 -
1200 is too low, especially since the body needs calories to heal a broken bone.
http://blog.myfitnesspal.com/white-bean-turkey-chili/ The blog has recipes with calorie counts.
Tell him to make an appointment with a psychiatrist to be evaluated for depression along with his anxiety.0 -
His TDEE to maintain is 2231, so I'd do at least 1500 calories, myself (BMR 1859).
http://scoobysworkshop.com/accurate-calorie-calculator/
Is he really only 5' 2"? A really short guy?
And look for low-glycemic foods (use the Glycemic Index for food lists with their GI) for any problems with blood sugar. Or at least track carbs and subtract the fiber for NET carbs, and lower those per meal or snack based on glucose monitoring. Spread the carbs out over the day and avoid them late at night.
I know what motivates me to avoid sweets is seeing myself get a high reading on my glucose monitor. I think he should be checking his sugars 4x a day. I can't speak for him, but there's something about seeing those numbers that lets me know @#$% is real.0 -
GillianSmith2 wrote: »If this person is bed ridden how is he getting the extra food? If he wont eat the food that is served him then surely he should go hungry or if he wants something different he should get up and get it himself. he needs a bit of tough loving.
Just what I was thinking. Help the wife with meals, by all means, but don't cater to what the friend wants. If he truly wants to lose weight he'll eat what she serves.0 -
cafeaulait7 wrote: »His TDEE to maintain is 2231, so I'd do at least 1500 calories, myself (BMR 1859).
http://scoobysworkshop.com/accurate-calorie-calculator/
Is he really only 5' 2"? A really short guy?
And look for low-glycemic foods (use the Glycemic Index for food lists with their GI) for any problems with blood sugar. Or at least track carbs and subtract the fiber for NET carbs, and lower those per meal or snack based on glucose monitoring. Spread the carbs out over the day and avoid them late at night.
I know what motivates me to avoid sweets is seeing myself get a high reading on my glucose monitor. I think he should be checking his sugars 4x a day. I can't speak for him, but there's something about seeing those numbers that lets me know @#$% is real.
Yea he is a bit below 5.2.
He is not diabetic yet. But he is just below the upper limit on his readinds. With a couple of times going above it. He gets upset too when he sees high readings. And tries to make improvements to his diet which are temporary.
I've been checking the GI when trying to find foods but I am focusing more to high volume/low calorie ones because weight lossing 10% of his weight would make him lower his blood sugar considerably.
If people have suggestions of high volume lunches with 400calories it would be great.0 -
He can still function easily in one kidney it just gets larger to compensate. He better learn to eat lots of veggies. That will be his best bet.0
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I mentioned in my first post that he broke his ankle and he will have to stay at bed for at least 1.5 month. He is using some sort of adult walker to move to the bathroom and such, since his arms and other leg hurt the very same day from trying to lift his weight with cruches.GillianSmith2 wrote: »If this person is bed ridden how is he getting the extra food? If he wont eat the food that is served him then surely he should go hungry or if he wants something different he should get up and get it himself. he needs a bit of tough loving.
Just what I was thinking. Help the wife with meals, by all means, but don't cater to what the friend wants. If he truly wants to lose weight he'll eat what she serves.
The doctor has asked him to not move at all if possible.
But even if he wouldn't have access to the fridge, he usually doesn't take no for an answer from his wife.0 -
But even if he wouldn't have access to the fridge, he usually doesn't take no for an answer from his wife.
Proof positive. This guy doesn't want to lose weight. And doesn't like being told "no, you can't have what you want." You are dealing with a toddler, not a grown man interested in his own health and well being.
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Along with most other posters I think you have set yourself a thankless task, that will give little satisfaction to all involved.
I worked with my MIL a couple of years ago when she was trying to lose weight for health reasons.
I found this site, printed off the menus and some recipes, then we sorted through what she liked and made sure the goal was reached each day. I checked in and cooked with her for 4 weeks, then left her to it. With a monthly food plan.
She did fall back into old habits after about 6 months, but I knew, because I had left her with the skills and tools to cope on her own, I had done my best and feel no guilt that she failed.
( I couldn't at that time get her to do MFP)
An adult, barring mental or significant physical disability, really does have to make their decisions, then act upon them.
Take a look at the 1200 and 1500 cal 7 day plans on this site. Then get him to work through the printed pages ( I printed 2 copies so we could cut and paste things into a workable 4 week plan).
https://etools.heartandstroke.ca/HeartStroke/HWAP2/Recipes.aspx
Cheers, h.0
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