How to talk about weight loss without being a jerk?

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  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
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    tsamples23 wrote: »
    I appreciate the comments, It feels like I spend hours and hours every week working on this and so its a freaking huge part of my life. So I feel like sharing that part of my life with my friends/family, just like I would if I spent a couple hours at a movie or whatever I did that weekend. But I feel like just by mentioning that PR'd yesterday is somehow offensive.


    It's not, and I don't think there is anything wrong with sharing successes with people who you are close to. I think the problem arises when people get preachy about it.
  • CoffeeNCardio
    CoffeeNCardio Posts: 1,847 Member
    edited November 2015
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    jemhh wrote: »
    tsamples23 wrote: »
    I appreciate the comments, It feels like I spend hours and hours every week working on this and so its a freaking huge part of my life. So I feel like sharing that part of my life with my friends/family, just like I would if I spent a couple hours at a movie or whatever I did that weekend. But I feel like just by mentioning that PR'd yesterday is somehow offensive.

    I think it's fine to be happy about and mention hitting a goal or PR. "I hit 25 pounds lost!" or "I lifted 100 pounds!" or what have you is not anything that another reasonable person should be offended over any more than they would be offended if you said "My team won the tournament!" or "My book is being published!" I wouldn't go into detail unless asked but mentioning it is not being a jerk.

    Well put. Good comparison with the book thing.


    I'd like to add, while someone doesn't have to share your love of fitness, they do need to be able to share your happiness. What the hell kind of frenemy can't even be bothered to be happy about how happy their "friend" is? I'm jealous as heck of all my rich friends, but you know what? If they buy something I could never have, I would consider myself a complete piece of **** for not being happy for them. I might not desire a boat or have the resources to up and go buy one, but that is no excuse for not being thrilled that my buddy got his new toy a nd is now happy about it. He didn't buy it to rub it in my face, he did it cause it mattered to him. I'm not deserving of his friendship if I can't adopt his joy at the very very least.
  • SingRunTing
    SingRunTing Posts: 2,604 Member
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    I don't give advice unless I'm asked. Even then, I only tell them what I'm doing to be successful and don't tell them what they are doing "wrong".

    For example, my mom will say that she's calorie counting, but not losing weight. She either eyeballs portions or will use measuring cups for solids. When I'm at her house, I will start weighing things out using her food scale (seriously, its right on the counter. I don't know why she owns it because apparently she never uses it). She asked me why I was doing that and I explained that its how I make sure I'm eating the amount that I'm logging.

    I tell what I've done for success without saying "the way you're doing it is all wrong".

    On the other hand, I'm not going to hide my success. If people feel insecure that I've lost weight and they haven't, that's really not my problem.
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,874 Member
    edited November 2015
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    I don't tend to talk about weight loss or weight management...i tend to talk about health, wellness, and fitness. i have no issues talking up a 50 mile ride or talking about hitting a new PR in the gym...or posting a pic on facebook of some kick *kitten* food i prepared.

    my friends and family talk about all kinds of stuff that is their stuff...i don't take offense when they do...likewise, i don't think they take offense when i start talking about fitness and whatnot...they know that's my thing.

    i do talk about other stuff too...so maybe if you're dominating the conversation and always talking about it you should back off it a bit.
  • Soopatt
    Soopatt Posts: 563 Member
    edited November 2015
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    tsamples23 wrote: »
    I appreciate the comments, It feels like I spend hours and hours every week working on this and so its a freaking huge part of my life. So I feel like sharing that part of my life with my friends/family, just like I would if I spent a couple hours at a movie or whatever I did that weekend. But I feel like just by mentioning that PR'd yesterday is somehow offensive.

    To them it is offensive, if they are not working on themselves and your lifestyle feels like a mirror.

    I have been baffled by this - there is another thing I have noticed - people will compliment very heavy people who talk about their weight-loss, but anyone who is close to goal or what they consider "normal range" will get crickets at best or insults and passive aggression at worst.

    For example, there is someone who is morbidly obese on my friends list who can post "trying to eat better - hoping for a loss!" on Facebook and they will get twenty or thirty likes and comments. I am happy they get this sort of affirmation. Well done obese girl, we are all behind you! We are your super duper friends and we just want you to be happy!

    Try however, being at supermodel awesome goal weight and posting a holiday picture where you are in a bikini and say something like "so pleased I am finally able to get into this! yay me!" as another friend did. She got crickets as well as loads of people talking behind her back. No affirmation for YOU thin successful girl... booooo! We need to bring you down a peg or two!

    It boils down to jealousy and what threatens people. If you are a certain weight, you can crow about your eating and lifestyle all you like because it threatens no one. Get to a certain size and people expect you to shut the hell up. It is much more about them than it is about you.

    It just makes me rebellious to be honest.
  • AskTracyAnnK28
    AskTracyAnnK28 Posts: 2,834 Member
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    Soopatt wrote: »
    I struggle with the same thing.

    It is all very well to say "don't talk about it unless asked", but does that mean we are not allowed to celebrate our achievements or talk about our new lifestyle in any way when it would be natural and normal to do so? On Facebook all my friends get to go on and on about how they made a cake for their kids party or their night of drinking, but if I talk about the healthy meal I made or an exercise session I am being a jerk? Why is my life less appropriate to humble brag about than theirs?

    I don't think we should be ashamed about talking out our eating habits and our lives - I feel you OP.

    Talking and sharing is not the same as preaching. If I talk about the salad I made or the run I went on, I am not telling anyone else to eat a salad or go on a run, any more than someone talking about their kids party is telling me to have kids, or telling other parents they organize horrible parties.

    QFT :)

  • lyttlewon
    lyttlewon Posts: 1,118 Member
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    I don't talk about my weight loss necessarily, but I talk constantly about running/fitness/etc. My mom talks about how many eggs her chickens lay, so she can hear me talk about running. I post about it on Facebook, and I post running selfies. It's my life, if people don't like it they are welcome to stop being friends with me. I don't "preach". I simply treat it like any other important thing in my life, kids, school, work, whatever. I have a few fitness friends, and I have had a couple of friends join me after I started. Now the nitty gritty details on what I'm actually doing to lose weight or whatever I only give if asked. That's the stuff that sounds like preaching if people don't want to hear it.
  • Soopatt
    Soopatt Posts: 563 Member
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    lyttlewon wrote: »
    I don't talk about my weight loss necessarily, but I talk constantly about running/fitness/etc. My mom talks about how many eggs her chickens lay, so she can hear me talk about running. I post about it on Facebook, and I post running selfies. It's my life, if people don't like it they are welcome to stop being friends with me. I don't "preach". I simply treat it like any other important thing in my life, kids, school, work, whatever. I have a few fitness friends, and I have had a couple of friends join me after I started. Now the nitty gritty details on what I'm actually doing to lose weight or whatever I only give if asked. That's the stuff that sounds like preaching if people don't want to hear it.

    This is how to do it :)
  • ki4eld
    ki4eld Posts: 1,215 Member
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    If someone asks, I answer. I'm not hiding anything from anyone. I'm too damned old to censor myself just because I might say something they don't want to hear. I say it, I don't preach it, and I drop it if they don't want to talk about it. But weight loss and a new life is what's going on with me.
  • dolliesdaughter
    dolliesdaughter Posts: 544 Member
    edited November 2015
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    Don't offer, wait until a person ask. Also answer their specific question(s), if they don't have one, ask them their specific question. When I am ask, I always preface, "what worked for ME was........". I never say, "You have to do......"

    FYI, answer them once. If they keep on asking the same questions over and over again, I don't take them seriously, they are waiting for the "magic pill\gadget\drink\food\etc". No one wants to hear workout and count calories. It is simple, yet complete.
  • tracie_minus100
    tracie_minus100 Posts: 465 Member
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    I do post pictures of my weight loss on Facebook occasionally, and people have been very supportive and enthusiastic about my success (so far anyway). My opinion is that it's my Facebook profile, I post about what I want, and if someone doesn't like it, they can unfriend me. But I haven't really faced any negativity thus far.
    In regards to face to face conversation, I don't talk about my weight loss unless asked.
  • PinkPixiexox
    PinkPixiexox Posts: 4,142 Member
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    I personally wait until I am asked :]
    Weight is a very, very personal thing. I'm quite a shy person and choose to really discuss my weight loss with other active 'losers' or people genuinely taking an interest in my progress. If I am asked a question, I will most certainly answer it with as much information necessary - but I'm more of a "Less about me, let's talk about you" type of person anyway!
  • stealthq
    stealthq Posts: 4,298 Member
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    jemhh wrote: »
    tsamples23 wrote: »
    I appreciate the comments, It feels like I spend hours and hours every week working on this and so its a freaking huge part of my life. So I feel like sharing that part of my life with my friends/family, just like I would if I spent a couple hours at a movie or whatever I did that weekend. But I feel like just by mentioning that PR'd yesterday is somehow offensive.

    I think it's fine to be happy about and mention hitting a goal or PR. "I hit 25 pounds lost!" or "I lifted 100 pounds!" or what have you is not anything that another reasonable person should be offended over any more than they would be offended if you said "My team won the tournament!" or "My book is being published!" I wouldn't go into detail unless asked but mentioning it is not being a jerk.

    My thoughts exactly.

    If you're with someone you think might be oversensitive to the topic, you can defuse it some by talking about how great you feel, or that you're surprised by how tasty the healthy recipe was rather than something like 'hey, I lost X pounds'.

    But when it comes down to it, unless you're being competitive with them, any issues they have with your enthusiasm are just that. Their issues.
  • scyian
    scyian Posts: 243 Member
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    I only talk about it when someone instigates the conversation. However, I love cooking and I love hiking so I'll go on about that. I don't talk about it in a way to make it sound like I'm preaching as it's part of who I am and what I enjoy. I have sisters who just talk none stop about how amazing/irritating their kids are which is of no interest to me so I'll (probably) bore them about a walk I did or the meal I made last night when they talk to me.
  • ald783
    ald783 Posts: 690 Member
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    Of course you are welcome to share it and talk about it, and your friends and family are welcome to be bored to tears by it.

    I find weight loss, dieting and exercise talk (in person, on social media, etc.) to be massively unexciting to talk or hear about.. not every little thing we do in life needs attention and praise. I just don't consider weight loss and fitness to be amazingly noteworthy achievements, and I say this as someone who lost over 100 pounds. I'm not curing cancer over here.
  • Sarajvz
    Sarajvz Posts: 30 Member
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    ald783 wrote: »
    Of course you are welcome to share it and talk about it, and your friends and family are welcome to be bored to tears by it.

    I find weight loss, dieting and exercise talk (in person, on social media, etc.) to be massively unexciting to talk or hear about.. not every little thing we do in life needs attention and praise. I just don't consider weight loss and fitness to be amazingly noteworthy achievements, and I say this as someone who lost over 100 pounds. I'm not curing cancer over here.

    Yep yep :) This is one of the reasons why I deleted my FB account a while back!
  • FredKing1
    FredKing1 Posts: 98 Member
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    Changing habits is hard - success is something to be celebrated, but not all others share in our joy. Not everyone is excited about the success of my favorite team. I find someone of similar interest. There is someone out there who will share your enthusiasm. It's normal to want reinforcement and validation. Persevere.
  • Redbeard333
    Redbeard333 Posts: 381 Member
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    I don't mention anything at all unless someone comments or asks. MFP is the only place I feel comfortable discussing it socially. I haven't even posted anything on Facebook yet, and I've been at this since Jan. Occasionally I'll put up a picture and people might say something, but I really am uncomfortable bringing it up to others. I love compliments, but don't seek them out.
  • StaciMarie1974
    StaciMarie1974 Posts: 4,138 Member
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    Only bring it up if they ask. And then, keep it simple in direct relation to what they ask.
    tsamples23 wrote: »
    I'm not sure this is the best place for this, but sometimes when I talk about weight loss success or my goals, I feel I'm coming off arrogant or I feel that they feel put down because they haven't had success. How can I talk about my fitness goals/success while still being sensitive to others that are struggling with it?

  • ckspores1018
    ckspores1018 Posts: 168 Member
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    You should be proud of your achievements! But not everyone will care and some will find your talk about it annoying specifically if you do it without being asked. Some will think you're bragging or pointing out their inadequacy.

    It's not right but that is how it is.

    The best thing I ever did was make fitness friends. They are there to celebrate and commiserate so I don't annoy the people in my life that don't really care.

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