I ruined everything

There's a good book out there called Brain over Binge that has helped me a bit with Binge eating. Keep logging calories even if you go over. It will help. Exercise is not needed to lose weight and if you feel sick while doing it, first go to the doctors... but ultimately it isn't necessary to lose. As for the 3.5kgs, some of it could be water weight. Don't worry the good thing is, you can always lose it again.

Ruin is such a bad word....schedule your therapy for sure, and make sure to keep the appointment. It's hard to control our urges and many times we eat out of emotion. I totally understand having bad days/weekends/weeks and slipping. But the good news is that nobody can see the diary except for you, so log everything so you know and can keep track of patterns of eating. It might help understand the binging a bit better. Good luck and hang in there.

HEYYYY, slow down!! Best thing to do when you are in rut like this is to take a step back, look over your situation, learn from your experience/mistakes, and realize that everyone slips up once in awhile. Make a date for the gym and keep it. Plan your meals for tomorrow and try to keep to it the best you can.

WingardiumLeviosa91 wrote: »

It took me a month to lose 3 kg, and in 1.5 weeks I managed to gain 3.5 kg back.

I stopped going to gym because I found excuses (ToM, flu, family visit, exams) and I started to binge like crazy. I stopped entering my calories and just today I had 3 large dinners, 2 pocket chips and one pocket of candies aside from activia yoghurts and fruits which are relatively healthier.


I keep binging and I keep drinking stuff. I can't resist my temptations, I act with urge. I feel like I am out of this world, I cannot concentrate on anything.

Today I had therapy and I completely forgot about it and didn't go to it.

/ what is happening to me (( how can I go back to eating clean and working out again... I feel dizzy and tired all the time that I fear of fainting if I work out.

I even started smoking.

Erm. You started smoking? As in you never smoked before but now you decided to just buy a pack and do this? Get off the internet, and reschedule your therapy, and go to it.
There is so much wrong going on in this post that you need to work on, and therapy is what you need to address all of it:
1:It took me a month to lose 3 kg, and in 1.5 weeks I managed to gain 3.5 kg back. No, you didn't. You weren't eating thousands of extra calories in that 1.5 weeks. You just have some water weight that you are overreacting to. If you waited a few days, your weight would be back to where you were before.
2: I stopped going to gym because I found excuses A - you don't need to exercise to lose weight, and B - that's on you, either get your butt in gear and go to the gym, or find some other way to work out that you actually like and will stick with.
3: how can I go back to eating clean You don't need to, you just need to focus on eating in a deficit again.
4: I feel dizzy and tired all the time that I fear of fainting if I work out. This is a mental game. You are eating too much, so it's unlikely that you're dizzy from low blood sugar or not enough food, and you're not working out, so it's not that. You're doing this to yourself.
5: Today I had therapy and I completely forgot about it and didn't go to it. Possible but unlikely, this sounds like classic avoidance.
Dallying on the internet is causing you trouble. I've seen you in the forums frequently, and you seem to be caught in a spiral. it's not a good one. Stay out of the forums and go to your therapy.

DeguelloTex wrote: »

Reschedule your therapy. Put it on your calendar. Stop missing it. It's going to do you more good than soliciting yet more advice on MFP.

This sounds like a really good idea. I'd do this.

WingardiumLeviosa91 wrote: »

ElleMarieRose wrote: »

There's a good book out there called Brain over Binge that has helped me a bit with Binge eating. Keep logging calories even if you go over. It will help. Exercise is not needed to lose weight and if you feel sick while doing it, first go to the doctors... but ultimately it isn't necessary to lose. As for the 3.5kgs, some of it could be water weight. Don't worry the good thing is, you can always lose it again.

I hope I can lose... I just gave myself 3 months to come to a decent weight, and I've wasted more than a month of it. and after making this post, I am STILL eating.

So stop eating. No one is forcing food into your mouth are they? You are making a choice to eat. If you want to stop, then make the choice to stop. Get away from the food. Shut down the computer and go for a walk or to the gym or to visit a friend or wherever you want. It's your choice.

WingardiumLeviosa91 wrote: »

paxbfl wrote: »

After 3 days of eating healthy and exercising, I feel so awesome that I don't want to eat like crap again. Forget the past - it's done. Focus on making the next 3 days really good days - and see how you feel. Right now you're in a negative spiral. Turn that around over the next 3 days and look toward the future.

I was like that for few weeks, I was eating organic food, exercising up to 6 days a week, and I was feeling good. Now this Ok tomorrow I'll try again.

It's great to eat organic or clean if you want, but it's not necessary to eat that way for weight loss. You can lose weight just fine by eating non-organic food or allowing a sweet treat now and then.

If trying to eat what you feel is a perfect diet is unsustainable you might want to loosen the reigns a bit.

Have you been diagnosed? Are you taking meds for your depression? If your therapist is aware of your situation I would imagine they would have tried reaching out to you to reschedule by now. And in @mccindy72 defense, she was not aware of your depression, so you can't exactly be mad at her for it.

Honestly, the most important thing is your mental health. Call your therapist, reschedule, and if they aren't aware of your depression, make sure you say something. Especially after an episode like this.

WingardiumLeviosa91 wrote: »

Need2Exerc1se wrote: »

WingardiumLeviosa91 wrote: »

paxbfl wrote: »

After 3 days of eating healthy and exercising, I feel so awesome that I don't want to eat like crap again. Forget the past - it's done. Focus on making the next 3 days really good days - and see how you feel. Right now you're in a negative spiral. Turn that around over the next 3 days and look toward the future.

I was like that for few weeks, I was eating organic food, exercising up to 6 days a week, and I was feeling good. Now this Ok tomorrow I'll try again.

It's great to eat organic or clean if you want, but it's not necessary to eat that way for weight loss. You can lose weight just fine by eating non-organic food or allowing a sweet treat now and then.

If trying to eat what you feel is a perfect diet is unsustainable you might want to loosen the reigns a bit.

It is what I want because it is very important for mental health, the additives in other foods trigger attacks. During summer I did a retreat and ate clean and did yoga for a month, the results in my mental health were incredibly positive.

I always allowed myself peanut butter, and the rest is I just didn't need. I don't need chips. I don't need candies. I don't need tripled dinners. But I lost control...

You are the only one to say what you can and can't do. We can give suggestions, but it's up to you to listen to them and try the ones that you think will work for you. Right now, it sounds like you're making excuses why you can't do this. As long as you keep making excuses for yourself, you won't be able to do it. You need to stop and take a good, honest look at WHY you're losing weight. And it doesn't have to be 'to get healthy'. That wasn't mine. You can repeat what others have said and what you think your reasons should be, but until you internalize your own reason, you won't have the foundation that will help you stop making excuses and keep on the path, even when you step off it from time to time. And you will make mistakes, everyone does. I just ate extra last night because I didn't input a new recipe until after I ate! ^_^; So I logged it, and I started fresh this morning. Mistakes will only make you a failure if you LET them.

Reschedule your appointment and make sure to KEEP it. Make that a priority right now. You're going for a reason, and you're paying a professional to help you, so don't waste your money by skipping out on appointments. If yoga helped you, find a class and start it up as a regular routine. If you can't afford a class, go get a DVD; it's cheaper and you don't have to drive anywhere.

And get rid of the cookies, candy, etc. in your house. Banish them from your house. Even if you live with others and they complain. If you don't have it in hand, you'll be less likely to habit snack or binge. If you can limit yourself to going to the gas station and getting a small bag, that's fine, you can work that into your daily calories pretty easily. But if you can't, avoid them for a short time. Doesn't have to be forever, but for some people, total avoidance of foods that trigger bingeing are necessary until they get that under control.

dubird wrote: »

WingardiumLeviosa91 wrote: »

Need2Exerc1se wrote: »

WingardiumLeviosa91 wrote: »

paxbfl wrote: »

After 3 days of eating healthy and exercising, I feel so awesome that I don't want to eat like crap again. Forget the past - it's done. Focus on making the next 3 days really good days - and see how you feel. Right now you're in a negative spiral. Turn that around over the next 3 days and look toward the future.

I was like that for few weeks, I was eating organic food, exercising up to 6 days a week, and I was feeling good. Now this Ok tomorrow I'll try again.

It's great to eat organic or clean if you want, but it's not necessary to eat that way for weight loss. You can lose weight just fine by eating non-organic food or allowing a sweet treat now and then.

If trying to eat what you feel is a perfect diet is unsustainable you might want to loosen the reigns a bit.

It is what I want because it is very important for mental health, the additives in other foods trigger attacks. During summer I did a retreat and ate clean and did yoga for a month, the results in my mental health were incredibly positive.

I always allowed myself peanut butter, and the rest is I just didn't need. I don't need chips. I don't need candies. I don't need tripled dinners. But I lost control...

You are the only one to say what you can and can't do. We can give suggestions, but it's up to you to listen to them and try the ones that you think will work for you. Right now, it sounds like you're making excuses why you can't do this. As long as you keep making excuses for yourself, you won't be able to do it. You need to stop and take a good, honest look at WHY you're losing weight. And it doesn't have to be 'to get healthy'. That wasn't mine. You can repeat what others have said and what you think your reasons should be, but until you internalize your own reason, you won't have the foundation that will help you stop making excuses and keep on the path, even when you step off it from time to time. And you will make mistakes, everyone does. I just ate extra last night because I didn't input a new recipe until after I ate! ^_^; So I logged it, and I started fresh this morning. Mistakes will only make you a failure if you LET them.

Reschedule your appointment and make sure to KEEP it. Make that a priority right now. You're going for a reason, and you're paying a professional to help you, so don't waste your money by skipping out on appointments. If yoga helped you, find a class and start it up as a regular routine. If you can't afford a class, go get a DVD; it's cheaper and you don't have to drive anywhere.

And get rid of the cookies, candy, etc. in your house. Banish them from your house. Even if you live with others and they complain. If you don't have it in hand, you'll be less likely to habit snack or binge. If you can limit yourself to going to the gas station and getting a small bag, that's fine, you can work that into your daily calories pretty easily. But if you can't, avoid them for a short time. Doesn't have to be forever, but for some people, total avoidance of foods that trigger bingeing are necessary until they get that under control.

THIS. It's much easier to not drive to the store and buy something than it is to not eat something within arm's reach.

Ugh binge eating is so hard to beat. Going to therapy will help you. Find something fun to do at the gym again. Today is a new day and you can start over today.

WingardiumLeviosa91 wrote: »

mccindy72 wrote: »

WingardiumLeviosa91 wrote: »

It took me a month to lose 3 kg, and in 1.5 weeks I managed to gain 3.5 kg back.

I stopped going to gym because I found excuses (ToM, flu, family visit, exams) and I started to binge like crazy. I stopped entering my calories and just today I had 3 large dinners, 2 pocket chips and one pocket of candies aside from activia yoghurts and fruits which are relatively healthier.


I keep binging and I keep drinking stuff. I can't resist my temptations, I act with urge. I feel like I am out of this world, I cannot concentrate on anything.

Today I had therapy and I completely forgot about it and didn't go to it.

/ what is happening to me (( how can I go back to eating clean and working out again... I feel dizzy and tired all the time that I fear of fainting if I work out.

I even started smoking.

Erm. You started smoking? As in you never smoked before but now you decided to just buy a pack and do this? Get off the internet, and reschedule your therapy, and go to it.
There is so much wrong going on in this post that you need to work on, and therapy is what you need to address all of it:
1:It took me a month to lose 3 kg, and in 1.5 weeks I managed to gain 3.5 kg back. No, you didn't. You weren't eating thousands of extra calories in that 1.5 weeks. You just have some water weight that you are overreacting to. If you waited a few days, your weight would be back to where you were before.
2: I stopped going to gym because I found excuses A - you don't need to exercise to lose weight, and B - that's on you, either get your butt in gear and go to the gym, or find some other way to work out that you actually like and will stick with.
3: how can I go back to eating clean You don't need to, you just need to focus on eating in a deficit again.
4: I feel dizzy and tired all the time that I fear of fainting if I work out. This is a mental game. You are eating too much, so it's unlikely that you're dizzy from low blood sugar or not enough food, and you're not working out, so it's not that. You're doing this to yourself.
5: Today I had therapy and I completely forgot about it and didn't go to it. Possible but unlikely, this sounds like classic avoidance.
Dallying on the internet is causing you trouble. I've seen you in the forums frequently, and you seem to be caught in a spiral. it's not a good one. Stay out of the forums and go to your therapy.

Nope, I don't smoke. I've smoked few times with friends without inhaling it to my lungs, but this time I actually went and bought a pocket of cigarettes. I did this few times before.

I actually was eating thousands of extra calories... Today I ate at least 4000 calories, maybe more. We have a huge bread that feeds a family for 4 days, and my family sent it with me. I ate half of it with butter. I ate oily meat 5 times and rice fillings with it. I ate lots of fruits, 2 pocket of chips, one pocket of candy etc.... and more fruits and yoghurt and ayran and palm fruit.... many stuff. my stomach is actually hurting at the moment.

I'm used to like gym, but my psychological condition is playing games with me so I cannot go. You seem to not know what depression is.

I wasn't avoiding it, I enjoy my therapy sessions I always feel better afterwards. I simply forgot because I was worried about my exam.

I didn't log in to forums almost for a week now.

I do know what depression is; my mother suffers from it, and I've talked her out of suicide more than once. I said you are spiraling downward and I meant it - I pointed out your gym avoidance, therapy avoidance, and other things.
I meant it when I said you need to get off the Internet and focus on yourself and therapy. Reach out to your therapist and tell her how badly you are doing and schedule an emergency session.