How to talk about weight loss without being a jerk?

Soopatt wrote: »

tsamples23 wrote: »

I appreciate the comments, It feels like I spend hours and hours every week working on this and so its a freaking huge part of my life. So I feel like sharing that part of my life with my friends/family, just like I would if I spent a couple hours at a movie or whatever I did that weekend. But I feel like just by mentioning that PR'd yesterday is somehow offensive.

To them it is offensive, if they are not working on themselves and your lifestyle feels like a mirror.

I have been baffled by this - there is another thing I have noticed - people will compliment very heavy people who talk about their weight-loss, but anyone who is close to goal or what they consider "normal range" will get crickets at best or insults and passive aggression at worst.

For example, there is someone who is morbidly obese on my friends list who can post "trying to eat better - hoping for a loss!" on Facebook and they will get twenty or thirty likes and comments. I am happy they get this sort of affirmation. Well done obese girl, we are all behind you! We are your super duper friends and we just want you to be happy!

Try however, being at supermodel awesome goal weight and posting a holiday picture where you are in a bikini and say something like "so pleased I am finally able to get into this! yay me!" as another friend did. She got crickets as well as loads of people talking behind her back. No affirmation for YOU thin successful girl... booooo! We need to bring you down a peg or two!

It boils down to jealousy and what threatens people. If you are a certain weight, you can crow about your eating and lifestyle all you like because it threatens no one. Get to a certain size and people expect you to shut the hell up. It is much more about them than it is about you.

It just makes me rebellious to be honest.

You're totally right about this. I have heard my friends judge people who were very obese and lost a lot of weight, saying they are "too skinny now," although the person is now at a healthy weight. I also mentioned to some friends that I would like to lose an additional 10 pounds, which would put me in the high end of a healthy BMI. They freaked out and told me I was obsessive and would be way too skinny if I did so.

Of course, these friends are all overweight and haven't been able to stick to any weight loss plan for more than a few months. It's as though they feel better about themselves when they put down another person's success.

If you engage in conversation about nutrition and fitness in a positive and non-condescending manner, I don't see why it is necessary to tiptoe and be PC about it. I constantly have to endure boring and inane conversations about the weather, sports, gossip, and other topics that are far less important than health.

Share what you want to share with whoever you want to! If you are making changes in your physical appearance thru weight loss or fitness, it will be apparent to others. They might be hesitant to ask due to concern of offending you.

People post lots of stuff on Facebook that I don't care for, find offensive, etc etc. so post what makes you happy, but obviously don't be a jerk about it.

I don't talk about it anymore because I felt like I was genuinely being asked how I did it, and every time I mentioned my methods (CICO, macros, hiking and biking) people would just walk off to follow someone else who talked about gluten free, essential oils, and It Works wraps...and they didn't have success with those things either...so I feel like there's no point. I have recently been "gently accused" of having an eating disorder because I will only say "yeah I watch my calories".

A while back I had dinner with my dad, and I mentioned I had gained 5 pounds I was going to lose again. He didn't even acknowledge. Later in the evening, he went on at length about his different shaped gum brushes, floss assortment and special toothbrush. There's an analogy there. I'm glad he's on top of his oral hygiene. I'm sure he's glad I maintain a healthy weight. What we do to maintain ourselves generally isn't that interesting to others.

jlahorn wrote: »

99.9% of people could not give less of a &*^% about your fitness success/goals. It's a boring topic unless it's something the other person is also actively working on.

For those people who do actively inquire, be modest about your success and make sure you ask them how it's going for them. Then give NO ADVICE unless they ask for it. "What's working for me is x. I enjoy y and have seen some success with it", not "You should do x and y".

^ Yeah.

I tell my husband about my weekly weigh-ins. A few immediate relatives have asked questions because they genuinely care about me. I have a thin, fit, totally hot sister who runs marathons, and I celebrate her accomplishments - hate to break it to you, but not every fat person in the world resents people who are thin or have fitness goals despite seeing that statement pop up on MFP quite a bit. Maybe they just don't care unless they care about you as a person. My sister is excited for me when she sees me in new clothes. No one else in the real world has brought it up.

I have a relative with similar starting stats to mine. I understand her weight struggles. She likes magic fixes. I smile and nod and let her talk, and I also try not to judge her because it doesn't take much for me to be right back where I was even losing weight the "right" way. Don't get cocky, people.

As for Facebook, I don't really feel a need to add to the strong amount of narcissism already present on there. Just because Bob, Sue, and Joe do it with their kids, weekends, meal photos, dogs, cats, horses, unicorns, and bunions doesn't mean that I have to be equally asinine. I also think people really underrate privacy nowadays.

The vast majority of my weight talk happens anonymously on forums dedicated to weight talk and fitness. That means I can chat as obsessively as I want about this stuff and get plenty of positive feedback from people who find the topic relevant. I don't need to go shouting it from the rooftops in the real world.

alyjb1121 wrote: »

learn who is jealous and unwilling to listen. i talk about it; but i know not to around my sister. she is very jealous, and she is overweight and very unmotivated to change it. so, when i talk about it around her i get remarks like "if you are overweight i must be a whale". I can't feel successful around her, or feel the need to better myself around her....both offend her only because she is unhappy with herself. but around my parents and friends, i can talk about it

My sister is the same, except she doesn't put herself down to make me feel bad, she points out my flaws or makes fun of me. Usually in front of other people. Like when we were having a get together once and I had my hair in braids, she called me porkohontas (I was like 20 at the time, her 24 ish, so this wasn't a childhood thing)... And she still brings it up years later. She's a very unhappy person.

I'll talk about if asked or like last night, a friend asked for suggestions for weight loss and a bunch of us chimed in (all of us successful, just using different strategies - I was kind of exuberant, but that's just my personality with this particular group). I've mentioned milestones twice on my FB account just because I knew how my family and friends would react, but I don't talk about it on a regular basis just to talk about it.

It's funny, I think I do talk about it at work often, but I work for a major health non-profit where one of our initiatives is helping people get healthier (and weight loss can be part of that), so it's almost a kind of natural topic around here. I've had very positive comments from co-workers about my loss, they've asked me what my program is (and a few use MFP), and it's generally pretty uplifting.

tsamples23 wrote: »

I appreciate the comments, It feels like I spend hours and hours every week working on this and so its a freaking huge part of my life. So I feel like sharing that part of my life with my friends/family, just like I would if I spent a couple hours at a movie or whatever I did that weekend. But I feel like just by mentioning that PR'd yesterday is somehow offensive.

I feel this way ALL the time! But I'm blessed in that all the people I work with are super supportive. My department goes on walks during our breaks and I share with them what new research I've found, my new plans/goals, and they usually give me advice from their history (even if they aren't currently working on it). Or when people see me in my running clothes they ask if I'm coming or going, and how my run was.

I didn't read all of the comments, but here is a suggestion (maybe or maybe not mentioned yet)...make new friends who are interested in health/fitness. People who go to your gym are more likely to want to talk about weight loss and PRs.

There's nothing wrong with posting things about food and workouts on social media, people can ignore if they arent interested. Bringing up weight loss IRL will get annoying to people who aren't interested; like-minded people will be more interested.