How to talk about weight loss without being a jerk?
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I don't mind hearing about people's weight loss, strategies, plans... I'm always looking for tips and motivation. I posted a picture of myself on Facebook after an 8k race and got the most likes/comments ever - I was really surprised how supportive people were. Aside from that I don't post about my weight loss or fitness efforts.
I do tend to scroll past paleo, clean eating, cross fit posts... There are so many... and I just don't buy into the whole paleo, clean eating fad.0 -
I have no problem with people posting their successes on FB, and I'm very happy for them, but that is just not me. Unless you are a very close friend I don't want comments asking how much weight I've lost now that I'm going down anymore than I would have wanted questions about how I had gained the weight
. I always appreciate a "you look nice today", but that's as far as I want others to go. Different strokes for different folks, I guess 0 -
I can't help but be enthusiastic and for anyone who shows interest in my weight loss success I happily share...but most people are after that quick fix and aren't prepared to be in it for the long haul.0
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Def. I don't talk about unless asked. Every time I'm out and see friends they asks, "Wow, you look great, how much have you lost? how are you losing weight?" Then when I tell them counting calories, cardio/weights 4-5 days a week, limiting alcohol etc... I hear crickets, lol. They don't want to hear that.0
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I started a youtube blog and post the links on my facebook. That way, people that want to hear about it can watch the video. I've had some friends subscribe. So if they don't want to hear it, don't click the link!0
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I didn't read all of the comments, but here is a suggestion (maybe or maybe not mentioned yet)...make new friends who are interested in health/fitness. People who go to your gym are more likely to want to talk about weight loss and PRs.
There's nothing wrong with posting things about food and workouts on social media, people can ignore if they arent interested. Bringing up weight loss IRL will get annoying to people who aren't interested; like-minded people will be more interested.
Weightloss and fitness are boring topics for people who aren't interested. It's like looking at someone's vacation slides. It's like "Great - you went to Hawaii!" but you really don't want to see every picture they took there. The same thing applies here.
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On a bit of a tangent about this, but why is socially acceptable for people to comment on your weight loss but highly offensive to comment on someone's weight gain.
No one bats an eye lid when a co-worker or the like mentions that you have lost weight, or that your going to disappear if you lose more, but can you imagine the fallout if you went up to someone and said, you're going to have to take a lift on your own if you keep gaining weight.0 -
On a bit of a tangent about this, but why is socially acceptable for people to comment on your weight loss but highly offensive to comment on someone's weight gain.
No one bats an eye lid when a co-worker or the like mentions that you have lost weight, or that your going to disappear if you lose more, but can you imagine the fallout if you went up to someone and said, you're going to have to take a lift on your own if you keep gaining weight.
It's polite to celebrate success. It's rude to point out failure. You won't have many friends if you spend your time saying hurtful things. Do you think people don't know they've gained weight, so somebody should point it out to them? If so, I believe you are mistaken
You can think things all you like - wow, your kid just really has the face of a bully, that thing you knitted is lopsided, your fedora makes you look like a dou***, how drunk does someone have to be to get a tattoo like that? But if you say them out loud, prepare to spend a lot of time alone
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But it's exactly the same thing about losing weight, I know I've lost weight, I don't need someone pointing it out. I don't need someone telling me to stop losing weight because I'll look ill, or I'll disappear, or I'll look like a stick figure, or to enquire if I have an ED.
It's the old back handed comment, "oh you look so good now you have lost weight", really, so what did you think I looked like before I lost weight, some hideous obese hunchback on Notre Dame.
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On a bit of a tangent about this, but why is socially acceptable for people to comment on your weight loss but highly offensive to comment on someone's weight gain.
No one bats an eye lid when a co-worker or the like mentions that you have lost weight, or that your going to disappear if you lose more, but can you imagine the fallout if you went up to someone and said, you're going to have to take a lift on your own if you keep gaining weight.
Well, you congratulate someone for getting a promotion, but if they get fired you don't say "you unemployed loser!"
Like the poster above mentioned, it's normal social convention to congratulate someone on an achievement, but rude to point out a failure.
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On a bit of a tangent about this, but why is socially acceptable for people to comment on your weight loss but highly offensive to comment on someone's weight gain.
No one bats an eye lid when a co-worker or the like mentions that you have lost weight, or that your going to disappear if you lose more, but can you imagine the fallout if you went up to someone and said, you're going to have to take a lift on your own if you keep gaining weight.
I want someone to say this to me, but it needs to be someone who cares. My sister and I have an agreement now to keep me honest, and that is one of the things I love about her.0 -
tracyannk28 wrote: »On a bit of a tangent about this, but why is socially acceptable for people to comment on your weight loss but highly offensive to comment on someone's weight gain.
No one bats an eye lid when a co-worker or the like mentions that you have lost weight, or that your going to disappear if you lose more, but can you imagine the fallout if you went up to someone and said, you're going to have to take a lift on your own if you keep gaining weight.
Well, you congratulate someone for getting a promotion, but if they get fired you don't say "you unemployed loser!"
Like the poster above mentioned, it's normal social convention to congratulate someone on an achievement, but rude to point out a failure.
But as I'm trying to point out, people are not congratulating you on losing weight, unless you believe being told you look ill because you lost weight a form of praise. But like both yours and the previous post I replied to, these comments don't seem to register as being rude.
It's like saying, "well done on your promotion, now you can be an w***er like all the other bosses"0 -
It really does not matter the subject, could be weight loss, could be kids, could be your most recent trip to Italy, or the latest Jame Bond film. Depending on the other person's interest level you have to adjust the level of detail you share. Some people are fascinated by the smallest details, others just want the broad strokes, and others could not care less. It isn't so much the topic as it is reading other people and their level of interest.0
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What is a "w***er"?tracyannk28 wrote: »On a bit of a tangent about this, but why is socially acceptable for people to comment on your weight loss but highly offensive to comment on someone's weight gain.
No one bats an eye lid when a co-worker or the like mentions that you have lost weight, or that your going to disappear if you lose more, but can you imagine the fallout if you went up to someone and said, you're going to have to take a lift on your own if you keep gaining weight.
Well, you congratulate someone for getting a promotion, but if they get fired you don't say "you unemployed loser!"
Like the poster above mentioned, it's normal social convention to congratulate someone on an achievement, but rude to point out a failure.
But as I'm trying to point out, people are not congratulating you on losing weight, unless you believe being told you look ill because you lost weight a form of praise. But like both yours and the previous post I replied to, these comments don't seem to register as being rude.
It's like saying, "well done on your promotion, now you can be an w***er like all the other bosses"
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What is a "w***er"?tracyannk28 wrote: »On a bit of a tangent about this, but why is socially acceptable for people to comment on your weight loss but highly offensive to comment on someone's weight gain.
No one bats an eye lid when a co-worker or the like mentions that you have lost weight, or that your going to disappear if you lose more, but can you imagine the fallout if you went up to someone and said, you're going to have to take a lift on your own if you keep gaining weight.
Well, you congratulate someone for getting a promotion, but if they get fired you don't say "you unemployed loser!"
Like the poster above mentioned, it's normal social convention to congratulate someone on an achievement, but rude to point out a failure.
But as I'm trying to point out, people are not congratulating you on losing weight, unless you believe being told you look ill because you lost weight a form of praise. But like both yours and the previous post I replied to, these comments don't seem to register as being rude.
It's like saying, "well done on your promotion, now you can be an w***er like all the other bosses"
Wanker.0 -
But it's exactly the same thing about losing weight, I know I've lost weight, I don't need someone pointing it out. I don't need someone telling me to stop losing weight because I'll look ill, or I'll disappear, or I'll look like a stick figure, or to enquire if I have an ED.
It's the old back handed comment, "oh you look so good now you have lost weight", really, so what did you think I looked like before I lost weight, some hideous obese hunchback on Notre Dame.
This one I don't get. If someone tells me I'm looking unusually fabulous in a dress (or new haircut, or what have you), I'm not thinking they mean I looked hideous before. I probably looked fine to them before. I just look better now.
I'm not sure why that would be any different with weight loss.
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tracyannk28 wrote: »On a bit of a tangent about this, but why is socially acceptable for people to comment on your weight loss but highly offensive to comment on someone's weight gain.
No one bats an eye lid when a co-worker or the like mentions that you have lost weight, or that your going to disappear if you lose more, but can you imagine the fallout if you went up to someone and said, you're going to have to take a lift on your own if you keep gaining weight.
Well, you congratulate someone for getting a promotion, but if they get fired you don't say "you unemployed loser!"
Like the poster above mentioned, it's normal social convention to congratulate someone on an achievement, but rude to point out a failure.
But as I'm trying to point out, people are not congratulating you on losing weight, unless you believe being told you look ill because you lost weight a form of praise. But like both yours and the previous post I replied to, these comments don't seem to register as being rude.
It's like saying, "well done on your promotion, now you can be an w***er like all the other bosses"
hahah, yes this ^^^
I was always being told "i want to lose some weight, but i don't want to look like you/lose as much as you" by women 3-4x bigger than me. Geez. You can imagine the tables turned there. I just shrugged it off, i thought i looked fabulous and knew i was at a healthy weight for me and my own build. Body shaming to the big is shameful and to the small it is acceptable....i'd like to see that changed! LOVE EVERYONE!
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my guess was wiener. guess i want a hot dog. and some relish. and mustard. yum
Wanker.
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Thank you! I couldn't figure that out.
What is a "w***er"?tracyannk28 wrote: »On a bit of a tangent about this, but why is socially acceptable for people to comment on your weight loss but highly offensive to comment on someone's weight gain.
No one bats an eye lid when a co-worker or the like mentions that you have lost weight, or that your going to disappear if you lose more, but can you imagine the fallout if you went up to someone and said, you're going to have to take a lift on your own if you keep gaining weight.
Well, you congratulate someone for getting a promotion, but if they get fired you don't say "you unemployed loser!"
Like the poster above mentioned, it's normal social convention to congratulate someone on an achievement, but rude to point out a failure.
But as I'm trying to point out, people are not congratulating you on losing weight, unless you believe being told you look ill because you lost weight a form of praise. But like both yours and the previous post I replied to, these comments don't seem to register as being rude.
It's like saying, "well done on your promotion, now you can be an w***er like all the other bosses"
Wanker.
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Thank you! I couldn't figure that out.
What is a "w***er"?tracyannk28 wrote: »On a bit of a tangent about this, but why is socially acceptable for people to comment on your weight loss but highly offensive to comment on someone's weight gain.
No one bats an eye lid when a co-worker or the like mentions that you have lost weight, or that your going to disappear if you lose more, but can you imagine the fallout if you went up to someone and said, you're going to have to take a lift on your own if you keep gaining weight.
Well, you congratulate someone for getting a promotion, but if they get fired you don't say "you unemployed loser!"
Like the poster above mentioned, it's normal social convention to congratulate someone on an achievement, but rude to point out a failure.
But as I'm trying to point out, people are not congratulating you on losing weight, unless you believe being told you look ill because you lost weight a form of praise. But like both yours and the previous post I replied to, these comments don't seem to register as being rude.
It's like saying, "well done on your promotion, now you can be an w***er like all the other bosses"
Wanker.
You're welcome!my guess was wiener. guess i want a hot dog. and some relish. and mustard. yum
I haven't had a hot dog in forever. Yum!
And, to be fair, it kinda means the same thing. 0 -
But it's exactly the same thing about losing weight, I know I've lost weight, I don't need someone pointing it out. I don't need someone telling me to stop losing weight because I'll look ill, or I'll disappear, or I'll look like a stick figure, or to enquire if I have an ED.
It's the old back handed comment, "oh you look so good now you have lost weight", really, so what did you think I looked like before I lost weight, some hideous obese hunchback on Notre Dame.
This one I don't get. If someone tells me I'm looking unusually fabulous in a dress (or new haircut, or what have you), I'm not thinking they mean I looked hideous before. I probably looked fine to them before. I just look better now.
I'm not sure why that would be any different with weight loss.
It's the "now you have lost weight" bits that is the problem. There is a huge difference in saying "That's a nice hair cut" or "that's a fabulous dress" and "you look good NOW you have had your hair cut" or "You lot a lot better now you have put that dress on"0 -
This doesn't really answer your question, but brought on a similar issue I'm struggling with. I've lost 90 pounds over the past few years. Back when I was fat I was always told I should work out, eat more salads, etc but was never directly called fat.
When I started losing weight, people started noticing, and I started to get the "you look great!" Comments. Now, 90 pounds down, at the happiest and healthiest I have ever been, I am getting the "do you even eat? You're so skinny. You can't be eating, you need to eat more" comments. Direct stabs at my weight.
(I'm not too skinny. I always eat. I am healthy. Let me just throw that out there)
Why is it suddenly that when I have such a big weight loss that people are so concerned with how I look but when I was so overweight, nobody ever said anything?
Or on another note, why do people feel like comments like this should even concern them? Anyone else have this issue?
It hurts more than the fat shaming tbh0 -
@melissaweststeyn That's is my point exactly. No body seems to have a problem with commentating on your weight when it is low. No one bats an eye lid, it's totally acceptable to say pretty much whatever you like about people who have lost weight because they "chose" to lose weight, therefore everything should be taken as a compliment.
But you can't comment on people who are putting on weight, as if somehow putting on weight isn't a choice, it just happens. You say someone is fat and needs to lose weight, you're fat shaming and a nasty human being, you say someone is too skinny and needs to eat more, they should take it as a compliment.
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@melissaweststeyn That's is my point exactly. No body seems to have a problem with commentating on your weight when it is low. No one bats an eye lid, it's totally acceptable to say pretty much whatever you like about people who have lost weight because they "chose" to lose weight, therefore everything should be taken as a compliment.
But you can't comment on people who are putting on weight, as if somehow putting on weight isn't a choice, it just happens. You say someone is fat and needs to lose weight, you're fat shaming and a nasty human being, you say someone is too skinny and needs to eat more, they should take it as a compliment.
Totally. I don't like being so negative, but I have been on both ends of the spectrum and it truly feels worse receiving these comments as a newly skinny person.
The most recent comment I got was from my aunt (who has recently gained anywhere from 20-40 lbs) and she said to be "oh you are sooooo skinny! Are you even eating?" And the response in my head was "oh you have gained some weight, do you ever stop eating?"
Losing weight is controllable yes and so is gaining it. Comments about other peoples weight should be left alone.
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Be proud of your hard work. You wouldn't feel like a jerk telling someone you got a promotion at work after doing a great presentation or getting a new client for you company. It's the same thing, you worked HARD, be proud, and hopefully you'll inspire others!0
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I don't think there's anything "jerky" about feeling proud of your accomplishments with weight loss. Unless you're in someone's face like "you're fat and I'm not", you have every right to share! If people don't like it, that's THEIR problem. Be proud of what you've accomplished with your weight loss. If others can express their delicious dinners, or their movie night, you're more than able to express your healthy choice and your awesome workout. Like I said, if they don't like it, they can feel free to delete you from Facebook, hide your posts, or in face to face conversations, ask you to avoid the topic.0
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But it's exactly the same thing about losing weight, I know I've lost weight, I don't need someone pointing it out. I don't need someone telling me to stop losing weight because I'll look ill, or I'll disappear, or I'll look like a stick figure, or to enquire if I have an ED.
It's the old back handed comment, "oh you look so good now you have lost weight", really, so what did you think I looked like before I lost weight, some hideous obese hunchback on Notre Dame.
This one I don't get. If someone tells me I'm looking unusually fabulous in a dress (or new haircut, or what have you), I'm not thinking they mean I looked hideous before. I probably looked fine to them before. I just look better now.
I'm not sure why that would be any different with weight loss.
It's the "now you have lost weight" bits that is the problem. There is a huge difference in saying "That's a nice hair cut" or "that's a fabulous dress" and "you look good NOW you have had your hair cut" or "You lot a lot better now you have put that dress on"
But I didn't say the person said 'that's a nice dress'. That has a completely different meaning and says nothing about me or how I look in it. In fact, that's a compliment I usually use when someone's wearing a dress that isn't flattering, but the situation compels me to make some kind of comment about the person's appearance.
I said the person said 'You look unusually fabulous in that dress'. Which is the same, semantically, as saying 'You look unusually fabulous now that you are in that dress' and STILL does not imply that I looked hideous or anything of the sort before I put the dress on.0
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