Gloom, despair, and agony on me
Replies
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I hear ya sister. I've been gaining/losing the same 10lbs for a while
I do well, eat well, workout...the lbs drop and I feel fantastic
then something happens (I don't even know what the trigger is yet)
I stop working out, I eat crap, I gain weight, I feel like junk
rinse, repeat
I found what motivates me is to remind myself everyday why I am doing this. whether its looking at an old picture of me, telling myself one thing I love about me, finding a motivational quote/picture.
feel free to add me if you want someone who will push you (and promise you will do the same to me)
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Could you try something like getting a fitbit? My husband just got me a fitbit charge HR for an early christmas present and I'm already in love with it.
I am like you, been over weight my whole life, overweight parents, docs never said anything, someday I'll lose the weight. In my 20s, I actually did and felt great. But then I had kids and a husband and gained it all back up to 248lbs, put the last 10lbs on after my dad died 2 years ago. He had everything under the sun, heart disease, COPD, diabetes. He was confined to the house mostly on oxygen for the last 3 years of his life and it really took its toll on all of us to see him like that. But even that and seeing it kill him wasn't enough to make me lose weight. Kept on with "oh I'll lose it, when things calm down". With kids, things never calm down. Then I started having vision problems. Weird whooshing in my ears, hmmm...thought I was anemic and it turned out I was. But then I developed a blind spot in one eye. Went to the eye doctor. Diagnosed with intercranial hypertension. The most effective cure: lose weight...or go blind. Guess which one I picked.
However its still hard and now I see 3 different doctors and it still doesn't seem real sometimes. I've lose 23lbs this year since then and have stalled out since september. My husband gave me my present early because he know how important this is to me and us that I stay healthy. They are expensive, but maybe it could give you some motivation and be a guide to get started.0 -
I was exactly in that frame of mind when I was at that point and weight! I made a goal I would lose something (no number) from my birthday to next and walk every single day.
I set the goal of completing a 5k (this helped me stay motivated) and I did a c25k a cool glory one and ran the whole thing! I was by then in my 230s.
I attempted to walk everyday but that I didn't succeed I worked out in any capacity I could (mowing lawn, intense cleaning etc) cleaning organization pulled me out of a few depressing times.
I started to feel better, I started to feel pride in what I look like, I started to care! So I changed my diet and the weight finally start coming off real nice! I learned about counting calories, portions, servings and weighing my food on a digital scale.
So far I'm at almost 50lbs down 20 was pre mfp. My clothes are loose and I can't believe the body I have now! Or what I can do now I couldn't have! And I met my birthday goal. Now I'm so close to 200 I just can't wait!
But I've had to address my relationship with food and it's still a struggle for me as I too like to relax w food or stress boredom or feelings eat.0 -
@bluestarlight19 That is great. 23 pounds!!!!! I think I would like a fitbit! Maybe I will buy it for myself for Christmas, heck this Christmas I will give myself a gift ...losing 10 pounds. There folks that is my goal. Lose 10 pounds by Christmas!!!!!!!! That is doable.0
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it happens one day at a time. do not look at the future...get off the scale and stop looking back today...today walk for 1/2 at a brisk pace, before you go drink a glass of wAter...and when you are done drink a glass of water. Start w that..its easier than you think.0
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fatgottago wrote: »You are right! I get bummed out and just give up within a week. I started today. I know that being lonely and eating late at night is the culprit. Maybe I can stop that and start exercising?
You have to believe you can do it, and come to an understanding of where your calories are coming from. It's not as hard as you are currently thinking -- so many people see it as all or nothing and think it's going to require this drastic horrible unpleasant change.
I'd recommend starting some kind of exercise, like walking, which would help with stress too, and start logging your food. After a week look back at your diet and you will likely see some easy ways to change things up and cut calories without it being too difficult.
Also, realize you can start with baby steps and add more things over time. One of the best things I did when I started back in January 2014 (I lost 95 lbs, from 220 to 125) was not going too extreme -- in the past I'd wanted to be perfect and quit when I wasn't, I'd put unreasonable expectations on myself, especially for exercise, and then found it miserable and not continued. This time I decided to walk as much as possible and then to add in 30 mins of exercise 3 times a week (stationary bike or swimming, since it was winter) and then moved up as I felt ready. I ended up enjoying it.
(The calories are most important, but getting into healthy habits and thinking of it as a positive path toward fitness can help with motivation -- it's not just about disliking your body but doing what you can to improve your overall health.)
You can do it!0 -
fatgottago wrote: »Yea I know its that Hee Haw song. This is how I feel today. I have tried...let me rephrase that... I have thought about losing weight for 30 years. Literally. I think about it ever night and every morning but I never do anything about it. What is it going to take to wake my lazy butt up and actually start really caring about losing weight? I am miserable! Absolutely miserable! I am so unhappy with myself which in turns makes me unhappy with others. I think one time 10 years ago I managed to lose weight with weight watchers. Since then I have been losing and gaining the same 5 pounds over and over and over.
So this brings to right here and now. I am almost 250 pounds. I have NEVER reached 250 but I am like right there at it. OMG in my mind I don't look that big, but I seen a picture that was posted on facebook and I was in the background. I almost fell out of my chair. I had no idea I was that big!
it was so depressing. Here is the thing, if I wanted to change I would. So why can't I change? Why do I eat my emotions? I say I don't eat that much but I must be or how else would I really get to almost 250 pounds?
I am at the point where I have to *kitten* or get off the pot. I just found out my Dad has another bad spot on his foot from diabetes. It is because he hasn't taken care of himself. They may have to cut it off. His other big toe is gone. My Mom is not healthy either and she is only 57. I don't want this! I want to be healthy for my kids and grandson.
SO that is my question.... HOW come I can't stick with it??????? What is wrong with me? Am I just a quitter, destine to be fat the rest of my life? I hate hearing that I am a disgusting fat *kitten*. That is what someone called me this morning. After seeing that picture...I am. The profile pics are all lies... its just the angle the picture was taken in.
I need help..... yep.
You're really pretty and you're not disgusting.0 -
I hear you! I was nearly 250 at my breaking point. I lost my dad unexpectedly at age 57. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I wasn't mentally ready to lose the weight. If someone had told me that I would have thought they were crazy. But they would have been right.I got scared, then I got mad. That led me to happier and healthier. One day I saw my dad's face in the mirror instead of mine. That terrified me. I asked friends about buying an cardio machine for my house. All but 1 told me I wouldn't use it. That made me mad. So I decided to prove to them and myself that I could do this! Every pound lost led to more motivation. I am not done yet, and really I never will be because this is a lifestyle change. But 70 lbs later, I know I can do this. I know, when you are good and truly ready, you can do it too. Don't give up! You are worth so much more!0
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I think most people here can identify with you and where you're at currently. I know I can. I'm 5'2" and in March I weighed myself under duress and I was 219 lbs. I almost died. I had NO IDEA I was that heavy, I avoided mirrors and pictures like the plague.
I finally figured I'd give it a shot. Not dieting. Just counting calories. In my mind there was a huge distinction. For whatever reason I wanted the "right" to eat whatever I wanted as long as I watched calories. Even cheesecake. For some reason I used cheesecake as something I could eat (I didn't, but damnit... I could have!).
After 4 weeks I added exercise. First it was walking along to these YouTube walking videos I found. Seriously. I walked in my house, not even outside. I gradually added bike rides and finally the YMCA.
Now, it's 8 1/2 months later and I'm ~ 75 lbs down. A lot, I know. I'm quite strict with my calories and I exercise practically every day. Maybe I've missed 10 days total? I love it. I either do a fun class or I watch TV on my tablet while running. Only time I can watch MY tv and not kids shows.
I have "cheated" though I don't consider anything cheating. But I've eaten outside of my calories, however I plan in advance or make it up via exercise or deficits over the next few days.
I weigh myself every day and have grown accustomed to crazy swings. I ate tons of dark chocolate milky ways on Halloween and I "gained" 9 pounds. NINE POUNDS. They were gone in a week, but I could've thrown in the towel except I've seen spikes before - though not that much. That's gotta be some sort of record:
You CAN do this. So go for it. You've got time. There's no rush. And there's no finish line. Just do it.0 -
You might benefit from some counseling to figure out these issues.
The only advice that I can offer is to start setting SMALL goals and rewarding yourself to help establish some better habits.0 -
There's more to it than this, but I'm on my phone...
My quick and dirty answer: download a funny podcast van walk each day or evening. Also, make one small change. This didn't happen in a week or month. It will tak a long time to undo. But what's your option? Keep going as you are?!? You're worth so much more than that
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fatgottago wrote: »@bluestarlight19 That is great. 23 pounds!!!!! I think I would like a fitbit! Maybe I will buy it for myself for Christmas, heck this Christmas I will give myself a gift ...losing 10 pounds. There folks that is my goal. Lose 10 pounds by Christmas!!!!!!!! That is doable.
Beware of setting yourself a target like that, I know that 10lbs doesn't sound that much when you put it along side your current 250 but that's over a 1lb a week. Now, not saying that isn't doable because it is but that will be quite a cut in calories from what you are use to.
A lot of people end up giving up on losing weight because they try to drop weight quickly, don't like going from eating whatever they like to much smaller portions, then give up when they feel miserable.
I would personally start with aiming to lose 0.5lbs a week. There is only 6 weeks until Christmas (holy crap!!!) Just get your head around logging and weighing everything and that means EVERY SINGLE thing, all drinks, all oils, all marg, all sauces. You will find things that you can cut out easily, high calorie items which you don't really care about.
Before you know it it will be holiday time, DON'T beat yourself up during this time about eating and drinking, or feeling like you can't enjoy it because you can. Have bits of everything, just smaller amounts. If you are having a drink, have a large glass of water between drinks to slow down the amount of booze.
Have small portions of Christmas cake and chocs etc. If you can still weigh everything, if you can't take a best guess but STILL log it.
You are changing your entire life it took a long time to get to where you are now and it will also take time to get to where you want to be, but you can and you will get there.
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fatgottago wrote: »
I like to online shop and put all the things I'd like to buy in the shopping cart in the size that I am now or that I want to be next. I don't actually purchase it, but it's fun to dream...
You are exactly right.... all I do right now is work. I work two jobs and I am going to school. I don't have any excitement in my life so I actually look forward to turning the DVD on and eating at night to wind down.... BAD HABITS .
I know its a bad time of the year to start dieting but why wait?
Anytime of the year is a good time to lose weight.
Start today/ Thursday.
Get enough sleep.0 -
fatgottago wrote: »kshama2001 wrote: »I'm not diagnosing you from your few posts, but you do sound depressed, and therapy can help with that. Also exercise - it's actually as or more effective that anti-depressants for mild to moderate depression.
Actually, cognitive behavioral therapy to help you learn new ways to relate to food could be helpful.
I feel depressed. I usually can pull myself out of it! I have been this way for awhile. Heck if I talk to someone they will commit me LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just need to remember what is important and get off this pity party. I will be ok and you are right exercise will help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks
You have the wrong mindset. If you even jokingly think this, then you need therapy.
If you were ok being overweight, or had an attitude of "would be nice to be thinner" but not really letting it affect your life, it would be different. But this does not sound like the case here.
I have no idea why you think that the suggestions to talk to a therapist were a joke. It is not something "crazy" people who need to be committed do. It is a tool to help "normal" people deal with emotional and/or behavioural problems that are giving them a hard time. If you have been struggling with it for 30 years and if it was as simple as "snapping out of it", you would have done it a long time ago. A therapist can give you the tools to take control over this.0 -
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@aggelikik I wasn't making fun of therapy. I was just trying to make the conversation lighter. I haven't been depressed for 30 years, I have been overweight for 30 years. I am sure it would help me. I had a bad day yesterday. It was horrible. I am much better today. Thank you for the concern.
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fatgottago wrote: »@aggelikik I wasn't making fun of therapy. I was just trying to make the conversation lighter. I haven't been depressed for 30 years, I have been overweight for 30 years. I am sure it would help me. I had a bad day yesterday. It was horrible. I am much better today. Thank you for the concern.
I think the therapy is more for the food and self esteem than the depression, in this case.0 -
Honestly, you just start doing it. You know the basics, plan your meals for tomorrow. Read, a lot. I spend a ton of time on these forums and honestly its keeping me motivated just because everytime I hit a bump myself, I can see true and real experiences of others who have had the exact same struggle and made it through.
I used to say 250 was my limit. The first time I hit it I was 16
I just wasnt mature enough to see how it was within my control and I do know that now. I hit 316 and finally woke up two years ago and lost 100lbs, only to gain 50 back its discouraging at first but then I come back to the facts: I had the control and I chose to stop exercising and I chose to let my stress and depression make those decisions for me. I know enough now that there are no excuses. I either do it or I dont. And I chose to do it. You have to make it that simple.
I would sit and write for two hours at a time coming up with plan after plan, and the second I slipped I gave up only to repeat it again two weeks later. I realized I had to stop with this idea that I need a huge 8 week plan. So with the knowledge I have gained from my experiences (read: failures!) And from this website I just take it one day at a time. I plan out my meals at least in the morning if not the night before, and give myself a variety of activities to chose from for exercise given what I think I will have the energy for and what sounds fun.
Just as an example, I ate too many servings of bread with my pasta last night and served myself too much chocolate at snack time. I woke up to a 2lb gain and I felt those same "give up, it isnt worth all this stress to not see the results!" Feelings I have felt so many times before. Instead of giving up I came online and read one of the many many many "weight loss isnt linear!!" Posts and remembered that one day isnt enough to break me. I logged all the food even though I had gone over (used to hide and avoid all evidence of over eating) and I told myself to buck up and get back on the horse and meet my goals for today. Im not restricting like I used to, used to not eat the next day to cancel out the overage. Today I will make sure to only have one serving of my carb choice and just half a serving of a treat.
I feel time and this website have helped me grow to this point. So I hope reading this helps you come away from a powerless feeling and moves you toward action. It doesnt have to be 1200 calories and a ton of exercise, it doesnt have to be painful or stressful if you dont let it. Plan well and take each day as it comes, the time will pass anyway so you might as well take some baby steps and be closer to your goals with the time instead of deciding 260 or 270 or 280 is your new limit. Do it now.0 -
fatgottago wrote: »Paulina1230 wrote: »fatgottago wrote: »You are right! I get bummed out and just give up within a week. I started today. I know that being lonely and eating late at night is the culprit. Maybe I can stop that and start exercising?
. Dont wait till your health is compromised. Do it because you love yourself and your health is important to you.....and your family. Sorry I wrote a novel but this just really touched home for me.
Thank you for that! I have to remember this is so much more than how I look... I am so SORRY you are going through this! Add me as a friend and maybe we can encourage each other. My problem is I forgot so easy of why I started. I am hoping for a good outcome for you!!!! Thank you for replying.
Add me too! Honestly the best way not to forget is to always be on it. I pre log every morning but check my log before every meal. Honestly it sounds kinda crazy but I think about my goals all day. Everytime i look in the mirror I force myself to smile and make eye contact with myself (something low self esteem has always had me avoiding) and I say something nice. Usually if there isnt something specific on my mind I will say to myself "youre getting there! Look at you, trying so hard! Good job" gosh its silly but it really helps so much. I end up doing this a lot because I drink a ton of water and ned to use the restroom a lot. I also tend to check the forums and see if anyone needs help, because I feel that helping others will keep me focused as well.
You really can do it. Look at all of us trying right along with you!!0 -
"People only change when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing"
If you haven't done it yet, it's because you aren't ready to commit to doing it. If you were, nothing can stand in your way.0 -
I learned a troubleshooting technique that helped take the agony out of change. Change is hard. I recommend this manual.
http://www.amazon.ca/Living-Healthy-Life-Chronic-Conditions/dp/1933503017
Trying to stay focused on a long term goal for months and years is very difficult. I suggest a couple of easy goals over the next two weeks to get you started.
First of all, get yourself a food scale and start weighing and logging your food for two weeks. This is knowledge.
Second, make a list of different things you can do in the evening instead of lonely-eat. Then pick one or two and try that strategy for the next two weeks.
At the end of two weeks, review what you have learned and decide if you want to continue with what you started, or if you are ready to change something else. If evaluate, change, and review becomes your new habit, you have a way of sustaining change in the months that it will take to give you a new life.
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/jgnatca/view/in-it-for-the-long-haul-focus-7224090 -
Make it easy. Just fill out the profile, set your goal fairly low. You sound to me like you are making it too hard.0
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You are not alone, a lot of us have felt similar despair and frustration. The fact that you're on MFP is a great place to start. I agree with the above poster who suggested filling out your profile and setting your goal. It can be very intimidating to look at an end/near-end goal, so maybe try small things at first? People use different methods to make sure their calorie intake is at a deficit, you might need to try a couple of methods until you find one that works for you. I used to be an emotional eater, too, it was a tough habit to break!
Plus, for a really long time, I had a "what's the point, I can't do it" attitude, which was a whole other problem. To start out, (and this isn't necessary at all, just something that helped me get the ball rolling!) I stopped drinking calories and only drank plenty of water. Then, I played with portion control. When I struggled with that, I experimented with different foods and learned a lot about what keeps me satisfied and less prone to emotional eating. After some time, I kind of retrained myself to do something rather than snack/eat, little things that required minor activities. I didn't even bother at all with any type of exercise until about a month in, and then it was just walking for another month. As the weight drops, activities became easier (and more desirable!) to do.
It's been a bunch of little steps, slow and steady, and a lot of learning about self-discipline, which ends up permeating other things, not just eating and weight management...things that helped with self-esteem quite a lot. You can do this, you've taken a first step, now keep stepping. ♥0 -
fatgottago wrote: »You are right! I get bummed out and just give up within a week. I started today. I know that being lonely and eating late at night is the culprit. Maybe I can stop that and start exercising?
Sweetheart, you gotta want it, and it won't happen until you really want to lose weight.
From you original posting, it sounds like you are nearing that really want to place.
Start logging food just to get an idea of how much you're eating.
Set up your goals in MFP and take it a day at a time to stay within those goals.
The bottom line is if you eat at a calorie deficit you will loseweight.
You can do this!
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The best thing is to work from several angles. Yes, therapy; someone you trust. Yes, diet; but food that you love, not food that makes you sad. And yes, exercise - but again, something you love and will stick with - not something that's torture. Maybe that's zumba. Maybe it's boxing. But you gotta look around to see what's out there.
I also like to read fitness magazines and self help books so I'm never out of the loop. Fitness and health can't take a back seat if the books are around and healthy food is at work and at home !!!0 -
Well maybe I'm oversimplifying but the way life works for me is action. If I eait for motivation, I don't do anything. Motivation comes from momentum. And the good news is momentum comes from little steps.
I can't lose 10 lbs. even. But i can log my food, and see if i can stay eithin calorie goal. Just point nose and see whst happens.
This is actually fun on some days.0 -
Do you think you are sabotaging yourself without knowing it? I agree you may want to speak with a counselor. This may not be a food problem but rather a fear of success problem.0
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First of all, cut yourself some slack! If this was such an easy thing to do, this website wouldn't exist
The good thing about struggling with the same thing for so long is that you have probably set up some routines and habits that are not conducive to your goals. Why is this a good thing? Because you now have a blueprint for what doesn't work. Different things work for different people, and you will need to experiment with what works for you. I am one of the people who works best with small changes. I can keep up a crash diet and extreme exercise for awhile, but then I get burned out. This time around I am investing the time to truly make one change at a time.
I also have issues with depression. I have found regular exercise to have the biggest effect on this. I see a counselor too, which has helped me straighten out some other issues.
My advice would to make one very small, manageable change a week. At the end of the week, evaluate that change. Is it beneficial? Is it sustainable? Adjust if necessary, and move on to the next change. About a month ago, I started trying to drink a gallon of water a day. This was hard for me because I rarely drank anything other than coffee. The biggest change took me by surprise: my skin! I have always had acne, but if I stick to a gallon of water a day, it stays pretty clear.
This week my small change has been logging my food. I have done this in the past, and it is really the only way I lose weight. But it is hard to stick with for me. I am 2 days in and doing good though!
Keep your chin up, and good luck!0 -
My advice? Do one thing that's different and start from there. If you succeed at one thing, you'll try something else, and it'll snowball. But you have to try one thing to get started.
I started not by dieting, but by quitting smoking. I felt fantastic achieving that. It gave me a massive boost. But I was worried about gaining weight from quitting smoking. So I then decided to start to do daily exercise. Nothing big. I didn't join a gym. I just started to walk each day. Brisk walking with purpose, the type where after half an hour you're sweating. I knew I would feel stupid going to the park to walk. Stupid, fat, and out of breath and red faced. Too embarrassing. So I walked inside my home. Then I walked in my garden. This all felt good. I borrowed an exercise bike from a friend and started to use that.
Big achievements, small achievements ... they build up. Only then did I start to think that may be I could do something about my weight, which is why I'm here, trying this next thing.
Choose your first thing and good luck!0
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