Does your weight affect your relationships?

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  • TRLTAMPA
    TRLTAMPA Posts: 824
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    The only naked woman in the room is the only naked woman in the world.

    heard that from a comedian somewhere and never forgot it
  • Hannah_Banana
    Hannah_Banana Posts: 1,242 Member
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    The only naked woman in the room is the only naked woman in the world.

    heard that from a comedian somewhere and never forgot it

    :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    I LOVE that. I'm telling DH...
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    Oh, you ladies are wonderful. To those of you that mentioned 'light off' I try!! :laugh: He just gets up and turns it back on. I have yet to figure out a sneaky way to get up and turn it back off again. :blushing:
    the 'clapper'???:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :blushing: :bigsmile:
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    The only naked woman in the room is the only naked woman in the world.

    heard that from a comedian somewhere and never forgot it
    Hey that's a good one...good way to think of it...sorta sounds like a guy... :huh: :wink: :bigsmile:

    glad you posted allenhm I'll be back for a more serious response than the clapper .....haven't been home to long and need to do lunch.
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    Oh, you ladies are wonderful. To those of you that mentioned 'light off' I try!! :laugh: He just gets up and turns it back on. I have yet to figure out a sneaky way to get up and turn it back off again. :blushing:

    One word - "Clapper" :happy: I don't know if they still sell those things. Maybe try candles. I am not a big candle person - normally because it's one of those --- kids are out playing lets go try of deals; no time.. But maybe it would be dark enough for you, and still some light for him.
    oops!!:laugh: I didn't see someone already came up with this one!:laugh: :laugh:
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    Oh, you ladies are wonderful. To those of you that mentioned 'light off' I try!! :laugh: He just gets up and turns it back on. I have yet to figure out a sneaky way to get up and turn it back off again. :blushing:

    The Clapper!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Had to put that - the commercials crack me up this time of year. That and Chia pets..

    jb
    now how would a chia pet work in this dept?:wink::huh: :laugh:
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    I had this problem and now I don't. I haven't lost a great amount of weight but I had to go through therapy and now feel alot better about myself. I don't think it has anything to do with the weight but with the way we feel about ourselves. (sometimes I don't like being a woman we are complacated:ohwell: )

    Try to feel better about you. Find something you like about yourself. If its really bad don't feel bad about getting help. It did wonders for me.:flowerforyou:
    I totally agree...it's the things we tell ourselves, there are many beautiful women of all sizes that have the lights on lights off...someone mentioned a chia pet :huh: :noway: :wink: :laugh: ok, never mind on that one. Candles... confidence comes from within, extra weight or not....it's a thinking process...

    He love YOU, he wants YOU...Hugs are so important, cuddling is a great way to share affection, I think it's vital for both parts of the couple to share hugs and touch because just like a woman may feel unlovable because of what is going on in the self confidence field...a guy can certainly take that as rejection that he's not wanted.

    Just something to think about... If the guy we were with didn't want to touch us, maybe he's not the cuddling type, doesn't hug etc....might be that we would then be on the other side feeling undesirable and unloved...
  • Hannah_Banana
    Hannah_Banana Posts: 1,242 Member
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    He love YOU, he wants YOU...Hugs are so important, cuddling is a great way to share affection, I think it's vital for both parts of the couple to share hugs and touch because just like a woman may feel unlovable because of what is going on in the self confidence field...a guy can certainly take that as rejection that he's not wanted.

    That, in a nut shell is why I love MFP. :flowerforyou: FC, this is exactly how he feels. And he's right, I shouldn't punish him because of my psychological issues. :ohwell:

    Thank you everyone for the support and shared struggle. I will work on my self-confidence. After reading all the responses, hubby and I are going to sit down and have a movie marathon and snuggle for New Years tonight. :smooched:
  • janiebeth
    janiebeth Posts: 2,509 Member
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    Oh, you ladies are wonderful. To those of you that mentioned 'light off' I try!! :laugh: He just gets up and turns it back on. I have yet to figure out a sneaky way to get up and turn it back off again. :blushing:

    The Clapper!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    Had to put that - the commercials crack me up this time of year. That and Chia pets..

    jb
    now how would a chia pet work in this dept?:wink::huh: :laugh:

    oh my - must fix before I get reported to the pervert police!! :tongue: :tongue:

    I meant that commercials for The Clapper and Chia pets crack me up this time of year (because you only see them around Christmas time) - not that chia pets would have any use in this situation.. :noway: :noway: :noway: :noway:

    I can't even go there.. I don't think.. oh my!! :blushing: :blushing: :blushing:

    thanks for pointing out my bad connection FC.. jb
  • Tri_Dad
    Tri_Dad Posts: 1,465
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    Okay guys, little down today. :frown:

    I'm doing great with my weight loss/exercise etc but DH has been complaining the last few months about how I push him away all the time when he wants to be all snugly and romantic. When I met him I was about 175 - 180 and had absolutely no problem with this. Since being with him and having a baby, I'm up to 210 and I realized that its just not comfortable! I don't want to be messed with or touched or anything. I just feel lumpy and gross. I just can't seem to think of anything else when he wants to be intimate! Its to the point where I don't even want him to hug me! :sad:

    I've said as much to DH and he just gets angry at me, asking me why I'm punishing HIM because he loves every part of me (Even the DREADED tummy roll). Its making me impatient for those 30lbs to come off, because I want to have a healthy relationship again!

    Anyone else have a similar problem? Its amazing to me that 30lbs can make that much of a difference. Any of my lovely MFPers that have overcome (or are tryng to overcome) such a problem?

    Thanks ladies. :flowerforyou:

    Let me try and give you some perspective on this as a Man and a Husband.
    My wife and I started this together and I am very proud of the 13 pounds that she has lost.
    When I married my wife I did so because I knew that she was the best friend I will ever have. The kind of love that a man feels for his wife is incredible and regardless of her weight she will always be the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I know that a weight problem hits your self esteem pretty hard. I know because I have been there and it is terrible to feel undesireable. Regardless of how you feel about yourself it is very important to understand that your husband feels very differently. My wife has given me so much, she has given me two beautiful children, a feeling of home and most of my happiest memories. I can't imagine ever being without her and I thank god every day that I can call her my wife. I am excited that she has joined me on this journey in hopes that our healthy lifestyle will give us more years together. But it has nothing to do with whether I find her attractive. How could I not find her attractive. She's the center of my universe. My rock. My heart. When your husband says he loves every part of you...(Dreaded tummy roll included), he means it. It's a tough bump to try and get over but you need to try for his sake...and yours for that matter. If it helps try and think of something wrong with him like a hairy butt or something. You might find it hard to point out the flaws and maybe then you will realize how your husband feels about you.
  • Fitness_Chick
    Fitness_Chick Posts: 6,648 Member
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    Okay guys, little down today. :frown:

    I'm doing great with my weight loss/exercise etc but DH has been complaining the last few months about how I push him away all the time when he wants to be all snugly and romantic. When I met him I was about 175 - 180 and had absolutely no problem with this. Since being with him and having a baby, I'm up to 210 and I realized that its just not comfortable! I don't want to be messed with or touched or anything. I just feel lumpy and gross. I just can't seem to think of anything else when he wants to be intimate! Its to the point where I don't even want him to hug me! :sad:

    I've said as much to DH and he just gets angry at me, asking me why I'm punishing HIM because he loves every part of me (Even the DREADED tummy roll). Its making me impatient for those 30lbs to come off, because I want to have a healthy relationship again!

    Anyone else have a similar problem? Its amazing to me that 30lbs can make that much of a difference. Any of my lovely MFPers that have overcome (or are tryng to overcome) such a problem?

    Thanks ladies. :flowerforyou:

    Let me try and give you some perspective on this as a Man and a Husband.
    My wife and I started this together and I am very proud of the 13 pounds that she has lost.
    When I married my wife I did so because I knew that she was the best friend I will ever have. The kind of love that a man feels for his wife is incredible and regardless of her weight she will always be the most beautiful woman in the world to me. I know that a weight problem hits your self esteem pretty hard. I know because I have been there and it is terrible to feel undesireable. Regardless of how you feel about yourself it is very important to understand that your husband feels very differently. My wife has given me so much, she has given me two beautiful children, a feeling of home and most of my happiest memories. I can't imagine ever being without her and I thank god every day that I can call her my wife. I am excited that she has joined me on this journey in hopes that our healthy lifestyle will give us more years together. But it has nothing to do with whether I find her attractive. How could I not find her attractive. She's the center of my universe. My rock. My heart. When your husband says he loves every part of you...(Dreaded tummy roll included), he means it. It's a tough bump to try and get over but you need to try for his sake...and yours for that matter. If it helps try and think of something wrong with him like a hairy butt or something. You might find it hard to point out the flaws and maybe then you will realize how your husband feels about you.
    always great to hear a Man's perspective on this sort of thing Spyguy:wink::happy: Very nicely put.... thanks for adding your thoughts:drinker:

    FC:heart:
  • TRLTAMPA
    TRLTAMPA Posts: 824
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    My husband says that after 4 kids, he never expected me to be skinny again. So I can understand how he would still see me as my old self. I still see him that way too.
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  • j_g4ever
    j_g4ever Posts: 1,925 Member
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    Im so glad that I joined MFP. These are the thoughts that run through my head all the time about not be sexy enough and what spyguy said that is something that my DH would say. :tongue: I have been trying to feel sexy the way that I am right now. Somedays are better than others for sure. If I just did a wonderful workout and burned lots of calories or if I lost some weight on the scale he is going to get lucky. :blushing: Maybe this weekend while he is at work I will go do some "shopping" because that is something he wouldn't be expecting. :drinker: Thank you everyone. really. :flowerforyou:
  • lmr9
    lmr9 Posts: 628 Member
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    The fix is called sexy at any size! It is so difficult to feel sexy when we don't feel good about ourselves. I had a long plateau that lasted me a whole yr from Jan 2007-present. I just now lost about 2 pounds since last week. It feels good. The point I am trying to make here is that I decided to be happy and feel sexy at any size. We all don't know how long it will take for us to get back to our sexy selves. Our husbands react to us in the way we feel inside and that shows on the outside. I am big and sexy and there is more for him to love. I tell him that and I believe it too. I dress that way too, not hiding under big t-shirts and frumpy clothes. Sexy is what sexy do girls. We are only gonna be sexier when we reach our goal. By the way it is not fair for us to deprive them ,our DH. Girls we are beautiful just the way we are and what's more beautiful about us is we are doing something to be healthier. SO IT IS NEW YEAR'S EVE CUDDLE UP WITH THAT HUBBY OF YOURS AND ENJOY YOUR LIFE LIVING FOR TODAY!!!!!!!!!!

    RIGHT ON!!! :flowerforyou:
  • LeanLioness
    LeanLioness Posts: 1,091 Member
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    I think that you are very lucky that you have someone that wants to hug you and touch you, and you should be loving it:heart: . Loving someone does not have anything to do with your "fat rolls", it's from the heart. Touch is something very important, when you are hugging someone or touching them, you are sending your energy to each other, this is a primitive form of communication, showing that you care for each other. If you want a healthy relationship with him, hug him and touch him, it's a very important part of relationships...you are very lucky. :flowerforyou:

    This is beautifully written!!!

    I have read several posts where their DH doesn't want them, not only on this board...........

    I belong to several low carb messaging boards and DH's can be down right mean and hateful to their spouse!! Some have told their wives to lose weight or it is divorce time and things............

    I have a honey like yours that has loved me when I was at 120 and all the way up to 260 pounds and still wanted intimacy with me.
  • borac
    borac Posts: 174
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    My husband doesn't have a problem with my weight- I didn't notice any yet.. I"m the one with the problem.. but i'm no longer " shy " and I don't hold back like I used to.. the problem is not there..

    my problem is- i drove away all my girl friends..

    they couldn't take it anylonger. .. my " have nothing to wear ' - nothing fits me.. can't come to the event- have nothing to wear.. " not in the mood.. - can't go .. ' can't come.. " can't have that has to many calories.. " ..
    and on the end my depression that just didn't want to go away , that with every day became worse.. and to the point that i clearly told everyone just to go away and leave me.. i guess.. that's what they did..

    Now- i'm pretty much without friends, left with my weight.. but now more than ever i want to prove to myself that i'm capable of getting a grip on this !
  • abagwill
    abagwill Posts: 222
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    Oh I totally know what you mean... When I met DF in 2005 I was about 160 and now (6 weeks after baby) at 215 lbs. I absolutely feel like I am carrying a whole new me but I understand the wanting to pull away because you feel gross and ugly... Now, I had a C-Section and I am so self concious of that as well. DF says he loves me but I cant help but feel disgusting... I am starting slowly to get back into shape but its really not easy when he gets to eat whatever he wants and always wants to eat out :ohwell:

    But just remember to keep your head up and remember you are beautiful, even if it is hard
  • chrissyh
    chrissyh Posts: 8,235 Member
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    maybe a comprimise - try candles instead of the actual light - it will help enhance the mood but not too bright to make you so self concious.
  • DjBliss05
    DjBliss05 Posts: 682
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    I have always been overweight and the tummy roll has been here through all my relationships!

    The way I have always looked at it is that, "He can SEE the tummy roll with my clothes on. If he wants to be with me, then he won't mind when the clothes come off!"

    Obviously, your hubby is still super attracted to you and wants to be with you! Take a cue from him and know that you are still beautiful!

    We have to learn to love ourselves where we are right now, because how else will we be able to love ourselves enough to do all the hard work? (This coming from the girl who wore big pants to pull OVER the tummy roll for work today, lol).

    We're not perfect and we all have our down days, but in the end, its worth focusing on the good and trying to ignore our insecurities sometimes. Besides, the tummy roll will be gone in no time and your DH will still be there like he is now! :flowerforyou:
  • jesusgrl14
    jesusgrl14 Posts: 250
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    Oh! :sad: I want someone to cuddle up with. :cry:

    You are lucky to have someone who wants to be touching you, naked or clothed :laugh: ! I wish I had a husband to crawl into bed with at night. Be blessed and know you are beautiful!:flowerforyou:

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