I'm sure I'll get bashed for this, but..

24

Replies

  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    MFP is a community of all sorts of people with all different goals.

    I agree and that sounds good in practice. The idea that MFP is for everyone who wishes to achieve a weight or fitness related goal in a safe or healthy manner is very appealing.

    However, in practice it doesn't always work that way. I have lost count of the times where negative assumptions have been made about slim people simply because of the way they look from being called skinny *****es, believing they have eating disorders, their weight loss goals are trivial, they don't struggle with their weight or my personal favourite that it's easy for them to lose weight because they have a fast metabolism (yeah, because busting your *kitten* in the gym and watching what you eat meticulously has nothing to do with it...)

    I guess the old adage of "don't judge a book by its cover applies."

    Everybody hurts....sometimes.
  • shelbyfrootcake
    shelbyfrootcake Posts: 965 Member
    I find it hard to believe that weighing 124 is "A STRUGGLE."

    The struggle isn't being that weight, it's maintaining it. Having the willpower to nip yourself in the bud when you're *only* 130lb so it doesn't go higher and bring the figure back down again.
  • chanstriste13
    chanstriste13 Posts: 3,277 Member
    what got your panties in a wad? obviously, everyone on this site is here because they are struggling. duh. don't flatter yourself so much.
  • sbrown6
    sbrown6 Posts: 334 Member
    Don't think less of me because I have never been 50 pounds over weight.

    WOW! Never thought I'd hear that one. :happy:
  • Monica_in_MO
    Monica_in_MO Posts: 162 Member
    I can tell you a couple of things that you have NOT struggled with.....compassion and empathy. If we would all just strive to be kind, I think that we will gain unbelievable perspective into the lives and struggles of our fellow human beings. Give it a go and you might find out that you don't have the wealth of knowledge you claim to have. : ) Enjoy your Monday!
  • ChantalGG
    ChantalGG Posts: 2,404 Member
    Unless you have struggled with an eating disorder and body dysmorphia then I am going to have to disagree, OP. It is different. And stop putting all over weight people in one category. I have been under weight to obese, yeah it is all a struggle either way try to find a medium.
  • shelbyfrootcake
    shelbyfrootcake Posts: 965 Member
    This thread has had some wonderfully supportive and understanding replies; kudos to all those posters, I wish there were more people in the world like you. :)

    There has also been some shocking displays of ropey armchair psychology. :(
  • Mairgheal
    Mairgheal Posts: 385 Member
    Had to read the OP twice before I actually got it. Weird.

    Nothing to add that hasn't been said already by the rest.
  • Brandicaloriecountess
    Brandicaloriecountess Posts: 2,126 Member
    I think anytime you have to start a topic with "I'll probably get bashed, but" you know that you are going to say something rude and hurtful to others. I think it's sad that you feel judged and even more sad that your reaction to that is to judge others. Maybe you don't understand the emotional side of over eating but a lot of people do.
  • yanicka
    yanicka Posts: 1,004 Member
    In fact, I understand what you mean. When I see people who have alot of weight to lose, I can't help but think " at least they enjoyed themself!!! I can't remember last time I ate with pleasure and without counting the calories" but what we are doing is hard....it is hard for everyone. If it was not hard everyone would be healthy!!!! We all have our own road to travel.
  • DrAJ84
    DrAJ84 Posts: 117 Member
    Yes you were right, you will catch hell for your statements. Do yourself a favor and do not belittle others. Everyone on this site is trying to lose weight or impact their body images. I am overweight, one because I have a medical disorder that makes it extremely hard to lose weight, I gain weight quickly and have fertility issues. Want to try that for a day! I am insulin resistant and will struggle to have children. I did not choose to be overweight, I exercise regularly and regardless of what I did I will have this disorder. I was never even diagnosed until this year. Now that I know what I have and have the proper medications it is easier to lose weight. I find it very appauling that you think your 10-15 pound weight loss need is superior to those that have struggled all their lives with depression and eating disorders. and YES overeating is a disorder as well.
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
    I get what the OP is saying...She isn't judging anyone, she is tired of being judged....She isn't saying it's a struggle or a bad life for her to be 124lbs, she is saying she has to work very hard, and think about her diet and exercise every single day to keep her weight under control & she deserves credit for that hard work....Of course, normally, all the credit goes to those people who lose like 100lbs....Well, if they didn't let their diet sprial out of control, they wouldn't have been in that situation to start with.

    I absolutely hate when people think just because you are thin or look healthy that it is something that comes naturally... It's not---at least for me...If I don't watch myself, I'll gain like 40lbs easily, & I've fell off the wagon and did that before...But my losing the 40lbs I gained because of my lack of motivation isn't really any more need for celebration or compliments than the work it would have took to keep that 40lbs away!!!!

    And if she would have posted it this way she would've gotten a better response, but she didn't. She basically judge others the way she doesn't want to be judge and then wanted to come off as a victim. You can't burn a match at both ends. It seems she has some pre-conceived thoughts about overweight people just as some probably have about her. So maybe she needs to be more accepting of others journeys and maybe she find more people accepting of her. *shrugs*
  • es0torok
    es0torok Posts: 66 Member
    Just a quick clarification. I'm not angry. I'm not victimized, etc.

    The broad category I refer to are people that are not actively doing something. This probably eliminates everyone at MFP.
  • Keegansmum6
    Keegansmum6 Posts: 193 Member
    First.... please don't take my response as a bashing. I promise it is not meant that way at all.

    I think most people who are overweight feel that they've struggled longer/harder than someone who is not severely overweight for several reasons.

    1. There is constant pressure on us from several directions to lose weight -- friends, family, dating, doctors, media, retail.....nearly every aspect of our lives reminds us in some way that we are overweight and would be more healthier, sexier, likeable, loveable, popular, active, prettier if we would just lose weight.

    2. When you are overweight -- daily activities become more difficult -- more of a struggle. Walking, bending, standing, sitting, playing. Nearly every aspect of our lives comes with some kind of struggle.

    3. Discrimination and abuse -- how many times have you been walking down the street and had a random car with random people yell obsenities at you -- just because of your weight? Have you ever felt you didn't get a job because of your weight?

    4. Mental/Emotional health -- low self esteem, high self loathing, depression, anxiety, binging, purging, starving, control, helplessness, hopelessness, promiscuity.

    It's rarely a matter of ignoring our weight issues as you stated. For myself -- it's something I think about every day. Somedays I feel motivated and push myself -- other days -- I feel like "what's the point" -- I'll never get there -- why try??

    I don't think less of you because you've never had 50 lbs to lose -- but don't think less of me because I do. And I know men and women who fight and struggle to get their lives back -- harder and longer than you could ever imagine. Getting healthy thru diet and exercise is never a short cut!! Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to discount others simply because you've never faced the struggle that they do.
  • Keegansmum6
    Keegansmum6 Posts: 193 Member
    Stupid iPad but that was a perfect response
  • freerange
    freerange Posts: 1,722 Member
    Really honey, I don’t feel less of you because you have never been 50 lb over weight. I feel less of you because you thought anybody would care about this post. Really?
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
    Great response Desirai.

    PS. You are looking HAWT! :love:

    Thank you :smile:
  • yankeefamily05
    yankeefamily05 Posts: 657
    Comparison is the thief of joy. ~~ Dwight Edwards



    I speak from personal experience. (the comparing myself to others)

    Don't let this take up space in your head.
    It's not worth it.
    Do your program and don't worry about others.



    great quote:)
  • yankeefamily05
    yankeefamily05 Posts: 657
    First.... please don't take my response as a bashing. I promise it is not meant that way at all.

    I think most people who are overweight feel that they've struggled longer/harder than someone who is not severely overweight for several reasons.

    1. There is constant pressure on us from several directions to lose weight -- friends, family, dating, doctors, media, retail.....nearly every aspect of our lives reminds us in some way that we are overweight and would be more healthier, sexier, likeable, loveable, popular, active, prettier if we would just lose weight.

    2. When you are overweight -- daily activities become more difficult -- more of a struggle. Walking, bending, standing, sitting, playing. Nearly every aspect of our lives comes with some kind of struggle.

    3. Discrimination and abuse -- how many times have you been walking down the street and had a random car with random people yell obsenities at you -- just because of your weight? Have you ever felt you didn't get a job because of your weight?

    4. Mental/Emotional health -- low self esteem, high self loathing, depression, anxiety, binging, purging, starving, control, helplessness, hopelessness, promiscuity.

    It's rarely a matter of ignoring our weight issues as you stated. For myself -- it's something I think about every day. Somedays I feel motivated and push myself -- other days -- I feel like "what's the point" -- I'll never get there -- why try??

    I don't think less of you because you've never had 50 lbs to lose -- but don't think less of me because I do. And I know men and women who fight and struggle to get their lives back -- harder and longer than you could ever imagine. Getting healthy thru diet and exercise is never a short cut!! Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to discount others simply because you've never faced the struggle that they do.



    Couldn't agree more with this. Especially about number 1.
  • lilygirl2468
    lilygirl2468 Posts: 4
    When it comes down to it, who HASN'T struggled? Maybe the very few people who can eat positively anything and still stay at a weight they like, and the very few people who don't give a rip about their weight no matter what category they're in. But I'm going to guess the vast majority of people aren't in those situations. Almost everyone has struggled at one time or another, whether it was to lose 50 pounds, 5 pounds, to maintain, or even to gain. It's true that most slender folks don't have it easy and have to work to stay that way. It's also true that most heavy folks aren't eating everything in sight all the time. Just about everyone knows what it feels like to be judged on how you look and how much you weigh. It sounds like you were--I'm sorry to hear that.
  • SommerJo
    SommerJo Posts: 258 Member
    I get what the OP is saying...She isn't judging anyone, she is tired of being judged....She isn't saying it's a struggle or a bad life for her to be 124lbs, she is saying she has to work very hard, and think about her diet and exercise every single day to keep her weight under control & she deserves credit for that hard work....Of course, normally, all the credit goes to those people who lose like 100lbs....Well, if they didn't let their diet sprial out of control, they wouldn't have been in that situation to start with.

    I absolutely hate when people think just because you are thin or look healthy that it is something that comes naturally... It's not---at least for me...If I don't watch myself, I'll gain like 40lbs easily, & I've fell off the wagon and did that before...But my losing the 40lbs I gained because of my lack of motivation isn't really any more need for celebration or compliments than the work it would have took to keep that 40lbs away!!!!

    I don't agree that she's not judging -- and I do think she's saying that its a greater struggle for her to maintain and lose a few lbs here and there than for anyone else. I think that she's a bit attention seeking with the intent of further dividing skinny peeps from fat peeps. And she definately deserves credit for her hard work -- but it shouldn't come at the cost of alienating others and diminishing the incredibly hard work that sooooo many people put in.
  • daylitemag
    daylitemag Posts: 604 Member
    I'm surprised everyone is being so nice. You should be "bashed" for your mean-spirited and totally useless, self-centered post.
  • atisketataskets
    atisketataskets Posts: 28
    I think Jellyphant's reply proves this users point! I understand where she is coming from (I would not have worded it like she did, but I get it). I think what she was really trying to say, is that- it is just as hard to maintain weight as it is to lose weight. The reality is that there are people on this site (and others) that don't understand how being 124 (or 154 for that matter) can be "a struggle"; it's not their reality (yet), they are not in a position (yet) to be faced with maintaining the weight they have lost. No one should be judgmental here - but unfortunately it exists, it's in us people (the good and the bad).. To everyone, be supportive, learn to control your impulses to write negative thoughts on these posts - it's just not productive!
  • Hyster1
    Hyster1 Posts: 75
    It must be really AWESOME to be you!!!! Great work your whole life. I just wish I was as good as you. It must be nice!!! Have a nice day!!! And while your on your high horse why don't you think before you post. Way to go letting the rest of us know we suck!!!!:devil:
  • margrobins
    margrobins Posts: 82 Member
    I can understand this feeling to a degree, but personally as a person who has always been on the higher end of the scale, it's almost offensive to be lumped in with what I would say "a few ignorant people" you have dealt with.

    As mentioned before - it annoys the hell out of my when my "size 3 waist" friend complains that she is FAT, yet I can see every bone in her body, but I kindly disregard and ignore it (then look at myself thinking OMG I must be a blimp!)

    To say that bigger people haven't worked at it all their lives really rubs me the wrong way as well. I've busted my *kitten* since I was a young kid to keep weight off of me. I've eaten healthy, exercised and done my BEST to keep pushing and keep learning what works and what doesn't. I reached my highest weight when I was living the healthiest lifestyle. Diet was healthy, exercised all the time - YET hit nearly 200 pounds. HEALTH plays a huge roll, whether it be a physical ailment, reaction from medication, mental health etc. etc., my gain happened to be a combo of a medical condition and a side effect from medication.

    I've learned that the world of health can be a very scary and hateful one by times.. I've seen so many be so negative towards others, and just down right mean actions. I'm sorry that you've had a hard time with a few people - but try to be positive. If someone really is bothering you that much, fix the situation and stay away. Positive thoughts get positive results, and truly are the best motivator to all of us, big and small.

    Best of luck to you in your continuing journey to health.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member

    I've been working at this harder and longer than you ever will.

    WOW, that was incredibly rude and presumptuous. How can you sit there and judge how much work someone who has lost 50 lbs has done if you haven't done it yourself? I love how you are talking trash about other people talking trash about you. This post is incredibly hypocriticial and amusingly ignorant.
  • AdymondNtheRuff
    AdymondNtheRuff Posts: 108 Member
    Bump!
  • susiewusie
    susiewusie Posts: 432 Member
    OP Have you ever thought about the people who take medication and it makes them put on so much weight ?????

    How do you think they will be feeling if they read your post ???

    Have some compassion for those and try and make their day that little bit easier rather than make them feel like **** !!
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
    In fact, I understand what you mean. When I see people who have alot of weight to lose, I can't help but think " at least they enjoyed themself!!! I can't remember last time I ate with pleasure and without counting the calories" but what we are doing is hard....it is hard for everyone. If it was not hard everyone would be healthy!!!! We all have our own road to travel.

    I have to comment on this... while I understand your perception and your thoughts, I do hope you understand that just because someone overeats doesn't mean that they're enjoying themselves doing so. If someone has reached the obese and higher stage, there's a good chance that it has nothing to do with enjoying the food.
  • End6ame
    End6ame Posts: 903
    I think what the OP is trying to say, albeit poorly, is that someone that has eaten everything under the sun and never exercised their entire life, then one day decides to watch what they eat and start exercising cannot claim that they have “struggled” with weight control their entire life, because they have never worked at it. On the other hand someone that has worked their entire life to maintain their weight, while never becoming overweight or obese could have a greater struggle (i.e. put in more work).
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