Why do people get mad about me losing weight and being active?
HostageCat
Posts: 469 Member
After losing 70 pounds I have been glared at from across the room on holidays by cousins, and some family members stopped talking to me after my weight loss, I been told I'm too skinny, or I'm doing too much and I will “burn out” (referring to me doing obstacle courses, running, riding/showing horses, yoga and strength training) and I once mention that I was trying to lose 7 more pounds (which would put me at 140) and they looked at me like I was crazy and told me I would be under weight, and if I told them that my doctor said 140 would not be under weight and I will be healthy at that weight they get mad.
Something else, why is it ok to make skinny jokes but not fat jokes? I have gotten more jokes about being skinny then when I was big, like I have to run to catch water or I will blow away and that I need to put some more meat on my bones and that's all ok but if somebody makes a joke about someone being big they are a horrible person
Something else, why is it ok to make skinny jokes but not fat jokes? I have gotten more jokes about being skinny then when I was big, like I have to run to catch water or I will blow away and that I need to put some more meat on my bones and that's all ok but if somebody makes a joke about someone being big they are a horrible person
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Replies
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HostageCat wrote: »After losing 70 pounds I have been glared at from across the room on holidays by cousins, and some family members stopped talking to me after my weight loss, I been told I'm too skinny, or I'm doing too much and I will “burn out” (referring to me doing obstacle courses, running, riding/showing horses, yoga and strength training) and I once mention that I was trying to lose 7 more pounds (which would put me at 140) and they looked at me like I was crazy and told me I would be under weight, and if I told them that my doctor said 140 would not be under weight and I will be healthy at that weight they get mad.
Something else, why is it ok to make skinny jokes but not fat jokes? I have gotten more jokes about being skinny then when I was big, like I have to run to catch water or I will blow away and that I need to put some more meat on my bones and that's all ok but if somebody makes a joke about someone being big they are a horrible person
140 is not under weight! I would assume that most of your family is jelous and the way for them to feel better about themselves is to try to bring u down. Unfortunately we can not choose our family and the situation u are in sucks for sure but stay strong and be proud of your accomplishments! If u are not burning out then continue to do u and let the haters hate because nothing will ever change that.0 -
I hear you.
I get that all the time and I'm not nearly as active as you. I also want to get in the 140s which the doctor said is fine, he said 130s would be fine. but so many people are so strongly against me losing any more weight or they think I need to do things other than what I do. but what i do works and I'm doing it for me so everyone else can go away0 -
Are they all obese? Misery loves company...0
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It's called "sabotage," And it is cruel. The people doing this to you are uncomfortable, because you are reminding them of their unhealthy lifestyles, and they don't want to face it. So they deflect their discomfort by open aggressive behaviour toward you. It isn't acceptable, and you should not allow it to go on. Say to them, "You are clearly having a problem with my very healthy lifestyle - my doctor is delighted with it - so why do you have a problem with it?" If they continue with comments about you being too skinny, respond that, "you would prefer to take advice from your doctor, a person who actually knows what he/she is taking about."
Unfortunately, comments like these can help to derail a person's progress. I'm sure you won't let that happen. Kudos for all you have accomplished!0 -
It sounds like they are taking their insecurities out on you - they may not even realize that they're doing it. On the other hand, if this is a topic of conversation you initiate and talk about frequently, they may feel like you are judging them. You didn't mentioned in your post the context, so just looking at both sides.
Either way you are doing fantastic and have much to be proud of! Don't take it to heart or let it keep you from your goals.0 -
Since skinny is higher than fat on the social hierarchy, people assume that it's okay to make fun "up" the social ladder. Your success probably brought out their own insecurities.
Congrats on your hard work paying off! I bet you look and feel amazing.0 -
Jealousy. Jealousy that you make it look so easy but they don't want to put in the effort unless it's easy. I've also lost some friends since my weight loss due to the green eyed monster.0
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I'm 5'11, 37, and 150lbs - I actually like being more like 145lbs, but it's REALLY hard for me to maintain. 140 isn't underweight for someone as young as you are and 5'8. I'm noticing people seem to not understand what Normal is. Normal to most people (especially in the US, not sure in most other developed countries) is overweight.
Please, ignore them. Act like you don't care. Do what you feel is right. You are the only one that has any say in how your body looks and how much activity you do. You know what your normal is. Go get it!0 -
It's either everything said above or you bang on about it?
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I don't know but plenty of fat jokes are made all the time, there are even entire movies making fun of fat people (the nutty professor, shallow hal).0
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It's either everything said above or you bang on about it?
It shouldn't matter if he "bangs on about it" or not. The fact is that ridiculing her and trying to bring her down isn't right. I am sure her family is no different the most people's everyone goes on and on about things that the others don't care about but u don't humiliatethem or try to derail them!0 -
i had the same thing happen to me. Perfectly healthy weight after I lost approx 20 kilos and dropped 2-3 sizes. People started telling me I had to stop losing more. I was at my goal weight, and had no intention to do so, but it made no sense at all, I wasn't extremely thin or skinny. I had plenty of body fat to lose if I really wanted a different body. I think its jealousy but maybe also that they're shocked by the difference. Some think 'wow she got so thin' while it should be 'she was so overweight' lol. They might also not realise you lost the weight gently over time. Sometimes it just suddenly shows .
And about being unkind, heard stories of people who were all obese/overweight and were not supportive when one of the group decided to lose weight. She wasn't one of them anymore, and used arguments like 'oh so you're not happy in your own skin', 'you think we're fat', 'you care what others think' rather than 'that is impressive, keep it up, and good for you trying to be a little healthier', such a shame!0 -
It's either everything said above or you bang on about it?
It shouldn't matter if he "bangs on about it" or not. The fact is that ridiculing her and trying to bring her down isn't right. I am sure her family is no different the most people's everyone goes on and on about things that the others don't care about but u don't humiliatethem or try to derail them!
Meh
If people become dull and boring about their new hobbies...and weight loss / fitness can be categorised as such, then they can get negative reactions or people avoiding them
I don't for a minute believe that's what happened here OP ...I'm not saying that
Some families exist on winding people up, making fun of them ...it's not necessarily derailing ...it's how some people are...best to rise above it0 -
It's either everything said above or you bang on about it?
It shouldn't matter if he "bangs on about it" or not. The fact is that ridiculing her and trying to bring her down isn't right. I am sure her family is no different the most people's everyone goes on and on about things that the others don't care about but u don't humiliatethem or try to derail them!
Meh
If people become dull and boring about their new hobbies...and weight loss / fitness can be categorised as such, then they can get negative reactions or people avoiding them
I don't for a minute believe that's what happened here OP ...I'm not saying that
Some families exist on winding people up, making fun of them ...it's not necessarily derailing ...it's how some people are...best to rise above it
Good point. Makes me think about how I treat others at family functions.0 -
Why do they try to dissuade you?
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality
Why are fat jokes different than skinny jokes?
Well being viewed as fat involves oppression, skinny does not. That isn't to say it can't be hurtful.0 -
What's your attitude been about your weight loss? Are you interacting with people the same? I'm a fan of looking at myself before I figure out what's wrong with other people.
Oh and... congrats on your loss!0 -
Most likely there are two things at play:
1.) Pure and simple jealousy.
2.) If your family tends to be big, then you've gone against the culture that your family has likely developed over decades. This is not a bad thing, but there's a good chance it makes them uncomfortable.
As for the "skinny" jokes, that's a broader cultural issue. It's kind of seen as "ok" (not that it really is) to make jokes about slim people. Honestly, most of that is based in jealousy, as well.0 -
Family will always be your biggest critic. Learned from experience not to mention my weight goals or anything about it when I'm at family functions.0
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Oh, good heavens, I see you're 19 years old! People think it's OK to give all kinds of instructions to someone still in her teens. They'll gradually cut it out as you get a bit older and more independent. It's really annoying, isn't it? You look absolutely gorgeous, by the way, and even though you're medium tall at 5'8" you could easily be under 140 without being anywhere close to "too skinny." What nonsense.
Beautiful women who are 5'8" include Angelina Jolie, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Anne Hathaway. Are they unattractively thin? The internet tells me Jolie weighs 128 lbs., Zeta-Jones 137, and Hathaway 123. I'm not saying anything over those amounts is excessive--these are very elegantly slender women who make a living looking good on camera--but they're not scarecrows, either.0 -
They will get bored with their boorish behavior toward you and move on to something else/ someone else.0
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when i was overweight, my family gave me all kinds of grief because they're all pretty lean, healthy, and fit...my guess is that it works the other way around too...if they're overweight, they're likely to give you grief about being lean, healthy, and fit.0
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Wow this is exactly what happens to me every time I lose weight. I too have 70 pounds to lose once again. However this time I am not sharing with anyone what I am doing or how much weight I have lost. Sabotage has always send me packing on the pounds again and again. I have lost over 1000 pounds doing this yo yo thing. It kills me when people say things when I am at a just right weight that are negative. I can never figure out why they never say anything to me when I am fat. So I think that is why I pack the pounds back on because I don't want to hear any ones remarks. So this time I want it to be my last time to loss the weight once and for all. I am not sharing with anyone what I am doing for their is a thin body inside this fat one. Thank you for sharing.0
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Because they don't know how to do what you've done. Great job and keep it going!0
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Jealous!!
Its hard for people to see a person they know well change so much. Physically and your lifestyle. You're different, so they're noticing. Them noticing is showing THEM how they could do it too, they wonder why they havent, why can you succeed where they have failed, etc.
I have put back on 50lbs right now but at my lowest (not my goal weight though) I got all the same as you. Especially from my best friend at the time. We'd been so close, losing together, mutual support and all. But I was more ambitious and exercised intently where she liked to take walks. She grew hateful about my gym time, saying that I wouldn't maintain (okay yeah I didnt but efff anyone who thinks they know my future), and the fact that I lost much faster than her discouraged her and it made our friendship fall apart. Comments from family were all positive but I struggled with feeling uncomfortable with compliments and then if I didnt hear any for a while I'd go all psycho thinking I wasnt working hard enough.
This time around I hope to be less sensitive to the issues others have with my success.0 -
Family doesn't like it when members shuck the slot they've been put in. For instance, my hubby is the second youngest in a very large family. He's retirement age and they still treat him like the baby in the family. They'll never let him rewrite his script.
You rewrote your life script, a rare enough thing these days.
Don't retaliate with fat jokes, even though it's unfair.
Laugh the cousins off and run circles around them. Challenge them to a good old game of touch football, or "you're it". Stand and walk tall, shoulders back. In other words, retaliate with your physicality, not with words.0 -
Family doesn't like it when members shuck the slot they've been put in. For instance, my hubby is the second youngest in a very large family. He's retirement age and they still treat him like the baby in the family. They'll never let him rewrite his script.
You rewrote your life script, a rare enough thing these days.
Don't retaliate with fat jokes, even though it's unfair.
Laugh the cousins off and run circles around them. Challenge them to a good old game of touch football, or "you're it". Stand and walk tall, shoulders back. In other words, retaliate with your physicality, not with words.
Just wanted to sympathize with you... My SO is a 40 something baby of the family. There's some interesting psychology that goes along with that. lol0 -
1stgardengirl wrote: »It's called "sabotage," And it is cruel. The people doing this to you are uncomfortable, because you are reminding them of their unhealthy lifestyles, and they don't want to face it. So they deflect their discomfort by open aggressive behaviour toward you. It isn't acceptable, and you should not allow it to go on. Say to them, "You are clearly having a problem with my very healthy lifestyle - my doctor is delighted with it - so why do you have a problem with it?" If they continue with comments about you being too skinny, respond that, "you would prefer to take advice from your doctor, a person who actually knows what he/she is taking about."
Unfortunately, comments like these can help to derail a person's progress. I'm sure you won't let that happen. Kudos for all you have accomplished!
Sadly, true.
Some really great posts here for us all to keep in mind on our merry way to our goals.
Well done, OP!0 -
WendyLaubach wrote: »Beautiful women who are 5'8" include Angelina Jolie, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Anne Hathaway. Are they unattractively thin? The internet tells me Jolie weighs 128 lbs., Zeta-Jones 137, and Hathaway 123. I'm not saying anything over those amounts is excessive--these are very elegantly slender women who make a living looking good on camera--but they're not scarecrows, either.
I think Angelina Jolie is a total scarecrow. She looks like she has an eating disorder.
OP, your family doesn't sound supportive (to put it mildly.) If they remain overweight and inactive, they probably really dislike seeing the positive changes you've made. But, also, you need to ask yourself if you're talking too much about it.
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I can kind of relate... I have family who, knowing we are trying to eat well, will bring insane amounts of junk food when they visit because "everyone needs a treat" and "you can't be strict all the time."
You can't control what other people do or say, but you can control how you respond.
There's a really great quote that comes to mind: "A lion doesn't concern itself with the opinion of sheep." Be a lion.0 -
Thsnks everyone for replying and i dont say much to anyone about my weight loss, the only people i ever really talked about it with are my parents and grandparents and thay are happy about me losing weight0
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